Wedding

banana468

@KnotRiley, I appreciate that you need to do what your bosses tell you to do but the amount of editing on this post almost makes it a non-starter.

And if the intent was to protect the OP, I don't think that was the effect achieved. 

ILoveBeachMusic

So was the quoted OP in @kimmiinthemitten's post edited too? I still see that quote.

ILoveBeachMusic

Also, I think OP has valid feelings about her mom not providing food for her. She specifically asked about it and was told there would be a lot of food for her to eat. Should she move on - yes, but I don't think telling her it isn't that big of a deal is right. I have a friend who has these same issues with her family. Over the years, yes she had learned to bring her own food. However, it still hurts her that her Mom ignores her health issues. It is definitely a mom issue!

banana468

ILoveBeachMusic said:

Also, I think OP has valid feelings about her mom not providing food for her. She specifically asked about it and was told there would be a lot of food for her to eat. Should she move on - yes, but I don't think telling her it isn't that big of a deal is right. I have a friend who has these same issues with her family. Over the years, yes she had learned to bring her own food. However, it still hurts her that her Mom ignores her health issues. It is definitely a mom issue!

I think those are valid issues.   But if you know that this is how your family is, you vent but come prepared.

It's annoying, but there comes a time that you have to stop expecting people to change.   That doesn't make what mom did correct.  It just means that you need to be prepared.

charlotte989875

ILoveBeachMusic said:

So was the quoted OP in @kimmiinthemitten's post edited too? I still see that quote.

Yes @kimmiinthemitten and my post that had the original OP in it were both edited. 

banana468

charlotte989875 said:

ILoveBeachMusic said:

So was the quoted OP in @kimmiinthemitten's post edited too? I still see that quote.

Yes @kimmiinthemitten and my post that had the original OP in it were both edited. 

This is what makes me feel like this thread is now a bad game of telephone.   Some people are posting about things that they read and some of us that are later to the party are walking around going, "What are you talking about??" 

kimmiinthemitten

I said all along she had a mom problem and that I too would be upset about my mom disrespecting my food allergies. The part that wasn't a big deal were her deleted complaints about her families lack of involvement and inclusion of a tiny human at an adult event (my cliff note version). 

And I agree with @banana468 editing an original post that had already been read and copied makes the OP look silly and immature regardless of who did the editing. No ones livelihood, identity of safety was compromised in this post. 

lovesclimbing

Yea, I was assuming there was real identifying info like full names and specific locations and didn't get why those specific details couldn't have been edited out and left the rest because now it's super confusing! You can add  my post to the ones to forward to management, @KnotRiley. 

lnixon8

KnotRiley said:

@charlotte989875 essentially myself and KH are the only ones in the company who really handle anything community related on The Knot. Somehow the request for editing the quoted posts got escalated beyond even my manager, to people in the company who don't know/understand the protocol. Although I tried to explain it (and explain the ramifications) they continued to push me to do it. I plan on sending all of them your responses to this, as I think it's important for them not just to hear from me, but to understand how something like this impacts the community.

ETA: @OliveOilsMom we also updated her username to a generic Knottie#'s it was originally more identifying 

Her original username still isn't completly deleted from the thread and I'm not buying that her name is actually sweetheart.

[Deleted User]

The funny/ironic part is that having a flower girl at a shower is in no way unique or identifying. Her food issues and the fact that she has high up connections to the company's company (or whatever) to demand this be edited is way more identifying. 

banana468

Ironring said:

The funny/ironic part is that having a flower girl at a shower is in no way unique or identifying. Her food issues and the fact that she has high up connections to the company's company (or whatever) to demand this be edited is way more identifying. 

