I am dealing with hurt feelings and what feels like a disaster that I don't want to have to handle with everything else going on.
One of my bridesmaids (and my newest friend of the group of girls that I chose) has recently not been acting that makes me feel she is a friend or able to handle the responsibility of being in the wedding. Kicking her out of the wedding is the last thing I want to have to do, but it really feels like the right thing in this situation.
She and I have known each other for almost 3 years and she was the first friend I made when I relocated to the current city I live in. We were coworkers and spent a ton of time together. When I got engaged she was so excited for us and was asking to not only be a part of the wedding, but also the MOH. I declined that and gave my sister the role, but gave her a bridesmaid role. She accepted, everything was fine.
Since I am a recent transplant in a new city on the other side of the country from the one I grew up in, when it came time to start dress shopping, I wanted her to come with me. She's a single mom with a busy schedule, so she and I got together to make an appointment at a time that worked for both of us, over a month and a half in advance. The appointment was this past Saturday.
Last Monday I reached out to her via text to see how her Valentine's Day went and she was very chatty and responsive. After awhile, I asked if she was still planning on coming with me to the dress appointment. She immediately stops texting. I don't press - maybe she got busy, whatever. On Friday (the day before the appointment), I reach out again. She doesn't answer my messages, but I get read receipts, so I know she's gotten it. After 2 hours of no response, I let her know that if something came up and she's unable to make it then she should just let me know and I will be understanding, but by ignoring me she's not being fair to me. She immediately responds and agrees that I'm right. She apologizes and says a lot has been going on and sends a laundry list of things she's been dealing with (all legitimate) and caps it with "oh, and it's Katie's birthday and I told her I'd spend it with her, I want to find a way to go but I'm just not sure if I can yet and I didn't want to give you an answer until I was sure."
I'm annoyed about potentially being blown off for a mutual friends birthday, but push that aside and tell her, "hey I know stuff happens, all I am asking is that you keep me in the loop here. Please let me know as soon as you know whether you can make it or not so I can figure it out." She doesn't respond to this, so I assume she'll let me know when she knows.
Later that night I'm looking at Facebook and see a picture posted from a NBA game in a city 3 hours south of here captioned "Celebrating Katie's Birthday!" OK, I figure she's planning on coming back the next day, no big deal. The next day, I never hear anything from her and at this point am so annoyed that I don't want to reach out and get upset with her right before I'm supposed to go try on dresses. I grab another friend (not even in the wedding, an invited guest who won't be able to make it) and she goes with me. An hour before the scheduled appointment, bridesmaid friend checks in at a restaurant in the same city as NBA game last night. I am pissed.
My fiance works with her, so yesterday when he saw her at work, he confronted her and wanted to know what the heck had happened, why she'd totally blown me off. She responds that she'd said she couldn't make it (nope. it's all in texts, and since the last text I sent to her said "Ok, well please just let me know as soon as you know if you can make it" it's BS.) He tells her, "ok well if that's the case, it's just a big misunderstanding and you should reach out to bride (me) and let her know what happened. She's really hurt and upset about it". Her response to him is basically "ugh I have so much going on in my life right now, I can't handle this. I'll reach out to her sometime this week."
Am I wrong for thinking it all just sounds like BS and she's trying to save face? I know if I'd just heard that I hurt a friend as badly as I'm bummed right now and if i felt it was just a misunderstanding, that I'd want to reach out immediately and make things right. She can't even prioritize our relationship enough to reach out and say something as simple as "hey, there was a misunderstanding, we need to talk about this" even if that talk can't happen right away. She's a single mom to 2 kids so i doubt the overnight trip to see the NBA game happened at the last minute. I am feeling so disrespected and this is not someone that I want to rely on to be there for me on my most special day.