Just Engaged and Proposals

Proposing to BF!

So, here it goes: I have my heart set on proposing to my partner; we will have been together 7 months at the time that I pop the question.

I want to make it very clear that I'm not doing this as a desperate, manipulative move, I'm not doing this as the naggy, impatient girlfriend. In many ways, we prefer our relationship to break from more traditional gender roles. 

I have hinted to him (none too subtly) that I might have it in my head to propose to him, and I am 99% certain he would be just as head-over-heels delighted as I would be to be proposed to. He's not the type of guy who would feel like I "stole his thunder" or any such nonsense. He loves being doted on and pampered just as much as I do, maybe even more. We've discussed the future of our relationship, even our thoughts on raising kids, etc. But I digress... 

My current Plan A idea for proposing is as such: Right now I am in Germany for a 2-month long program, and he's picking me up from the airport when I return. It's bound to be a very emotional and romantic moment, as this will be the longest time we've ever spent apart! I want to get down on one knee right there, next to my suitcases and everything, making use of the occasion to turn it into a big, exciting surprise. 

Here's my question: Should I trust my instincts and make a big public statement like this? Or do you think this will be maybe a bit too public and overwhelming? I think it would be a very romantic moment, but there's also the possibility that he would prefer this to happen when we can be in private. 

Re: Proposing to BF!

  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited May 2016
    So, here it goes: I have my heart set on proposing to my partner; we will have been together 7 months at the time that I pop the question.

    I want to make it very clear that I'm not doing this as a desperate, manipulative move, I'm not doing this as the naggy, impatient girlfriend. In many ways, we prefer our relationship to break from more traditional gender roles. 

    I have hinted to him (none too subtly) that I might have it in my head to propose to him, and I am 99% certain he would be just as head-over-heels delighted as I would be to be proposed to. He's not the type of guy who would feel like I "stole his thunder" or any such nonsense. He loves being doted on and pampered just as much as I do, maybe even more. We've discussed the future of our relationship, even our thoughts on raising kids, etc. But I digress... 

    My current Plan A idea for proposing is as such: Right now I am in Germany for a 2-month long program, and he's picking me up from the airport when I return. It's bound to be a very emotional and romantic moment, as this will be the longest time we've ever spent apart! I want to get down on one knee right there, next to my suitcases and everything, making use of the occasion to turn it into a big, exciting surprise. 

    Here's my question: Should I trust my instincts and make a big public statement like this? Or do you think this will be maybe a bit too public and overwhelming? I think it would be a very romantic moment, but there's also the possibility that he would prefer this to happen when we can be in private. 
    You have this wonderful idea in your head, but making it into a reality might not be a good idea.

    1.  He could say "YES!" and you live happily ever after.

    2.  He could say "No" and you would be crushed and publicly humiliated.

    3.  He could say "Maybe someday", which means you are NOT engaged.

    4  He could say "We need to talk"  (uh-oh) and this could turn out to be the worst day for you in a very long time.

    I advise you to not risk it.  Wait until you are together for a while and get used to each other again.  Do this in private.  Less embarrassment.

    For a fun read, try Sophie Kinsella's Wedding Night.  Hilarious!  Good luck!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    So, here it goes: I have my heart set on proposing to my partner; we will have been together 7 months at the time that I pop the question.

    I want to make it very clear that I'm not doing this as a desperate, manipulative move, I'm not doing this as the naggy, impatient girlfriend. In many ways, we prefer our relationship to break from more traditional gender roles. 

    I have hinted to him (none too subtly) that I might have it in my head to propose to him, and I am 99% certain he would be just as head-over-heels delighted as I would be to be proposed to. He's not the type of guy who would feel like I "stole his thunder" or any such nonsense. He loves being doted on and pampered just as much as I do, maybe even more. We've discussed the future of our relationship, even our thoughts on raising kids, etc. But I digress... 

    My current Plan A idea for proposing is as such: Right now I am in Germany for a 2-month long program, and he's picking me up from the airport when I return. It's bound to be a very emotional and romantic moment, as this will be the longest time we've ever spent apart! I want to get down on one knee right there, next to my suitcases and everything, making use of the occasion to turn it into a big, exciting surprise. 

