Cancer Sucks

lovemesomemonster

I feel so helpless right now and just need to get everything out. I have posted about MIL before and her struggle with cancer, well things just seem to continue to get worse. It sucks, she is an amazing person and I am so happy to have her in my life, we're not ready to say goodbye. She has been doing treatment for almost a year now, and we just found out the radiation she was doing during our wedding was not working and she has more tumors. The cancer is very aggressive and they started her on a very intense chemo yesterday, this is our last option. She is sick and she is tired, today she even made the comment that she doesn't want to fight anymore, those are very hard words to hear. H is not doing well with everything understandably, he has completely shut down and is not even sleeping in bed at night. I have no idea what to do for him, he's usually very active and can't sit still but today he hasn't moved off the couch and doesn't want to talk to me.

We are going to see her on Friday and positive thoughts would be greatly appreciated. I'm trying to stay positive but it seems like such a hopeless situation right now, if this doesn't work we're out of options and out of time. It sucks, and I hate it, and I don't know what to do for H!

tigerlily6

I'm sorry to hear this. Watching a loved one struggle with cancer is terribly difficult, and even more so when you see the pain not only of the person with cancer, but in the family. Thoughts and prayers. 

OurWildKingdom

(((((((Hugs)))))))))))

MairePoppy

Praying that the last option helps your MIL and that her family will have more time with her. 

SP29

So sorry to hear F*ck cancer.

Sending hugs and warm thoughts to you and your family!

Jells2dot0

So sorry you and your family are dealing with this. I understand your pain as well as your MILs. I absolutely muttered the words "I can't do this anymore." I will keep everyone in my thoughts and prayers.

thefanciestbeckler

Sending many prayers and hugs your way. I am so sorry.

Lala9414

prayers and happy thoughts going your way! im so sorry for what your going through

emmaaa

I'm so sorry to hear that about your MIL. It sounds like you are extremely close so I know it will be tough on you as well as your husband.

My FIL passed away a little over a month ago, and while it was sudden (congestive heart failure, in the hospital 3 weeks before he passed) unlike what you are having to deal with with your MIL. It was extremely hard on DH. The worst thing in the world is watching your husband hurt and knowing there isn't anything you can do to fix. I wish I could take away the pain from him but I can't. 

My best advice for you is to just be there for him. He may not want to talk or cry for now but just be there for him when he is ready. Also, he may take his frustrations out on you and it makes it hard, but just try not to take it personally.

I am so sorry you have to go through this and I will be keeping y'all in my thoughts and prayers.

sparklepants41

I'm sorry. Hugs and happy thoughts for you!!!

thisismynickname2

I'm really sorry. Sending positive thoughts and internet hugs to all the family. 

ShesSoCold

hugs for you and H and your whole families.

My mom died of cancer. My H felt so helpless and didn't know what to do. For me, I didn't want him to do or not do anything in particular all the time. Sometimes I wanted to be left alone. Sometimes I wanted him to just sit with me quietly. Sometimes I wanted him to cook or clean or do the regular household shit that I couldn't deal with at the time so I wouldn't have to even think about it.

So, I would ask him. Not "what can I do?" because there's nothing you can do,  but "do you want me to sit with you?" or "I understand if you want me to leave you alone" is easier to respond to (for me) than just flat out saying "go away". I would also try to do more small stuff - like put gas in his car or do the chores that are usually his. For me, with everything else weighing on me, cleaning the toilet felt like the straw that was going to break my back.

princessleia22

Sending lots of love and hugs and strength to you and your family.  Cancer sucks.  Chemo sucks.  And that helpless feeling sucks.

lovemesomemonster

Thank you everyone for the kind words, it is just so hard and I hate that this is happening. We are going to see her Friday so I know H is looking forward to that.

glasgowtolondon

Fuck cancer. Positive thoughts for you, your H, and your MIL. 

badbnagdway

ShesSoCold said:

hugs for you and H and your whole families.

My mom died of cancer. My H felt so helpless and didn't know what to do. For me, I didn't want him to do or not do anything in particular all the time. Sometimes I wanted to be left alone. Sometimes I wanted him to just sit with me quietly. Sometimes I wanted him to cook or clean or do the regular household shit that I couldn't deal with at the time so I wouldn't have to even think about it.

So, I would ask him. Not "what can I do?" because there's nothing you can do,  but "do you want me to sit with you?" or "I understand if you want me to leave you alone" is easier to respond to (for me) than just flat out saying "go away". I would also try to do more small stuff - like put gas in his car or do the chores that are usually his. For me, with everything else weighing on me, cleaning the toilet felt like the straw that was going to break my back.

