Registering and Gifts

How do you give gifts?

JediElizabethJediElizabeth
1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
member
edited April 2016 in Registering and Gifts
I'm having a discussion with my FI about getting a wedding gift for 2 of his college friends who are marrying soon. I want to get them something for them both that they could use in their new home, or just cash, whereas he wants to get something a bit more frivolous for each of them based on their individual fandoms. (Yeah, we're all nerds here.)

Since they're his friends, I'm deferring to him, but I was wondering WWTKD? 

How do you give gifts? 55 votes

Always get a gift (or gifts) for the couple as a whole
85% 47 votes
Getting separate gifts is fine by me!
5% 3 votes
I plan to post a cute animal gif instead of voting
0% 0 votes
Something else?
9% 5 votes

Re: How do you give gifts?

  • edited April 2016
    I voted something else because I think it depends on how well you know the couple and their tastes. My sister and BIL got H and I separate (but sort of for both of us) gifts at the wedding and we LOVED them. But we're all really close and they know both of us and what we're in to individually super well. I don't think it works as well when you only know one person and their tastes and then have to find an individual gift for the other person. We have only ever given gifts to the couple, not individually, and the majority of the time it's cash.

    ETA: fixing words because it's been a long week and I can't type tonight. 
  • I almost always give cash. I'm jewish, and my parents have just given cash at every single wedding ever. They usually decide how much based on closeness to the couple, and whether or not the whole family was invited (vs. just my parents). I mentioned something about my cousins registry and she barely knew what a registry was. Because of this, I was pretty confused by the honeyfund drama. Both because of "doesn't everyone give cash at weddings?" and because "who cares if they ask for cash, I'm giving cash!" lol. If I saw a honeyfund I would assume "couple wants cash, I will write a check". I'm not going to have one because my family and SO's family are both cash givers, and if my friends don't feel comfortable cutting a check for whatever reason I know it's not going to make them feel differently to buy me a fake experience (which is essentially just cutting a check)

    For friend weddings, most people are on tighter budgets and tend to either buy registry items or go off registry. I still stick to cash or some variant of cash (amazon gift card, "date night" gift card to opentable, whatever)
    InLoveInQueens
  • SP29SP29
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    I always give gifts to the couple as a whole. I don't think it is wrong either way, I just figure the wedding is about the merging of two people, thus the gift should be for both of them. I also usually give cash at weddings anyway.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    It's situational for me.  For one friend, I gave her an assortment of items from Restoration Hardware at her shower because I knew that she and her then-FI-now-H had just bought a big Victorian house that they were fixing up and she liked RH.

    But for someone else, I might not buy something for their home, especially if I know that they'd prefer other types of gifts. If I'd just fixed up my home, I might not want to receive that type of gift as a wedding gift because I might already have too much of those kinds of things. 
  • I've never given anything but cash at a wedding, so I voted that I gift the couple as a whole.  That of course is at the wedding itself- when my sister (who is my best friend) got married, I gave her little gifts leading up to her wedding (small Starbucks gift cards, lingerie at her Bachelorette party, a gift certificate to her favorite spa to de-stress while planning). 
  • I voted couple as a whole but also think I give slightly differently than just that.  If I know one person in the couple better, I think my gift generally reflects that person more.  For example, when sis and BIL got married, I specifically picked things off the registry I knew my sister really wanted.  It's not that I wanted to not give BIL something he liked, it's just that I wanted my sister to really love their gift.

    I'm also a physical gift person.  I just can't do cash - I've tried!  It feels so weird to me.   So I always try to find something for the couple based on our relationship and what I know about them.
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    charlotte989875
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    I'm confused. If it's on the registry, does that mean couple as a whole, even if I know he does the baking? Or does that make it a gift for just him?

    I would not buy shoes or a purse, or something like that which I'd buy for their birthday as a wedding gift. While I might buy my baker friend baking supplies for their bday, if it's on the registry I assume they decided together and therefore a gift for the couple.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • Either cash or a gift off the registry. If im departing from the registry, which I have only done once, it's a gift for both of them. Individual gifts to celebrate coming together seems really odd. 
  • I'm confused. If it's on the registry, does that mean couple as a whole, even if I know he does the baking? Or does that make it a gift for just him?

    I would not buy shoes or a purse, or something like that which I'd buy for their birthday as a wedding gift. While I might buy my baker friend baking supplies for their bday, if it's on the registry I assume they decided together and therefore a gift for the couple.
    If he does the baking, she still gets to eat the bread, yes?  So it's a gift for both of them.  But if it's a video game, and she doesn't game, it's a gift for just him.  I'm the one who gardens, but any gardening supplies would be for both of us, since he gets to enjoy the flowers and cucumbers as well.
    OurWildKingdomCaitFins
  • CaitFinsCaitFins
    25 Love Its Second Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper
    member
    edited July 2016
    Particularly if the gift isn't from their registry, I would orient it towards the couple as a whole. It doesn't have to be something for the home, to be used at the same time - I might choose a fun thing from a fandom that they both love, for instance - but IF I'm buying something that I garner is mostly exclusively one person's interest or another, I pair it with some sort of gift that can be enjoyed between them. There might be a biased gift exception with a close relationship, but if so, it would be something they specifically put on their registry. I have plenty of opportunities to get them their own gifts that aren't their wedding day.


    ETA: Whoops - I know the Registering board doesn't get posted on as much, but sorry for the zombie. It is a helpful question though!




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  • bska42bska42
    First Comment
    member
    edited July 2016
    I went with "something else" because I would likely get a main gift for the couple (and have that shipped) and leave a little of what I planned to spend for small fun gifts from each of their fandoms (I'm also a bit of a geek) that I'd wrap and bring to the wedding.
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