Wedding Etiquette Forum

NWR: Pregnancy Questions

Thought this would be good for a laugh:)


Re: NWR: Pregnancy Questions

  • anjemonanjemon member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    I think about this all the time right now. I have a coworker who (I think) is fairly obviously pregnant. But she hasn't actually told me she is, so I'm just avoiding bringing it up. Because WHAT IF.
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  • ei34ei34 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    LOL.  With my first baby, maybe because I'm short and chubby/curvy (depending on a random 10lbs that I continuously lose and gain), and the fact that I gradually gained weight everywhere, I didn't look pregnant until after 30 weeks, and I rarely got asked if I was pregnant.  I had twins 14 months after my first baby, and they're now 10 months old...people must really follow this ^ poster because I totally look pregnant even now :#  #cannotlosethebabyweight
  • I have never had anyone ask if I was pregnant, but it happens to my sister all the time... She carries a lot of her excess weight around her middle (and tbh probably doesn't always stand up super straight), and it's usually old ladies who ask.

    Recently, she was on the bus and a woman asked how far along she was... She got mad, but then remembered that she IS pregnant. Though not pregnant enough to be showing.

    I just cannot fathom asking a stranger how far along they are. Unless I just witnessed their water break, or they loudly announced their due date, I would never bring it up.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • lnixon8lnixon8 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I have never had anyone ask if I was pregnant, but it happens to my sister all the time... She carries a lot of her excess weight around her middle (and tbh probably doesn't always stand up super straight), and it's usually old ladies who ask.

    Recently, she was on the bus and a woman asked how far along she was... She got mad, but then remembered that she IS pregnant. Though not pregnant enough to be showing.

    I just cannot fathom asking a stranger how far along they are. Unless I just witnessed their water break, or they loudly announced their due date, I would never bring it up.
    Forget the stranger part... I don't are about how far along pretty much anyone is besides close friends because I want to know when they can come to happy hour and not order iced tea.


  • lnixon8 said:
    I have never had anyone ask if I was pregnant, but it happens to my sister all the time... She carries a lot of her excess weight around her middle (and tbh probably doesn't always stand up super straight), and it's usually old ladies who ask.

    Recently, she was on the bus and a woman asked how far along she was... She got mad, but then remembered that she IS pregnant. Though not pregnant enough to be showing.

    I just cannot fathom asking a stranger how far along they are. Unless I just witnessed their water break, or they loudly announced their due date, I would never bring it up.
    Forget the stranger part... I don't are about how far along pretty much anyone is besides close friends because I want to know when they can come to happy hour and not order iced tea.
    I can see people at work asking, once you have announced it, so that they know when you will be out of the office. I can definitely see close friends asking, so that they can plan events (happy hour, group vacations, etc.) accordingly. And only after that person announces that they are pregnant. Beyond that, why would anyone care?



    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I see a problem with public transportation. Pregnant women get offended when they're not offered a seat. Pregnant and non-pregnant women get offended when they're asked if they're pregnant. So.....

    I'd rather keep my seat and wait for a woman to ask for my seat, based on pregnancy, than offer my seat and risk offending them. 

    I saw on London's Tube that women can get little pins with the Tube symbol on it. We need this in Chicago!

    ________________________________


  • I see a problem with public transportation. Pregnant women get offended when they're not offered a seat. Pregnant and non-pregnant women get offended when they're asked if they're pregnant. So.....

    I'd rather keep my seat and wait for a woman to ask for my seat, based on pregnancy, than offer my seat and risk offending them. 

    I saw on London's Tube that women can get little pins with the Tube symbol on it. We need this in Chicago!

    I love these badges! Honestly it can be so hard knowing whether to offer your seat up or not. I don't want to leave a pregnant woman standing, but I definitely don't want to offend a woman that just has a little heft around the middle!
                 
  • I see a problem with public transportation. Pregnant women get offended when they're not offered a seat. Pregnant and non-pregnant women get offended when they're asked if they're pregnant. So.....

    I'd rather keep my seat and wait for a woman to ask for my seat, based on pregnancy, than offer my seat and risk offending them. 

    I saw on London's Tube that women can get little pins with the Tube symbol on it. We need this in Chicago!

    I love these badges! Honestly it can be so hard knowing whether to offer your seat up or not. I don't want to leave a pregnant woman standing, but I definitely don't want to offend a woman that just has a little heft around the middle!
    If I see someone who might want to sit down, whether they look pregnant, old, or wobbly, I usually just get up and stand to avoid offending them while also making sure they can sit if they want. 
  • I see a problem with public transportation. Pregnant women get offended when they're not offered a seat. Pregnant and non-pregnant women get offended when they're asked if they're pregnant. So.....

    I'd rather keep my seat and wait for a woman to ask for my seat, based on pregnancy, than offer my seat and risk offending them. 

    I saw on London's Tube that women can get little pins with the Tube symbol on it. We need this in Chicago!

