Wedding Reception Forum

Murder Mystery Dinner Party - help me with logistics!

It's the second time around and my partner and I don't the stress and pressure of a traditional wedding. We just want to have a fun party and be married at the end of the day. 

I came upon a murder mystery party, "Til Death Do We Part," with a wedding theme. The game is set at a wedding reception. We'd be the bride and groom, and at the beginning of the party surprise everyone with an actual wedding.

People have to RSVP and get their characters in advance, so we could have an idea of who was coming and nudge those who don't RSVP in a way we couldn't for a regular party. Our guest list is almost all local, and very much gaming people; we'd let the very few out of towners in on the secret so they'd come.  The officiant and photographer will be in on it, too. My mom's the worst about "you have to include your second cousin twice removed who you met once when you were four!" so I won't tell her; my dad has passed. My partner's family is good about surprises and generally good sports, so I think they'll find it really fun.

The game has a mobster/Italian family theme and we're using the banquet hall at The Old Spaghetti Factory, which is already decorated to the theme and super affordable (about $15 per person!) 

What are the things I should keep in mind when planning? Any invitation wording advice? What am I overlooking? 

Re: Murder Mystery Dinner Party - help me with logistics!

  • Cute idea -- do you think your crowd will enjoy it?
  • I think this is a know your crowd sort of thing. I would want full disclosure that this was happening at your wedding and the option to just sit back and enjoy the party instead of participating in the game. Would that be an option for your guests or would they have to participate?
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited May 2016
    It's the second time around and my partner and I don't the stress and pressure of a traditional wedding. We just want to have a fun party and be married at the end of the day. 

    I came upon a murder mystery party, "Til Death Do We Part," with a wedding theme. The game is set at a wedding reception. We'd be the bride and groom, and at the beginning of the party surprise everyone with an actual wedding.

    People have to RSVP and get their characters in advance, so we could have an idea of who was coming and nudge those who don't RSVP in a way we couldn't for a regular party. Our guest list is almost all local, and very much gaming people; we'd let the very few out of towners in on the secret so they'd come.  The officiant and photographer will be in on it, too. My mom's the worst about "you have to include your second cousin twice removed who you met once when you were four!" so I won't tell her; my dad has passed. My partner's family is good about surprises and generally good sports, so I think they'll find it really fun.

    The game has a mobster/Italian family theme and we're using the banquet hall at The Old Spaghetti Factory, which is already decorated to the theme and super affordable (about $15 per person!) 
    What are the things I should keep in mind when planning? Any invitation wording advice? What am I overlooking? 
    You are overlooking how this might upset widows, or anyone else who has recently lost a loved one.  "Til Death Do We Part"?  Please don't!
    Terrible idea!  Awful!  Don't do it!
    My daughter and son-in-law are fond of cos-play and fantasy games, but when it came to their wedding, they put a few board games in the corners of the room for people who were interested.  Everyone else was left alone to dance or socialize as they pleased.
    The theme is also potentially offensive to families with Italian origins.

    This party idea would be fine for a select few whom you know would enjoy it, but do it at another time, please!  Not at your wedding!
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited May 2016
    It's the second time around and my partner and I don't the stress and pressure of a traditional wedding. We just want to have a fun party and be married at the end of the day. 

    I came upon a murder mystery party, "Til Death Do We Part," with a wedding theme. The game is set at a wedding reception. We'd be the bride and groom, and at the beginning of the party surprise everyone with an actual wedding.

    People have to RSVP and get their characters in advance, so we could have an idea of who was coming and nudge those who don't RSVP in a way we couldn't for a regular party. Our guest list is almost all local, and very much gaming people; we'd let the very few out of towners in on the secret so they'd come.  The officiant and photographer will be in on it, too. My mom's the worst about "you have to include your second cousin twice removed who you met once when you were four!" so I won't tell her; my dad has passed. My partner's family is good about surprises and generally good sports, so I think they'll find it really fun.

    The game has a mobster/Italian family theme and we're using the banquet hall at The Old Spaghetti Factory, which is already decorated to the theme and super affordable (about $15 per person!) 

    What are the things I should keep in mind when planning? Any invitation wording advice? What am I overlooking? 
    I wouldn't do the "Italian family" theme, but as long as you make clear that the murder mystery activity is optional, I agree with the PPs who indicate that it's a know-your-crowd thing. Even if your crowd is into it, keep participation optional.

