Here is the situation. We are a gay couple, found out that we are on the B list for the wedding reception, not invited to the wedding at all, A listers have rsvp, B listers just show up to the reception with gift. Bride is a colleague, all the other colleagues are married straight, they are on the A list. We are annoyed. Do we have to attend, if not, do we need to send a gift. Normally we give about 200.00 per wedding but since we are on the B-list under these circumstances we feel it is a gift grab. She does want a door mat, on the list, although I doubt she would get the irony