Some of the old school regulars around here might remember this story, so skip the next 2 paragraphs:
I had a very good friend, R. We struggled w/keeping in touch, but the standing rule was always to call each other on our birthdays. Back back story: R was in a relationship that I didn't think was healthy. The man was cruel to her, saying things like, "You're the reason my ex-wife won't come back to me" and "I've never loved you", etc. This is where I learned the rule don't tell anyone about you and your partner's fights; you might work through it and make up, your friends don't get that and they stay mad.
I think about 5 years ago, I called on her birthday and she told me she had just gotten engaged to this man. I was silent for what felt like a full minute on the phone, told her I was hanging up b/c I couldn't be happy for her, and disconnected the call. I sat there for about 10 minutes when the non-asshole part of my brain that was screaming at me got through with a "What have you done?!?!" and I called her back. She, of course, didn't take the phone call. We did speak about a week later and I apologized profusely, but our friendship was never the same and eventually petered out. I was not invited to the wedding.
Pick up here:
I made the official announcement on social media that former DH and I were divorcing right around the middle of January. About a week later, I got a message request from R. I was shocked. I asked her if she knew what was going on; R said no, she just felt the need to reach out to me lately, so had. I told her what was going on. She shared that she had actually not made it to 2 years of marriage with that man and had divorced him.
I got to see her on Sunday for just a few minutes b/c my impromptu day trip was to the city where she lives. Many tears and big smiles and multiple hugs were exchanged and plans made for another trip with enough notice for her to get her work shifts moved around so we could spend time together. It was wonderful and I'm very happy to have my friend back. (I haven't asked what went wrong and don't intend to, b/c I don't really care).
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