Just use your damn words.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence, 

I’ve been with my boyfriend for four years and we are in this for the long haul. We are not in a rush, but we are at the age where many of our friends are walking down the aisle, so marriage has been discussed. However, we have one fundamental difference on the subject. I would prefer not to live together before we were engaged, and he thinks we should. My reasoning is that he is not the type to get anything done unless he has a strong incentive. I don’t want to move in with him and find us unmarried 10 years later, which is what I envision happening. Our apartments are a few blocks away, so we practically live together anyway. How do I tell him how I feel without making it sound like I am pressuring him?

—No-Pressure Cooker

Heffalump

mrs.conn23 said:

I don’t want to move in with him and find us unmarried 10 years later, which is what I envision happening.

Well, there's the crux of it.  Maybe they're just not a good fit.  If her prediction is accurate, it sounds like they want different things out of this relationship. 

VarunaTT

mrs.conn23 said:

Dear Prudence, 

I’ve been with my boyfriend for four years and we are in this for the long haul. We are not in a rush, but we are at the age where many of our friends are walking down the aisle, so marriage has been discussed. However, we have one fundamental difference on the subject. I would prefer not to live together before we were engaged, and he thinks we should. My reasoning is that he is not the type to get anything done unless he has a strong incentive. I don’t want to move in with him and find us unmarried 10 years later, which is what I envision happening. Our apartments are a few blocks away, so we practically live together anyway. How do I tell him how I feel without making it sound like I am pressuring him?

—No-Pressure Cooker

Run.  Fucking run.  This shit never changes and never will and will cause problems, and OMG run.  Don't even start with enabling this shit.

levioosa

mrs.conn23 said:

Dear Prudence, 

I’ve been with my boyfriend for four years and we are in this for the long haul. We are not in a rush, but we are at the age where many of our friends are walking down the aisle, so marriage has been discussed. However, we have one fundamental difference on the subject. I would prefer not to live together before we were engaged, and he thinks we should. My reasoning is that he is not the type to get anything done unless he has a strong incentive. I don’t want to move in with him and find us unmarried 10 years later, which is what I envision happening. Our apartments are a few blocks away, so we practically live together anyway. How do I tell him how I feel without making it sound like I am pressuring him?

—No-Pressure Cooker