Wedding Woes

Stressed.to.the.max.

I thought everything was going perfectly..apparently not.
I wanted to come here and get an opinion on some bridal party clothing weirdness and all I got was mean comments without actually answering my question. I didn't realize I was being such a bitch and I feel awful now. It's my first and only wedding so Im walking into this blindly. I just hate feeling like a horrible person but apparently I am.
This whole wedding has me so stressed as I have had to change everything down to the reception venue and flowers and cake and food and drinks to make everyone happy. Even the time got changed for others. 
I'm perfectly capable of doing whatever other people want but I hate being treated so badly. These forums have ruined me asking any further questions for fear of being told how awful I am. 

Has anyone else had this problem here?
Are you super stressed to?

Re: Stressed.to.the.max.

  • I thought everything was going perfectly..apparently not.
    I wanted to come here and get an opinion on some bridal party clothing weirdness and all I got was mean comments without actually answering my question. I didn't realize I was being such a bitch and I feel awful now. It's my first and only wedding so Im walking into this blindly. I just hate feeling like a horrible person but apparently I am.
    This whole wedding has me so stressed as I have had to change everything down to the reception venue and flowers and cake and food and drinks to make everyone happy. Even the time got changed for others. 
    I'm perfectly capable of doing whatever other people want but I hate being treated so badly. These forums have ruined me asking any further questions for fear of being told how awful I am. 

    Has anyone else had this problem here?
    Are you super stressed to?
    No one said you were an awful person. We said you needed to chill out and recognise that what your bridesmaids wear isn't really the huge deal you were making it out to be. No getting the response you want is different to not getting an answer to your question.

    Why are you changing times / venue reception / flowers etc for other people? If you are paying yourself then its no one elses business what you put in the middle of your tables. I personally haven't found planning particularly stressful, but I realise that a lot of people do. I think the best way to get around this is to realise that pinterest perfect weddings are a myth, you will drive yourself crazy trying to achieve perfection. Have good food and drink and enough of it, have a great dj that keeps the dance floor full, treat your guests as though you are honoured to have them attend. These are the things I remember from other people's weddings, so that is what I am spending my money and energy on - most likely no one will even remember or notice the rest. Just breath ajd decide on your priorities with your FI.
                 
  • We are paying with the exception of the ceremony venue, which has been worked out in a weird way, but it's a spectacular venue. 
    Some people wouldn't come the first date, FMIL wouldn't come to the second date, finally settled on this one. FMIL didn't like two reception venues we were about to book, I finally found one she liked. No one liked the flowers I was going to use, just pretty spring flowers, so I have scratched that idea. FMIL didn't like the cake flavor we wanted so we changed that. She didn't want alcohol but I reminded her no one would come without it so we barely got that by. She also didn't like the decorations  I was going to use or our unity thing, which is not the normal candle or sand. Decor got changed. F won't budge on our unity. 
    I'm making sure all the guests will have what they want, that's literally the extent of my planning. I guess it would just be nice to either have help or get something positive instead of everyone telling me what they don't like. 
  • I just can't figure out a good way to tell her that I don't want to change anything elsw. How do you think I could say it without hurting her feelings? We are in the process of moving into our new home so we are with them for about another 2 weeks tops and I don't want to hurt her feelings.
  • I'll try lol. Fingers crossed!
  • Don't bring up wedding talk with your FMIL.  If she asks you, tell her that your plans are "a work in progress" and you and your FI are still considering your options.  I emphasize "you and your FI" because if you two are paying for the wedding, your opinions are the only ones that matter.

    If she tries to tell you what she wants, merely thank her for the suggestion and reiterate that you and FI are keeping plans fluid at the moment.  You and your FI have to remember that this is not her day.  She really should have NO say in anything other than what she wishes to wear that day.

    Also, don't ask for help.  If someone truly volunteers, than you can gracefully accept that help.  But volunteering to help you does not give someone license to criticize your choices or force you to change them.  If that is the case, then thank them for the offer and decline their help.