So congratulations to the OP.   You can't get mom to get you a dairy free salad but you can make TK edit your posts.   Happy?? 

glasgowtolondon

Wow. I wondered what had happened as I read the original post and was confused as to what had to be removed from her post and the quotes because it seemed so innocuous. Not cool at all. Thanks for taking the time to explain @knotriley, it really is appreciated. The reason I stick around here is precisely because this forum treats its users like adults, I really hope this isn't a sign of things to come. 

kimmiinthemitten

glasgowtolondon said:

Wow. I wondered what had happened as I read the original post and was confused as to what had to be removed from her post and the quotes because it seemed so innocuous. Not cool at all. Thanks for taking the time to explain @knotriley, it really is appreciated. The reason I stick around here is precisely because this forum treats its users like adults, I really hope this isn't a sign of things to come. 

Exactly.  I wish you guys really could have read the original post, it was so generic; albeit whiny and entitled.  Shocking right?!  

OP, as I told you earlier - enough with the dramatics!  

glasgowtolondon

kimmiinthemitten said:

glasgowtolondon said:

Wow. I wondered what had happened as I read the original post and was confused as to what had to be removed from her post and the quotes because it seemed so innocuous. Not cool at all. Thanks for taking the time to explain @knotriley, it really is appreciated. The reason I stick around here is precisely because this forum treats its users like adults, I really hope this isn't a sign of things to come. 

Exactly.  I wish you guys really could have read the original post, it was so generic; albeit whiny and entitled.  Shocking right?!  

OP, as I told you earlier - enough with the dramatics!  

I think you nailed it with the bolded.

charlotte989875

kimmiinthemitten said:

glasgowtolondon said:

Wow. I wondered what had happened as I read the original post and was confused as to what had to be removed from her post and the quotes because it seemed so innocuous. Not cool at all. Thanks for taking the time to explain @knotriley, it really is appreciated. The reason I stick around here is precisely because this forum treats its users like adults, I really hope this isn't a sign of things to come. 

Exactly.  I wish you guys really could have read the original post, it was so generic; albeit whiny and entitled.  Shocking right?!  

OP, as I told you earlier - enough with the dramatics!  

My thoughts exactly. 

Heffalump

I don't get this low blood sugar thing.  There was fruit, right--that isn't some TK sleight of hand?  (Because who knows how many times the post has been edited by now.)

I had gestational diabetes with both pregnancies, and with the second one I actually had to take a small dose of insulin for a stretch.  You have to watch your blood sugar, and one of the things they suggested if my blood sugar was low was fruit--I guess your body can metabolize the sugar in the fruit pretty quickly. 

I know this is a small thing, but it just doesn't make sense.  And since I'm not really sure what this whole flower girl thing is about, that's all I've got.

[Deleted User]

For some peoples benefit: I only skimmed the original post because it was long but from what I remember, the two main things that were deleted were as follows:

- she asked her sisters to help with invitations since there was a time crunch. They said no because they were too busy planning the shower. 

- she didn't want any children at the shower and found out that her brothers daughter, the flower girl, was coming. She complained to her mom ahead of time about her niece coming. She didn't want children at the wedding because her and her FI just wanted to "relax and be able to be themselves" (which begs the question of what kind of shenanigans were anticipated at a couples shower that would make you nervous for your niece to witness?). 

Feel free to add/correct for anyone else who read the OP. 

kimmiinthemitten

Ironring said:

For some peoples benefit: I only skimmed the original post because it was long but from what I remember, the two main things that were deleted were as follows:

- she asked her sisters to help with invitations since there was a time crunch. They said no because they were too busy planning the shower. 

- she didn't want any children at the shower and found out that her brothers daughter, the flower girl, was coming. She complained to her mom ahead of time about her niece coming. She didn't want children at the wedding because her and her FI just wanted to "relax and be able to be themselves" (which begs the question of what kind of shenanigans were anticipated at a couples shower that would make you nervous for your niece to witness?). 

Feel free to add/correct for anyone else who read the OP. 

She was also upset that they said no because they offered to help her with *anything* she needed.

bleve0821

Rhinestones. She needed help gluing rhinestones to invitations.

glasgowtolondon

The rhinestones won't glue themselves. Thats what bridesbitches are for, no?

kimmiinthemitten

kvruns

Ironring said:

For some peoples benefit: I only skimmed the original post because it was long but from what I remember, the two main things that were deleted were as follows:

- she asked her sisters to help with invitations since there was a time crunch. They said no because they were too busy planning the shower. 

