Mother of the Bride/Groom dresses

geebee908

Tyvm said:

So kind of you to set yourself up as the OP's ally against the crazy TK world. The world needed you, SuperTYVM.

@flantastic I'm just endorsing a slightly gentler approach to talking to newbies. Allying a bit instead of attacking. And in this case it was successful. OP does indeed have a back-up plan, and she wasn't scared away from the boards.

You're the ones using this avenger metaphor, not me. This name calling is, quite frankly, immature and I would expect better of people who claim to follow etiquette rules.

You'll notice I compromised slightly and used the word "general" (i.e., hedging) and refer to the "TK pearl clutchers" instead of TK overall. Are there not pearl clutchers on TK? This phrase has been used elsewhere by other regulars on the board. How much hedging do I have to do to please you? What terminology must I use that will get your approval? Is there a special subset of words approved-for-use-by-TYVM? I would appreciate you forwarding that along.

TK is already kinder and gentler than it once was, but your approach to saving newbies from the consequences of bad hosting isn't doing them any favors. You'd like everyone to ignore the faux pas or tell the newbie they'd better hide anything they're doing that is going to affect their guests' comfort. They won't "get it" using your approach.

TK's regs tend to be blunt and that can be a better approach if someone is open to seeing the error of their ways. If they're not open, then they're better off using another forum. TK has a culture that was in place long before you joined a few months ago; you're not going to change it single-handedly.

Tyvm

geebee908 said:

Tyvm said:

So kind of you to set yourself up as the OP's ally against the crazy TK world. The world needed you, SuperTYVM.

@flantastic I'm just endorsing a slightly gentler approach to talking to newbies. Allying a bit instead of attacking. And in this case it was successful. OP does indeed have a back-up plan, and she wasn't scared away from the boards.

You're the ones using this avenger metaphor, not me. This name calling is, quite frankly, immature and I would expect better of people who claim to follow etiquette rules.

You'll notice I compromised slightly and used the word "general" (i.e., hedging) and refer to the "TK pearl clutchers" instead of TK overall. Are there not pearl clutchers on TK? This phrase has been used elsewhere by other regulars on the board. How much hedging do I have to do to please you? What terminology must I use that will get your approval? Is there a special subset of words approved-for-use-by-TYVM? I would appreciate you forwarding that along.

TK is already kinder and gentler than it once was, but your approach to saving newbies from the consequences of bad hosting isn't doing them any favors. You'd like everyone to ignore the faux pas or tell the newbie they'd better hide anything they're doing that is going to affect their guests' comfort. They won't "get it" using your approach.

TK's regs tend to be blunt and that can be a better approach if someone is open to seeing the error of their ways. If they're not open, then they're better off using another forum. TK has a culture that was in place long before you joined a few months ago; you're not going to change it single-handedly.

@geebee908 I never said I was going to change the culture of TK single-handedly, you said it. All I'm saying is that I am allowed to endorse being gentler to the newbies, and to act on that belief. You can disagree with that, this is a discussion forum, that's fine. But I am also permitted to give advice in a different approach.

In this case, I did not attempt to save OP from the consequences of bad hosting. I merely went about discovering her back-up plan, without straight out calling her rude. I assumed the best of OP, that she probably had a back-up plan, and then went about eliciting it from her. I do not understand how this is contentious. Do I have to start every post with "Doing so-and-so is rude" or can I tell them that "some members of this board think this is rude, but let's figure out an answer to your main question anyways"?

ILoveBeachMusic

DrillSergeantCat said:

flantastic said:

Excuse us for trying to keep her guests from grumbling about her ceremony and having all they remember of the wedding be how uncomfortable they were. When you plan an event, you should always have a plan for a reasonable scenario where guest comfort would be compromised. Or just don't bother to invite guests and you only have to worry about your own comfort. That's basic human decency 101. Sorry you disapprove.

So kind of you to set yourself up as the OP's ally against the crazy TK world. The world needed you, SuperTYVM.

You know...I went to a wedding last summer at a golf course. The ceremony was indoors and the reception was in the same room. We were all kicked out onto the deck in the middle of August. There was no room to sit down, there was barely room to move. Until this conversation came up, the only thing I remembered of their ceremony was that the bride looked lovely, the groom looked handsome, the couple looked happy, and the party was fun. I highly doubt that being subjected to 80 degree weather on a lake for 30 minutes is going to produce such negative responses from people that that's "all they remember." How dramatic.

