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Head table/gift from parents

PaperTigersxPaperTigersx member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
sorry if I posted this in the wrong section...

My parents graciously offered to pay for a tent for my wedding. (Originally it was going to be inside their house, but we ended up adding some more people to the guest list) 

I know the rule of thumb is that it's "their money, they get a say." But what if that goes against etiquette? 

My parents want us to have a head table that fits 8 people. This would be us and our 6 member wedding party. This means all s.o's will be separated.  Isn't this rude/against etiquette? Our social groups aren't mutual friends. None of the s.o's  know each other. 
(Not to mention, I find head tables tacky and it would make me more nervous facing everyone while I ate. I am NOT a social person) 

My parents are making me feel like a bridezilla for trying to put my foot down on this. I tried explaining to them that it could make our guests feel uncomfortable by sitting with no one they know. Not everyone is super social (I'm already nervous about my FI Friends wedding as he's the best man. I really hope we're still sat together because I get a bit of social anxiety. I don't know anyone other than my FI and bride and groom. As a guest, honestly I'd feel pretty crummy/anxious during dinner which makes me sick to my stomach and not able to eat. I don't want anyone at my wedding to feel like this ) 

Is this a battle I should let go or keep pressing to not have a head table (my alternative is to just have another round table and not split up couples. We would be sitting with the immediate family and the bridal party will be at other tables with their partners. Much like the original set up when it was inside) 

Do they get the ultimate say because it's their money or does etiquette win this? 
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Re: Head table/gift from parents

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    thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
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    PaperTigersx said:
    sorry if I posted this in the wrong section...

    My parents graciously offered to pay for a tent for my wedding. (Originally it was going to be inside their house, but we ended up adding some more people to the guest list) 

    I know the rule of thumb is that it's "their money, they get a say." But what if that goes against etiquette? 

    My parents want us to have a head table that fits 8 people. This would be us and our 6 member wedding party. This means all s.o's will be separated.  Isn't this rude/against etiquette? YES Our social groups aren't mutual friends. None of the s.o's  know each other. 
    (Not to mention, I find head tables tacky and it would make me more nervous facing everyone while I ate. I am NOT a social person) 

    My parents are making me feel like a bridezilla for trying to put my foot down on this. I tried explaining to them that it could make our guests feel uncomfortable by sitting with no one they know. Not everyone is super social (I'm already nervous about my FI Friends wedding as he's the best man. I really hope we're still sat together because I get a bit of social anxiety. I don't know anyone other than my FI and bride and groom. As a guest, honestly I'd feel pretty crummy/anxious during dinner which makes me sick to my stomach and not able to eat. I don't want anyone at my wedding to feel like this ) 

    Is this a battle I should let go NO! or keep pressing to not have a head table (my alternative is to just have another round table and not split up couples. We would be sitting with the immediate family and the bridal party will be at other tables with their partners. Much like the original set up when it was inside) <<< ---- This is perfect, do this.

    Do they get the ultimate say because it's their money or does etiquette win this? Etiquette wins! 

    ________________________________


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    JaxInBlueJaxInBlue member
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    I agree with PP.  I wouldn't give in to poor etiquette - particularly if you know it would make your BP uncomfortable.  I do think you could pose a compromise to your parents, if you would be okay doing so: yes to the head table, no to splitting up couples.  You could either do a head table with you/FI, MOH/SO and Best Man/SO or do a head table with you/FI and all the parents and their SOs.  The (rest of the) bridal party sits separately with their SOs.

    Both cases allow you to keep your invited couples together, but might also make your parents feel that their wishes are being included in your planning.
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    auriannaaurianna member
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    JaxInBlue said:
    I agree with PP.  I wouldn't give in to poor etiquette - particularly if you know it would make your BP uncomfortable.  I do think you could pose a compromise to your parents, if you would be okay doing so: yes to the head table, no to splitting up couples.  You could either do a head table with you/FI, MOH/SO and Best Man/SO or do a head table with you/FI and all the parents and their SOs.  The (rest of the) bridal party sits separately with their SOs.