  • Dont sweat the small stuff and stop talking about the wedding with your FMIL. At the end of the day no one cares what your flowers will look like. Conversely, no one but your BMs will care what they wore, so let them be comfortable. 

    If your FMIL came on here complaining about all of the things you're doing that she disagrees with, she'd probably get a similar response to what you got for the boots thread. You would have appreciated that feedback, just like your pump preferring BM probably does our feedback. It's all perspective and just because people disagree with you doesn't mean you were attacked or should not post further. 
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  • Oh honey - <in my best southern voice> y'all need to learn the fine art of making proper "Bean Dip" sooner rather than later!  (elephant in the room first - just because you get advice you don't want to hear is far different from bad advice..)...  Now on to the recipe for bean dip...  FMIL "I don't like Spring Flowers" ... You "That's interesting - oh, we've got boxes to get unpacked for the kitchen - I wonder if black rugs would look better in the bathroom or beige ones?" .. But remember this "That's interesting - we'll take that into consideration"...  It's the bridal equivalent to "Bless her heart!" before you completely round file her idea (INSIDE YOUR HEAD ONLY - do not let it leak out your mouth!).  Yes, remember the phrase on all things controversial in your marriage "Blood talks to blood!"... And yes, your FI might need to tell FMIL to back off a bit on wedding talk.

    On flowers - if your FMIL doesn't like "spring flowers" - tough... Now if your FMIL is allergic to Easter lilies and that's what you want your bouquet to be - that's an entirely different discussion KWIM...  Go with the flowers YOU love that fit your budget!  And bean dip the heck out of it any time the discussion comes up.  Unless she's paying, she doesn't get a say. 

    As for food - same deal, if you want the fried chicken and you've got someone with Celiacs, that's an easy accommodation single plate option with most caterers.  If someone is allergic to all things shell fish and you want Scallops as an appetizer, Lobster Bisque with grilled shrimp Linguini as the entre' - you get where I'm coming from here.  So - unless you wanted the "Hot(spicy) chocolate cake with Feel the burn whipped icing", go ahead and order the flavor of cake you want (most bakers have a date that you need to lock this in by since it's closer to the wedding that they purchase ingredients, and you can have one tier the flavor she wants and the rest in the flavor you want)... 



  • Boots don't go with formal dresses anyway. HTH. By the way, why would you complain on a different board after you didn't like your answers on the other one? Most of us read multiple boards.

    Well considering this is more my FMIL I thought it would be better to separate the discussion e because this has nothing to do with bridesmaids.
  • You are trying to please everybody, and this is the sure way to failure and unhappiness.  It is your wedding.  You choose what the two of you want, within etiquette guidelines.  Bridesmaids do have a say in what they wear but don't micro-manage them.  (Boots?  I still don't get it!)
    Everyone on the other board was trying to tell you to relax and let it go.  Not everybody's wedding is wonderful.  My own was pure hell.  I knew it would be.  The mothers were fighting.  They hated each other until they died.  There was nothing anybody could do about that.  I just kept smiling, got married, and moved far, far away with my new husband.  We have been happily married for 39 years.
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  • Boots don't go with formal dresses anyway. HTH. By the way, why would you complain on a different board after you didn't like your answers on the other one? Most of us read multiple boards.

    Well considering this is more my FMIL I thought it would be better to separate the discussion e because this has nothing to do with bridesmaids.
    Please do yourself a huge favor and let. It. GO. Everything. You don't need to pick what shoes the bridesmaids wear. You don't need to pick whatever FMIL wants unless she's paying (and if she is, decline the money so you can do what you want). You are only stressed because you're stressing yourself over other people's opinions and feelings. FMIL can want to ride up to your wedding on a fucking pony but you're not obligated to fulfill any of her wants. "Sorry, FMIL, we already chose X. Wow, this dinner is delicious. Would you mind giving me your recipe?" Deflect, change subject, move on.
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  • Thank you so much!
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