    I love these badges! Honestly it can be so hard knowing whether to offer your seat up or not. I don't want to leave a pregnant woman standing, but I definitely don't want to offend a woman that just has a little heft around the middle!
    If I see someone who might want to sit down, whether they look pregnant, old, or wobbly, I usually just get up and stand to avoid offending them while also making sure they can sit if they want. 
    Which works if the person is standing right by the seat, but I have done this before only to have a very clearly able-bodied person swoop in before the person I intended to make room for can get to the seat.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I see a problem with public transportation. Pregnant women get offended when they're not offered a seat. Pregnant and non-pregnant women get offended when they're asked if they're pregnant. So.....

    I'd rather keep my seat and wait for a woman to ask for my seat, based on pregnancy, than offer my seat and risk offending them. 

    I saw on London's Tube that women can get little pins with the Tube symbol on it. We need this in Chicago!

    I love these badges! Honestly it can be so hard knowing whether to offer your seat up or not. I don't want to leave a pregnant woman standing, but I definitely don't want to offend a woman that just has a little heft around the middle!
    If I see someone who might want to sit down, whether they look pregnant, old, or wobbly, I usually just get up and stand to avoid offending them while also making sure they can sit if they want. 
    Exactly what I do. 

    I had knee surgery and still have a brace, it's super annoying most of the time, but has the added benefit of being a visual cue to people and many have offered seats. I don't accept most of the time because I don't need it, but it's nice knowing people offer. 
  • I see a problem with public transportation. Pregnant women get offended when they're not offered a seat. Pregnant and non-pregnant women get offended when they're asked if they're pregnant. So.....

    I'd rather keep my seat and wait for a woman to ask for my seat, based on pregnancy, than offer my seat and risk offending them. 

    I saw on London's Tube that women can get little pins with the Tube symbol on it. We need this in Chicago!

    I love these badges! Honestly it can be so hard knowing whether to offer your seat up or not. I don't want to leave a pregnant woman standing, but I definitely don't want to offend a woman that just has a little heft around the middle!
    If I see someone who might want to sit down, whether they look pregnant, old, or wobbly, I usually just get up and stand to avoid offending them while also making sure they can sit if they want. 
    Sure, and I definitely do get out of my seat when I see someone that is older, has a walking stick or whatever. I'm just saying these badges really take the guesswork out of it. Helpful for all sides! 
                 
  • When I was pregnant with my first child, I was working in real estate.  I had been very successful.  I "showed" very early.  By three months it was obvious that I was pregnant.  I soon discovered that men would not look me in the eyes.  Their gaze was fixed on my tummy.  (Don't start in on sexism!  No woman reacted like this.) 
    It is very difficult to make a sale when the customer is focused on your tummy!  Several clients asked if I felt OK, and if I wanted to sit down.
    One of my old customers called up to list their house for sale.  They told my broker that they didn't want to bother me because they knew I was pregnant, and would like another agent!  These people had previously been very happy with my services, and had recommended me to friends.
    That tore it!  I quit.

    PS.  My old clients were NOT happy with their new agent, and she was fired because of screwing up their listing and sale.  Serves them right!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • TyvmTyvm member
    First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    This Sociological Images article on "When did it become allowable to be pregnant in public" seems rather relevant, here: https://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2016/04/27/when-did-it-become-allowable-to-be-pregnant-in-public/

    I particularly liked, "Almost 20 years later, in 1970, a junior high school teacher was forced out of the classroom in her third trimester on the argument that her visible pregnancy would, as Cramer puts it, “alternately disgust, concern, fascinate, and embarrass her students.” "


    k thnx bye

  • delujm0 said:

    You guys.  When I was pregnant, I (very fortunately) gained all of the weight right in my belly, to the point that head-on or from the back you couldn't even tell I was pregnant.  Which sounds awesome, right?  It's like exactly what you want to happen to you when you're pregnant.


    EXCEPT IT WAS SO OBVIOUS THAT I WAS PREGNANT AND PEOPLE ARE RUDE.  Strangers literally asked me about my pregnancy DOZENS of times a day.  At work, while just walking on the street, the check out people at the grocery store, salespeople at the mall...like CONSTANTLY.  DH and I went furniture shopping when I was about 28 weeks, and when we left the third store he was like "does this happen to you all the time?"  he was shocked.  And I still had 12 weeks to go. 

     

    The carefully cultivated Resting Bitch Face that I spent years working on so that strangers wouldn't approach me was completely undone by my baby bump.  I don't like people.  I don't want to talk to strangers (or even people I know, really) about when I'm due, or what the sex is, or what I'm naming my child, or how their deliveries of their own children went.  LEAVE ME ALONE.

     

    Never ask a pregnant woman ANYTHING about her pregnancy unless she brings it up first.  That should be the rule.  To be fair, no one ever asked me if I was pregnant because it was so obvious.  But the prying questions are somehow worse.  My uterus is no one's business but my own.

