Ceremony-Reception Time Gaps

CrazyCatLady11571210

So I have been reading a bunch of negative posts about time gaps being so rude to guests, and I think its a really big inconvenience but sometimes it has to happen. In my situation, the catholic church I am getting married in will only allow a 2pm ceremony. My cocktail hour starts at 6pm. I know a lot of people are going to tell me I should have started my cocktail hour earlier, but I wanted an evening reception. Also wanted enough time for pictures to be taken in between because I am old fashioned and not doing a first look. No one lives in the area so all my guests will be out of town guests. The hotel where everyone is staying is right next to the church, where they can go back to and freshen up (or check into for those who are arriving that day). I am going to let everyone know to attend the church casual since there is a time gap, but I need some ideas of what I can provide in the welcome bags to kill the time in between. I was thinking some playing cards or something fun like that... Any suggestions??  

geebee908

dwitteck said:

So I have been reading a bunch of negative posts about time gaps being so rude to guests, and I think its a really big inconvenience but sometimes it has to happen. In my situation, the catholic church I am getting married in will only allow a 2pm ceremony. My cocktail hour starts at 6pm. I know a lot of people are going to tell me I should have started my cocktail hour earlier, but I wanted an evening reception. Also wanted enough time for pictures to be taken in between because I am old fashioned and not doing a first look. No one lives in the area so all my guests will be out of town guests. The hotel where everyone is staying is right next to the church, where they can go back to and freshen up (or check into for those who are arriving that day). I am going to let everyone know to attend the church casual since there is a time gap, but I need some ideas of what I can provide in the welcome bags to kill the time in between. I was thinking some playing cards or something fun like that... Any suggestions??  

LFV?

floridabride44

dwitteck said:

So I have been reading a bunch of negative posts about time gaps being so rude to guests, and I think its a really big inconvenience but sometimes it has to happen. In my situation, the catholic church I am getting married in will only allow a 2pm ceremony. My cocktail hour starts at 6pm. I know a lot of people are going to tell me I should have started my cocktail hour earlier, but I wanted an evening reception. Also wanted enough time for pictures to be taken in between because I am old fashioned and not doing a first look. No one lives in the area so all my guests will be out of town guests. The hotel where everyone is staying is right next to the church, where they can go back to and freshen up (or check into for those who are arriving that day). I am going to let everyone know to attend the church casual since there is a time gap, but I need some ideas of what I can provide in the welcome bags to kill the time in between. I was thinking some playing cards or something fun like that... Any suggestions??  

It doesn't have to happen. It's a choice. You're choosing to have a gap because of your selfish desire to have an evening reception. Your situation is not special. Plenty of brides have had Catholic ceremonies and then receptions that start immediately afterwards.

You won't get many (if any) ideas on what you can put in your welcome bags to help entertain during your gap, because as you're already aware, gaps are rude. Most people here on TK don't encourage or enable rude behavior. 

OurWildKingdom

1. Are you having a full Mass?
2. Are all your guests staying at the hotel? What's available for your guests who are not at the hotel to do until cocktail hour starts? (And no, playing cards in the welcome bags will not cut it.)
3. Why does it take 2 1/2-3 hours to take pictures? (I grew up Catholic, so I know a full Mass runs around 1-1 1/2 hours, unless your priest gives a long homily.) 
4. Can you book a hospitality suite in the hotel and provide water, coffee or tea, and some light snacks? If you must have a gap, this may be a better option.

SP29

Sorry, this post is not going to go over well for you.

Gaps are always an option.

If having a Catholic ceremony is important to you (which it should be if you are following your faith), then you plan your reception to fit around that. Being an adult means you get to make your own choices, but it also means you accept the consequences of your choices- good and bad.

Even a 6pm cocktail hour is quite late. From what I understand, most catholic ceremonies take about an hour, so 2-3pm. You could do a receiving line out of the church, in which you could give yourself half an hour. Time to commute to the reception venue. Start your cocktail hour at 4pm. Dinner at 5pm. Tada! Evening reception with no gap.

We also did not do a first look, and an hour to take photos during cocktail hour is more than plenty. If you have a large WP or family, you can take a lot of those separate photos (Bride+bridesmaids, bride+parents, groom+groomsmen, etc) before the ceremony.

