Gay Weddings

Parents "tentatively" coming?

i sent my almost-estranged parents an invite because I felt obligated to. My mother won't communicate with me--my messages go unanswered and her response is always "I'll get back to you." They don't agree with my marriage and that's their issue, not mine. But I didn't want to deal with the "why aren't your parents here?" Questions and have it come back to me. If I didn't invite them--then they wouldn't be there bc of my choice. If I invite them and they don't show, then that's their choice. But my mother threw a wrench into the machine--sending the RSVP back with "tentatively attending." That wasn't even an option. She stapled a piece of paper where she printed in bold black font. SHE WENT TO THAT KIND OF EFFORT. 

She said she's going because she loves me, but my partner and I (and lots of others) think she's going so she could save face in front of my supportive family members. Should I just be ok with them showing up the day of? Did anyone else have this issue with their parents? They aren't staying for the reception and that's fine. I doubt I'll even see them in the sea of people. Whatever. I've decided that after the wedding, if they don't make an effort to get to know my partner and see why I love her so much, then I'm done. Emotional emancipation is already happening, but I will never let them meet our child (which we hope to have next year)

Re: Parents "tentatively" coming?

  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
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    No advice, but I'm sorry that you're going through this. (((((Hugs)))))))))))
    [Deleted User]
  • Honestly, if they aren't staying for the reception you will likely have no interaction with them.  The ceremony will be about you and your FI, so your focus will hopefully be elsewhere.  I think PPs are right; a lot of people have weird relationships with parents.  If I could get away with getting married without inviting anyone in my family except my brother without there being drama, I would have in a heartbeat.

    We are here for you!  Don't worry about them.  Your mother is being super dramatic right now and it is unnecessary.  By sending an invite, you have done your job at being the bigger person.  You handled it well.

    SP29
  • No advice, but I'm sorry that you're going through this. (((((Hugs)))))))))))

    More hugs!!!!!  You have much to look forward to with this lovely woman you've chosen to love forever.  Focus on that.
    OurWildKingdom
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    My SIL didn't know until their wedding day of her dad and brother would attend. They did. He even decided at the last minute to walk her down the aisle with his wife. Her dad and brother left shortly after the reception started, it was in the same location. Her brother's wife refused to come at all - she wasn't missed.

    Once my niece was born (my sister is the bio mom) my SIL's father came around a bit...he's still not thrilled, but he seems to honestly love his granddaughter.

    Only you can make this decision. She was willing to roll with it and give her family up until the last moment to decide.

    Hugs and best wishes!
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    Still more hugs and best wishes!  Hopefully your mother will come to accept your marriage, but whatever happens, remember that you're marrying the love of your life on your wedding day!
  • Can I jusr come in a fancy dress and we tell everyone I'm your mother ? We can make up an awesome story about how I got a flesh eating disease and got a face transplant. Because seriously. You deserve to feel loved and accepted on your wedding day.

    For actual advice. Not a whole lot I can say. When I had my first wedding, my sister did not approve. In hindsight, she was right, and we are now divorced, however it didn't take away the hurt. She had been telling me for weeks leading up to the wedding that she would "consider it" and never showed. She did however send my other sister with a message. THat message was "I'll catch you at the next one."

    I spent a chunk of time crying on my wedding night, because I just wanted my big sister to be there on my wedding day, and it didn't happen. We've repaired our relationship since, but I still have that hurt and I carry it around often. The only thing I can tell you is that you can't change people, and its not your fault if they chose not to be with you when you get married.

    OurWildKingdom[Deleted User]kimmiinthemitten
  • Atlanta, April 1, 6:00! Come on down! 

    Yes...we are getting married on April fools day. For a while we were joking about "I'm a fool in love" or something as our theme...

    now we went "old school," I work at a museum, she's a math teacher. So decor is all vintage textbooks with antique look Mercury glass vases, old silver teapots, and CHALKBOARDS everywhere. And folks have to do math on flash cards to find their seat. :)
    OurWildKingdom
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    member
    Atlanta, April 1, 6:00! Come on down! 

    Yes...we are getting married on April fools day. For a while we were joking about "I'm a fool in love" or something as our theme...

    now we went "old school," I work at a museum, she's a math teacher. So decor is all vintage textbooks with antique look Mercury glass vases, old silver teapots, and CHALKBOARDS everywhere. And folks have to do math on flash cards to find their seat. :)
    Sounds fun! 
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    I'm sorry about this happening. I just can't wrap my brain around people who act this way. Carry on as normal. If they show, they show. If not, it's their loss, a loss they chose. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    [Deleted User]OurWildKingdom
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