Wedding Etiquette Forum

NWR: DDs Baptism Luncheon

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Re: NWR: DDs Baptism Luncheon

  • MobKaz said:
    banana468 said:
    Honestly, as a Christian event, I would be quite shocked to show up at a Baptism lunch and find there was alcohol! But then, I'm in a Christian family/circle that often considers drinking alcohol wrong. 

    Lots of us Christians love drinking! Jesus turned water into wine not the other way round after all. 
    This.   As a Christian I believe it's 5 o'clock somewhere.  

    There are some Christian denominations that do not drink but many do.  
    At the baptism itself, being held in the church, that event IS indeed alcohol free.  The luncheon, which follows the religious ceremony, is held most often, at a private home or at a restaurant.  It is now a family celebration.  Our family celebrates with alcohol.  Typically, consumption will be slightly less on a Sunday afternoon, but beverages will be enjoyed.
    @banana468 and @STARMOON44, I agree, and although my H and I both grew up in non-drinking, alcohol-is-wrong households, we now drink socially. 

    Even so, I would be surprised to find alcohol at a lunch following a baptism. Doesn't mean it's wrong, obviously circles vary. I was just giving my perspective on how I would respond and how all of my family and a lot of my friends would as well to express that no, at least in my circle, alcohol would not be expected, far far from it. 
    You do realize this is not a Baptist baptism, though, right? I would guess Catholic, though I suppose Lutheran, Episcopalian, or Presbyterian is not out of the question. I grew up Baptist but I would probably expect alcohol at a Catholic baptism lunch should I get invited to one.
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  • It is a Catholic Baptism, and yes, most of the family gatherings do usually involve beer and wine at the least, though a few have been open bar.  I'm wondering if it'll be cheaper to just do an open tab since not everyone drinks and the way its packaged everywhere we looked, the packages also involve soda so essentially the $20 for the beer, wine, and soda I'm also paying that for minors.  I don't have much time to figure it out LOL, but I'm just trying to be as cost effective as possible.
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  • Ditto PPs about knowing your crowd. Can you do consumption? Or just tell your guets to put it on your tab? How old are your cousins?

    If I was 21, there was an open bar and my parents were driving me home I would be ordering vodka sodas for 3 hours. Now I would probably order a glass of wine or two.


  • All of my cousins are significantly older, the next youngest is 9 years older than me.  All of their children are underage, oldest being 15.  They are usually now beer and wine, very rarely do they drink well drinks unless its a wedding.  So I'm actually wondering if an open tab would be easier and just paying the bar bill at the end of the night.  I don't want to do a consumption bar because if they go over the limit, then have to pay, well, I would find it rude personally.
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  • MobKaz said:
    banana468 said:
    Honestly, as a Christian event, I would be quite shocked to show up at a Baptism lunch and find there was alcohol! But then, I'm in a Christian family/circle that often considers drinking alcohol wrong. 

    Lots of us Christians love drinking! Jesus turned water into wine not the other way round after all. 
    This.   As a Christian I believe it's 5 o'clock somewhere.  

    There are some Christian denominations that do not drink but many do.  
    At the baptism itself, being held in the church, that event IS indeed alcohol free.  The luncheon, which follows the religious ceremony, is held most often, at a private home or at a restaurant.  It is now a family celebration.  Our family celebrates with alcohol.  Typically, consumption will be slightly less on a Sunday afternoon, but beverages will be enjoyed.
    @banana468 and @STARMOON44, I agree, and although my H and I both grew up in non-drinking, alcohol-is-wrong households, we now drink socially. 

    Even so, I would be surprised to find alcohol at a lunch following a baptism. Doesn't mean it's wrong, obviously circles vary. I was just giving my perspective on how I would respond and how all of my family and a lot of my friends would as well to express that no, at least in my circle, alcohol would not be expected, far far from it. 
    That's why I think this is a know your crowd thing.   In my Catholic family (and in DH's and in my SIL's), Baptism is a celebratory occasion.   We kept ours on the smaller side and hosted the events in our house but we still had all the booze flowing.   When BIL and SIL had the Baptism for our Goddaughter (their first and the first grandchild for SIL's family), at one point we toasted with Cristal and a very nice bottle of Midleton.   When we go out for the Baptism of our next niece or nephew, I'll fall down on my face if it's dry. 
  • As a Catholic, I'm not surprised to have alcohol at events like this.   However, I don't expect it.  