As for trying to make yourself feel better about having a gap- I really don't get the whole "freshen up" excuse. What is there to freshen up for? I wear the same attire to the ceremony as the reception- there is nothing to change. Are your guests going to be sweating sitting in the pews? Otherwise, no need to shower. And even without a gap, there is nothing stopping your guests from going back to their hotel room if they need to or visiting a bathroom to fix their hair/make up during the cocktail hour. Guests shouldn't need to "kill time" during your wedding.

Since your guests are from OOT, it would not be inappropriate to provide them with general information on things to do in the city. We did this on our wedding website, as we had a few friends coming in from OOT who are travel people and were staying more than two days. We provided information on some local restaurants and sight-seeing attractions that we liked in the area. We provided links for our hotel blocks as well as car rental companies and transit options.

Welcome bags are considerate, but never required. No, I wouldn't really want a deck of cards- I already have a few that sit under my coffee table at home. If I wanted to play cards, I'd bring my own deck. Usually welcome bags provide information about the city, have things like snacks and water. On one episode of Rich Bride, Poor Bride, the couple was getting married at a resort in winter, so in their Welcome baskets, they had hats and scarves. I am sure that cost a fair amount of money, but it went with the theme. Likewise, if the wedding is somewhere hot and sunny, I've seen items like sunblock.

Personally, I'd probably end up back in my hotel room watching TV. Maybe a coffee shop or bar, or a walk around the area if it is nice. Definitely looking for a snack, since I'd be getting hungry around 4-5pm. I wouldn't be happy about any of the above though.

I've been to three weddings with gaps. The first was local, so we went home in between. I was pretty young and didn't get that gaps were a bad idea, but I was still wondering, "so what do we do now??"- it left me feeling weird. So I watched TV in my nice dress, because what else was I supposed to do? The second wedding, checked into the hotel as the ceremony was before the 3pm check in time, but still, ended up not doing much until it was time for the reception. The third, the reception site was technically open but not hosted. Small town, no where to go really. So DH and I pretty much walked around the venue space or sat and chatted among ourselves- pretty boring.

[Deleted User]

So I have been reading a bunch of negative posts about robbing gas stations being so rude to gas station employees, and I think its a really big inconvenience but sometimes it has to happen. In my situation, I really need money and the gas station nearby is the only local place with a lot of cash on hand. I know a lot of people are going to tell me I shouldn't rob a gas station, but I want to buy myself beautiful things. I am going to let everyone know to not go to that gas station since I'm going to rob it, but I need some ideas of what I can provide to folks who won't get their fix of lottery tickets and Hostess snacks. I was thinking some playing cards or something fun like that... Any suggestions??  

Had to take the long way around to show that we don't validate bad ideas.  You always have a choice.  Just say no to the gap.

monkeysip

adk19 said:

So I have been reading a bunch of negative posts about robbing gas stations being so rude to gas station employees, and I think its a really big inconvenience but sometimes it has to happen. In my situation, I really need money and the gas station nearby is the only local place with a lot of cash on hand. I know a lot of people are going to tell me I shouldn't rob a gas station, but I want to buy myself beautiful things. I am going to let everyone know to not go to that gas station since I'm going to rob it, but I need some ideas of what I can provide to folks who won't get their fix of lottery tickets and Hostess snacks. I was thinking some playing cards or something fun like that... Any suggestions??  

A poem.  I believe what you need is a really cute "Sorry I have to rob your gas station" poem.  Poems fix everything!

artbyallie

Start your cocktail hour at three. Serve dinner starting at 4:30. Reception ends ~9pm. Ta-da, evening reception! What is so hard about this?

charlotte989875

dwitteck said:

So I have been reading a bunch of negative posts about time gaps being so rude to guests, and I think its a really big inconvenience but sometimes it has to happen. In my situation, the catholic church I am getting married in will only allow a 2pm ceremony. My cocktail hour starts at 6pm. I know a lot of people are going to tell me I should have started my cocktail hour earlier, but I wanted an evening reception. Also wanted enough time for pictures to be taken in between because I am old fashioned and not doing a first look. No one lives in the area so all my guests will be out of town guests. The hotel where everyone is staying is right next to the church, where they can go back to and freshen up (or check into for those who are arriving that day). I am going to let everyone know to attend the church casual since there is a time gap, but I need some ideas of what I can provide in the welcome bags to kill the time in between. I was thinking some playing cards or something fun like that... Any suggestions??  

