When to send thank-you notes?

londinium215

Perhaps a silly, obvious question, but a question nonetheless! 

Our wedding is in just under a month and we've had a few people RSVP no and send a gift with their regrets. In those cases, we've sent off a thank you note right away. 

For people who attend the wedding and give us a gift either at the wedding or that arrives after the wedding (when we have the items off our main registry delivered), we'll send off a thank you note then. 

But what about people who are coming to the wedding and sent a gift in advance? Do we send a thank you note upon receipt as well as after the wedding? Just upon receipt, and not after the wedding? 

We've registered at two stores, and one of them (where we only registered for a few items) sends off items as they're purchased, so we only envision this happening with a few people, but want to make sure we thank them properly. We already got a notification that one item has been purchased and is being shipped to arrive on Monday, so I want to be prepared to handle it correctly, as it came from FH's boss!

bleve0821

Send a thank you note ASAP after any gift is received. It doesn't matter whether you'll see them in a month or not, you simply send a note upon receipt of the gift. If they are kind enough to gift you something else at the wedding, send them another note, then.

It's extremely rude to not acknowledge receipt of gifts in a timely matter. Once, a bride waited til she had her wedding photo prints to send thank yous because she HAD to have the picture of her and her husband holding a stupid sign that said "Thank You" as the front of the card. It was over a year before I got so much as a "Thanks" from her, and I was extremely put off.

charlotte989875

If this happens you can send it right away and write a note about how you can't wait to see them at the wedding (or some variety of that). If they chose to ship to you directly they know you'll probably get it before the wedding. If you wait you run the risk of forgetting to do it when you do all those from the wedding. Also, it lets people know you received the gift, if you wait until after the wedding and honeymoon (if you have one) that might be a few weeks or months so I'd say send it now. 

[Deleted User]

Agree with the above.  The one exception, I think (please correct me if I'm wrong), is that if you receive presents in the days leading up to the wedding then people will generally understand if thank you notes don't get to them right away.  After your wedding (or possibly honeymoon) make it your first priority if that happens.

I was a bridesmaid in a wedding where I never received a thank you card, just a quick one line email.  It felt very impersonal and unappreciative of the time and money I spent to not only attend, but to participate in, their wedding.  Insult to injury there was also a cash bar.

Small gestures of appreciation, like thoughtful and timely cards, make a difference for your guests.  

londinium215

Thanks for the input! Once it arrives, I'll write a thank you note.

I definitely want to make sure all our guests feel appreciated, particularly as some of them are travelling from overseas to attend our wedding. I have the weekend after we get back from our honeymoon (so, four weeks after the wedding) mentally set aside to write thank you notes, and may even be able to write a few in the weeks before we leave, so hopefully everything will be timely. 

FH and I attended a wedding over a year ago and never received a thank you note - I'm still not 100% certain they received our gift as a result, and don't want to risk making anyone feel the same about having sent us something!

ILoveBeachMusic

Just to clarify, you don't send thank you notes for people attending your wedding (not sure if this is what you meant in your post), send them for gifts. Send notes promptly, as PPs have said. As @Spoonsey said, the days leading up to the wedding can be hectic so those can wait until after the wedding. 

londinium215

ILoveBeachMusic said:

Just to clarify, you don't send thank you notes for people attending your wedding (not sure if this is what you meant in your post), send them for gifts. Send notes promptly, as PPs have said. As @Spoonsey said, the days leading up to the wedding can be hectic so those can wait until after the wedding. 

Thanks for clarifying - does that even apply when people had to make a real effort to get to the wedding, flying in from overseas, etc? I'm so grateful that so many friends and family (ok, not a huge amount, but more than I expected!) are making the trip over for our wedding.

(I did mean that we never received a thank you note for a gift we gave to a couple that got married last year, but re-reading my post I can see how it can be read that I was miffed about not getting a thank you note for attending!)

[Deleted User]

Knottie1453305971 said:

ILoveBeachMusic said:

Just to clarify, you don't send thank you notes for people attending your wedding (not sure if this is what you meant in your post), send them for gifts. Send notes promptly, as PPs have said. As @Spoonsey said, the days leading up to the wedding can be hectic so those can wait until after the wedding. 

Thanks for clarifying - does that even apply when people had to make a real effort to get to the wedding, flying in from overseas, etc? I'm so grateful that so many friends and family (ok, not a huge amount, but more than I expected!) are making the trip over for our wedding.