    I seriously don't understand how any of this is up for conversation. Why does a process that roughly half the population experiences (give or take) suddenly make it ok to ask strangers things about their body that one would otherwise never dream of asking?
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited May 2016
    After three surgeries on my abdomen (old fashioned vertical incision), my stomach hangs out the front.  Several people asked if I was pregnant when I wasn't.  I just sweetly smiled and said, "No, dear, I'm not pregnant.  I'm just fat." and gleefully watched them wish the floor would open up and swallow them.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • I have very large boobs and I gain all of my weight in my midsection.  Even when I was thinner a couple of years ago my options pregnant or showing off my boobs.  I have been asked a few times and I just curtly say "no, I'm just fat, thanks for asking."  

    The last time it happened, I had just started gaining weight and was sensitive about it.  We were out and my heels were bothering me so I bought a pair of flip flops.  We went home and I was crying.  My non confrontational, introvert FI offered to return the shoes.  They weren't returnable so the lady gave FI the money out of her own purse.  He said had he not gotten my money back he would have broken the 20 in his wallet and lied.  I love that man.
    image
  • debbeaudebbeau member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Answer
    When I was pregnant I was a self employed. When it was obviously showing  the client I worked with off and on for 7 years asked if I would be able to do the job since I was pregnant at 40. Insulting!
  • I also keep weight in my midsection and on three separate occasions I've had people ask me if I was pregnant when I when I wasn't.   In at least one case the person felt awful but in the other two I think they just thought it was an honest mistake.

    Thanks for basically just saying, "Are you just fat there?" 
  • I haven't had anyone ask if I'm pregnant when I wasn't yet.  But I did kind of have the opposite.  I was working as a barista while I was pregnant, so mostly behind a counter wearing an apron.  I had regulars realize I was pregnant when they asked if I was coming back next semester and I said no I was having a baby:)

    I can't believe how many people have been asked by total strangers!
  • I will never forget this poor woman when I was getting my nails done. She was clearly a regular and the nail techs asked her about her pregnancy when she walked in the door. She told them she'd given birth a few weeks ago. The one nail tech fucking argued with her, telling he that she must still be pregnant because she was still so big and even pointed at her belly. I felt so bad for her.


    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • So...one of the Teacher Aids (Anna) at my high school was finally pregnant after years of trying with her husband. She was good friends with my mom so we were invited to the shower, which was scheduled during summer break a few weeks before her due date. Anna ended up delivering a very healthy baby boy early, so we all got to meet him at the shower.

    After school started back up again (so like 3 months later), during a lull in class, my class-mate asks her "So Anna, when are you due?" ...Anna had some amazing, witty response but I cannot for the life of me remember what it was, but I felt so bad for her, I just stood there shocked.


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  • I will never forget this poor woman when I was getting my nails done. She was clearly a regular and the nail techs asked her about her pregnancy when she walked in the door. She told them she'd given birth a few weeks ago. The one nail tech fucking argued with her, telling he that she must still be pregnant because she was still so big and even pointed at her belly. I felt so bad for her.


    Seriously, what do these people think she's going to say?! "Oh, yea, what was I thinking? I am still pregnant! I guess I just imagined going to the hospital, spending hours in labor, all the pain, brining my baby home and feeding her for the past few weeks. Must be that pregnancy brain making me imagine all that stuff!!" Sheesh!
  • delujm0delujm0 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    aurianna said:
    Mom tells me the story about how when she was 41 weeks pregnant (yup) she was just sooo tired of being pregnant. And this little old man asked her when her baby was due and she just looked at him and said "What baby?"

    hahahaha one of my friends went past 41 weeks, and when she was out and about and people asked her when she was due she would just look right at them and deadpan "last week" and then watch their terrified expressions.  Like they were afraid her water was going to break all over the floor of the grocery store or whatever.  She enjoyed it.
  • delujm0 said:
    aurianna said:
    Mom tells me the story about how when she was 41 weeks pregnant (yup) she was just sooo tired of being pregnant. And this little old man asked her when her baby was due and she just looked at him and said "What baby?"

    hahahaha one of my friends went past 41 weeks, and when she was out and about and people asked her when she was due she would just look right at them and deadpan "last week" and then watch their terrified expressions.  Like they were afraid her water was going to break all over the floor of the grocery store or whatever.  She enjoyed it.
    I had that with DS and I had an eye doctor appointment that I'd made a year in advance.   Doc asked me, "When are you due?" and I got to say, "Two days ago."

    A good friend of mine went to just shy of 42 weeks.   I think she was about ready to send her DH in with a head lamp. 
  • delujm0 said:
    aurianna said:
    Mom tells me the story about how when she was 41 weeks pregnant (yup) she was just sooo tired of being pregnant. And this little old man asked her when her baby was due and she just looked at him and said "What baby?"

    hahahaha one of my friends went past 41 weeks, and when she was out and about and people asked her when she was due she would just look right at them and deadpan "last week" and then watch their terrified expressions.  Like they were afraid her water was going to break all over the floor of the grocery store or whatever.  She enjoyed it.
    Yup. I went 41w3d before I went in for an induction (and then another day and a half before they just got her out with a c/s).

    I enjoyed doing that very much. =D
    The people at Pottery Barn were just imagining amniotic fluid everywhere, I'm sure.
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