You know what you're doing is an inconvenience to your guests, you know what you should do, but instead you're choosing what you want to do. Yah, you're not going to get suggestions here other than to eliminate the gap. 

I suggest you reread what you wrote. Then read it to one of your guests. If you can't actually do that it should make you rethink your plans. 

banana468

dwitteck said:

So I have been reading a bunch of negative posts about time gaps being so rude to guests, and I think its a really big inconvenience but sometimes it has to happen. In my situation, the catholic church I am getting married in will only allow a 2pm ceremony. My cocktail hour starts at 6pm. I know a lot of people are going to tell me I should have started my cocktail hour earlier, but I wanted an evening reception. Also wanted enough time for pictures to be taken in between because I am old fashioned and not doing a first look. No one lives in the area so all my guests will be out of town guests. The hotel where everyone is staying is right next to the church, where they can go back to and freshen up (or check into for those who are arriving that day). I am going to let everyone know to attend the church casual since there is a time gap, but I need some ideas of what I can provide in the welcome bags to kill the time in between. I was thinking some playing cards or something fun like that... Any suggestions??  

Your situation isn't really that unique.

Can you start your cocktail hour at 4?   Have a full mass which is an hour and have a receiving line which is another few minutes.  Then if your guests need to drive to the reception it's a bit of time but not a big deal.   HOURS is a big deal.

Telling them to dress casually to the reception also minimizes what you're doing.   YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED!!    This is not a casual thing and to turn the main reason for the reception into something that gets "less serious" attire makes no sense IMO.

Secondarily, you can do pictures between the wedding and reception by doing them during the cocktail hour.

That your guests are all checking into the hotel means that they probably did this before the ceremony and leaving them all dressed up with nowhere to go isn't really nice for them. 

If you're stuck with your reception at 6 then I recommend you host something for your guests during the gap you created.   Remember, they're your guests from the time the ceremony starts until the reception ends.   Leaving them all dressed up with nowhere to go because you have a gap isn't nice to them. 

flantastic

Banana and Monkeysip above are some of the Catholic brides who managed not to have a gap, as am I.

I wanted an evening reception, my parents wanted an evening reception, and the church where I grew up and we were all very involved didn't allow weddings to begin after 2. We followed a similar timeline to those posted above. It's not that hard. Don't be rude to everyone and create a gap when you really don't have to.

CrazyCatLady11571210

I was not asking about advice for my gap situation was I asking for suggestions for things to do in between. This was intended to be a discussion and seems like all of you are being the rude ones. I have talked to several family members and friends about this before I even booked both and no one found it that big of a deal. They are their because they love us and want to be their reguardless of the circumstance. I know I am an adult and I have a choice, and I made my choice. I wanted a stangers opinion about that I would have asked it. Honestly some of you have too much time on your hands. If I knew this was going to be the out come of asking for suggestions on what to put in my welcome bag, then I would have never started this discussion. Thanks for the unhelpful advice from the above negative responders... I'll still take some suggestions on things to put in my welcome bags for my guests if anyone has that. If you dont, then you really should keep your thoughts to yourself. 

ShesSoCold

"I was not asking about advice for my gap situation was I asking for suggestions for things to do in between. This was intended to be a discussion and seems like all of you are being the rude ones. I have talked to several family members and friends about this before I even booked both and no one found it that big of a deal. They are their because they love us and want to be their reguardless of the circumstances ... I know I am an adult and I have a choice and I have made my choice. I would never in a million year think by asking for an simple suggestion t "

I can't quote so I copied and pasted.