    At my nephew's baptism, my sister's Baptist in-laws did not serve alcohol.   They hosted all his 1st cousins (5 of them) from their side of the family.   He doesn't have any cousins on our side. 
  • banana468 said:
    MobKaz said:
    banana468 said:
    Honestly, as a Christian event, I would be quite shocked to show up at a Baptism lunch and find there was alcohol! But then, I'm in a Christian family/circle that often considers drinking alcohol wrong. 

    Lots of us Christians love drinking! Jesus turned water into wine not the other way round after all. 
    This.   As a Christian I believe it's 5 o'clock somewhere.  

    There are some Christian denominations that do not drink but many do.  
    At the baptism itself, being held in the church, that event IS indeed alcohol free.  The luncheon, which follows the religious ceremony, is held most often, at a private home or at a restaurant.  It is now a family celebration.  Our family celebrates with alcohol.  Typically, consumption will be slightly less on a Sunday afternoon, but beverages will be enjoyed.
    @banana468 and @STARMOON44, I agree, and although my H and I both grew up in non-drinking, alcohol-is-wrong households, we now drink socially. 

    Even so, I would be surprised to find alcohol at a lunch following a baptism. Doesn't mean it's wrong, obviously circles vary. I was just giving my perspective on how I would respond and how all of my family and a lot of my friends would as well to express that no, at least in my circle, alcohol would not be expected, far far from it. 
    That's why I think this is a know your crowd thing.   In my Catholic family (and in DH's and in my SIL's), Baptism is a celebratory occasion.   We kept ours on the smaller side and hosted the events in our house but we still had all the booze flowing.   When BIL and SIL had the Baptism for our Goddaughter (their first and the first grandchild for SIL's family), at one point we toasted with Cristal and a very nice bottle of Midleton.   When we go out for the Baptism of our next niece or nephew, I'll fall down on my face if it's dry. 
    Usually takes the opposite of the bolded for me. 


  • OP, do you care if there's alcohol? I know you're from Jersey, and I worked for a parish out there for two years. I understand that your family would probably expect a big celebration, and also probably alcohol, even in the middle of the day (even though I would never). I also realize that there might be some complaining if these things don't happen. Just realize that it's not rude on your part not to have it - it's rude of people to complain.

    Since it is the middle of the day, and people may well drink less/different types, I think paying the bar tab at the end may be a good route if you can't cut the guest list, move venues to a home, and/or you want the alcohol present (either for yourself or to avoid the complaining).
  • TrixieJessTrixieJess member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited February 2016
    Honestly, as a Christian event, I would be quite shocked to show up at a Baptism lunch and find there was alcohol! But then, I'm in a Christian family/circle that often considers drinking alcohol wrong. 
    I've been to several Catholic events with alcohol, including baptisms, first communions, confirmations and funerals.

    However, they usually were big 200 people affairs and held at banquet halls. For a smaller family event I would have pop and punch, sandwich trays, veggies, and desserts with coffee and tea. 
  • Growing up Catholic, a dry baptism would seem strange to me. Not rude, but out of the ordinary. I think that's already been well covered.

    I know you've mentioned that doing this at your home would be out of the question. Would it be possible to find another venue that would allow you to BYO? We did my nephew's baptism at a neighborhood clubhouse last year, which mean bringing in a couple of coolers and getting a big spread of BBQ for a lot cheaper than taking that many people out for lunch. 
  • This is definitely a know your crowd thing.

    The Catholic churches where I grew up have bars in their basements and/or halls.    Add in my family always has alcohol, well church or not I would expect alcohol at any family social event.   Baptism or otherwise. 

    Now I come from a huge extended family.  Our baptism parties are held at the church hall or basement, someone's home, the Knights of Columbus or like DIY type places.  It's the only way we can afford to invite everyone.








    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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