    Here's my question: Should I trust my instincts and make a big public statement like this? Or do you think this will be maybe a bit too public and overwhelming? I think it would be a very romantic moment, but there's also the possibility that he would prefer this to happen when we can be in private. 
    Well, since I know that I would not find being in the airport trying to manage several suitcases in a crowd "romantic," even after a 2-month absence, and would not like to be "surprised" with a "popped question" in public, I would not do it to the person I loved. (Golden Rule.)

    Not to mention, he might not accept your proposal if you do it like that.

    So I'd play it safe and propose in private.
    OurWildKingdom
  • SP29SP29
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    Personally, I am not for public displays (and I told DH that I would NOT like to be proposed to in a restaurant or some other public venue), so I would say nay.

    I still think you can link it to you returning from Germany, but I would do it somewhere else more private.

    My personal feelings are, although the person being proposed to may not know when it is happening, both parties should already be on the same page and essentially know what the answer will be. If you want to propose to him, go right ahead!
    OurWildKingdom
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    I think private is always better. People sometimes feel pressured in public.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • TyvmTyvm
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    member
    edited May 2016
    This is the definition of a "know your people" situation. Does he like being the center of attention in public?

    Also, returning on a flight from Germany to the USA and reuniting with a loved one is not exactly romantic (at least, not for me). Forget about the suitcases and the limited parking time. What about feeling absolutely disgusting from being in airplanes all day, and exhausted from jet lag? Possibly slightly ill from only being fed pretzels and sugary beverages for the last 5 hour leg of your journey?

    I lived in Japan for 3 months, and when FI (then-BF of 3 years) came to pick me up, "romantic" might have been the word furthest from my thoughts.


    k thnx bye

    OurWildKingdom
  • Tyvm said:
    This is the definition of a "know your people" situation. Does he like being the center of attention in public?

    Also, returning on a flight from Germany to the USA and reuniting with a loved one is not exactly romantic (at least, not for me). Forget about the suitcases and the limited parking time. What about feeling absolutely disgusting from being in airplanes all day, and exhausted from jet lag? Possibly slightly ill from only being fed pretzels and sugary beverages for the last 5 hour leg of your journey?

    I lived in Japan for 3 months, and when FI (then-BF of 3 years) came to pick me up, "romantic" might have been the word furthest from my thoughts.
    To the bolded, please consider this OP. I travel long haul for work at least every 8wks. After sitting on a plane for a minimum of 9hrs, and possibly even getting up in the middle of the night I feel and look like shit, and I'm completely knackered too. Your plan to propose sounds great and I wish you luck, but please really think hard about whether the airport timing is really as good as it sounds. Even if your BF is okay with public displays like this (I definitely wouldn't be, but different strokes), will he really be okay with something this public when he doesn't feel on top form? What about a surprise picnic somewhere quiet once he is back and has at least had a shower and a nap?
                 
    OurWildKingdom
  • TyvmTyvm
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    member
    edited May 2016
    Even if your BF is okay with public displays like this (I definitely wouldn't be, but different strokes), will he you really be okay with something this public when he you doesn't feel on top form? What about a surprise picnic somewhere quiet once he you is back and has at least had a shower and a nap?
    @glasgowtolondon It's the proposer (i.e., OP) that is coming back from Germany. The proposee (i.e., F-FI) is picking her up. So, it's possible schonunterwegs will feel fine (and even, dare I say romantic) after her flight from Germany, but it's also quite possible she'll be hating life.

    It's a lot of pressure to put on a million hours of being sardined next to the general populace.


    k thnx bye

    OurWildKingdom
  • I love surprises like someone picking you up at the airport when you were going to take a taxi and getting flowers for no reason, but I feel like public surprise proposals are a step too far.

    If my FI had proposed to me after he had come home from one of his many trips away, I would have been disappointed that it wasn't a more private moment.


  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    member
    I'm in the "know your crowd" camp. Maybe the boyfriend would feel really special with a public proposal. Or, maybe nobody would even notice the proposal as everyone else is looking for their own loved one and trying to navigate suitcases to transportation. 

    I do actually know two couples who got engaged at the airport. One couple was a woman who was picking her boyfriend up. She wore a T-shirt that read "[name] will you marry me?." He accepted.

    Absence does make the heart grow fonder. I rather think the airport proposals are sweet. Like you just couldn't wait any longer. 

    Any public proposal has its inherent risks, so if OP has fully thought it through, then Godspeed.

    Let us know how it goes OP! 
    ________________________________


    Greenjinjo
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