Hi there,
I've never posted on here before but I'm having problems seeing things from my boyfriends perspective at the moment without including my own emotions and feelings about becoming engaged.
I am 26 year old whom has been dating her 31 year old boyfriend for just over 2 years. We have lived together for 1.5 years and even bought a house in September 2015 and also have gotten a dog together in September 2015.
We have been having an open discussion about getting married and "our future" for about a year but it wasn't until June 2015 that he randomly told me he wanted to buy a house that I opened the discussion a little more. I at first was super hesitant to buy a house before getting engaged and he was upset with my hesitance stating that it was obvious he had future plans with me. I ultimately decided to have faith and take the leap of buying a house together (I didn't put my name on anything because legally I could not and didn't want to until we got married and he totally understood).
Fast forward to October/November 2015 when he told me he wanted to get married in 2016. I was super open and honest with him and told him that weddings usually take at least 6-9 months to plan and that I would need that time to plan if he wanted to get married in 2016. Around Christmas time I had figured out that he had asked my Dad for permission. Just after Christmas he told me to start researching venues and vendors. His reasoning was because he felt my thoughts of getting married and engaged were a little unreasonable financially (I come from a big family that has had $30k+ weddings). I thoroughly explained to him that by researching venues, getting prices, and doing tours with him I would get excited like any girl would and that it wasn't a door we could really close if we opened it. He understood and still wanted me to research and tour venues with him.
Within a few weeks he started getting annoyed with our research and explained that even though he wanted to still get married this year he felt as if I was planning too much and getting too wrapped up in the process because I talked with my family about it and was super excited about it. However he also told his family and even asked his friends to be his groomsmen and would/will bring up wedding research in normal conversation with friends, family, and myself.
Last evening I was very open and honest with him and asked if he was still interested in getting married this year and he was very insistent to say yes. I explained to him that I've been getting a lot of pressure from people in my family whom are just super excited for us and have been feeling sad because I feel like I'm in this purgatory state where I know he's my person and love him but at the same time am just waiting for the question. Am I wrong to feel this way? Am I wrong to think it was silly for him to ask me to research or open myself to doing the research knowing it'd be hard for me to just stop researching?
I honestly do not think I'd feel like this if he wasn't so insistent on it being in 2016. I'd be totally fine with getting engaged sometime this year and getting married Iin 2017. I have told him about my feelings about this as well and he still feels that it needs to be this year. He also told me last night that the proposal will not be for a few months because he has a big plan for it and is saving up for the ring, which is totally understandable and appreciated.
Does anyone else or has anyone else felt a sense of insecurity about yourself while waiting for the proposal? Am I being silly because I feel hurt that everything is so stop and go in this process? What's your advice?