Chit Chat

RSVP Hell

We sent out our invites last month and have started to get our RSVP cards back.  Some people understood how they worked and others didn't.  Not a problem!  I just loved getting the cards back in the first place.  We have a small wedding planned and so only about 20 households received cards.  Our deadline is the end of this week, and I just wanted to share a few things that occurred.  We have until the end of the week to have a plan in place if we choose to call people or to designate a friend to call for us.  My non-confrontational side is looking forward to this one!

1 - We received an RSVP back with no return address, no names written on the response card, and only the number 2 written in and "Accept with pleasure" checked off.  The only clue to narrowing it down on who it's from is the post office's stamp reading "Atlanta Metro."  We'll have to wait until after the date to inquire but I'm so curious!

2 - On the complete other end of the spectrum, we have someone who accepted and added 3 other people onto the RSVP.  That one had to be diffused last night by my FMIL.

3 - The obvious:  people not returning the cards because they assume I know that they are coming.  Sigh...with the amount of money people spend on weddings, you'd think it would be a general consensus that making assumptions on who's coming and who won't is not the wisest course of action.


Do any of you have any crazy or quirky stories with the RSVPs you received?  I thought we would escape these issues due to the size of the wedding, but was so wrong!

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Re: RSVP Hell

  • SP29 said:
    Something I have seen to remedy #1 is to number the RSVP cards with a small number on the back that correlates with your guest list. You're not the only one ;)

    We had meal choices, which was part of the RSVP card. Had a few people not send the card back and tell us "of course we're coming!" Ok- but I still need to know what you want to eat!

    Fortunately we didn't have anyone RSVP with additional guests.

    The other annoying part is when you don't receive an RSVP is whether or not the RSVP card or the invitation got lost in the mail. We had one invitation that didn't make it, because I wrote the postal code wrong- but it also never got returned back to me despite a return address. Contacted the guest about their RSVP to find out they never received an invite!
    Love it!  we'll probably do that too.  I anticipate some of my VIP's not sending them back because they're already talking about going and told me about the plans, I guess phone calls get made for those?

  • SP29 said:
    Something I have seen to remedy #1 is to number the RSVP cards with a small number on the back that correlates with your guest list. You're not the only one ;)

    We had meal choices, which was part of the RSVP card. Had a few people not send the card back and tell us "of course we're coming!" Ok- but I still need to know what you want to eat!

    Fortunately we didn't have anyone RSVP with additional guests.

    The other annoying part is when you don't receive an RSVP is whether or not the RSVP card or the invitation got lost in the mail. We had one invitation that didn't make it, because I wrote the postal code wrong- but it also never got returned back to me despite a return address. Contacted the guest about their RSVP to find out they never received an invite!

    OMG!!!!  That's brilliant!  Dang, wish I had heard of that beforehand.  I just didn't think people would send them back with no return address or names on the card.  They have me so lost right now LOL

    It was 6 potential couples that I have since narrowed down to 3.  We will see come the weekend!

  • My mom and MIL were awesome and offered to call whoever hadn't responded for us and they had to make a lot of phone calls!

    My funniest one was definitely when we got one back- no return address, no name on it, just the meal choice checked off in pink highlighter. The postal stamp was no help because it was from the area where most of DH's family lives. We made a few phone calls and found out who it was- his cousin, the best man!
  • SP29 said:
    Something I have seen to remedy #1 is to number the RSVP cards with a small number on the back that correlates with your guest list. You're not the only one ;)

    We had meal choices, which was part of the RSVP card. Had a few people not send the card back and tell us "of course we're coming!" Ok- but I still need to know what you want to eat!

    Fortunately we didn't have anyone RSVP with additional guests.

    The other annoying part is when you don't receive an RSVP is whether or not the RSVP card or the invitation got lost in the mail. We had one invitation that didn't make it, because I wrote the postal code wrong- but it also never got returned back to me despite a return address. Contacted the guest about their RSVP to find out they never received an invite!
    Love it!  we'll probably do that too.  I anticipate some of my VIP's not sending them back because they're already talking about going and told me about the plans, I guess phone calls get made for those?
    Yes, if your RSVP date passes and you still have not heard, you should make a phone call to confirm.
  • SP29 said:
    Something I have seen to remedy #1 is to number the RSVP cards with a small number on the back that correlates with your guest list. You're not the only one ;)

    We had meal choices, which was part of the RSVP card. Had a few people not send the card back and tell us "of course we're coming!" Ok- but I still need to know what you want to eat!

