Chit Chat

Thank you!

edited February 2016 in Chit Chat
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Re: Thank you!

  • The world does not owe you a wedding and honeymoon. Get over yourself. Save your own money. 
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  • Assuming this is a serious post....

    Yes, it would be really tacky.  To me, Go Fund Me pages are for children with cancer and families who have had their house burn down to the ground.

    Solution #1:  Have a cheaper wedding.  You don't need $3,500 to get married at the courthouse and go to dinner.  

    Solution #2:  Delay your honeymoon.  You don't have a right to a fancy honeymoon, and plenty of couples wait to go on one until they can afford the one they want.

    LOTS of people have money problems.  I mean, seriously, that is the millennial problem right now:  student loan debt and low paying jobs.  MOST couples have to make sacrifices and either delay marriage or cut down their wedding and honeymoon expectations.

    You have my sympathies... but I would roll my eyes into the back of my head if I saw a Go Fund Me by someone in your situation.

    SaveSave
  • yes






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Ok, so here's the deal. My fiancé and I are a young couple. I just graduated from college in 2012. I have never been well-off and both my parents and I had to take out loans to pay for my college education. I'm a dancer and went to school in New York to earn my bachelor's in dance. While I was in college, however, I only worked enough to pay for groceries; not enough to save for the future. When I graduated, I had to go stay with a friend about 30 minutes outside of the city, where I worked. This allowed me time to save money to pay for rent. However, soon after moving into my own apartment, the loan payments were due. After 3 years of living paycheck to paycheck, I decided to move back home with my parents. I'm finally able to save up money, but I still have student loan payments to make.

    My fiancé and I want to have a small City Hall wedding with a nice dinner. We've decided that a practical budget is $3,500. But then there's the honeymoon. We haven't yet set a date on the wedding because we want to save up enough money to go on a nice honeymoon to Hawaii. But I don't want to be engaged for 2 years while we wait to have enough money.

    So, would it be tacky, in our specific situation, for us to start a Go Fund Me page for our small wedding?

    Short answer: Yes, it's tacky. Pay for your own wedding/honeymoon. Hawaii is expensive. Maybe try looking at some less pricey destinations? We were dying to go to Ireland for our honeymoon but it was out of our budget, so we spent a week in Virginia, half in Williamsburg and half near Charlottesville. We had a lovely time and have since taken slightly more expensive vacations in Puerto Rico and New Orleans.

    How many people is that $3500 supposed to feed, i.e. how 'small' is 'small?' Perhaps you could cut your guest list further or host your reception at a more affordable restaurant/venue. Or forgo dinner and have your wedding at 2 or 3pm with a cake and punch reception.
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  • Go Fund Me's are seldom not tacky. Plan a wedding and honeymoon you can pay for yourselves. Decide whether you'd rather save up over a longer period of time for something more splashy or do something soon that is more simple. You could also go on a thrifty honeymoon now and save up for and plan an anniversary trip to Hawaii, it's not like you have to be on your honeymoon to go on a big trip. 

    My husband and I drove to the beach for our honeymoon because that was what we could afford after paying for the wedding we wanted last year. It was nice and relaxing. We are going to Jamaica in the spring for a wedding and it will be like honeymoon #2. 

    In any case do not ask others to finance your choices. 
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  • Is this for real?

    No one is entitled to a HM, particularly Hawaii- if you can't afford it, you don't go. 

    We went on our HM 10 months after our wedding. My aunt and uncle spent a long weekend in Niagara Falls (which is 1.5 hours away from where they live). 

    You have many options for your wedding:

    -You and your FI have a private ceremony, no reception then needed.
    -You invite an INTIMATE group of people to the ceremony (I'm thinking 10-15) then take them out for dinner. This does not cost $3500. 
    - You have a ceremony with a larger guest list in the morning or afternoon and have a cake and punch reception afterwards (this would take ~2 hours). Also not $3500. 
    - Be engaged for 2 years (or more) and save up for the wedding you want. DH and I were engaged for just over 2 years by the time we got married. Still happy either way. 
  • GoFundMes are only appropriate in a few situations:

    1. Children with serious medical problems whose families cannot afford the bills.
    2. People who have lost everything due to circumstances out of their control.