I think this advice is really good. When trying to help someone try not to put a burden on them by making them decide how you can help. This is unavoidable sometimes but I think ideally try to do little things and be there without making them constantly tell you what they need. It is sometimes really hard to articulate what you need. 

My stepmom was diagnosed over the holidays with stage iv lung cancer. She has made it through radiation and has started chemo. The doctors have given us a timeline of a year with aggressive treatment. She is not in a lot of pain still but has had symptoms from the treatments of course and also has memory issues because of the brain mets. She is a very private person and hates relying on others - she is not allowed to drive and that has been a huge blow. She is not ready to totally rely on people even though people are there to help. She is offended when you try to do things for her she can do herself. My little sister has been going to therapy and her therapist pointed out that one way to make my stepmom feel better is to let her help you. For example my sister has taken to asking her for tips on getting stains out of clothes and basic household stuff. It makes my stepmom feel useful. 

CharmedPam

So sorry to hear this.  I understand it's so hard to watch.  Thoughts and prayers go out to you guys

spockforprez

I'm so sorry to hear this. I really and truly hope that this round of chemo does its thing to overcome the cancer. If not, I hope your MIL will have some peace and rest as she passes. Sending all my thoughts to your H, too. Ugh. I'm so sorry! I'm sure he appreciates your support even though he can't show it right now. Keep us updated!

lovemesomemonster

You all are amazing, it's so nice to have a place to come open up about these things. I text her the other day to just tell her I love her and am thinking about her, his dad called to say she loves me too but is too sick to even text right now. Her family is #1 in her life so I printed out a family picture from the wedding and put it in a frame to take to her on Friday so she can keep it in her room, and printed out lots of others of the grand kids.

I am anxious to get down there and be with her, I know she is struggling right now and I think it will be good for H as well. We don't have any other updates as far as if the chemo is working so I'm still staying hopeful!

short+sassy

I am so sorry for what your family is going through!  I'll put you all in my prayers.  Hopefully this round of chemo does the trick and knocks that cancer on its a$$.  Cancer does suck.

softkittywarmkitty

I'm so sorry.
Your husband knows you are there for him and sometimes that's all that matters. While it isn't the same, I sat at the hospital with my friend while she died and the people I appreciate the most were the ones who asked me what I needed. I needed to talk about anything else. So they told me about their day or some work drama or crazy story. It kept me sane. 

lovemesomemonster

Update.. We came down to see her and things went downhill fast. We cancelled our flights home and they are saying she only has a couple of days. She has been unresponsive for two days now and I am so thankful that the last time she was awake H was in her room she said his name and squeezed his hand. It is time to say goodbye.

thefanciestbeckler

Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. Praying for peace and comfort for you guys in this difficult time.

emmaaa

I'm so sorry. I will be keeping y'all in my thoughts and prayers. I'm glad that you are able to be there for her.

kimmiinthemitten

Oh @lovemesomemonster I'm so sorry, but also so glad you guys got there in time.  My best friends father has cancer and also went downhill fast.  Cancer sucks majorly.  Hugs to you and H.

PamBeesly524

I'm so sorry! I'll be thinking of you guys.

anjemon

I'm so sorry. That's tough to hear and I don't know your MIL.

I'll keep you and your H in my thought and prayers.

Jells2dot0

So sorry to see this latest update. It's nice that you are able to be there with her. Sending thoughts and prayers.

SP29

So sorry to hear . I am glad you and your DH got to be with her.

OurWildKingdom

More (((((((hugs))))))))))

lovemesomemonster

Thank you for all of the kind words, I haven't been able to get online the last couple of days. She is one tough SOB, she's hanging on with everything she's got and we are still here with her. I picked up the brother and sister in law from the airport Monday and then grandma decided she wanted to come down (she watched her husband die of cancer 4 years ago and initially said she didn't want to) so I did the 3hr drive to go get her. It is good to be with family but hard to watch her like this. Everyone has been staying at a hotel but we don't want Dad to be by himself if she goes in the night so we are staying at the hospital.

I feel like this waiting is the hardest part, she is comfortable which is such a good thing but now we feel like we are just suspended in time, there is no moving forward or hoping for anything good, we are just waiting for the inevitable. The weather has been beautiful and the view of the mountains from her room is exactly what I know she would want to see, it's keeping me sane.