Help regarding children!

[Deleted User]

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jacques27

Technically, you can invite who you would like.  You don't have to invite all children or you can make exceptions for children you are particularly close to - WITH ONE MAJOR EXCEPTION:  It is rude to split up families.  Presumably these elementary school kids aren't hopping in a car and driving themselves to the wedding - they are invited with their families.  If Family A has a 6 year old you teach and also a 3 year old, it's rude to split them up and expect them to get a babysitter for the 3 year old and exclude them.  (Note: it's also rude to put on an invitation who ISN'T invited - i.e. "no kids under the age of 5" - you just put who you are inviting on the envelopes.)

Also, you have no guarantee that your usually well-behaved 2 and 3 year old flower girls will be behaved that day.  Kids that age, by nature, are unpredictable.  They may very well be fussy after a long day of pictures, wearing dress clothes, having to be on their best behavior, and feeling the pressure of walking in front of a room full of strangers.  There's also no guarantee that babies will be fussy or that a four year old is going to be less well-behaved than a five year old.  I have a friend with the most mild-mannered 10 month old I've ever met and a six year old who will draw all over your walls with a Sharpie in a heartbeat.  At a certain point, you have to trust that parents will parent their children and remove them from a situation if the children are causing a scene.  If you can't bring yourself to trust that parents know how to do that,  you're probably best just skipping kids as a rule if the other option is to potentially split up families since that alternative is rude (except for the flower girls - they must be welcome at everything as they are in the wedding party). 

[Deleted User]

Thanks a lot you have a good point. I think I'll just invite all children because I'm rather fond of the children I teach. 

levioosa

Knottie78109147 said:

First I would like to say if this is a question that has been answered already I apologize and if it has been answered please link me to the forum.  
That being my question is it's okay to allow children at my wedding so long as their over the age of 5 and if there isn't an issue with that what is a polite way to explain that. The reason I would want this is because I want children to be at the wedding because I teach the elementary school aged children in my church so I would like them to attend. However I would not like babies there because they are really hard to keep quite and keep and eye on (the venue is BIG). My other dilemma is that the flower girls (My little sister, and My MOH's daughter) are 2,and 3 would it be a double standard if they stayed they're in the wedding party after all'; they are also well behaved. 

You can invite children in circles, i.e. only close family members.  People understand that.  However, what you can't do is split up families, meaning 5 year old Bobby is invited but 3 year old Susie isn't.  

If you choose to have an adult only event, you don't make an "adults only" announcement, or write "adults only" on the invitations, because it is rude to indicate who isn't invited. You indicate who the invitations are for by name on the invitation, and you can call people up if they RSVP for extras and say, "I'm so sorry, the invitation was for you and X only."

Also, it's not your call to watch the children. That is the job of the parents.  I feel like the point of "they are hard to keep quiet and keep an eye on," is more about you wanting the attention on yourself, then the children's safety.  Let the parents parent.  Not your job. 

[Deleted User]

I appreciate your input but I assure you when I say "keep and eye on" I definitely mean it for their safety of the children. The venue is on a large field with a stream, and woods not too far away. I am well aware that I personally don't have to watch the children, and I'm not sure where you get the idea that it's because I would want the attention on me. Again thank you for the helpful information. 

levioosa

Knottie78109147 said:

I appreciate your input but I assure you when I say "keep and eye on" I definitely mean it for their safety of the children. The venue is on a large field with a stream, and woods not too far away. I am well aware that I personally don't have to watch the children, and I'm not sure where you get the idea that it's because I would want the attention on me. Again thank you for the helpful information. 

Most of the time when brides come on here asking a question like that, it's because they're concerned about the children disrupting "their day."  But my comment still stands.  Let the parents parent.  It's not your job.  If they show up and see the situation, they can monitor their children appropriately.

Is your wedding completely outside?  Do you have an indoor contingency plan for bad weather?

[Deleted User]

There is a chapel and a dining room on the grounds as well in case it rains. It's a christian camp grounds the only lodging you can see though is a motel style main house. (It's not as bad as it sounds I promise) 

levioosa

Knottie78109147 said:

There is a chapel and a dining room on the grounds as well in case it rains. It's a christian camp grounds the only lodging you can see though is a motel style main house. (It's not as bad as it sounds I promise) 

I think a lodge on camp grounds sounds lovely.  In case you're wondering why we ask so many questions, it's because we have a ton of people who come on here, trying to host things in inappropriate ways.  Recently we had someone who wanted an outdoor ceremony in Michigan in the middle of winter, without any indoor plans.  She got super upset when we mentioned she needed to have the ceremony indoors.  

Teddy917

I don't have kids, so take what I say with a grain of salt. I think that as far as keeping an eye on kids go, it makes zero sense to not invite babies. Babies are going to be more attached to their parents all day, while 5-9ish will be more likely to be running around and difficult to keep an eye on.