    Fortunately we didn't have anyone RSVP with additional guests.

    The other annoying part is when you don't receive an RSVP is whether or not the RSVP card or the invitation got lost in the mail. We had one invitation that didn't make it, because I wrote the postal code wrong- but it also never got returned back to me despite a return address. Contacted the guest about their RSVP to find out they never received an invite!
    Love it!  we'll probably do that too.  I anticipate some of my VIP's not sending them back because they're already talking about going and told me about the plans, I guess phone calls get made for those?

    I want to know this answer, too!  I just got 4 verbal RSVPs over the phone last night from my VIP and her family.  Technically, they didn't RSVP by card but are talking about being in attendance, too.
  • SP29 said:
    Something I have seen to remedy #1 is to number the RSVP cards with a small number on the back that correlates with your guest list. You're not the only one ;)

    We had meal choices, which was part of the RSVP card. Had a few people not send the card back and tell us "of course we're coming!" Ok- but I still need to know what you want to eat!

    Fortunately we didn't have anyone RSVP with additional guests.

    The other annoying part is when you don't receive an RSVP is whether or not the RSVP card or the invitation got lost in the mail. We had one invitation that didn't make it, because I wrote the postal code wrong- but it also never got returned back to me despite a return address. Contacted the guest about their RSVP to find out they never received an invite!
    Love it!  we'll probably do that too.  I anticipate some of my VIP's not sending them back because they're already talking about going and told me about the plans, I guess phone calls get made for those?

    I want to know this answer, too!  I just got 4 verbal RSVPs over the phone last night from my VIP and her family.  Technically, they didn't RSVP by card but are talking about being in attendance, too.
    This is fine. As long as they have said yes, we are coming.

    An RSVP card is a convenience provided by the host for the guests. Not wrong for a guest to not use it (traditionally individuals would return an RSVP with a hand written note on their own stationary), though I think most of us like to have something "official".

    I think if a guest told you yes several months ago, I would touch base again closer to the RSVP date to confirm, but verbal confirmation is fine.
  • SP29 said:
    Something I have seen to remedy #1 is to number the RSVP cards with a small number on the back that correlates with your guest list. You're not the only one ;)

    We had meal choices, which was part of the RSVP card. Had a few people not send the card back and tell us "of course we're coming!" Ok- but I still need to know what you want to eat!

    Fortunately we didn't have anyone RSVP with additional guests.

    The other annoying part is when you don't receive an RSVP is whether or not the RSVP card or the invitation got lost in the mail. We had one invitation that didn't make it, because I wrote the postal code wrong- but it also never got returned back to me despite a return address. Contacted the guest about their RSVP to find out they never received an invite!
    I was worried about getting RSVPs back without names, so I numbered the backs of the RSVPs. I didn't get any blanks back in the end, so it didn't matter, but I felt better knowing that I had a backup.

    And the only people who didn't send back their RSVPs on time for my wedding were immediate family members... Not that I needed them to RSVP, but I was kind of annoyed that my dad wouldn't take the time to send back a pre-stamped, pre-addressed RSVP card. 
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • We had several people - not even immediate family - not want to return the RSVP card because they wanted to "keep everything together..."  I mean, I liked our invitation sets a lot, but really?  Just return the card.  You can have it back if you want after the wedding.

    My favorite one, though, was the guest who tried to write-in her nephew who was not related to us as a guest (in addition to her plus-one).  When we pushed back on the kid attending (our circle was nieces/nephews), the guest went over our heads to MIL who said yes because she wanted to see the guest.  But it was okay MIL told us, because kid was too picky an eater to want anything on our menu.  He'd just have a piece of cake and be fine.  This was two days before the the wedding.  I was too focused on last minute stuff to be bothered, but I was miffed for a while once I realized what happened.  To this day, I'm not sure why the nephew had to come with her.
    image
    Anniversary


  • I wish I had known to number them as I had the same problem, someone sent back an RSVP and I couldn't tell who it was. It was someone local but I never figured it out beyond that. 

