I'm not sure about my BF's modern Brady Bunch life

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,
My boyfriend is funny, kind, and I have never clicked with anyone as I do with him. He’s also living with his ex-wife and her boyfriend. They divorced two years ago but have young children together, so he moved into the garage apartment in the back of the house. Housing prices in our area are insane (it is true—I live with my parents to save costs) and anything he could afford would be more than an hour away. He is devoted to his kids, and his ex and her boyfriend are very nice, but the problem is I keep getting weird vibes from it all. I don’t know if it’s a sixth sense or I’m just being a snob (my boyfriend got married young and comes from a blue-collar background). Can you give me some perspective?

—Live-at-Home-Boyfriend

ShesSoCold

VarunaTT

I think this is one where I need more info.  B/c really, in this day and age, I'm done with judging how people make their families work.  If the ex didn't have a new relationship, I'd be more hesitant.  And if they're doing some sort of poly thing, I don't care, but this new-GF needs to be told and allowed to make her own decision.

And, in another matter, yes she is a snob.  WTF does any of this situation have to do with her boyfriend having married young and coming from a blue collar background?  This smells like someone who thinks she's interested in someone below her "class" and is looking for a way out that doesn't make her sound like a snob.

mrsconn23

VarunaTT said:

And, in another matter, yes she is a snob.  WTF does any of this situation have to do with her boyfriend having married young and coming from a blue collar background?  This smells like someone who thinks she's interested in someone below her "class" and is looking for a way out that doesn't make her sound like a snob.

Yes, and she has zero legs to stand on because she lives at home too.

If you're uncomfortable with a BF that has kids and this set up, I can understand that.  It's not for everyone.  Balancing a relationship with someone who has kids is really fucking hard sometimes, especially when you have none of your own.

But judging him for it is a bitch move. If you can't handle it w/o judging or seeming resentful, it's time to move on. 

AddieCake

I agree since the ex has a relationship, it makes it trickier to just say this is wrong. 

ShesSoCold

I can't quote, but I think what you said, Mrs.Conn is why my first thought was "fuuuuck no".

I don't have kids, I don't like kids, I don't want kids and I don't really want to have much of a relationship with kids. I don't "get kids".

So if I were single, kids would unfortunately be a dealbreaker for me. Just not something I'm interested in getting involved in. So him living with the ex would sort of be the icing on that cake. Plus I'm a pretty suspicious person so I'd be all weird about the living arrangements. For my own sanity and his, that would not be a relationship worth pursuing.