It's great that that is all you remember about that wedding. I bet others have a different memory. Last fall my son was in a good friend's wedding outside in October. There was an unusually cold and windy day for the wedding. I'm talking temperatures in the mid to low 40s. The bride/groom refused to hold the wedding inside! The BMs and GMs were freezing by the end as was my FDIL who was wearing a coat over her cocktail dress! That was all they talked about the first 30 mins. after they returned home. It wouldn't have hurt anything to move the wedding inside.

Glad you realize it is good to have your "last resort" plan. I truly hope you don't need to use it.

DrillSergeantCat

@ILoveBeachMusic that's my point, though. Your son's friend's wedding had a day with unusually cold weather. Where I am it's not unusual and people know to expect it.

ILoveBeachMusic

DrillSergeantCat said:

@ILoveBeachMusic that's my point, though. Your son's friend's wedding had a day with unusually cold weather. Where I am it's not unusual and people know to expect it.

Maybe I misread what you posted. If the weather is rainy (which I think you said would be unusual), really hot or really cold you would use the back up plan. That is why you (general you) have a back up plan. Like I said, hopefully you won't need to use it.

geebee908

@Tyvm , I think you're trying too hard and in the process are actually undermining a culture that has had success with getting hosts to rethink bad planning. There are plenty of examples of that on the boards.

Your approach is to put down the culture and a segment of the community as something not worth listening to because the delivery is blunt. This sets up an "us vs. them" mentality, and the poster goes away thinking that they're okay to do whatever they want regardless of the comfort of their guests.

DrillSergeantCat

@geebee908 if you'd read what I or tyvm posted, you'd see that I do, in fact, have a backup plan, one that I didn't realize I had until she probed deeper. You're causing the us vs. them by continuing this line of conversation instead of realizing that some people respond to a kinder approach. 

Tyvm

geebee908 said:

@Tyvm , I think you're trying too hard and in the process are actually undermining a culture that has had success with getting hosts to rethink bad planning. There are plenty of examples of that on the boards.

Your approach is to put down the culture and a segment of the community as something not worth listening to because the delivery is blunt. This sets up an "us vs. them" mentality, and the poster goes away thinking that they're okay to do whatever they want regardless of the comfort of their guests.

@geebee908 I can see parts of this response, who likes an us versus them mentality, even if there is maybe a bit of truth to it    As I stated previously, I am not the first person on TK to disparage the pearl clutchers. Where was everyone's indignity then?

But you yourself pointed out that TK loses some newbies [?on purpose?] to other forums, because the culture isn't conducive to their attitudes. If TK has "a culture that has had success with getting hosts to rethink bad planning", but you're losing some segment of newbies because they're not open enough ("If they're not open, then they're better off using another forum.")...then maybe there's an in-between method for capturing more of those that leave.

Maybe if instead of starting off with everything-is-black-and-white attitude, newbies were introduced with the idea that etiquette is a spectrum (with weighted consequences) there could be a bit more luck with that portion of newcomers who are "better off" on other forums (i.e., really not being introduced to any more conservative etiquette guidelines at all). But maybe not, who knows. It's worth a try.

Everyone can and should, by all means, continue sharing the everything-is-black-and-white guide to etiquette. It is useful for others to be aware of it and know which rules they're breaking and how severe are the consequences. But I don't think one side-stepping dissenting voice is going to destroy the TK culture, unless that culture is considerably more delicate than you've been letting on ("TK has a culture that was in place long before you joined a few months ago; you're not going to change it single-handedly."). 

Viczaesar

Tyvm said:

So kind of you to set yourself up as the OP's ally against the crazy TK world. The world needed you, SuperTYVM.

@flantastic I'm just endorsing a slightly gentler approach to talking to newbies. Allying a bit instead of attacking. And in this case it was successful. OP does indeed have a back-up plan, and she wasn't scared away from the boards.

You're the ones using this avenger metaphor, not me. This name calling is, quite frankly, immature and I would expect better of people who claim to follow etiquette rules.