    I also had guests who changed their mind repeatedly, including one set of guests who said no, yes, maybe, yes and then didn't show. I am still mad a them for being pains in the ass and then not showing. 
    image
  • SP29 said:
    Something I have seen to remedy #1 is to number the RSVP cards with a small number on the back that correlates with your guest list. You're not the only one ;)

    We had meal choices, which was part of the RSVP card. Had a few people not send the card back and tell us "of course we're coming!" Ok- but I still need to know what you want to eat!

    Fortunately we didn't have anyone RSVP with additional guests.

    The other annoying part is when you don't receive an RSVP is whether or not the RSVP card or the invitation got lost in the mail. We had one invitation that didn't make it, because I wrote the postal code wrong- but it also never got returned back to me despite a return address. Contacted the guest about their RSVP to find out they never received an invite!
    I was worried about getting RSVPs back without names, so I numbered the backs of the RSVPs. I didn't get any blanks back in the end, so it didn't matter, but I felt better knowing that I had a backup.

    And the only people who didn't send back their RSVPs on time for my wedding were immediate family members... Not that I needed them to RSVP, but I was kind of annoyed that my dad wouldn't take the time to send back a pre-stamped, pre-addressed RSVP card. 
    That's kind of where I am right now.  We already included an SASE and you still found it too difficult to drop it in the mail?  This would take 5 minutes of your time--and that 5 minutes is quite generous.  Nothing from any family but our moms and their S/Os.  Come on, guys!
  • SP29 said:
    Something I have seen to remedy #1 is to number the RSVP cards with a small number on the back that correlates with your guest list. You're not the only one ;)

    We had meal choices, which was part of the RSVP card. Had a few people not send the card back and tell us "of course we're coming!" Ok- but I still need to know what you want to eat!

    Fortunately we didn't have anyone RSVP with additional guests.

    The other annoying part is when you don't receive an RSVP is whether or not the RSVP card or the invitation got lost in the mail. We had one invitation that didn't make it, because I wrote the postal code wrong- but it also never got returned back to me despite a return address. Contacted the guest about their RSVP to find out they never received an invite!
    I was worried about getting RSVPs back without names, so I numbered the backs of the RSVPs. I didn't get any blanks back in the end, so it didn't matter, but I felt better knowing that I had a backup.

    And the only people who didn't send back their RSVPs on time for my wedding were immediate family members... Not that I needed them to RSVP, but I was kind of annoyed that my dad wouldn't take the time to send back a pre-stamped, pre-addressed RSVP card. 
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • SP29 said:
    Something I have seen to remedy #1 is to number the RSVP cards with a small number on the back that correlates with your guest list. You're not the only one ;)

    We had meal choices, which was part of the RSVP card. Had a few people not send the card back and tell us "of course we're coming!" Ok- but I still need to know what you want to eat!

    Fortunately we didn't have anyone RSVP with additional guests.

    The other annoying part is when you don't receive an RSVP is whether or not the RSVP card or the invitation got lost in the mail. We had one invitation that didn't make it, because I wrote the postal code wrong- but it also never got returned back to me despite a return address. Contacted the guest about their RSVP to find out they never received an invite!
    I was worried about getting RSVPs back without names, so I numbered the backs of the RSVPs. I didn't get any blanks back in the end, so it didn't matter, but I felt better knowing that I had a backup.

    And the only people who didn't send back their RSVPs on time for my wedding were immediate family members... Not that I needed them to RSVP, but I was kind of annoyed that my dad wouldn't take the time to send back a pre-stamped, pre-addressed RSVP card. 
    It worked well for me because I had a couple not come through the mail cleanly. One got torn during transit so the number confirmed the name of the person since it was partially gone. For another card the post office inked over the written in name and I couldn't read it. In both cases having numbered my RSVPs was really nice because I could confirm who it was without having to search around or figure out which post office it came from.
    image
  • I had 14 people not RSVP- many of them I had never met, all on FMIL side (20 minutes away from us but we still never see them). I asked for phone numbers and FMIL said she would call. In what I consider a freakishly short time (less than 48 hours)heard back "they all rsvp yes". Guess who had a completely empty table of 12?