- she didn't want any children at the shower and found out that her brothers daughter, the flower girl, was coming. She complained to her mom ahead of time about her niece coming. She didn't want children at the wedding because her and her FI just wanted to "relax and be able to be themselves" (which begs the question of what kind of shenanigans were anticipated at a couples shower that would make you nervous for your niece to witness?). 

Feel free to add/correct for anyone else who read the OP. 

the couples baby shower I went to a few months ago was definitely not something I'd want young kids at. Her family was making tons of inappropriate comments, gestures, etc and I was just amazed that people act like that in mixed company. Fortunately there weren't too many little kids but there were enough that understood what was being said which was bad.

[Deleted User]

@kvruns ok, fair point. I take back my judgment on that point. I guess I haven't been to many couples showers where there have been much inappropriate conversation/actions. 

MandTFebruary62011

I'm sorry but I just want to say because it seems no one else got it... while I agree it was super rude for her mom to fill her shower with food she couldn't eat, it sounds like she pulled her mom aside into a separate room presumably as guests were arriving to "ask" her about why there wasn't any food she could eat.  I'm going to guess this was not just a simple ask.  Takes two to tango.

jacques27

Listen, I get that it sucks when you go  somewhere and there is nothing you can eat (gluten-free, dairy-free, fructose-free, and low fodmap here), especially for something being thrown in your honor.  And it sucks that your mother doesn't seem respectful of that (although my mother will frequently bring me things I can't eat, not out of malice, but because my restrictions are  complicated and sometimes she forgets or doesn't understand what does fall in or out of the restrictions).  But...

1.  My restrictions are no one else's responsibility but my own. Period.  I am a grown adult and it is my responsibility alone.  If you have such severe restrictions and sensitive blood sugar issues, you should have had something in your purse. Period. At all times.  Regardless of what is allegedly promised. That's just plain stupid and irresponsible on your part.  It's part of being prepared and managing your health.

2.  While it's completely understandable to want to have food you can eat (and hope your hosts are thoughtful and accommodating) I think it's a bit ridiculous to expect everything catered to one person's limitations.  I would never force my loved ones to have to eat what I eat because it fucking sucks. I wouldn't eat this way if given the choice.  Also, gluten-free, dairy-free (hfcs- free) is expensive and a lot of it just sucks (though is getting better).  Forcing that expense when 95 percent of the people don't need that accommodation is just ridiculous.

Could there have been more options? Sure. But it sounds like they tried. And there was something you could eat. You had higher expectations. That's too bad. But they also didn't have to throw you a party at all. Try having some gratitude that you have people who love you that wanted to throw you a party to begin with.

glasgowtolondon

kimmiinthemitten said:

What a sassy beatch. 

STARMOON44

BBQ meat, fruit, and Rice Krispie treats sounds honestly like plenty of food to me! How long was this shower?

levioosa

I am positive now that OP is a whiny entitled martyr. I also think it's bullshit that she should be treated specially because she knows someone at TK. Grow up. 

kvruns

Ironring said:

@kvruns ok, fair point. I take back my judgment on that point. I guess I haven't been to many couples showers where there have been much inappropriate conversation/actions. 

it was definitely the exception not the rule to anything I've ever been to! although from what I gather I think her side of the family gatherings often trend in that direction

DrillSergeantCat

OP, I can understand being upset that you didn't have enough food at a party in your honor. My baby shower was the same way, but I'm a picky eater and chose not to eat a lot of what my hostess brought. In your case, your mother absolutely should have been more caring about your dietary issues and I would be upset at her, too.

However, you are absolutely being overly dramatic when you say that you are traumatized to the point that you don't want to even look at your gifts. It sounds like your mother went out of her way to make the rest of your shower special and was offended when you took her aside to complain about the food. You and your mom need to have a sit down and you need to thank her for the amount of effort and money she spent on your shower. 

Try to stop focusing on the negative and focus on those "moments" where you felt loved. I'd be willing to bet there were more of those moments than there were negative.