Pre-wedding Parties

How to tell my groom I think his destination bachelor party is too much

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Re: How to tell my groom I think his destination bachelor party is too much

  • I think it depends on your FI, his age, and what both he and you consdier the perfect vacations. If he is still in the "frat boy" stage where he and his friends can rent some dumpy condo, sleep on floors, eat frozen pizza and drink cheap beer  on the beach all weekend it might be cheaper than if you and your friends go to Nashville, get a hotel, do a spa day and drink fancy cocktails, go out to "foodie" restaurants etc.


    OurWildKingdomholyguacamole79
  • SP29SP29
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    nerdwife said:
    I disagree with nearly everyone- I don't think you should say anything at all! It's his friends and his bachelor party. They are all adults. If they think it's too expensive, they can say so or just quietly resent him. If he looses friends that sucks and isn't your problem to solve. 

    Say nothing. Let him live his life and deal with the consequences. You have no role to play here. 
    Really? If you felt your FI was going to do something stupid that might hurt his friendships, you wouldn't say anything? Or even just something you think is dumb in general? I don't think I just let FI live his life and deal with the consequences. Part of being his partner is living his life with him and voicing my thoughts/opinions/ideas about how he is living his life, and vice versa, since our lives are being lived together.
    I agree with this. From the OP, it sounds like the FI was basically dictating the terms of his b-party, and his friends are going along with it. Yes, the friends should voice these issues, but so should OP. 

    If my H were doing something that basically amounted to 'zilla behavior, I believe it's my duty and obligation to knock some sense into him before he does something he'll regret. IMHO, part of being a partner is calling your s/o out when they do dumb shit. 
    Agree with this. While the bride really shouldn't be dictating any plans of the bachelor party, as a wife/partner/friend I think it is appropriate to say, "Hey FI- have you really thought about this? Do you think this is a reasonable cost to ask of your friends?" And also remind him it is not his role to plan the B party, but to either graciously accept or decline what is offered.

    We always tell people to take the etiquette advice on here, because their friends/family are less likely to be honest to their face about when they are doing something shitty. I think in being the spouse, you are the person to tell your spouse like it is.
    OurWildKingdomnerdwifeMyNameIsNotInLoveInQueens
  • ernursej said:
    My FI's bachelor party is across the country in Montreal where he and all his buddies went to University. I know there will be strippers and alcohol (plus poutine and smoked meat ... probably what my FI is actually looking forward to) but not for a second do I think that will lead to anything. I have no problem with a destination party where the buddies have come up with the idea. They are all adults who can manage their friendships and money. When my FI told me his buddies wanted to do this (sounds like a trip down Uni memory road), I encouraged him to go. Had my FI pushed this trip on his buddies, I might have been annoyed, but I really don't think it is my place to get involved.
    Ahhhh, Rues Ste. Catherine and St. Laurant, best places for strippers, smoked meat and poutine :wink: 
    ernursejdrid
  • If I were you, I would tell him to think realistically about a big trip like that. Personally, if one of my friends wanted me to use my vacation time to go on an expensive trip without my SO, I would be a little peeved and probably wouldn't go anyway. If it's something they've all collectively talked about, that's one thing, but it sounds like this is mostly your FI. I kind of think it's your role as his partner to tell him when he's being unrealistic! 

    Also, I get where you're coming from about the strippers thing. My FI's best man wants to have strippers at FI's b-party, but I'm trying to nip that because the best man's baby momma is PISSED and I don't want family drama to erupt. I guess I get it more if the groomsmen are all single and in the party stage of life, but in our wedding party, everyone is married or has children, so I think strippers is a little weird. To each their own, I suppose!
  • ernursej said:
    My FI's bachelor party is across the country in Montreal where he and all his buddies went to University. I know there will be strippers and alcohol (plus poutine and smoked meat ... probably what my FI is actually looking forward to) but not for a second do I think that will lead to anything. I have no problem with a destination party where the buddies have come up with the idea. They are all adults who can manage their friendships and money. When my FI told me his buddies wanted to do this (sounds like a trip down Uni memory road), I encouraged him to go. Had my FI pushed this trip on his buddies, I might have been annoyed, but I really don't think it is my place to get involved.
    Ahhhh, Rues Ste. Catherine and St. Laurant, best places for strippers, smoked meat and poutine :wink: 

    So I've been told. I've sampled the food on a trip to check out where he used to live etc, but can't comment on the strippers!!
  • driddrid
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
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    And here I am telling my FI's groomsmen to take him out, get him sloppy drunk and to go see strippers for his bach party... And maybe even a destination boys trip if they feel so inclined!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • OP, I think the most you can and should do is casually ask your FI if he's talked about this Key West idea with his groomsmen/friends and whether he's sure they're okay with the costs, etc. If he hasn't, it might prompt him to talk to them.  But that's all you should do. At the end of the day, the groomsmen are adults and if they have a problem with going to Key West, they should speak up about it.
    image
    OurWildKingdom
  • At this point, it sounds like he has already suggested to his groomsmen / best men that he is interested in Key West as his bachelor party destination (correct me if I'm wrong). Having said that, if the planning has not already gotten very significantly underway (i.e. things booked, etc.), I agree with most of the others here that I think it is reasonable to mention the cost concerns, and also making sure that he is really letting the groomsmen do their thing and not getting too involved in other future requests, particularly ones that could put a further financial constraint on guests. 

    I don't necessarily agree with the point that, if someone is going to go to Key West as a once-in-a-lifetime trip, that they would generally want it to be with their SO. I love my FI dearly, but there are some trips / destinations, where I would be just as excited to go with my closest friends, a dear family member, etc. However, I also do know that sometimes a Bachelor(ette) party can make guests (particularly bridal party) feel obligated to attend an event that they would not otherwise choose, which is why I also am not a huge fan of the whole destination Bachelor(ette) party trend.

    On the stripper point (a little off-topic, but I'll bite...) - I don't think OP ever implied that stripper = prostitute. It is ultimately between OP and her FI to decide what they feel comfortable with in terms of strippers at a Bachelor(ette) party, and as long as those feelings are clearly communicated to each other and respected, I don't see the problem. I do agree though that if you can't trust a FI to be around alcohol + strippers + guy friends without doing something questionable, then that is a bigger issue.
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