I will never ever understand the "they love us" argument. Do you not love them back? Why do you think the fact that someone loves you is a good reason to treat them poorly? Wouldn't you want to be respectful and courteous to the people you love?

madamerwin

dwitteck said:

I was not asking about advice for my gap situation was I asking for suggestions for things to do in between. This was intended to be a discussion and seems like all of you are being the rude ones. I have talked to several family members and friends about this before I even booked both and no one found it that big of a deal. They are their because they love us and want to be their reguardless of the circumstances ... I know I am an adult and I have a choice and I have made my choice. I would never in a million year think by asking for an simple suggestion t

What's the point of your post? You claim that you have read through other posts on here and know what the general consensus is (gaps are rude, 100% avoidable, and shitty for guests). Do you expect people to just say "Oh, your situation is different. Here is a list of things for your guest to do!"

a) Your situation is not different at all. Most people who say they "can't avoid" a gap because of the Catholic mass really means they "don't want to avoid" the gap. 

b) The bolded above - First of all, your friends and family will tell you it is not a big deal because they don't want to ruffle feathers, especially if you have already insisted that it must be done how you envisioned it. Second, yes, your family will be there regardless because they love you, but that does not mean they like it or think it's a good idea.

No one here is going to give you advice on what to do during a gap, because you should not be having a gap. This is an etiquette forum, so we will not give advice that supports someone being rude to their guests. It's like someone going on a gun forum to ask whether they should shoot their neighbor's dog with a 9mm pistol or a .37 Magnum. Pretty sure other users would tell them not to shoot the dog in the first place.

OurWildKingdom

ShesSoCold said:

I will never ever understand the "they love us" argument. Do you not love them back? Why do you think the fact that someone loves you is a good reason to treat them poorly? Wouldn't you want to be respectful and courteous to the people you love?

QFT. If anything, you should treat the people you love much better than they treat you. The Golden Rule may be, "Treat people the way you want to be treated," but the Platinum Rule is, "Treat people the way *they* want to be treated."

My gap story: At one cousin's second wedding, there was a two-hour gap. The reception was a 10-minute drive from the ceremony, so there was no reason for it. My brother was in the wedding party waiting to take pictures, and my SIL was waiting for him. It was summer and the air-conditioning hadn't kicked in yet, so we were all uncomfortable (also, the church wasn't air-conditioned) and the bar hadn't opened yet, not even for non-alcoholic beverages. My SIL said something rude, my BF at the time (now xBF - took me a year more to make him an ex, though) took issue, and my brother heard the whole interaction and nearly took a swing at said BF because my brother felt compelled to defend his wife. It ended up being a very painful two hours. 

I suspect my cousin really didn't know any better and was just going along with his bride (now-xW), but you know better and are doing it anyway.

photokitty

dwitteck said:

I was not asking about advice for my gap situation was I asking for suggestions for things to do in between. This was intended to be a discussion and seems like all of you are being the rude ones. I have talked to several family members and friends about this before I even booked both and no one found it that big of a deal. They are their because they love us and want to be their reguardless of the circumstances ... I know I am an adult and I have a choice and I have made my choice. I would never in a million year think by asking for an simple suggestion t

So your friends and family are polite and won't tell you to your face it's rude as fuck. Even I have a hard time telling someone what they are set on doing, especially when they KNOW it's inconvenient as you do, that it's rude. It's no big surprises your friends and family feel obligated to validate your rude decision. I'm Catholic, I can name all the gap weddings I was forced to entertain myself and FYI, it never includes freshening up. More often it includes arriving tipsy to drunk at the reception.

flantastic

dwitteck said:

I was not asking about advice for my gap situation was I asking for suggestions for things to do in between. This was intended to be a discussion and seems like all of you are being the rude ones. I have talked to several family members and friends about this before I even booked both and no one found it that big of a deal. They are their because they love us and want to be their reguardless of the circumstance. I know I am an adult and I have a choice, and I made my choice. I wanted a stangers opinion about that I would have asked it. Honestly some of you have too much time on your hands. If I knew this was going to be the out come of asking for suggestions on what to put in my welcome bag, then I would have never started this discussion. Thanks for the unhelpful advice from the above negative responders... I'll still take some suggestions on things to put in my welcome bags for my guests if anyone has that. If you dont, then you really should keep your thoughts to yourself. 

