Invites and Paper

Ceremony and Receptions in Different States

So my fiance and I are still early in the planning process.  We are considering having a smaller wedding ceremony and reception down South where my family lives and then having an additional reception in New England where the majority of his family lives.

My fiance is convinced that not many people from his family will show up to the southern wedding so that is why we would be also doing a New England reception.  I believe if we give people enough time with our Save the Dates that more of his family would travel for the wedding.   

This is where my issue lies, I am unsure how we would address the Save the Dates if we were to have two wedding receptions in two different states.  Additionally, I am unsure how we would get an appropriate head count for each reception prior to the wedding invitations and the RSVPs.

Any information would be helpful!  Thanks!   

Re: Ceremony and Receptions in Different States

  • So my fiance and I are still early in the planning process.  We are considering having a smaller wedding ceremony and reception down South where my family lives and then having an additional reception in New England where the majority of his family lives.

    My fiance is convinced that not many people from his family will show up to the southern wedding so that is why we would be also doing a New England reception.  I believe if we give people enough time with our Save the Dates that more of his family would travel for the wedding.   

    This is where my issue lies, I am unsure how we would address the Save the Dates if we were to have two wedding receptions in two different states.  Additionally, I am unsure how we would get an appropriate head count for each reception prior to the wedding invitations and the RSVPs.

    Any information would be helpful!  Thanks!   
    I agree with you.  More people will travel to your wedding if they don't know they have a consolation prize later.  Then, after the wedding and reception, if you feel like you really want to have another party and celebrate with people who didn't get to travel, do that.  But it doesn't have to be related to your wedding.  "We're going to be in your area for 4th of July/ Thanksgiving/ Christmas, and we'd like to get together with the family, particularly those who weren't able to make it to our wedding.  We'll be hosting a pizza party/ backyard BBQ/ evening of dinner and dancing for those who can make it."  I think you should concentrate on one thing at a time.  Wedding and reception first, and maybe a second party later if you decide you want one.
    ILoveBeachMusicSP29short+sassy
  • You might be surprised at how many people come for the wedding. At DD's wedding over 60% were OOT ( ranging from just a few hours drive to an international flight). I know SIL and DD were surprised that some people traveled so far.
    MairePoppy
  • Let's assume that you go through with the plan as written - you have a ceremony and reception and then later a celebration of marriage party elsewhere later.  Why would you need save the dates at all?  Save the dates are generally to give people who need to travel a heads up to start saving and/or if your wedding date falls on or very near a holiday.  If you're indulging all your guests with multiple parties in close proximity to them, why would save the dates be necessary at all?  The eight or so weeks of lead time an invitation gives them should be more than enough.  You shouldn't need head counts prior to invitations going out.  You host what you can afford and invite the number of people accordingly. You'll need to give your caterer final counts a week or two before the event.  There shouldn't be overlap in your guest lists for these events except maybe parents and siblings.

    That said, I personally feel a wedding tour is unnecessary.  A make up party for people who don't want to travel  isn't necessary.  But if you can afford to host two parties, there isn't anything inherently wrong with it so long as you aren't calling the second party your reception - it's a separate event celebrating your marriage.  I think you'll be surprised how many will travel though.  Check with your VIPs and schedule a date with them that works for their schedule and traveling.  You can always have get togethers with other people outside the context of your wedding the next time you're in town.
    [Deleted User]InLoveInQueens
  • We're not so far (NJ and New England), but my FI has family who are too ill to travel up there (as I have down here). 

    We're inviting everyone to the wedding. Afterwards, in deference to my FMIL and her family who can't travel, we're accepting a celebration of marriage party that she wants to throw for us. I believe that only people invited to the wedding will be invited there, though according to what I understand of etiquette, that isn't strictly required. 

    I'd suggest something like this. Invite everyone to the real deal, and if a lot of them can't make it, or someone offers to throw it for you, have a celebration of marriage party shortly after up in New England. 
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
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    edited February 2016
    Send an STD and invitation to the actual wedding and reception to everyone. People will RSVP yes or no to the wedding invitation. 

    The latter party is not a reception, but a celebration party. You'd mail out invitations separately and request RSVPs for the celebration party. You don't have people save the date for this party or include it with the wedding invitation. 
    SP29
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA
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    I would be disappointed if I could not attend the wedding of a loved one because I could not afford to attend and would be very happy that they were having a local celebration, personally.



    MairePoppyJediElizabethspockforprezNotATotalBetty
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
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    Why do people think they need to go on reception tours to accommodate people who can't or won't travel for the wedding?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    InLoveInQueens
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    There may be close friends and  family members who can't travel for health, work, school or financial reasons. I see nothing wrong with having a party to celebrate with the guests who can't travel. 
    Me neither.  All that's necessary is to avoid calling the party a "wedding reception" and having a PPD.
    MairePoppyCMGragainspockforprezNotATotalBetty
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA
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    AddieCake said:
    Why do people think they need to go on reception tours to accommodate people who can't or won't travel for the wedding?
    I don't know why they feel like they need to, but I can understand why they would want to. 