You'll notice I compromised slightly and used the word "general" (i.e., hedging) and refer to the "TK pearl clutchers" instead of TK overall. Are there not pearl clutchers on TK? This phrase has been used elsewhere by other regulars on the board. How much hedging do I have to do to please you? What terminology must I use that will get your approval? Is there a special subset of words approved-for-use-by-TYVM? I would appreciate you forwarding that along.

If you don't want to be called a name, why the hell are you okay with calling those of us who pointed out how inappropriate not having a back-up plan is a name?  And before you ask, no, I've never used "pearl clutcher" (which I think is stupid, by the way) to describe someone. 

geebee908

Tyvm said:

geebee908 said:

@Tyvm , I think you're trying too hard and in the process are actually undermining a culture that has had success with getting hosts to rethink bad planning. There are plenty of examples of that on the boards.

Your approach is to put down the culture and a segment of the community as something not worth listening to because the delivery is blunt. This sets up an "us vs. them" mentality, and the poster goes away thinking that they're okay to do whatever they want regardless of the comfort of their guests.

@geebee908 I can see parts of this response, who likes an us versus them mentality, even if there is maybe a bit of truth to it    As I stated previously, I am not the first person on TK to disparage the pearl clutchers. Where was everyone's indignity then?

But you yourself pointed out that TK loses some newbies [?on purpose?] to other forums, because the culture isn't conducive to their attitudes. If TK has "a culture that has had success with getting hosts to rethink bad planning", but you're losing some segment of newbies because they're not open enough ("If they're not open, then they're better off using another forum.")...then maybe there's an in-between method for capturing more of those that leave.

Maybe if instead of starting off with everything-is-black-and-white attitude, newbies were introduced with the idea that etiquette is a spectrum (with weighted consequences) there could be a bit more luck with that portion of newcomers who are "better off" on other forums (i.e., really not being introduced to any more conservative etiquette guidelines at all). But maybe not, who knows. It's worth a try.

Everyone can and should, by all means, continue sharing the everything-is-black-and-white guide to etiquette. It is useful for others to be aware of it and know which rules they're breaking and how severe are the consequences. But I don't think one side-stepping dissenting voice is going to destroy the TK culture, unless that culture is considerably more delicate than you've been letting on ("TK has a culture that was in place long before you joined a few months ago; you're not going to change it single-handedly."). 

This forum isn't for newbies who only want validation for bad ideas (not referencing the OP here). There are other forums that are a better fit for them. But if (general) you can come here open to the idea that you might have room to host your guests more graciously, then stick around as you can get a lot from TK.

Tyvm, you are calling out a segment of the forum and calling them "pearl clutchers" which isn't exactly community-building. You've been a light version of the poster who comes on here every so often to tell us how awful we are. You're not accomplishing what you think you are.

MobKaz

Tyvm said:

DrillSergeantCat said:

It's literally 30 minutes. They'll stand in the train depot in the air conditioning before loading onto the train which will then take them to the peninsula where they will be uinloaded, seated, watch the ceremony, and get back on the train and back to the train station. The average high is 81. The ceremony is at 5. Heat will more than likely not be a problem. Average rainfall is .15 inches. Rain will more than likely not be a problem. 

All I asked for was information regarding my mother's attire. 

@DrillSergeantCat The TK Pearl Clutchers do not care what question you asked, if they foresee an etiquette mishap, they will pull it out of you and then proceed to tell you where you're going wrong. Regardless of what you actually asked. 'Just a head's up on that.

That being said, you should really look at the "Plan to stand, or get wet" thread that was active recently in the 'Chit Chat' boards. It illustrates the general community response to forcing your guests to be uncomfortable for 30 minutes for the sake of the ceremony. There is a general rejection of the "know your people" concept on these boards, so you might have to take the Pearl Clutchers' advice with a sliding scale of importance.

I guess you could just have the back-up ceremony plan be the train platform? Or is the reception site available?

MobKaz

flantastic said:

Tyvm said:

DrillSergeantCat said:

It's literally 30 minutes. They'll stand in the train depot in the air conditioning before loading onto the train which will then take them to the peninsula where they will be uinloaded, seated, watch the ceremony, and get back on the train and back to the train station. The average high is 81. The ceremony is at 5. Heat will more than likely not be a problem. Average rainfall is .15 inches. Rain will more than likely not be a problem. 