You can't control how people respond to you. I am with others who want to know why it has to be the case that your family and friends have to put up with annoying dead time because they love you, instead of you looking for ways to eliminate the annoying dead time because you love them.

You've stated you want an evening reception, and you have a church booked for 2 PM. People very helpfully gave you ideas on how to make those two things work. They're thinking outside the box, while you apparently refuse to.

crowsgirl15

dwitteck said:

I was not asking about advice for my gap situation was I asking for suggestions for things to do in between. This was intended to be a discussion and seems like all of you are being the rude ones. I have talked to several family members and friends about this before I even booked both and no one found it that big of a deal. They are their because they love us and want to be their reguardless of the circumstance. I know I am an adult and I have a choice, and I made my choice. I wanted a stangers opinion about that I would have asked it. Honestly some of you have too much time on your hands. If I knew this was going to be the out come of asking for suggestions on what to put in my welcome bag, then I would have never started this discussion. Thanks for the unhelpful advice from the above negative responders... I'll still take some suggestions on things to put in my welcome bags for my guests if anyone has that. If you dont, then you really should keep your thoughts to yourself. 

So you're officially ranking where you stand in all of your relationships: they love you more than you love them. Your completely avoidable wants are more important than their comfort and convenience. 

A reception exists to thank your guests. It isn't supposed to inconvenience them because you have a "vision". Save your visions for the ceremony, and properly host your guests at the reception.

There's only one thing you can put in a welcome bag to make guests feel better about a gap: information that the reception will start directly following the ceremony, and not three hours later.

glasgowtolondon

"Honestly some of you have too much time on your hands"

Says someone posting on TK to other people posting on TK. Okay, sure.

Unfortunately your guests will be the ones with nothing but time on their hands between 3 and 6 on your wedding day, maybe they'll be kind enough to come on here to tell us all about it.

floridabride44

dwitteck said:

I was not asking about advice for my gap situation was I asking for suggestions for things to do in between. This was intended to be a discussion and seems like all of you are being the rude ones. I have talked to several family members and friends about this before I even booked both and no one found it that big of a deal. They are their because they love us and want to be their reguardless of the circumstance. I know I am an adult and I have a choice, and I made my choice. I wanted a stangers opinion about that I would have asked it. Honestly some of you have too much time on your hands. If I knew this was going to be the out come of asking for suggestions on what to put in my welcome bag, then I would have never started this discussion. Thanks for the unhelpful advice from the above negative responders... I'll still take some suggestions on things to put in my welcome bags for my guests if anyone has that. If you dont, then you really should keep your thoughts to yourself. 

Friends and family will not tell you that you're doing something rude because they don't want to hurt your feelings. Just because they won't say it to your face doesn't mean they're not thinking it. (Guarantee you they're side-eying your plans for a gap)  Internet strangers have no reason to protect your feelings... therefore we have no reason not to tell the truth and give honest, blunt advice. I strongly advice you listen to the internet strangers - your guests will thank you for it. 

ILoveBeachMusic

artbyallie said:

Start your cocktail hour at three. Serve dinner starting at 4:30. Reception ends ~9pm. Ta-da, evening reception! What is so hard about this?

Her ceremony won't be over until after three. Depending on how far away the reception venue is, I wouldn't start the cocktail hour until 3:30 at the earliest or 4:00 as @SP29 suggested.  

geebee908

If you move your timeline up (I'm assuming the venue you've booked can accommodate a timeline change), then you still get an (earlier) evening reception, and people will find it easier to entertain themselves afterwards if they still want to party than in the gap your current timeline creates.

ernursej

I'm headed to a wedding this week where there are two gaps and a tiered reception. I'm friends with the bride and groom through my FI so don't really think it is my place to tell her that what she is doing is rude. She asked if we had figured out something to do between the first reception and second reception and I told her that I wasn't exactly sure but that we would figure something out. Friends and family are most often going to agree with a loved one to preserve feelings. It is not worth me calling someone out on a gap when I value their friendship more than what has irritated me.