(I did mean that we never received a thank you note for a gift we gave to a couple that got married last year, but re-reading my post I can see how it can be read that I was miffed about not getting a thank you note for attending!)

I would say so, but am also interested in the answer as we have lots of guests from overseas.  The reception itself is how you thank your guests for their attendance.  So if that's hosted properly then I don't think a thank you card is necessary on top of that (unless they give a gift).

We're hosting an OOT welcome drink, and my parents are hosting a family dinner as an extra thanks for those who made the overseas trip.

[Deleted User]

A gift arrives at your doorstep.  You open it, make sure nothing is broken, that everything on the packing slip is on the box.  Send a Thank You note.  Pack the gift back up and put it in a corner of your house.  Don't use it until after the wedding.

You get married.  People from far and wide come to witness the wedding.  You thank them profusely at the reception.  You don't send a note later.

You take wedding gifts and cards with checks home.  You open them and send a thank you note right away (or as close to 'right away' as possible.)  You open ALL your gifts that have been sitting in a corner of your home since before your shower and put everything away!!!  You throw away all your junky stuff.  You invite a friend over to have wine in your fancy new wine glasses.

ILoveBeachMusic

Spoonsey said:

Knottie1453305971 said:

ILoveBeachMusic said:

Just to clarify, you don't send thank you notes for people attending your wedding (not sure if this is what you meant in your post), send them for gifts. Send notes promptly, as PPs have said. As @Spoonsey said, the days leading up to the wedding can be hectic so those can wait until after the wedding. 

Thanks for clarifying - does that even apply when people had to make a real effort to get to the wedding, flying in from overseas, etc? I'm so grateful that so many friends and family (ok, not a huge amount, but more than I expected!) are making the trip over for our wedding.

(I did mean that we never received a thank you note for a gift we gave to a couple that got married last year, but re-reading my post I can see how it can be read that I was miffed about not getting a thank you note for attending!)

I would say so, but am also interested in the answer as we have lots of guests from overseas.  The reception itself is how you thank your guests for their attendance.  So if that's hosted properly then I don't think a thank you card is necessary on top of that (unless they give a gift).

We're hosting an OOT welcome drink, and my parents are hosting a family dinner as an extra thanks for those who made the overseas trip.

Correct, the reception is a thank you to your guest. A thank you note to someone who didn't give you a gift may come across as gift grabby i.e. that you were expecting them to bring you a gift to the wedding.

crowsgirl15

Knottie1453305971 said:

Thanks for the input! Once it arrives, I'll write a thank you note.

I definitely want to make sure all our guests feel appreciated, particularly as some of them are travelling from overseas to attend our wedding. I have the weekend after we get back from our honeymoon (so, four weeks after the wedding) mentally set aside to write thank you notes, and may even be able to write a few in the weeks before we leave, so hopefully everything will be timely. 

FH and I attended a wedding over a year ago and never received a thank you note - I'm still not 100% certain they received our gift as a result, and don't want to risk making anyone feel the same about having sent us something!

Your reception is the thank you to your guests, and they'll know they are appreciated Thank you cards should be reserved to thank people for their gifts.

londinium215

Thanks for the clarification, all! I'll make sure to send thank you notes for all gifts received before the wedding when they arrive regardless of who's coming to the wedding. 

SP29

Change your username OP to something more unique so we'll recognize you and stick around!

londinium215

SP29 said:

Change your username OP to something more unique so we'll recognize you and stick around!

I think I'm a little worse at technology than I thought.... I tried figuring out how to do that earlier today and couldn't sort it out!

[Deleted User]

Knottie1453305971 said:

SP29 said:

Change your username OP to something more unique so we'll recognize you and stick around!

I think I'm a little worse at technology than I thought.... I tried figuring out how to do that earlier today and couldn't sort it out!

@KnotRiley can help.

madamerwin

Knottie1453305971 said:

SP29 said:

Change your username OP to something more unique so we'll recognize you and stick around!

I think I'm a little worse at technology than I thought.... I tried figuring out how to do that earlier today and couldn't sort it out!

It's totally not intuitive - you have to go to this page: https://www.theknot.com/account/settings/profile (which does not seem possible to get to from anywhere on the site, without a direct link...)

kahluakoala

Also - you have to log out and then back on before it "sets"

londinium215

Thank you! Will get on this right now