All I asked for was information regarding my mother's attire. 

@DrillSergeantCat The TK Pearl Clutchers do not care what question you asked, if they foresee an etiquette mishap, they will pull it out of you and then proceed to tell you where you're going wrong. Regardless of what you actually asked. 'Just a head's up on that.

That being said, you should really look at the "Plan to stand, or get wet" thread that was active recently in the 'Chit Chat' boards. It illustrates the general community response to forcing your guests to be uncomfortable for 30 minutes for the sake of the ceremony. There is a general rejection of the "know your people" concept on these boards, so you might have to take the Pearl Clutchers' advice with a sliding scale of importance.

I guess you could just have the back-up ceremony plan be the train platform? Or is the reception site available?

Excuse us for trying to keep her guests from grumbling about her ceremony and having all they remember of the wedding be how uncomfortable they were. When you plan an event, you should always have a plan for a reasonable scenario where guest comfort would be compromised. Or just don't bother to invite guests and you only have to worry about your own comfort. That's basic human decency 101. Sorry you disapprove.

So kind of you to set yourself up as the OP's ally against the crazy TK world. The world needed you, SuperTYVM.

@Tvym, my only request, as has been stated in previous posts, is that you STOP speaking on behalf of anyone but yourself. 

flantastic

DrillSergeantCat said:

flantastic said:

Excuse us for trying to keep her guests from grumbling about her ceremony and having all they remember of the wedding be how uncomfortable they were. When you plan an event, you should always have a plan for a reasonable scenario where guest comfort would be compromised. Or just don't bother to invite guests and you only have to worry about your own comfort. That's basic human decency 101. Sorry you disapprove.

So kind of you to set yourself up as the OP's ally against the crazy TK world. The world needed you, SuperTYVM.

You know...I went to a wedding last summer at a golf course. The ceremony was indoors and the reception was in the same room. We were all kicked out onto the deck in the middle of August. There was no room to sit down, there was barely room to move. Until this conversation came up, the only thing I remembered of their ceremony was that the bride looked lovely, the groom looked handsome, the couple looked happy, and the party was fun. I highly doubt that being subjected to 80 degree weather on a lake for 30 minutes is going to produce such negative responses from people that that's "all they remember." How dramatic.

Unless you can personally guarantee the weather, it's not dramatic. People remember how much you seem to care about them, and whether an outdoor ceremony was more important than them standing around in heat, rain, etc. They will also do their best to be happy for you, but if you truly care about them, a "they'll put up with it" attitude is generally not the most gracious.

kimmiinthemitten

Isn't a pearl-clutcher someone who is shocked or aghast at things like nude tights with black dresses, dirty dancing and ambitious drinking?

Following etiquette guidelines hardly makes someone an uptight and conservative frump.

I intend to make sure every guest has a seat and a plate, their best person by their side, in a temperature controlled room while simultaneously participating in a night of open bar debauchery in a gown that makes my t*ts look amazing.

kvruns

ILoveBeachMusic said:

DrillSergeantCat said:

flantastic said:

Excuse us for trying to keep her guests from grumbling about her ceremony and having all they remember of the wedding be how uncomfortable they were. When you plan an event, you should always have a plan for a reasonable scenario where guest comfort would be compromised. Or just don't bother to invite guests and you only have to worry about your own comfort. That's basic human decency 101. Sorry you disapprove.

So kind of you to set yourself up as the OP's ally against the crazy TK world. The world needed you, SuperTYVM.

You know...I went to a wedding last summer at a golf course. The ceremony was indoors and the reception was in the same room. We were all kicked out onto the deck in the middle of August. There was no room to sit down, there was barely room to move. Until this conversation came up, the only thing I remembered of their ceremony was that the bride looked lovely, the groom looked handsome, the couple looked happy, and the party was fun. I highly doubt that being subjected to 80 degree weather on a lake for 30 minutes is going to produce such negative responses from people that that's "all they remember." How dramatic.