    SP29
  • AddieCake said:
    Why do people think they need to go on reception tours to accommodate people who can't or won't travel for the wedding?
    I don't understand this at all.  When many of my family members declined to attend daughter's wedding, I just said, "Too bad for them." 
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    CMGragain said:
    AddieCake said:
    Why do people think they need to go on reception tours to accommodate people who can't or won't travel for the wedding?
    I don't understand this at all.  When many of my family members declined to attend daughter's wedding, I just said, "Too bad for them." 
    While nobody has to do it, there are no etiquette rules prohibiting it either.

    Sometimes people do it because loved ones are sick, pregnant, or have mobility issues and can't travel to the wedding, or can't get there because of work, military service, travel restrictions, or whatever.  I don't think it needs to be "understood" why people want to go to loved ones who can't go to you.
    spockforprezMairePoppyViczaesarNotATotalBetty
  • CMGragainCMGragain
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    edited March 2016
    Jen4948 said:
    CMGragain said:
    AddieCake said:
    Why do people think they need to go on reception tours to accommodate people who can't or won't travel for the wedding?
    I don't understand this at all.  When many of my family members declined to attend daughter's wedding, I just said, "Too bad for them." 
    While nobody has to do it, there are no etiquette rules prohibiting it either.

    Sometimes people do it because loved ones are sick, pregnant, or have mobility issues and can't travel to the wedding, or can't get there because of work, military service, travel restrictions, or whatever.  I don't think it needs to be "understood" why people want to go to loved ones who can't go to you.
    Actually, we did go to them - on a family visit, not to throw a big party.  It's the party thing I don't understand.
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    YogaSandy
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    edited March 2016
    CMGragain said:
    Jen4948 said:
    CMGragain said:
    AddieCake said:
    Why do people think they need to go on reception tours to accommodate people who can't or won't travel for the wedding?
    I don't understand this at all.  When many of my family members declined to attend daughter's wedding, I just said, "Too bad for them." 
    While nobody has to do it, there are no etiquette rules prohibiting it either.

    Sometimes people do it because loved ones are sick, pregnant, or have mobility issues and can't travel to the wedding, or can't get there because of work, military service, travel restrictions, or whatever.  I don't think it needs to be "understood" why people want to go to loved ones who can't go to you.
    Actually, we did go to them - on a family visit, not to throw a big party.  It's the party thing I don't understand.
     It's just a party. People can throw them for any reason they like.  We're always telling posters here that they can throw any party they like as long as it's not a PPD.  So why the hell does anybody need to "understand" why people have parties for those persons whose weddings they couldn't attend?
    MairePoppy
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut
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    edited March 2016
    I'm with Jen on this one. If there are elderly relatives, for instance, who can't travel, they will probably be relieved to know there will be a local celebration. If they don't want to attend, they may decline the invitation. 


                
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
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    Yes, of course it's fine to do so, but think how many brides have come on here with 2 or 3 receptions planned to accommodate people who don't want to travel even a short distance. There was even that one who wanted a 3rd reception in another state so her sorority sisters could all be there. Enough, already. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    CMGragain
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut
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    AddieCake said:
    Yes, of course it's fine to do so, but think how many brides have come on here with 2 or 3 receptions planned to accommodate people who don't want to travel even a short distance. There was even that one who wanted a 3rd reception in another state so her sorority sisters could all be there. Enough, already. 
    I get your point. It's just like showers. One is nice, two showers to accommodate the two families-still fine. Having three or four showers to include anyone and everyone the bride has ever met is tacky.

    I didn't see the sorority bride's post, but I'd agree that's getting carried away. 
                
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    AddieCake said:
    Yes, of course it's fine to do so, but think how many brides have come on here with 2 or 3 receptions planned to accommodate people who don't want to travel even a short distance. There was even that one who wanted a 3rd reception in another state so her sorority sisters could all be there. Enough, already. 
    2 or 3 receptions for people who don't want to travel a short distance is, I agree, extreme and I wouldn't do that.  And like @MairePoppy, I wouldn't do it with showers either.

    But my family and friends are scattered in many places with conflicting obligations, schedules, and states of health, many of whom just wouldn't be able to make travel arrangements to attend my wedding.  

    So I don't mind going to visit with them after the wedding to catch up and introduce my new husband.  I'm not planning to throw a whole PPD just for them, but just have a party that's nothing more than a party.
  • Jen4948, this is exactly what I said.  Family visits to introduce the new husband are great!  100% agreement with this.  Having a small party is OK, too.  Having a PPD style second reception - this is what I don't understand.
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    Jen4948
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    CMGragain said:
    Jen4948, this is exactly what I said.  Family visits to introduce the new husband are great!  100% agreement with this.  Having a small party is OK, too.  Having a PPD style second reception - this is what I don't understand.
    Cool - glad to be on the same page!
    CMGragain
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