    It is never appropriate to ask anyone to fund your wedding or honeymoon. And echoing PP, how on earth does a "small" courthouse wedding and dinner cost $3,500? Do you have $3,500 to spend right now, in your bank account? If not, then you either need to wait until you can save up enough money to have your wedding, or elope, which will set you back whatever a marriage license costs in your state. If you do have the $3,500, you can elope and spend the money on the honeymoon if that's what's most important to you.

    Honeymoons are not required, and no one is entitled to one. Have the wedding you and your fiance can afford.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Nope, GoFundMe is definitely tacky for a wedding, regardless of circumstance. And it seems that you actually want it for a vacations (AKA Honeymoon), which is even more tacky. 

    You could probably cut back on the wedding cost.  $3,500 seems like a lot for just a courthouse wedding & dinner.  And honeymoon is a privilege, not a right, and not everyone gets one. Honestly, it's just a vacation, nothing more.  My sister did her "honeymoon" a year after her wedding.  My brother cut back his expenses on it and they did a weekend in a hotel.  I got married on a cruise ship and my honeymoon was a cruise will my all family and in-laws there. Yeah, I would LOVE to do a vacation in Hawaii right now, but I can't afford it... and I'm not going to set up a GFM and ask other people to pay for my vacation.

    My suggestion is have your wedding, get a nice hotel somewhere in driving distance for a weekend (or even a week if you can afford it) where you and your new husband can enjoy each others company, then do a Hawaii vacation when you can actually to go with your own money.

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  • GoFundMe's for weddings are gross. 100% of the time.
    --

  • GoFundMes are only appropriate in a few situations:

    1. Children with serious medical problems whose families cannot afford the bills.
    2. People who have lost everything due to circumstances out of their control.

    It is never appropriate to ask anyone to fund your wedding or honeymoon. And echoing PP, how on earth does a "small" courthouse wedding and dinner cost $3,500? Do you have $3,500 to spend right now, in your bank account? If not, then you either need to wait until you can save up enough money to have your wedding, or elope, which will set you back whatever a marriage license costs in your state. If you do have the $3,500, you can elope and spend the money on the honeymoon if that's what's most important to you.

    Honeymoons are not required, and no one is entitled to one. Have the wedding you and your fiance can afford.
    But what about trips around the country to find myself?! And fulfilling my lifelong dream to go to [insert destination here]? 
    <sarcasm>Well of course a GoFundMe for a trip around the country (why limit yourself - make it a trip around the WORLD!) is totally acceptable. </sarcasm>

    But sadly, I have FB friends who have actually done that. I usually unfollow them at that point.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • 100000000000000000 % this is incredibly tacky and rude.  No one is required to pay for your wedding except you and your FI.  Take a honeymoon later, pick up an extra job, or scale down your expectations.  


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  • Ok, so here's the deal. My fiancé and I are a young couple. I just graduated from college in 2012. I have never been well-off and both my parents and I had to take out loans to pay for my college education. I'm a dancer and went to school in New York to earn my bachelor's in dance. While I was in college, however, I only worked enough to pay for groceries; not enough to save for the future. When I graduated, I had to go stay with a friend about 30 minutes outside of the city, where I worked. This allowed me time to save money to pay for rent. However, soon after moving into my own apartment, the loan payments were due. After 3 years of living paycheck to paycheck, I decided to move back home with my parents. I'm finally able to save up money, but I still have student loan payments to make.

    My fiancé and I want to have a small City Hall wedding with a nice dinner. We've decided that a practical budget is $3,500. But then there's the honeymoon. We haven't yet set a date on the wedding because we want to save up enough money to go on a nice honeymoon to Hawaii. But I don't want to be engaged for 2 years while we wait to have enough money.

