Wedding Etiquette Forum

Bar question

My fiance and I are both 21 years old with a baby who will be 1 at our wedding and have a fairly small budget i haven't been to many weddings but recently saw a lot about cash bars being the absolute worst but we didn't quite plan on spending money on alcohol now that were finding out we ave to im thinking of doing a partial open bar for say up to $500 (its really cheap alcohol the most expensive drink is $5) or a set amount of hours should i put this on the invitation that way people know to bring cash since i saw many people say they dont bring enough cash to weddings for drinks 
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Re: Bar question

  • My fiance and I are both 21 years old with a baby who will be 1 at our wedding and have a fairly small budget i haven't been to many weddings but recently saw a lot about cash bars being the absolute worst but we didn't quite plan on spending money on alcohol now that were finding out we ave to im thinking of doing a partial open bar for say up to $500 (its really cheap alcohol the most expensive drink is $5) or a set amount of hours should i put this on the invitation that way people know to bring cash since i saw many people say they dont bring enough cash to weddings for drinks 
    Your guests shouldn't have to pay for anything at your wedding. It is your way of thanking them for coming to the ceremony, so having them have to open their wallets is not a polite way to thank them for coming. 

    Good news is you have options if you're on a tight budget. You can host beer and wine only or include a "signature" drink as the only cocktail. This will cut down on the costs. You can also have a dry wedding, that's perfectly fine. What you can't do is "bait and switch" where drinks are free for some period of time and then guests have to pay. Properly hosting your guests means hosting them the same way throughout the wedding, without having to pay. 
  • If you can't afford to cover alcohol for everyone for the duration of your reception, then don't have it at all. If you want booze, pay for it. It's as simple as that.

    Can you give us an idea of what your wedding looks like  (how many guests etc) and maybe we can help you figure out where you could cut costs, as it sounds like you do want people to be drinking. We can help if you are open to it.
                 
  • My fiance and I are both 21 years old with a baby who will be 1 at our wedding and have a fairly small budget i haven't been to many weddings but recently saw a lot about cash bars being the absolute worst but we didn't quite plan on spending money on alcohol now that were finding out we ave to im thinking of doing a partial open bar for say up to $500 (its really cheap alcohol the most expensive drink is $5) or a set amount of hours should i put this on the invitation that way people know to bring cash since i saw many people say they dont bring enough cash to weddings for drinks 
    NO.  You don't have to do a top-shelf bar, or serve any alcohol at all. But you cannot expect your guests to pay for drinks (or anything else, for that matter) at your wedding.  So you should not put anything on your invitations about bringing cash.  
  • You need to fully host everything you offer, but the good news is there's definitely ways to go about this within your budget.  Obviously you guys have a baby and all the financial responsibilities that go along with that, so I understand wanting to keep to a tight wedding budget.

    How many people are you inviting?  What time of day is your ceremony/reception?  These two factors influence the cost of your wedding more than anything.  

    You talk about spending either 500$ on alcohol, or having a hosted bar for a couple hours and then switching to cash.  While both are not good options, it means you have something to work with.  You could shorten your reception to what you can afford or figure out how to stretch that 500$ to last longer by restricting the type of alcohol you serve.

    Let us know the details and maybe we can help you figure out how to host your wedding properly within your budget :smile: 
  • OP, I dislike all of these ladies' advice. I'm sorry, but there's no "how to host your wedding properly." Everyone does it differently. Do what you can afford. I'm sorry but people don't NEED alcohol to have fun at a wedding. Talk about being borderline alcoholic. They have come to witness your wedding and witness that special occasion. People should not just come to get drunk and party.

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  • OP, I dislike all of these ladies' advice. I'm sorry, but there's no "how to host your wedding properly." Everyone does it differently. Do what you can afford. I'm sorry but people don't NEED alcohol to have fun at a wedding. Talk about being borderline alcoholic. They have come to witness your wedding and witness that special occasion. People should not just come to get drunk and party.

    To a certain extent... but people are going to be pissed off if they have to pay for alcohol. I love to drink... but I'd be more annoyed if I had to pay for it than it if weren't available at all.
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited February 2016
    OP, I dislike all of these ladies' advice. I'm sorry, but there's no "how to host your wedding properly." Everyone does it differently. Do what you can afford. I'm sorry but people don't NEED alcohol to have fun at a wedding. Talk about being borderline alcoholic. They have come to witness your wedding and witness that special occasion. People should not just come to get drunk and party.
    There is nothing wrong with a dry wedding.  Many church denominations insist on it.
    You are required to greet your guests and offer them food and drink.  Alcohol is not required.  Cake and coffee, tea, punch are fine in the afternoon.
    One popular way to control alcohol costs is to simply offer guests wine or beer.  It is a budget friendly compromise.
    Your guests should not expect to pay for their own refreshments.  That is completely rude for the hosts to expect that they bring money to pay for their own drinks.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited February 2016
    If you can't/don't want to pay for alcohol, don't have it. It's as simple as that. 

