I hope this is a fake letter.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence, 
My sister is dying; at the most she may survive until next Christmas. She has a 3-month-old daughter and has been raising her boyfriend’s 6-year-old son. The boyfriend is now in prison for at least the next decade. This little boy has no one but us right now. My parents are elderly, my brothers are unable to take on any of this yet, so it falls to me. I have two boys of my own, one of whom is best friends with his “cousin.” My husband and I have talked about this and we want to adopt the little boy and find another family to take my niece. I can’t stop working (and would have to if I had to raise another baby). Economically we can’t take in both children and there is no way for the rest of my family can help in any long-term capacity. A healthy little baby girl is going to have an easier time being adopted than a first-grader. I have seen several open adoptions through our church, so I know we would still be in our niece’s life. My question is how do I frame this to my sister and family without spoiling what little time we have left together?

GBCK

ugh people.
(my grandfather tried giving all of his kids to different relatives.  THe relative who got my mom found out my grandmother didn't know, so made all of the kids go back home. 
Mom's version of it, from an 8 year old's perspective was pretty high stress--and it was resolved before she even spent the night w/ her aunt and uncle)

Heffalump

"How do I frame this to my sister and family...?"

Uh, maybe by not presenting it to your dying sister as a fait accomplis?  "We'll take the boy and find someone else for the baby.  No, I don't know who, but no worries--everyone loves a healthy baby girl, so no biggie!"

What does the sister want?  Where is the kids' father in this?  Literally, yes, jail, but AFAIK, that doesn't automatically terminate parental rights.  I think he might like a say in all this.

ThxSugar

GBCK said:

ugh people.
(my grandfather tried giving all of his kids to different relatives.  THe relative who got my mom found out my grandmother didn't know, so made all of the kids go back home. 
Mom's version of it, from an 8 year old's perspective was pretty high stress--and it was resolved before she even spent the night w/ her aunt and uncle)

While awful and unimaginably stressful for an 8 y/o, I had to laugh at your story. It sounds like something my dad would have (jokingly) done. Pretty sure he threaten to do it several times. I am just trying to wrap my head around the logistics and conversations that would have had to have taken place. All the while, trying to keep it a secret from his wife!? What did he expect her to do when she realized all of her children were gone? 

GBCK

well, it is kinda funny in the 'this is family lore and these people are crazy' sort of way.

He thought (somewhat correctly, IMO), that if he didn't tell his wife until it was done) she might throw up her hands and not fight to get them back.
Each kid was sitting in the back seat of the respective 'new home's' car, at least one of them had left, when ucnle-the eldest brother, on talking to my mom, decided something didn't smell right about it, asked grandpa point blank if grandma knew, he admitted she didn't, uncle hit the roof.

Since uncle had helped raise his brothers, he had more 'authority' than would otherwise have been normal, and got on payphones and ordered the other uncles to bring the kids back.  They all still were OK w/ the deal being on...IF grandma agreed (and grandma didn't ever agree).

It's all a little extra sad because, for a whole lot of reasons, the 'adopting' uncles and their wives all remained childless and the kids probably would have had a helluva better life with someone other than my grandparents.
But...maybe not.
Everyone in my mom's family has a touch of the crazy.