When you post on the internet, you have no control over what gets written. Does it suck sometimes, yes. If you can't handle the comments, then forum posting is best avoided.

jacques27

dwitteck said:

I was not asking about advice for my gap situation was I asking for suggestions for things to do in between. This was intended to be a discussion and seems like all of you are being the rude ones. I have talked to several family members and friends about this before I even booked both and no one found it that big of a deal. They are their because they love us and want to be their reguardless of the circumstance. I know I am an adult and I have a choice, and I made my choice. I wanted a stangers opinion about that I would have asked it. Honestly some of you have too much time on your hands. If I knew this was going to be the out come of asking for suggestions on what to put in my welcome bag, then I would have never started this discussion. Thanks for the unhelpful advice from the above negative responders... I'll still take some suggestions on things to put in my welcome bags for my guests if anyone has that. If you dont, then you really should keep your thoughts to yourself. 

Well, of course they love you, which is why they will also have a very difficult time telling you to your face that what you are doing is selfish and a big inconvenience for people.  People who love you generally don't like disappointing you.

However, because YOU love THEM (allegedly), you should WANT to treat them better, host them properly, and not inconvenience them. 

And stop acting like this HAD to happen.  This isn't some passive thing that just happened to you.  You made a choice.  You put your desire for an evening reception ahead of your loved ones.  Just own it instead of playing a victim to it.  And what are you doing in that church that someone needs to "freshen up" after sitting and watching a ceremony for an hour?  Unless this is where that old saying "sweating like a whore in church" comes from?

You guests should be fully hosted for the entire time.  You don't have to be there, but they have to be provided for.  So rent a space, buy some snacks and drinks and start your cocktail hour earlier.  You can use the welcome bag budget to fund it and make sure your guests are hosted properly the entire time.  There's nothing you can put in welcome bags that will suddenly make you not a bad host.

kimmiinthemitten

dwitteck said:

I was not asking about advice for my gap situation was I asking for suggestions for things to do in between. This was intended to be a discussion and seems like all of you are being the rude ones. I have talked to several family members and friends about this before I even booked both and no one found it that big of a deal. They are their because they love us and want to be their reguardless of the circumstance. I know I am an adult and I have a choice, and I made my choice. I wanted a stangers opinion about that I would have asked it. Honestly some of you have too much time on your hands. If I knew this was going to be the out come of asking for suggestions on what to put in my welcome bag, then I would have never started this discussion. Thanks for the unhelpful advice from the above negative responders... I'll still take some suggestions on things to put in my welcome bags for my guests if anyone has that. If you dont, then you really should keep your thoughts to yourself. 

Titos or Jameson fifths, because that's what I'm doing with a 3 hour gap. 

MairePoppy

I grew up in a Catholic family. None of us had gaps, except for one cousin who was a Special Snowflake. Her Mommy and Daddy told her that if her aunts and uncles really cared about her, they would tolerate the gap so SS could have her candle lit  reception. Mommy and Daddy were wrong.

Placing doo dads in a gift bag doesn't make up for poor hosting. If you have a gap, you must host something for your guests. Either open a tab at the hotel bar for your guests or ask if there's space at the hotel where you can provide coffee/soda/snacks.

Jen4948

dwitteck said:

I was not asking about advice for my gap situation was I asking for suggestions for things to do in between. This was intended to be a discussion and seems like all of you are being the rude ones. I have talked to several family members and friends about this before I even booked both and no one found it that big of a deal. They are their because they love us and want to be their reguardless of the circumstance. I know I am an adult and I have a choice, and I made my choice. I wanted a stangers opinion about that I would have asked it. Honestly some of you have too much time on your hands. If I knew this was going to be the out come of asking for suggestions on what to put in my welcome bag, then I would have never started this discussion. Thanks for the unhelpful advice from the above negative responders... I'll still take some suggestions on things to put in my welcome bags for my guests if anyone has that. If you dont, then you really should keep your thoughts to yourself. 

Whenever I see a "I didn't ask for your advice/opinion" post, I think "deja vu."

First of all, the act of posting here is in and of itself a request for our advice and opinions about whatever you post. If you don't want our advice or opinions, then don't post. But you have no right to try to control how others respond to you.

Second, you're not going to get advice that validates an idea that is bad, rude, or both. 

