Wedding 911

Destination wedding!

I'm having a destination wedding and I'm wondering how far in advance I should ask my bridesmaid to be in the wedding? 

Re: Destination wedding!

  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    lyndsi28 said:
    I'm having a destination wedding and I'm wondering how far in advance I should ask my bridesmaid to be in the wedding? 
    I think the general rule of no more than 9 to 12 months out still applies.  When you do ask, however, I would include as many details as possible so that they can make an informed decision.  I would also not expect an immediate answer.
    lyndsi28SP29MesmrEwe
  • Please don't make a production of asking them (photography, "proposals", gifts). Your friends will feel bad if they can't afford it/get off work already and don't need to feel pressured.


    lyndsi28
  • When is your DW? I know my son in law (works for Kelloggs) and DH (worked for GM) had to request all of their vacation time every January for the whole year and then it was granted according to seniority. Agree not to do some big production and put her on the spot with a bridesmaid proposal. DWs are expensive and she may not be able to go.
    MesmrEwe
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
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    Ask them 9-12 months in advance.  If you ask too far in advance, relationships can change (sometimes dramatically).  Ditto PP on avoiding a large production. I almost had to tell my BFF I wouldn't be able to afford her destination wedding, and she just asked me.  I can't imagine how hard it would have been to be honest with her had she made a huge production out of it.  Take your girls/guys out to lunch or coffee individually, and ask them.  That's just as meaningful as making a "Bridesmaid Proposal Box," and it takes the pressure off of them to say yes. 


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    charlotte989875
  • MobKaz said:
    lyndsi28 said:
    I'm having a destination wedding and I'm wondering how far in advance I should ask my bridesmaid to be in the wedding? 
    I think the general rule of no more than 9 to 12 months out still applies.  When you do ask, however, I would include as many details as possible so that they can make an informed decision.  I would also not expect an immediate answer.
    This. I had a friend asked to be a bridesmaid, only to find out after she said yes that it was a DW in Hawaii, and she was expected to be there for a full week. 

    There were all kinds of issues with that wedding, but the worst thing for her was finding out in March that she had to save the rest of her PTO that year for a wedding in October. 
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    While I would not ask them to be in the wedding as a WP member until 9 months before hand.  Please spread the word to all your guests that it will be a DW.  That way, people can begin to plan for it ahead of time.  Then when you get to be about 9 months out, ask the WP then.  By that time, they should have a fuller picture about if they will be able to attend your wedding at all, let alone be a WP member.
  • I'll ditto the others that you should ask around 9-12 mo ahead but I'd also do what you can to keep the expectations noted as well.

    That doesn't really mean that you *should* expect a ton, but it could be worth it to start looking into the logistics on your end so the guests are able to budget their time accordingly. 
  • And when you ask them, have a list together of pricing in regards to flight, hotel that they will have to incur in addition to getting a dress & if they should decide to, throwing you a shower/bachelorette party.

    Nothing worse I would think then "Will you be a BM for our wedding" "OMG, I would love to" a few weeks later, "Oh yeah, we're doing a destination wedding and the flight & hotel is going to cost you $xxxx, in addition to your BM dress," "Oh, wish I would have known before I said yes, I can't afford that or get the time off I'll need to travel, now I feel like crap having to step down"

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