    So, would it be tacky, in our specific situation, for us to start a Go Fund Me page for our small wedding?

    No, of course not. You are special, with special circumstances, don't let anyone tell you that you are not.

    You are entitled to beg for money in any way that you see fit. Never-you-mind those pesky people that tell you only to plan for the wedding that you can afford, they don't know your dreams!

    You go right ahead and post that Go Fundme right next to the parents who are looking to fund their child's cancer treatment, or the family who lost everything in a flood or fire. Dream big!
  • <--- Doesn't have a lot of money so is not having a honeymoon. Sounds like a solution to me
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I didn't even read the OP. The answer is yes. 

  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited February 2016
    Please do not embarrass your friends and family by doing this GoFundMe crap.  My DH and I delayed our honeymoon until we could afford it.  You should do the same.  It was worth the wait.
    Remember, wedding = couple who are legally able to be married, officiant, marriage license, and legal witnesses.  Many members of my family have been married in this traditional way.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • tigerlily6tigerlily6 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited February 2016
    As PPs have expressed, GoFundMe honeymoons are not well received. 

    My FI and I are also on tight budgets. Honeymoon planning was stressing me out because he wasn't giving much input and I was worried we would have conflicting expectations of what we wanted our honeymoon to look like.  I recently got him to sit down to talk with me, and we discussed some things I think might be useful for you and your FI to go over:

    1) Set your budget. How much CAN you save/ are willing to spend for a honeymoon? Are you able to take some spending out of the wedding for it? Even if you think it likely that relatives or friends might gift you with some money, DO NOT put this in your equation. If you have generous guests who gift you with money, great. But don't plan on spending a dime that you don't know you have for certain in your own pocket. Your own budget needs to be able cover your transportation, lodging, and food. 

    2) Determine the length. A lot of people might be able to afford a longer vacation, but can't get the time off. Other people have more open schedules, but can't afford more than a few nights of pampered luxury. Either way, it's okay to opt for a shorter honeymoon. Or if you do want a longer one, then you may have to figure out how to make your budgeted honeymoon money last (like staying at the Holiday Inn rather than the Ritz Carlton).

    3) Determine the destination. This one could theoretically come before #2, but it will work with it. If you have your heart set on a place, then the expense of that place may limit your time there. But if you know how long you have and what your budget is, then you should be able to consider a wide range of destinations. If you're not sure, you can bring your budget and schedule to a travel agent and they can help you. 

    4) Make an anniversary goal. My FI and I know we can't afford a trip this summer to Europe for our honeymoon, which we would love to take so badly. But after talking honeymoon planning, we decided we want to make this an anniversary goal -- we will go to Europe sometime together by our 5th Anniversary. A lot of energy gets spent on the wedding itself, but don't forget to continue to plan adventure and romance into the marriage as it continues. The honeymoon is the first of many vacations you will spend as husband and wife, so it will be special that way no matter what it looks like. Having other special vacations when you can afford them better and when you need to rekindle some of the magic is arguably even more important (and fun), though. 

    ETF spelling
                        


    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • Are we being punked!?
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  • drunkenwitchdrunkenwitch member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited February 2016
    I will answer the question in your subject line 



  • Are we being punked!?

    Yes. Figure it is just a troll. I'm actually surprised at the # of real answers given
  • levioosa said:
    "Just graduated in 2012."

    No, "just graduated" is like, May 2015, and even that's stretching it at this point.  You've been out of college for 4 years.  
    Thank you! She's probably been out of college for longer than she was in college at this point. 
  • levioosa said:
    "Just graduated in 2012."

    No, "just graduated" is like, May 2015, and even that's stretching it at this point.  You've been out of college for 4 years.  
    Thank you! She's probably been out of college for longer than she was in college at this point. 
    PREACH! I graduated in May 2013. I'm not sure how 4 year post grad qualifies as "just" out of college or a special situation.

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