It's great that that is all you remember about that wedding. I bet others have a different memory. Last fall my son was in a good friend's wedding outside in October. There was an unusually cold and windy day for the wedding. I'm talking temperatures in the mid to low 40s. The bride/groom refused to hold the wedding inside! The BMs and GMs were freezing by the end as was my FDIL who was wearing a coat over her cocktail dress! That was all they talked about the first 30 mins. after they returned home. It wouldn't have hurt anything to move the wedding inside.

Glad you realize it is good to have your "last resort" plan. I truly hope you don't need to use it.

a friend's wedding a few years back was outside on a golf course and I believe the original plan was to be under a tent but a storm came through a few days before and the tent was no longer available. It was late June and HOT, the guys were sweating in suits and I remember sweating to much that I grabbed a towel from the pro shop and toweled off because it was showing through my dress. We also weren't allowed in the reception area for another 30-45 min so we all had to continue standing in the heat sweating. Finally were let in and we all rushed to the restrooms and tried to clean up best we can. That is ALL any of us remember from this person's wedding and the only thing that ever comes up because it was that miserable.

bleve0821

Tyvm said:

DrillSergeantCat said:

It's literally 30 minutes. They'll stand in the train depot in the air conditioning before loading onto the train which will then take them to the peninsula where they will be uinloaded, seated, watch the ceremony, and get back on the train and back to the train station. The average high is 81. The ceremony is at 5. Heat will more than likely not be a problem. Average rainfall is .15 inches. Rain will more than likely not be a problem. 

All I asked for was information regarding my mother's attire. 

@DrillSergeantCat The TK Pearl Clutchers do not care what question you asked, if they foresee an etiquette mishap, they will pull it out of you and then proceed to tell you where you're going wrong. Regardless of what you actually asked. 'Just a head's up on that.

That being said, you should really look at the "Plan to stand, or get wet" thread that was active recently in the 'Chit Chat' boards. It illustrates the general community response to forcing your guests to be uncomfortable for 30 minutes for the sake of the ceremony. There is a general rejection of the "know your people" concept on these boards, so you might have to take the Pearl Clutchers' advice with a sliding scale of importance.

I guess you could just have the back-up ceremony plan be the train platform? Or is the reception site available?

@DrillSergeantCat it sounds like you have a Plan B.  Good.  Don't hesitate to use it for the comfort of your guests.  Tell your mother to wear what she's comfortable in, in whatever color she wants, and then forget it.  Same with your FMIL if she asks.

@Tyvm:
 
1) Being conscious of and heedful to the traditional rules of etiquette does not make one a "Pearl Clutcher" or "old-fashioned" or "prude" or whatever.  It makes one a mindful, respectful adult.  That doesn't mean you should call others names or condemn others for wanting to help posters see the error of their ways.

Calling members of the general community names when YOU are the first to point out blunders in etiquette is insulting.  I'm here to help and provide advice, and if I see someone about to go down a hazy path, I will jump in and say something.  Posters seeking advice will either listen and understand, or get butthurt and find validation for their bad ideas elsewhere.  Telling them "saying XYZ will get you in trouble" is like giving them a headstart to run away instead of encouraging them to stay and get advice from those with experience.  Don't call me a "Pearl Clutcher."  I'm not.  I've been on the receiving end of shitty hosting, and it sucks enough that I want brides- and grooms-to-be aware that guests are not props.

Telling someone to take advice on long-standing rules of etiquette "with a sliding scale of importance" defeats the entire point of you calling out the etiquette mistakes the rest of the community also noticed.  It's not a sliding scale.  You're either mindful of your guests, or you're inconsiderate of them and don't care.  Telling people otherwise hurts them.  Warning them that you think it may be a bad idea, don't say this again or you'll get "attacked," does nothing but hurt people.  Are you going to listen to one person tell you an idea might be perceived as bad, or are you going to listen to twenty tell you it IS bad, and provide personal examples?

For instance.  I was a bridesmaid in a wedding in Texas a few years ago.  December is usually a mild month in Texas.  The Wednesday before the wedding, a freak ice storm hit, plunging the region into sub-freezing temperatures.  The bride didn't have a Plan B, and I froze my ass off standing beside her.  The reception was also outside.

Also, it was a PPD.

I remember very little about the wedding except how fucking cold I was.