  • edited February 2016
    OP, I dislike all of these ladies' advice. I'm sorry, but there's no "how to host your wedding properly." Everyone does it differently. Do what you can afford. I'm sorry but people don't NEED alcohol to have fun at a wedding. Talk about being borderline alcoholic. They have come to witness your wedding and witness that special occasion. People should not just come to get drunk and party.
    @Blackbird230
    I think you're confusing the types of events hosted with the concept of properly hosting. 
    Everyone has different weddings. Brunch, cocktail, cake & punch, nighttime party. In a park, in a ballroom, in a museum, in a restaurant. 
    Properly hosting guests is the common thread in all these different weddings. Guests are fed and watered, guests have places to sit, and guests do not open their wallets. 
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  • So what @Blackbird230 is saying is she's having a cash bar, but it's her day so it's okay.

    OP, host whatever you can afford.  If that's dry, beer and wine only or a specialty cocktail, you're fine.
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  • OP- How far out are you from your wedding date? What kind of ceremony and reception do you have planned thus far? (i.e. evening with dinner and dancing?) How many guests?

    There are a few ways you could potentially re-organize your wedding day (depending on how far out you are) that would save you some money and allow you to include the items you wish to host. 
  • OP, I dislike all of these ladies' advice. I'm sorry, but there's no "how to host your wedding properly." Everyone does it differently. Do what you can afford. I'm sorry but people don't NEED alcohol to have fun at a wedding. Talk about being borderline alcoholic. They have come to witness your wedding and witness that special occasion. People should not just come to get drunk and party.
    Did you actually read any of the responses on here? MANY people said that it is perfectly acceptable not to have alcohol at all; the point is, if you choose to have alcohol at your reception, you must pay for it. Simple as that.

    And yes, there is absolutely a standard for how to host properly: 
    1. Make sure your guests are comfortable. That means a seat for everyone, at least light refreshments at a reception following the ceremony, and every guest treated the same (i.e. no tiered receptions). Light refreshments can be as simple as cake and punch. Again, no alcohol required.
    2. Your guests should not have to pay for anything at the reception. A reception is a thank you to your guests for witnessing your ceremony. You would never make your guests at a dinner party pay for drinks, would you?

    OP, everyone else has it covered, but just to reiterate: You can absolutely have a dry reception. Or you can have very limited alcoholic options, like beer and wine. The only thing you cannot do is ask your guests to pull out their wallets for any reason.
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  • we are inviting about 150 people but probably 75 will come its in July on the 9th all outdoors under a pavillion 
    maybe i will do one signature drink.. does that mean people still have the option to buy other things if they so choose?
    thank you everyone!
  • OP, I dislike all of these ladies' advice. I'm sorry, but there's no "how to host your wedding properly." Everyone does it differently. Do what you can afford. I'm sorry but people don't NEED alcohol to have fun at a wedding. Talk about being borderline alcoholic. They have come to witness your wedding and witness that special occasion. People should not just come to get drunk and party.
    I highly suggest you climb off your high horse and read the posts.

  • we are inviting about 150 people but probably 75 will come its in July on the 9th all outdoors under a pavillion 
    maybe i will do one signature drink.. does that mean people still have the option to buy other things if they so choose?
    thank you everyone!
    I don't think you are getting this. GUESTS DO NOT PAY FOR ANYTHING. 

    You can offer as much or as little alcohol if you want, but you pay for everything that is there. 

    Also, what makes you think that only 75 will show up? That's a high decline rate. 
  • we are inviting about 150 people but probably 75 will come its in July on the 9th all outdoors under a pavillion 
    maybe i will do one signature drink.. does that mean people still have the option to buy other things if they so choose?
    thank you everyone!
    Hi date twin! I agree with PPs - don't have anything else available for purchase. If you absolutely have to have alcohol make sure you fully host it and plan on full attendance (at least until you start getting RSVPS back, then you can cut things down). What we're doing is wine, beer, and some wine coolers. I've been buying a case or two of wine through Aldi's each month to spread out the cost and its the same $3 bottles of wine I serve at my house during parties. My mom has a Sam's membership she's letting me use to buy beer and wine coolers in bulk too. If you don't have an Aldi's I just found out Total Wine has the really big bottles of wine for $5.97 (equals two normal bottles of wine) so there are inexpensive options for you. Just start now with stuff like wine and shove it in a closet or in your garage until the wedding and you can spread out the cost a bit. 