  • SP29 said:
    Something I have seen to remedy #1 is to number the RSVP cards with a small number on the back that correlates with your guest list. You're not the only one ;)

    We had meal choices, which was part of the RSVP card. Had a few people not send the card back and tell us "of course we're coming!" Ok- but I still need to know what you want to eat!

    Fortunately we didn't have anyone RSVP with additional guests.

    The other annoying part is when you don't receive an RSVP is whether or not the RSVP card or the invitation got lost in the mail. We had one invitation that didn't make it, because I wrote the postal code wrong- but it also never got returned back to me despite a return address. Contacted the guest about their RSVP to find out they never received an invite!
    I was worried about getting RSVPs back without names, so I numbered the backs of the RSVPs. I didn't get any blanks back in the end, so it didn't matter, but I felt better knowing that I had a backup.

    And the only people who didn't send back their RSVPs on time for my wedding were immediate family members... Not that I needed them to RSVP, but I was kind of annoyed that my dad wouldn't take the time to send back a pre-stamped, pre-addressed RSVP card. 
    We numbered the backs of ours and I was so glad we did. We had one family write just their last name (the name of most of the people DH is related to) and yes. So I pulled out my list and knew who it was.
  • lnixon8 said:
    I had 14 people not RSVP- many of them I had never met, all on FMIL side (20 minutes away from us but we still never see them). I asked for phone numbers and FMIL said she would call. In what I consider a freakishly short time (less than 48 hours)heard back "they all rsvp yes". Guess who had a completely empty table of 12?

    Daaaaaang!!!  This is a prime example of why you have to call people who don't RSVP, huh?  I'm definitely sold on calling those who have not returned the RSVPs ourselves now.
  • Our RSVPs asked people to initial their meal choices so we knew who ordered what instead of just 1 steak 1 fish. Not a huge deal but it was surprising to me know many people didn't read that line.

    The weirdest RSVP was my parents. I thought it was odd that I didn't get theirs in time so I called to ask their meal choices and they were surprised b/c they had sent it back. Well a few days before the wedding I finally got their response. It had the bar-code on the bottom that must have been generated by the post office that was then crossed out and there was an arrow hand drawn pointing from the crossed out bar-code to our address.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Our RSVPs asked people to initial their meal choices so we knew who ordered what instead of just 1 steak 1 fish. Not a huge deal but it was surprising to me know many people didn't read that line.

    The weirdest RSVP was my parents. I thought it was odd that I didn't get theirs in time so I called to ask their meal choices and they were surprised b/c they had sent it back. Well a few days before the wedding I finally got their response. It had the bar-code on the bottom that must have been generated by the post office that was then crossed out and there was an arrow hand drawn pointing from the crossed out bar-code to our address.
    We had the same problem. It's shocking how many people don't read "please INITIAL your meal selection" 
    --

  • Fortunately we didn't have any issues. Mainly the responses we didn't get back were immediate family/wedding party I already knew were coming (some sent back some didn't) and then for a few older family members. We had been told they would not be attending even before the invites went out but we still sent just in case and then had to track down to see if they were still not attending or if they changed their mind.

    I was most annoyed by my uncle. He lives in a different state and he and my dad talk every few months and that is about it. It was more of a courtesy invite because I knew he wouldn't come but it annoyed me that I didn't at least get the card back with a decline. Not sure why it bothered me so much but it did

  • kvruns said:

    Fortunately we didn't have any issues. Mainly the responses we didn't get back were immediate family/wedding party I already knew were coming (some sent back some didn't) and then for a few older family members. We had been told they would not be attending even before the invites went out but we still sent just in case and then had to track down to see if they were still not attending or if they changed their mind.