2)  It isn't a "general rejection of the 'know your people' concept."  It's the "if you do this, then you're going to be a shitty host, is that how you want people to remember your wedding?" concept.  Not everyone can tolerate 80* heat.  If you're sitting in the open with the sun beating down on you, wearing a black suit jacket or a long gown that doesn't breath, it's sure as hell going to feel a lot hotter than 80*. 80* at a wedding =/= 80* in your backyard. A 30 minute ceremony =/= 30 minutes sitting in the ceremony space. Guests are seated first and leave last.

For instance.  I went to a wedding in late October in NOVA a few years ago.  The 30 minute ceremony was at 5.  Temperatures didn't top 80*, but DH sweated through his suit, I sweated through my strapless dress, and my feet swelled so much from just sitting there for 45 minutes in full sun that I couldn't even wear my shoes.   I had to take them off, and someone wearing stilettos stepped on my bare foot and broke it in three places. It was fucking uncomfortable, and while I love the couple, I remember little of that wedding except my discomfort.  DH remembers pretty much the same.  And I'm a person who loves being warm.  

Tyvm, you're not helping people by saying these things, and you're on track to alienate a large portion of this community by calling us names.  Having opinions is fine, but telling people to take our advice with a grain of salt while simultaneously warning lurkers what not to say if/when they ask for advice is as irresponsible as if you were to validate their mistakes.  You can't learn from mistakes you don't make.

High five for derailing this thread.

Edited to remove a stray word

charlotte989875

kimmiinthemitten said:

Isn't a pearl-clutcher someone who is shocked or aghast at things like nude tights with black dresses, dirty dancing and ambitious drinking?

Following etiquette guidelines hardly makes someone an uptight and conservative frump.

I intend to make sure every guest has a seat and a plate, their best person by their side, in a temperature controlled room while simultaneously participating in a night of open bar debauchery in a gown that makes my t*ts look amazing.

That might be the best description of a reception that I've ever heard. 

meetthepettys040717

Commenting back to the OP's original post...

OP, I would take the opportunity to go shopping with your mom and FMIL. My mom came with us when I found my gown and ended up finding a wonderful dress in a purple color. I wasn't really sure I wanted her to match the BMs, but the best part was they sort of do match, because the BM's dresses are from DB and they all have lace on them, my mom picked out a long style with that same lace on it, it worked out perfectly! Just let them wear what is comfortable but still appropriate for your wedding! Good luck  

Viczaesar

meetthepettys040717 said:

Commenting back to the OP's original post...

OP, I would take the opportunity to go shopping with your mom and FMIL. My mom came with us when I found my gown and ended up finding a wonderful dress in a purple color. I wasn't really sure I wanted her to match the BMs, but the best part was they sort of do match, because the BM's dresses are from DB and they all have lace on them, my mom picked out a long style with that same lace on it, it worked out perfectly! Just let them wear what is comfortable but still appropriate for your wedding! Good luck  

No, let them wear what they want.  You have no right to control what the parents wear, period.

lovesclimbing

I had never seen my MIL in anything but jeans. Guess what? She showed up in a perfectly appropriate skirt and jacket without me saying anything. 

lnixon8

Went to a wedding Saturday. The ceremony was outside with only enough seats for the elderly. It was 80 degrees, on the water and they had water available. I still had a blast even though my spray tan started running down my cleavage because I was sweating so much.

You know who didn't have a blast? The other 27 year that passed out and the the 30 year old that had to sit down on the grass in a cute cocktail dress to avoid passing out. 

DrillSergeantCat

lnixon8 said:

Went to a wedding Saturday. The ceremony was outside with only enough seats for the elderly. It was 80 degrees, on the water and they had water available. I still had a blast even though my spray tan started running down my cleavage because I was sweating so much.

You know who didn't have a blast? The other 27 year that passed out and the the 30 year old that had to sit down on the grass in a cute cocktail dress to avoid passing out. 

There will be more seats than necessary so no one will have to sit on the ground. 

So is it just outdoor ceremonies you all have a problem with or what?

CMGragain

It is your lack of a backup plan.  Your guests' comfort should come first before your vision of an outdoor wedding site.
Who knew that my daughter's wedding would be the hottest day in the history of Washington, DC?  Good thing she was having a wedding in an air-conditioned church!

holyguacamole79

DrillSergeantCat said:

lnixon8 said:

Went to a wedding Saturday. The ceremony was outside with only enough seats for the elderly. It was 80 degrees, on the water and they had water available. I still had a blast even though my spray tan started running down my cleavage because I was sweating so much.

