Does the dress...?

Knottie1459970861

Does the style of dress determine the type of wedding? My dress is a lace, floor length, a line style gown. While my SO has NOT seen the dress, this very basic description has him stuck thinking that we have to have a more formal wedding because I have a formal dress. To him, I can't have this dress and also have a short reception with no sit-down dinner. He feels that the formality of the dress determines the formality of the wedding. Thoughts?

Tyvm

Nope! The style of the dress does not have to determine formality of the wedding. I mean, it can, if you want it to. And there's probably some extremes that might not make sense (i.e., wearing a Cinderella ball gown for a cake & punch reception), but a lace dress should be versatile and complement varying levels of formality. How you accessorize the dress can also have a hand in how dressed up your apparel appears. 

The look of the wedding is one thing that really doesn't affect guests, so you do whatever feels right to you. If you want a casual wedding, but you want to wear a fancy hoopskirt, only you know if you'll be comfortable doing so  

MesmrEwe

While you probably don't want a ball gown with Cathedral length train if you're going for a relaxed Beach wedding, and while the "Dress sets the tone" for a lot of things, you can still have the wedding you want in the dress you've chosen.  Now if your FI has had a change of heart and now wants a sit-down dinner for your guests, he doesn't need your dress to do so and is a worthy discussion to have together. 

As a guest - I will say this - if you're wearing what looks like a rather expensive formal wedding gown and only having a quick ceremony with cake & punch, it does sit different than if you have a relaxed dress and a sit-down dinner KWIM...  That's where the "I get what your FI is saying" comes from.  This is something only you two can decide given the parameters of your real world budget.  You can still go pretty casual even with a formal gown, but don't make your guests FEEL like they were cheaped out on so you can have pretty pictures even if that's not the intention... 

charlotte989875

Knottie1459970861 said:

Does the style of dress determine the type of wedding? My dress is a lace, floor length, a line style gown. While my SO has NOT seen the dress, this very basic description has him stuck thinking that we have to have a more formal wedding because I have a formal dress. To him, I can't have this dress and also have a short reception with no sit-down dinner. He feels that the formality of the dress determines the formality of the wedding. Thoughts?

I agree with PPs in that you can have a dress not "match" the formality of the event, but that a ball gown at a casual wedding may seem odd to guests, especially if you're not serving a meal. 

I will say if the bride (and BMs) were far more formal than the invitations suggested, and I dressed accordingly I might feel a little undressed. For example if the invitations were casual, non-meal time during the day, outside or at a venue that was pretty casual I'd wear a more casual cocktail dress, probably shorter. But if it was a more formal invitation I'd wear a more formal dress. 

I agree with @MesmrEwe above in that I can kind of see where he is coming from. If you are dressing more formal and he isn't or the food and reception are short people might wonder why you're so formal when you're not serving a meal. I also might feel like I should have dressed up more if the bride and WP was formal while I didn't get the message. 

AddieCake

Sometimes it does, but I think what you're describing sounds fine. Do you have a picture of the dress?

SP29

I agree with the above, there may be some situations where a fancy formal dress looks out of place, but lace is very versatile- sounds fine to me.

There is also a wide range in "short reception without a sit down meal"- it could be as simple as a cake and punch reception all the way up to a cocktail reception at a posh hotel. If the former, I'd keep your accessories simple, if the latter, go all out if you wish.

While I agree that some people might side eye a bride and groom who spent 10K on a wedding dress (or expensive suit for that matter) but only hosted a cake and punch reception, I don't think that is right of the guest or wrong of the B&G. There is nothing wrong with a cake and punch reception and as long as the B&G are properly hosting their guests, I don't think it is for anyone to judge where the B&G spend their money.

Knottie1459970861

We think we're going to have a simple cake and punch reception. Here are a few shots of the dress. Please forgive the large size. I would be wearing the red sash and the matching red shoes.

ILoveBeachMusic

Knottie1459970861 said:

We think we're going to have a simple cake and punch reception. Here are a few shots of the dress. Please forgive the large size. I would be wearing the red sash and the matching red shoes.

You're fine with that dress and a cake and punch reception. It is beautiful!

Knottie1459970861

ILoveBeachMusic said:

You're fine with that dress and a cake and punch reception. It is beautiful!

Thank you! Everyone says I don't look happy in the pics, but I just hate having my picture taken lol I've always wanted an outdoor ceremony, so I had that idea in mind. SO doesn't understand that you can have a more relaxed wedding, even with a 2 hour cake and punch reception, with a floor length gown. In his mind, to the ground means FORMAL. I wonder how he feels about maxi dresses? lol

MesmrEwe

Thanks for posting the dress pic - yea - I don't lump your gown as "over the top" for a Cake & punch reception - actually I think it's quite appropriate and elegantly simple for one! (like the perfect little black dress in a way..)  Now - Full mile-wide pouf bedazzled with cathedral veil & train - different discussion LOL ...  But the discussion of if your FI had a change of heart and wants to consider a meal (or even just heavy apps) is a worthy discussion to have together independent of your dress.

Tyvm

Yeah, this dress is perfect for a cake and punch reception. It's lovely!