Gaps are both. They're rude and bad ideas because they leave your guests unhosted between the ceremony and reception. Nobody wants to play cards or do whatever with the contents of gift bags while waiting for you to finish taking photos, but everyone wants something to eat and drink, and they're not going to wait for several hours after the ceremony to get it. They'll leave and not come back, because regardless of how much you think they love you, they don't love you so much that they'll stand around waiting for you.

And sorry, but you were never required to have an evening reception. You could have chosen to have your reception start as soon as your ceremony ended. And that's the choice you should have made when you chose to have a Catholic ceremony that would end in the afternoon. The Catholic Church isn't responsible for your choice of what time to start the reception; you and your FI bear sole responsibility for that.

artbyallie

ILoveBeachMusic said:

artbyallie said:

Start your cocktail hour at three. Serve dinner starting at 4:30. Reception ends ~9pm. Ta-da, evening reception! What is so hard about this?

Her ceremony won't be over until after three. Depending on how far away the reception venue is, I wouldn't start the cocktail hour until 3:30 at the earliest or 4:00 as @SP29 suggested.  

The reception needs to begin as soon as guests could possibly begin arriving. If it is walking distance, 3 is appropriate. There should not be an hour of travel between the church and the venue. IMO 3:30 is the latest it should start, unless the ceremony will be longer than one hour itself.

OurWildKingdom

artbyallie said:

ILoveBeachMusic said:

artbyallie said:

Start your cocktail hour at three. Serve dinner starting at 4:30. Reception ends ~9pm. Ta-da, evening reception! What is so hard about this?

Her ceremony won't be over until after three. Depending on how far away the reception venue is, I wouldn't start the cocktail hour until 3:30 at the earliest or 4:00 as @SP29 suggested.  

The reception needs to begin as soon as guests could possibly begin arriving. If it is walking distance, 3 is appropriate. There should not be an hour of travel between the church and the venue. IMO 3:30 is the latest it should start, unless the ceremony will be longer than one hour itself.

OP did say the hotel is right next to the church; is that where the reception is going to be?

OurWildKingdom

jacques27 said:

dwitteck said:

I was not asking about advice for my gap situation was I asking for suggestions for things to do in between. This was intended to be a discussion and seems like all of you are being the rude ones. I have talked to several family members and friends about this before I even booked both and no one found it that big of a deal. They are their because they love us and want to be their reguardless of the circumstance. I know I am an adult and I have a choice, and I made my choice. I wanted a stangers opinion about that I would have asked it. Honestly some of you have too much time on your hands. If I knew this was going to be the out come of asking for suggestions on what to put in my welcome bag, then I would have never started this discussion. Thanks for the unhelpful advice from the above negative responders... I'll still take some suggestions on things to put in my welcome bags for my guests if anyone has that. If you dont, then you really should keep your thoughts to yourself. 

Well, of course they love you, which is why they will also have a very difficult time telling you to your face that what you are doing is selfish and a big inconvenience for people.  People who love you generally don't like disappointing you.

However, because YOU love THEM (allegedly), you should WANT to treat them better, host them properly, and not inconvenience them. 

And stop acting like this HAD to happen.  This isn't some passive thing that just happened to you.  You made a choice.  You put your desire for an evening reception ahead of your loved ones.  Just own it instead of playing a victim to it.  And what are you doing in that church that someone needs to "freshen up" after sitting and watching a ceremony for an hour?  Unless this is where that old saying "sweating like a whore in church" comes from?

You guests should be fully hosted for the entire time.  You don't have to be there, but they have to be provided for.  So rent a space, buy some snacks and drinks and start your cocktail hour earlier.  You can use the welcome bag budget to fund it and make sure your guests are hosted properly the entire time.  There's nothing you can put in welcome bags that will suddenly make you not a bad host.

@jacques27, unless it's summer and the church isn't air-conditioned, I won't be sweating that much - and I'm a bisexual atheist! 

Seriously, OP, please reconsider the gap, or at least host your guests properly during that time.

CMGragain

You plan the ceremony first.
After the ceremony is planned, then you plan the reception to coincide.
You didn't do that, did you?
Your guests' convenience always comes first.  There is no way to fix your gap issue except to move the time of the reception to a time that is more convenient for your guests.