You know who didn't have a blast? The other 27 year that passed out and the the 30 year old that had to sit down on the grass in a cute cocktail dress to avoid passing out. 

There will be more seats than necessary so no one will have to sit on the ground. 

So is it just outdoor ceremonies you all have a problem with or what?

I'm personally not a big fan of outdoor weddings.  But you definitely need a backup plan.  It's been raining a LOT in Texas lately.  H and I went to a wedding 2 weeks ago and it poured most of the afternoon leading up to it.  Luckily the couple had a backup plan and the wedding was inside.  It was a bit tight, but at least we weren't in the soggy humidity.

geebee908

Friends were telling us about a wedding this past Saturday at a state park. Ceremony was outside on the lawn at the lodge with no shade and everyone was melting including the bride. That lake view was great, I'm sure, but the bride won't be happy about how she and the groom look in their pictures.

MesmrEwe

It's so fun to melt at outdoor weddings...  And the bugs...  But, that beats the 90 degree heat, bugs, and bat flying through the dinner at one of DH's cousin's wedding last year that was outdoors...  I've never seen a wedding that cleared out faster than when Drac showed up!

bleve0821

I take issue with any event where my comfort and well-being comes in last to the vision of the host in general. I'm not a prop. I'm a guest and deserve, like any other guest at any other event held on any other day for any other reason, to be hosted well and for my comfort to be considered. It's not outdoor weddings I have a problem with.  It's poor hosting.  You can get married anywhere you please as long as you are mindful of the comfort and needs of your guests.

ernursej

I generally dislike outdoor weddings because they are often hot, buggy and so sunny that many guests are squinting. I get that couples like this so I go along with it. After telling a few of my guests that my wedding would be indoors, I received several sighs of relief and comments that it was nice not to have to slather on the sunscreen and/or deal with weather altering hairstyles or not being able to wear certain shoes for concern that they would get wrecked.

OP - Sounds like you do have a back up plan. Please use it if anything is not absolutely the norm for the day you picked.

@Tyvm, I will agree that sometimes things can be written in a different way. I do think that you are going so far the other direction that newbies may get the impression that if they minimize the info they will only get the answers they are looking for and missing out on important things that get caught by the Knotties. An interesting fake example below:

Scenario OP - "I'm looking for advice on how to hem this dress. I'm worried that it will get wet and dirty if it rains the day of our wedding and the field we are getting married in is a giant mud pie."

Knottie that needs to take it down a notch - "Screw the hem, you are fucking insane for thinking your guests are going to deal with that."

Normal Knottie - "Whoa OP. I'm concerned that your guests are going to have issues tromping through the field if you get the weather you are concerned about. What is your back up plan"

Your current way of responding - "I would do x, y, z with the hem. I would suggest that you remove the bit about the field as the rest of the Knotties are going to fry you over your choice of venue."

You and normal Knottie both are saying things in a nice way, but the normal Knottie is getting to the route of the issue that OP really needs to think about.  

DrillSergeantCat

I'm seriously concerned at the lack of reading comprehension with some of you. I have a back up plan if it rains. My wedding is at 5pm on September 24th. The high is usually near 80 but at 5 will be cooler. The sun will not be a problem since it's near sunset. 

I was really hoping to be able to come here and get help since I've never planned a wedding before but instead I get told what an asshole I am for having an outdoor wedding during the nicest part of the year. 

I know my audience better than you. I know my area better than you. I know our weather better than you but because YOU don't like outdoor weddings, I'm a jerk. 

DrillSergeantCat

charlotte989875 said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

Isn't a pearl-clutcher someone who is shocked or aghast at things like nude tights with black dresses, dirty dancing and ambitious drinking?

Following etiquette guidelines hardly makes someone an uptight and conservative frump.

I intend to make sure every guest has a seat and a plate, their best person by their side, in a temperature controlled room while simultaneously participating in a night of open bar debauchery in a gown that makes my t*ts look amazing.

That might be the best description of a reception that I've ever heard. 

And that's exactly what will happen at the reception.