Same gift, not from registry?

tigerlily6

FI's grandmother reviewed our registry and found several hand-me-down items she already owns that we listed, and called to let me know that they are in good condition and that she was planning on giving them to us even though they wouldn't be through the registry. I'm not upset with her -- sometimes having hand-me-downs can be more sentimental, and I know she is thinking about us. A part of me is a bit frustrated though, since basically the whole point of us putting things on the registry was to ask for some new things to replace our own old stuff (we didn't make a very big registry -- 25 items of things we thought we could upgrade). C'est la vie, though, I guess. Should I now take those items off the registry? Should I be writing her a thank you card in advance since she has told me what she'll be giving us?

ILoveBeachMusic

I'd wait until you receive them to do either. She might change her mind then you would have to redo the registry. You wouldn't write a thank you note for something you haven't received yet.

tigerlily6

ILoveBeachMusic said:

I'd wait until you receive them to do either. She might change her mind then you would have to redo the registry. You wouldn't write a thank you note for something you haven't received yet.

True enough. Not writing the thank you note unless something has actually been received makes sense. But would it be okay to leave items on the registry and then get doubles? It's true she could change her mind, but since she called me to tell me she went and dug these items out of her garage and wrapped them already, it seems pretty likely. I'd feel bad continuing to request items that, if gifted by other guests, we may likely return. 

Ghostie625

I would take them off. If for some reason you don't get them from her then you can always buy them later with any cash gifts you get.

FWIW FI and I were asked by his aunt to remove a lot things off our registry that had been purchased elsewhere from some of his relatives. We haven't received the gifts yet but I went ahead and took them off.

ernursej

I can appreciate the feeling of basically doing a lateral trade on an item you own for a hand-me-down. I think I would hold off on the thank you (always best to personalize ... "Thanks for the Vitamix, we made the most delicious margarita the other night") but I would take the items off your registry. You may be able to re-gift anything that isn't your style and then use money or gift cards to get the items that you really wanted.

I will say that my sister got a "hand-me-down" Vitamix and it turned out to be new, with the original receipt from several years prior! Worked like a hot damn and made the best margaritas!

lnixon8

What are these things? My MIL gave me an older kitchenaid mixer which is awesome but if it's something like towels (no matter how nice) I would still want new.

tigerlily6

lnixon8 said:

What are these things? My MIL gave me an older kitchenaid mixer which is awesome but if it's something like towels (no matter how nice) I would still want new.

Yes, I would love a kichenaid mixer also! The items in question are cups and plates (mismatched) and a set of mixing bowls, which I would still gladly accept; I did choose the ones on our registry partly because I liked the designs a lot, but I don't want to look a gift horse in the mouth. Our last visit she gave us two boxes full of used towels, so I'm hoping we are good to go on those for a while. 

SP29

I think it's up to you regarding the registry. Are these things you would want 2 of? Is what your grandmother is giving you still in great quality? Do you like them?

Just like any gift given, once it has been given to you, you are free to do what you want with it- whether that is keep it, re-gift it or put it in the pile for the second hand store.

Myself, if I was looking for mix-matched dishes I would think "GREAT!", or if it was something of particularly good quality. Otherwise, I might want new. We really used our registry completion discount post wedding to get some GOOD quality products. While I would appreciate anyone giving me something, I wouldn't want my grandma's plastic tupperware mixing bowls from the 80s .

princessleia22

I would say that it depends on whether you still want the registry items or not.  If you still want them, leave them on the registry.  For dishes, I know we spent some time picking out what dishes WE wanted.  We already had a set we had been using, but we wanted a nicer quality set that we picked out together.  If I were in your shoes, I'd probably accept the gift from grandma, but still keep the registry.  Then keep grandma's dishes as a back up set to your registry set. We got an 8-piece set of nice dishes as wedding gifts, but still kept our old walmart set in our cabinet as back up if we ever need them.

STARMOON44

tigerlily6 said:

lnixon8 said:

What are these things? My MIL gave me an older kitchenaid mixer which is awesome but if it's something like towels (no matter how nice) I would still want new.

Yes, I would love a kichenaid mixer also! The items in question are cups and plates (mismatched) and a set of mixing bowls, which I would still gladly accept; I did choose the ones on our registry partly because I liked the designs a lot, but I don't want to look a gift horse in the mouth. Our last visit she gave us two boxes full of used towels, so I'm hoping we are good to go on those for a while. 

I don't think you should take the items off your registry, and I don't think mismatched cups and plates are a particularly good gift, sorry grandma. It's not looking a gift horse in the mouth. Accept her gift, say thank you promptly, and if anyone else decides they want to get you your cups and plates or mixing bowls, accept those to and say thank you. Then either keep grandma's, if you have room, or get rid of them. They sound like stuff she found in the garage, not heirlooms, and it's fine to do what you like with them and fine to hope for matching things. 

kylexo

there is a big difference between something like, a kitchenaid mixer you had on your registry (used) vs mismatched plates. just because you have plates on your registry doesn't mean you want ANY plates, you want the ones you registered for. accept graciously, don't remove from registry and do with them whatever makes sense to you. I agree with @STARMOON44, Grandma's heart is probably in the right place....but nope.