I apologize upfront but this is a bit of a rant. I've been bored and uncomfortable all day because of this wedding, so hopefully some others will see how some of these no-nos affect guests!
Disclaimer: Ok, so today was HOT. It was 95 degrees here, with about 84% humidity. I get that the couple cannot control the weather. Maybe I'm as grouchy as I am because it was hot. Just putting that out there.
- It started with the invitation. This couple refuses to address me by my name. I was married almost two years ago, and I kept my own name. MOST of the wedding cards we got assumed I changed mine. I didn't really mind at the time -- I know people don't expect that. But in the two years since, we have sent a thank you card with both our names on it. Then, when I got invited to this wedding, again, we were lumped under husband's name. We RSVP'd with our INDIVIDUAL names again. Show up today, table card lumped us together again. *groan*. I signed the check with my name. It also has both our names printed on it. I'm honestly starting to wonder if they think I'm a snob for not changing my name and want to punish me or something.
- We got to the ceremony, it was in a nice park. There was a clubhouse, and after looking for people we recognized we figured out it was in the back, on a patio overlooking a lake. I'm not exaggerating when I say there were only enough seats for HALF the guests. If that. I'm being generous. So we stood. The only place that really made sense to stand, also, was right in front of a raised walkway where the wedding procession would go, so a bunch of us are milling around awkwardly in a bunch of wedding pictures now.
- They used the "release from seating" thing as a version of receiving their guests. We stood patiently and waited for them to get to us in the back. When I approached the groom, I started to go for a hand shake, but he held his arm out for a hug. As I leaned in, with my chin up, and my cheek aimed for his cheek, he says, "Watch the lipstick!" Meaning he didn't want me to get lipstick on his suit. Not thanks for coming. Mind the lipstick. Which is ridiculous because it had all but melted off by that point, and my lips weren't aimed for fabric in the slightest.
- There were no details given about the reception venue, other than the name of the venue suggesting it was on land owned by the bride's parents, and the mother of the groom mentioned in conversation after the ceremony that it would be air conditioned. Many of the guests were asking eachother if they were going to go and change before the reception... I guess a lot of people wondered if it was going to be outside, "in the sticks", or just in general if it would be more casual. Again, I saw nothing on the invite to suggest this, so we did not change, and went in our formal wear. Here's how that went:
- The venue was outside on packed dirt with sparse grass. My husband and I will have quite a bit of work to do on cleaning our shoes. My feet were brown from being coated in dust, and there was dust caked in between my toes. I wish I had worn sandles instead of formal shoes. Several other guests complained about this.
- I got to enjoy maneuvering around in a port-a-potty in a formal lace skirt.
- The "air-conditioning" was a large, 20-ft tall, 4-pole tent. And NO. While there were air conditioners, I don't think it could in any way be called air-conditioned. In fact it felt cooler outside the tent because of the breeze. Again, I know they can't control the weather, I'm just grumpy they said air-conditioned. This led me to believe it would be indoors, which contributed to my decision not to change.
- The land was slightly sloped. When you are sitting in a chair at a table on a slope, even a slight one, it just gets uncomfortable quick.
- They had about 250 people crammed into this tent. It was impossible to try and walk through the tables. I was getting up and down all evening to let people pass. Even worse, they had a woman bound to a wheel-chair as a guest, and they put her at a table that required her to navigate past three other tables. I'm not expecting full ADA compliance, but come on.
- The many acres of this land was heavily wooded. The tent was set up in a good sized clearing, but it was only about 10 feet away from the treeline. We got eaten alive.
- The music in the tent was so loud (as soon as we got there, starting with cocktails and all through dinner) that I had to lean in and speak very loudly to someone sitting right next to me. It was impossible to talk to anyone else at my table, which was really disappointing because this is the first time my husband had seen his brother in years, and the first time he had ever met his nephew. A lot of people were staring at their phones, or just left the tent.
- They set up parking so that cars would have to drive right by (within about 15 feet) of the tent to exit the clearing. However, this is where everybody went to either smoke or talk (because it was too loud in the tent). So literally every car that left had to slowly crawl through a sea of bodies and hope they didn't hit a child darting in front of them. After dinner there were literally more people outside the tent than inside.
- Couple other gripes that didn't affect me directly, but are pet peeves of mine:
- The wedding party was seated at the head table and not with their partners.
- The vows were soooo ...not solemn. I think the line "promise to be eachothers favorite person" was the worst -- and this was said by the officiant, not the personally written vows the bride and groom gave. Again, totally doesn't affect me, and I'm probably just piling on at this point, but yuck. I guess if it meant something to them, great.
I wanted to stay as long as possible to give my husband a chance to talk with his brother. So I wanted to stay AT LEAST until the cake was cut. Well, they promised cake, and an hour later they still hadn't served. So we were done being polite, and left to get some ice-cream and wash the dust off our feet.