    I was most annoyed by my uncle. He lives in a different state and he and my dad talk every few months and that is about it. It was more of a courtesy invite because I knew he wouldn't come but it annoyed me that I didn't at least get the card back with a decline. Not sure why it bothered me so much but it did

    This would bother me, too.

    What is the deal with people not returning the cards?  That is one of the main gripes I heard from people in terms of invitations.  I didn't get it then and I definitely don't get it now.

  • Our RSVPs asked people to initial their meal choices so we knew who ordered what instead of just 1 steak 1 fish. Not a huge deal but it was surprising to me know many people didn't read that line.

    The weirdest RSVP was my parents. I thought it was odd that I didn't get theirs in time so I called to ask their meal choices and they were surprised b/c they had sent it back. Well a few days before the wedding I finally got their response. It had the bar-code on the bottom that must have been generated by the post office that was then crossed out and there was an arrow hand drawn pointing from the crossed out bar-code to our address.
    We had the same problem. It's shocking how many people don't read "please INITIAL your meal selection" 
    I totally had this problem too. Lots of cards came back with just x's or 1's and 2's. I was really annoyed for awhile, but eventually I decided to do couple escort cards and it didn't end up mattering.
    image
  • Honestly, I do not find any of this hellish.   All of it is completely normal when throwing a party.

    Annoying?  Oh yeah, sadly pretty standard when requesting any type of an RSVP.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • lyndausvi said:
    Honestly, I do not find any of this hellish.   All of it is completely normal when throwing a party.

    Annoying?  Oh yeah, sadly pretty standard when requesting any type of an RSVP.


    It is not hell for most, this is true.  But for those of us who are sticklers for organization and perfectionism, this is truly a personal hell. 

    I voted to elope, but the love of my life always dreamed of a wedding so we're having a wedding.  I will be happily married to him at the end of all this and that is the real prize through all this crazy.  For me, anyway! :)

  • SP29 said:
    Something I have seen to remedy #1 is to number the RSVP cards with a small number on the back that correlates with your guest list. You're not the only one ;)

    We had meal choices, which was part of the RSVP card. Had a few people not send the card back and tell us "of course we're coming!" Ok- but I still need to know what you want to eat!

    Fortunately we didn't have anyone RSVP with additional guests.

    The other annoying part is when you don't receive an RSVP is whether or not the RSVP card or the invitation got lost in the mail. We had one invitation that didn't make it, because I wrote the postal code wrong- but it also never got returned back to me despite a return address. Contacted the guest about their RSVP to find out they never received an invite!
    We numbered the RSVP cards. I think there was one returned that I couldn't read the name so the number came in handy.
  • We also numbered our RSVP cards and so far a couple people asked me what the number on the back meant. 
  • So far (I've only gotten 5 cards back so far), the weirdest/funniest one has been FI's self-absorbed grandfather. RSVPed for himself and his wife, then wrote down at the bottom, "Reservation made for cabin #9." Like, that's great and all, glad you have a place to sleep, but I don't need to know where it is.

    The most annoying thus far is my dad. I talked to him on the phone the other day and asked if he'd gotten his invitation. He said he had, but he hadn't opened it yet. He figured he didn't really need to RSVP.  :|

    Daisypath Wedding tickers
    image
  • SP29 said:
    Something I have seen to remedy #1 is to number the RSVP cards with a small number on the back that correlates with your guest list. You're not the only one ;)

    We had meal choices, which was part of the RSVP card. Had a few people not send the card back and tell us "of course we're coming!" Ok- but I still need to know what you want to eat!

    Fortunately we didn't have anyone RSVP with additional guests.

    The other annoying part is when you don't receive an RSVP is whether or not the RSVP card or the invitation got lost in the mail. We had one invitation that didn't make it, because I wrote the postal code wrong- but it also never got returned back to me despite a return address. Contacted the guest about their RSVP to find out they never received an invite!
    I've often seen this suggestion, which is a really good one.

    I think it's really annoying when someone returns it without filling it out, leaving you to call them anyway to find out whether or not they are coming and what meal they are choosing.
  • Our RSVPs were designed as postcards (pre-stamped and labeled, of course). A couple people sent them back in stamped envelopes. 
    image
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