    And totally make sure you've got plenty of non-alcoholic options too. My caterer is providing tea, lemonade, soda, and water for us. If your caterer doesn't do this, consider buying a bunch of cases of water and soda and sticking them in coolers. 
  • wink0erinwink0erin member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited February 2016
    I have a couple suggestions based on weddings I've attended, You could get a keg or two for beer, either the same one or two different options, and once they're done, they're done. As the PP said, buying wine over time or when there is a sale could help save costs. Pick 1 or 2 reds and 1 or 2  whites. Once everything runs out, no more drinks available. That way you aren't left with a surprise bill and none of your guests have to pay for anything. I've been to a few weddings with a signature cocktail or two options for cocktails. Signage indicated what was available. If your guests are rude about what you are offering, that is on them. (edit... I mean "on them" as in the rudeness is their problem, not "on them" as they can buy something else, that shouldn't even be an option)

    Definitely have plenty of non-alcoholic beverages and water. 

    One thing to consider is what requirements the venue has. Are there glassware restrictions? Where will the drinks be and how will they be kept cool? 
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  • wink0erin said:
    I have a couple suggestions based on weddings I've attended, You could get a keg or two for beer, either the same one or two different options, and once they're done, they're done. As the PP said, buying wine over time or when there is a sale could help save costs. Pick 1 or 2 reds and 1 or 2  whites. Once everything runs out, no more drinks available. That way you aren't left with a surprise bill and none of your guests have to pay for anything. I've been to a few weddings with a signature cocktail or two options for cocktails. Signage indicated what was available. If your guests are rude about what you are offering, that is on them. (edit... I mean "on them" as in the rudeness is their problem, not "on them" as they can buy something else, that shouldn't even be an option)

    Definitely have plenty of non-alcoholic beverages and water. 

    One thing to consider is what requirements the venue has. Are there glassware restrictions? Where will the drinks be and how will they be kept cool? 
    Not the biggest fan of this plan.  What if I'm there with lushes who know when the keg is about to be tapped, and start hoarding drinks for themselves?  "Dude, there's only two kegs, and this one is almost empty, starting to float!  Quick, get me a bunch of cups, I'll fill them all for us."  I mean, I guess it's okay if you're okay with having everyone leave once the kegs are empty.  Because if I start the day with beer, I'd like to keep drinking beer.  For an entire event, I might only have two or three, but if I have one and the keg is empty when I go for my second, I'm gong to start to say my goodbyes.
  • wink0erin said:
    I have a couple suggestions based on weddings I've attended, You could get a keg or two for beer, either the same one or two different options, and once they're done, they're done. As the PP said, buying wine over time or when there is a sale could help save costs. Pick 1 or 2 reds and 1 or 2  whites. Once everything runs out, no more drinks available. That way you aren't left with a surprise bill and none of your guests have to pay for anything. I've been to a few weddings with a signature cocktail or two options for cocktails. Signage indicated what was available. If your guests are rude about what you are offering, that is on them. (edit... I mean "on them" as in the rudeness is their problem, not "on them" as they can buy something else, that shouldn't even be an option)

    Definitely have plenty of non-alcoholic beverages and water. 

    One thing to consider is what requirements the venue has. Are there glassware restrictions? Where will the drinks be and how will they be kept cool? 
    Just to echo this, but make sure of any local or state requirements for your venue/bar (provided you go that route).  There may be a requirement for a bartender etc., which adds to your cost. 

    I vote signature cocktail or totally dry.  Being that it's outdoors and middle of summer, I'd just stock up on water and other non-alcoholic beverages.  I like the arnold palmer idea. 
  • @adk19 If guests hoard all the drinks, then they are being rude. And if you as a guest decide to leave because the beer has run out, instead of drinking water or something non-alcoholic, then that is also your problem. Alcohol isn't a requirement for fun. I've been to dry weddings where there was a lot of dancing, and I've been to full-bar weddings where everyone stood by the bar and mingled instead of dancing. 

    With a bartender filling drinks this hypothetical hoarding scenario likely wouldn't be a problem anyway. To avoid running out too soon, I believe there are calculators online to determine how much to have, and a lot of it is "know your crowd."

    Friend of mine chose to limit alcohol because she KNEW her crowd was full of crazy drunks. No one hoarded, those who wanted to get drunk still got drunk, everyone still had a drink if they wanted one, and the alcohol was gone 3/4 into the reception. It was still a blast. 


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  • @Viczaesar That's where calculators and "know your crowd" come into play. 
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