Canada

Fiance cheated 4 months before wedding

First I want to start off by saying me and my fiance have been together for 5 years and are very much in love. He is not your "typical" guy and that's why all of this is so shocking. 
He just came back from his weekend get away with all his friends hes known since childhood. I knew they had strippers (which I was fine with) but I knew something more happened. I asked and he kept denying, but he is a horrible liar. I told him "I don't want to be getting married in a relationship where we hide things and lie to each other" and that made him confess. He said "I broke a promise". He told me he got a blowjob. At first, I was just shocked. I didn't know what to say, and then i gradually just got more and more upset and had to leave. As I was driving he texts me saying "I need to tell you the truth, you deserve to know". i call him and he tells me he fucked her. He was the drunkest he's ever been, she gave him a lap dance, and then she invited him upstairs to the bathroom. He didn't know what was happening at first and then she took all her clothes off and said "do you want this?" and I guess he went for it. Thankfully they used a condom, or at least thats the story he's sticking with. He couldn't cum. This went on for 20-30 mins. He went to bed and passed out and woke up to her next to him. 
According to him he felt sick all weekend and felt awful. But he lied to me all weekend over and over again when I suspected something had happened. They had more strippers later on and he assures me that it was only the one time and he could barely go through with it. I am so hurt and betrayed and don't know where to go from here.
Two of his good friends texted me saying they are in shock as well and it was never their intention to allow him to do anything of the sort and they didn't even know it happened until the next morning when she asked for money. They all gave him shit. They are all supporting me 100% but at the same time are telling me that he is a great guy and that they would never expect him to do anything like this and that he will never again. I just can't believe anything right now. The term "once a cheater always a cheater" keeps coming up. We have a life together that I'm not sure I can walk away from. i love him and want a life with him, but i am so hurt and i don't know how to recover or even trust again. 
What should the consequence be, where should we go from here?

Re: Fiance cheated 4 months before wedding

  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl The Cold North
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    First I want to start off by saying me and my fiance have been together for 5 years and are very much in love. He is not your "typical" guy and that's why all of this is so shocking. 
    He just came back from his weekend get away with all his friends hes known since childhood. I knew they had strippers (which I was fine with) but I knew something more happened. I asked and he kept denying, but he is a horrible liar. I told him "I don't want to be getting married in a relationship where we hide things and lie to each other" and that made him confess. He said "I broke a promise". He told me he got a blowjob. At first, I was just shocked. I didn't know what to say, and then i gradually just got more and more upset and had to leave. As I was driving he texts me saying "I need to tell you the truth, you deserve to know". i call him and he tells me he fucked her. He was the drunkest he's ever been, she gave him a lap dance, and then she invited him upstairs to the bathroom. He didn't know what was happening at first and then she took all her clothes off and said "do you want this?" and I guess he went for it. Thankfully they used a condom, or at least thats the story he's sticking with. He couldn't cum. This went on for 20-30 mins. He went to bed and passed out and woke up to her next to him. 
    According to him he felt sick all weekend and felt awful. But he lied to me all weekend over and over again when I suspected something had happened. They had more strippers later on and he assures me that it was only the one time and he could barely go through with it. I am so hurt and betrayed and don't know where to go from here.
    Two of his good friends texted me saying they are in shock as well and it was never their intention to allow him to do anything of the sort and they didn't even know it happened until the next morning when she asked for money. They all gave him shit. They are all supporting me 100% but at the same time are telling me that he is a great guy and that they would never expect him to do anything like this and that he will never again. I just can't believe anything right now. The term "once a cheater always a cheater" keeps coming up. We have a life together that I'm not sure I can walk away from. i love him and want a life with him, but i am so hurt and i don't know how to recover or even trust again. 
    What should the consequence be, where should we go from here?

    You won't get a lot of answers here, as this board is pretty dead.  However, I suggest you put the wedding on hold for now and get counselling, both of you two as a couple and for you on your own.  You're going to have a lot of feelings, thoughts and stuff to work through, and I wouldn't want to do it alone.  However, only you (and your FI) can decide where you want to go from here, whether that is together or apart.  Put the wedding on hold until you figure it out.  If things work out, then get married, but if they don't, it's easier to cancel a wedding that it is to get a divorce.  

    If you need more advice, come visit one of the busier boards, such as Chit Chat, and the ladies there will be happy to help.  
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards