This has probably been answered but...

[Deleted User]

Do I ask my BP to be my BP before or after I send out the save the dates? I only ask because I want my younger cousin to be a junior bridesmaid and I would have to ask her parents if she can. They are obviously going to be invited, but do I say " hey I'm getting married on this day you're invited but can Lauren be my junior bridesmaid? Or do I send out save the dates and then ask? 

glasgowtolondon

When is your wedding? There's no need to ask your wp until about 8months out - things change and relationships can alter dramatically in short spaces of time so try not to make any binding decisions until you have to. If her parents will be invited anyway there is no need yet. One question though, why can't this girl just be a bridesmaid proper? I've only ever heard the term junior bridesmaid on here, its unusual to me. What makes her a junior bridesmaid other than age? If she is young, why not a flower girl?

[Deleted User]

glasgowtolondon said:

When is your wedding? There's no need to ask your wp until about 8months out - things change and relationships can alter dramatically in short spaces of time so try not to make any binding decisions until you have to. If her parents will be invited anyway there is no need yet. One question though, why can't this girl just be a bridesmaid proper? I've only ever heard the term junior bridesmaid on here, its unusual to me. What makes her a junior bridesmaid other than age? If she is young, why not a flower girl?

Well it's late this September so I don't think its too soon lol I call her a junior bridesmaid because she's far too old to be a flower girl (13) but she's a little too young to be a full bridesmaid. Ultimately the name makes little to no difference though. 

princessleia22

It doesn't really matter if you ask the parents before or after sending save the dates.  If you ask before sending STD, I'm assuming you will tell them the date when you ask them.

And why "Junior" bridesmaid? I'm with the theory that they should be bridesmaid, flower girl, reader, or nothing at all.  I had a 6-year-old bridesmaid.  She didn't need to be called a junior bm... she was just a bm.  She joined us for all the bm festivities (hair, nails, etc). I didn't have a bachelorette party, but that would be the only thing she wouldn't have been able to do participate it (assuming it included drinking and whatnot). 

[Deleted User]

princessleia22 said:

It doesn't really matter if you ask the parents before or after sending save the dates.  If you ask before sending STD, I'm assuming you will tell them the date when you ask them.

And why "Junior" bridesmaid? I'm with the theory that they should be bridesmaid, flower girl, reader, or nothing at all.  I had a 6-year-old bridesmaid.  She didn't need to be called a junior bm... she was just a bm.  She joined us for all the bm festivities (hair, nails, etc). I didn't have a bachelorette party, but that would be the only thing she wouldn't have been able to do participate it (assuming it included drinking and whatnot). 

 There's no difference, I'm not excluding her from anything. I didn't add a new role I just thought that's what you call a bridesmaid when they're younger. If it makes everyone feel better then we can just call her a bridesmaid I'm not married to the terminology. (no pun intended...okay maybe) 

princessleia22

It will probably make her feel better and more important to be called a "bridesmaid" instead of a "junior bridesmaid".  My 6-year-old niece loved feeling like she was in the same group as the adults.

SP29

I have decided to change my response.

I would continue to send our your STD and invites as per planned, but after reading some other posts, I agree, your WP falls into VIP guests- so you should consider clearing the date with them.

The above kind of goes against what is often recommended on here- don't ask your WP too early. But we also say always clear the wedding date with your VIPs. Many couples book their venue a year in advance, so wouldn't this require the B&G to ask their wedding party much earlier than 6-8 months out?

Jen4948

I would go ahead and send your save-the-dates to everyone you plan to send them to, including anyone you intend to ask to be in your wedding party, at the normal deadline, and then ask your wedding party at the 6-to-8 month deadline.

scrunchythief

I think you're good to ask or wait based on your preference at this point in time.   

I also wanted to add that I was my aunt's flower girl at age 14.  However, I think I'm atypical in that I was SUPER excited about it, and if she gets remarried, I would be her flower girl again in a heart beat.  

[Deleted User]

Sarini91 said:

princessleia22 said:

It doesn't really matter if you ask the parents before or after sending save the dates.  If you ask before sending STD, I'm assuming you will tell them the date when you ask them.

And why "Junior" bridesmaid? I'm with the theory that they should be bridesmaid, flower girl, reader, or nothing at all.  I had a 6-year-old bridesmaid.  She didn't need to be called a junior bm... she was just a bm.  She joined us for all the bm festivities (hair, nails, etc). I didn't have a bachelorette party, but that would be the only thing she wouldn't have been able to do participate it (assuming it included drinking and whatnot). 

 There's no difference, I'm not excluding her from anything. I didn't add a new role I just thought that's what you call a bridesmaid when they're younger. If it makes everyone feel better then we can just call her a bridesmaid I'm not married to the terminology. (no pun intended...okay maybe) 

Just call her bridesmaid.  I don't know how old she is, but she'll surely feel so grown up to be truly included with the rest of the bridesmaids.  I'm contemplating asking my 9 year old goddaughter to be my Maid of Honor.  Everyone knows she's younger, no need to bring special attention to it with her title.

madamerwin

We had an 8 year-old groomsman in our wedding.

But to answer your question, I think you can take either approach. If you're sending STDs soon, go ahead and send them and then ask. Or call her parents and let them know that you are planning your wedding party and would like her to be a bridesmaid (and let them know the STD will be sent out shortly).

southernbelle0915

Either way is fine. I asked my WP before our STDs were sent out. September will be the start of the school year which could mean a busy time for the kid. The more notice you can give the more the parents will probably appreciate it.

MesmrEwe

Essentially your WP are also VIP's, so I'd ask before the STD cards are sent...  There's a fine line of asking too early and late to the game.  Two years before the date, is too early, but within the year, you're o.k. to ask when you're ready.  Also, when you ask, remember to privately ask what they're comfortable with spending when it comes to a BM dress so you can shop within your BM with the lowest budget's budget (remember to allow wiggle room for alterations, undergarments, and shoes)..

MandyMost

I'd ask before the STD cards are sent out. If I got a STD for a wedding, I'd assume I wasn't in the bridal party! I see the wedding party as a major part of the event...and it's weird to essentially be invited to an event before you're asked to play a part in it. 

thisismynickname2

Late to the thread here, but thought I'd point out that "junior bridesmaid" probably only comes from the wedding industry. When one picks out bridesmaid dresses, there are styles that may be deemed too mature by some for a teenager or adolescent. You could have a slew of adult bridesmaids in strapless sweatheart dresses, and a coordinating dress with a higher straight neckline and spaghetti straps for a 12 year old. The dress producers call that a junior bridesmaid dress. (Like from the Juniors section of a department store.)

Deleted User, huh? Odd. Still a helpful thread for lurkers.