JeeGooDowster

I think 5 year olds can be louder than babies some times LOL

KnickerGold

I would maybe also recommend mentioning to parents before that there is a stream/woods (unless this is a well-known spot and these things are well known!) first for safety (maybe the parents will forgo attending if their kid isn't safe around water), second for dressing their kids. If I was a parent and I knew there was a possibility my kid would be playing in a stream I'd pick different clothes (esp for a wedding!) than if there wasn't- aka cotton vs. wool or silk. 

Sounds lovely!

[Deleted User]

What?! An out door wedding in the dead of winter? That's crazy! I hate being cold to the point where I get angry. That's really inconsiderate of your guest and as a bride why would you want to freeze outside in your dress?

[Deleted User]

Teddy917 said:

I don't have kids, so take what I say with a grain of salt. I think that as far as keeping an eye on kids go, it makes zero sense to not invite babies. Babies are going to be more attached to their parents all day, while 5-9ish will be more likely to be running around and difficult to keep an eye on.

You're totally right, but what I meant was more of toddlers because in my church I see how they get away from their parents all the time (they're naturally curious and full of energy at that age) so I was worried that the parents may have to chase their children down a large field. However levioosa made a good point I guess I'm thinking too much and that's not really my issue to have to keep on top of. Every parent should be responsible for their own kid. There is a jungle gym on the grounds that I think will be great for entertaining the kids while the adults are socializing. 

[Deleted User]

KnickerGold said:

I would maybe also recommend mentioning to parents before that there is a stream/woods (unless this is a well-known spot and these things are well known!) first for safety (maybe the parents will forgo attending if their kid isn't safe around water), second for dressing their kids. If I was a parent and I knew there was a possibility my kid would be playing in a stream I'd pick different clothes (esp for a wedding!) than if there wasn't- aka cotton vs. wool or silk. 

Sounds lovely!

As far as dressing the kids I trust the judgement of the parents for that and they do know the grounds. It's the camp our church goes to annually. There are things for kids to do there (a jungle gym) but there are not fences to stop them from running away.

holyguacamole79

Knottie78109147 said:

I appreciate your input but I assure you when I say "keep and eye on" I definitely mean it for their safety of the children. The venue is on a large field with a stream, and woods not too far away. I am well aware that I personally don't have to watch the children, and I'm not sure where you get the idea that it's because I would want the attention on me. Again thank you for the helpful information. 

We had a reception venue with a pond in the near vicinity.  After they finished their dinner, the kids played outside and ran around.  None of them ended up in the pond and they seemed to all have a good time.

The children under 4 stayed with their parents for the most part indoors.  

OwningAHome1981

Knottie78109147 said:

What?! An out door wedding in the dead of winter? That's crazy! I hate being cold to the point where I get angry. That's really inconsiderate of your guest and as a bride why would you want to freeze outside in your dress?

She didn't say the wedding was in wimter... (or maybe she did?) & how do you know where she lives? Maybe she lives in Miami, LA or Honolulu...

flantastic

OwningAHome1981 said:

Knottie78109147 said:

What?! An out door wedding in the dead of winter? That's crazy! I hate being cold to the point where I get angry. That's really inconsiderate of your guest and as a bride why would you want to freeze outside in your dress?

She didn't say the wedding was in wimter... (or maybe she did?) & how do you know where she lives? Maybe she lives in Miami, LA or Honolulu...

This is the OP of this thread, and she was responding to someone else who referenced another poster from the fall, who very clearly stated that she was having a March outdoor wedding in Northern Michigan. With only a "hot chocolate bar" reception.

OwningAHome1981

flantastic said:

OwningAHome1981 said:

Knottie78109147 said:

What?! An out door wedding in the dead of winter? That's crazy! I hate being cold to the point where I get angry. That's really inconsiderate of your guest and as a bride why would you want to freeze outside in your dress?

She didn't say the wedding was in wimter... (or maybe she did?) & how do you know where she lives? Maybe she lives in Miami, LA or Honolulu...

This is the OP of this thread, and she was responding to someone else who referenced another poster from the fall, who very clearly stated that she was having a March outdoor wedding in Northern Michigan. With only a "hot chocolate bar" reception.

Got it. I didn't see that one. Yeah March in MI is a lil cold

[Deleted User]

OwningAHome1981 said:

flantastic said:

OwningAHome1981 said:

Knottie78109147 said:

What?! An out door wedding in the dead of winter? That's crazy! I hate being cold to the point where I get angry. That's really inconsiderate of your guest and as a bride why would you want to freeze outside in your dress?

She didn't say the wedding was in wimter... (or maybe she did?) & how do you know where she lives? Maybe she lives in Miami, LA or Honolulu...

This is the OP of this thread, and she was responding to someone else who referenced another poster from the fall, who very clearly stated that she was having a March outdoor wedding in Northern Michigan. With only a "hot chocolate bar" reception.

Got it. I didn't see that one. Yeah March in MI is a lil cold

Sorry for the confusion I'm still new to the website. Our wedding will be in September of this year and we live in New York.