    Edited to add: Also if you do this, do not "surprise" the guests with your wedding.  Be open about what you are inviting them to. There are people who would decline a murder mystery event but would be very hurt to miss a wedding - even a small, "unfussy" one.
  • justsiejustsie member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Just wanted to add; we do game nights with our friends every other month or so people get invited in advance and RSVP so there's a general head count. It's not something people usually rearrange work schedules or major events for because they assume they'll catch the next one. They would if it was a wedding though. So even if your crowd is super in to this kind of thing, definitely rethink he surprise part of it. 
    I agree with this and a few other points from PPs, let people know it is for your wedding so they can really make a choice if they want to go or not (a murder mystery party may not get a "yes" from me, but a friends wedding would without a doubt). I would be really sad if I later found out I missed out on a friends wedding because it wasn't billed as such. Also, make the game part optional.
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  • Issues that PPs brought up aside... Personally, if I were close to you I would be too distracted by the fact that I was just surprised with your wedding to want to play an interactive game. If the surprise part goes over well I think your mom and other family members especially will be too busy wanting to talk to you and other family than participate in some intricate role play. Worst case scenario is people are pissed about the surprise element and don't want to participate but I think a surprise wedding is enough excitement and a really big conversation starter as it is, the game will probably end up abandoned or just falling flat. 
  • I don't think the surprise wedding is a good idea. As PP's have said, your guests may decline if they don't realize what the event actually is, and they'll feel really bummed if it turns out they miss your wedding. Be up front with people; you can have a laid-back, fun wedding with everyone knowing about it ahead of time. 

    As for the murder mystery  thing, I'm going to be very honest...on its own I would enjoy that, but I think it's a little strange for a wedding. Even if it is optional, what are people supposed to do who choose not to participate? If you really want to do a murder mystery dinner, I'd suggest you get some friends together who you know would be interested some other time and do it then, without a connection to your wedding.


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  • Some people (myself included) regard marriage as a very sacred commitment, regardless of whether or not it is a religious ceremony.  Anything that ridicules or makes light of marriage (outside of theater) can be offensive.
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  • lnixon8lnixon8 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Your first sentence says it all. You don't want stress and pressure, so don't do this.


  • Please don't surprise your guests with a wedding, if you want to make your reception a murder mystery that's up to you and a know your crowd thing but surprise weddings are just rude. I would be really hurt if I missed someone I cared about's wedding because I was declining a normal party that either I wasn't interested in or had a conflict already. It would hurt my relationship with that person.
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  • There are some many opportunities for things to go wrong; what if an out of town guest tells your mom? What is someone local who you really want to be there declines because they're not into a murder mystery dinner, but would have come if it was your wedding? 

    There are so many ways to have a fun, non-traditional party that doesn't involve surprising your guests or having them be uncomfortable. I'd really recommend inviting everyone to your wedding and having an optional murder mystery (if you're tied to this idea) or just have a great party and do the theme dinner another time. 

    ___STUCK IN A BOX____________

    QFT. H & I would not attend a murder mystery dinner, but would attend a wedding.

    There are plenty ways to have a non-traditional wedding. Perhaps the murder mystery dinner would go over better as a separate, non-wedding-related event.
  • SP29SP29 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Agree with the above.

    Do NOT make your wedding a surprise. As said, some guests may decline your murder mystery party and then be quite upset when they realize they missed your wedding. Some of your family may be upset about the surprise wedding. I imagine many people may not want to play along once they realize it's your wedding.

    I think murder mystery parties are cool, but not paired with a wedding. Do it another time.

    There are many ways to keep your wedding "relaxed". Dinner at a restaurant- no dancing, spend a few hours chatting and mingling, over and done! Have your wedding during the day with a shorter reception timeline- again, a few hours to eat and mingle- done. You could still have your wedding in the banquet room and have games available, but the point is they are optional.

    What is it about the wedding that is stressing you out? Perhaps we can help with ideas.
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited May 2016
    I would probably enjoy doing a murder mystery for a reception. I'm a dork and love that kind of stuff. I get that it may not be a crowd pleaser. Even if it isn't everyone's thing, I don't think there's anything wrong with choosing this for your wedding, so long as you are honest about it. 

    But I agree with everyone, nix the surprise, for a lot of reasons. You are an adult, on your second wedding. Put on your adult face and tell your mother no when she starts in about how your wedding has to be. 
  • I get not wanting to do something traditional and you don't have to. But I wouldn't surprise people. I also don't see this as being less stressful. You're still planning a wedding. And honestly, it seems like it'd be more stressful to try and manage it as a surprise

    You could do a murder mystery for your rehearsal dinner and then just do a simple, yet non-traditional wedding/reception. 
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