    Both cases allow you to keep your invited couples together, but might also make your parents feel that their wishes are being included in your planning.
    This is what I was going to suggest as well.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    @JaxInBlue suggests a good compromise, but this is a battle you need to fight.  It would not be appropriate for your BP members to be seated completely separately from their SOs for exactly the reason you suggest. 

    So yes, you need to put your foot down that the BP SOs cannot be seated separately from the BP. But I like the compromise of having just the honor attendants sit with you, your FI, and your parents while the others have their own table.
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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    Why don't you just tell them you want to do a sweetheart table? That way the WP is at their own, individual tables (with their SOs). If they want the WP to be especially honored in some way, you could promise you'll do intros at the start of the reception and put their tables up near the front by yours.
    *********************************************************************************

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    SP29SP29 member
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    Agreed- put the foot down! I would re-iterate that it would leave your guests feeling uncomfortable and that makes you uncomfortable.

    Suggest a sweetheart table (just you and FI, WP sits with their dates and their own table), a table where you and FI sit with immediate family, a larger "head table" where the WP can sit with you and FI as well as their SOs, or do a Kings table which can include WP/SOs +/- immediate family.
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    ernursejernursej member
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    Show your parents this thread! PPs have it covered :)
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    PaperTigersxPaperTigersx member
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    flantastic said:
    Why the hell do they care whether the WP stands out at dinner?

    (Particularly if it'll just make them uncomfortable.)

    PPs have good advice.
    ***stuck in box****
    ill never know aside from "that's just what you do at weddings"

    thank you for all the advice! After much debate, They're going to change the table to a regular round table. 
    Apparently I just had to quote strangers from the Internet to make this happen haha. 
    According to them, I'm still being a bridezilla about this issue, but at least they saw the etiquette light lol. 

    My  mom isn't happy because I guess she wanted to decorate the head table or something? Oh well. It's over 

    thanks again! 
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    PaperTigersxPaperTigersx member
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    lovesclimbing said:
    PaperTigersx said:
    flantastic said:
    Why the hell do they care whether the WP stands out at dinner?

    (Particularly if it'll just make them uncomfortable.)

    PPs have good advice.
    ***stuck in box****
    ill never know aside from "that's just what you do at weddings"

    thank you for all the advice! After much debate, They're going to change the table to a regular round table. 
    Apparently I just had to quote strangers from the Internet to make this happen haha. 
    According to them, I'm still being a bridezilla about this issue, but at least they saw the etiquette light lol. 

    My  mom isn't happy because I guess she wanted to decorate the head table or something? Oh well. It's over 

    thanks again! 
    Does she not realize tables of any size can be decorated? Why can't she decorate a round table? Or a slightly bigger rectangle table that includes SOs. I don't get her logic. 
    I love my mom to bits, but you'll explode if you try to understand most of her logic. Ha 
    usually i just roll with things. 
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    OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
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    I wonder if your mom was trying to get a head table because she would rather sit with her own choice of friend & family and not the B&G (no offense!).  I know my parents would have rather sat with cousins they rarely see and my dad's sister.  So that is who sat at their table at my wedding.  It was a similar set up for my siblings other weddings too.

    My vote is a sweetheart table.  It's great to get a few quiet minutes alone with your new H!  The day is a blur, but there is this chance during dinner where it gets to be just the two of you.  It's also a table your mom could decorate!  And, I promise, people don't stare at you!  They are too busy eating their own food!

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    PaperTigersxPaperTigersx member
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    OliveOilsMom said:

    I wonder if your mom was trying to get a head table because she would rather sit with her own choice of friend & family and not the B&G (no offense!).  I know my parents would have rather sat with cousins they rarely see and my dad's sister.  So that is who sat at their table at my wedding.  It was a similar set up for my siblings other weddings too.

    My vote is a sweetheart table.  It's great to get a few quiet minutes alone with your new H!  The day is a blur, but there is this chance during dinner where it gets to be just the two of you.  It's also a table your mom could decorate!  And, I promise, people don't stare at you!  They are too busy eating their own food!

    no one is actually getting invited from my side of the family. (Don't have any relationship with them)
    So her and my dad would be sitting with us and his family (their first time meeting aside from the rehearsal dinner. So I think that's going o work better especially as we would like to be with our family during that time because they live so far away) 
    i think she'll enjoy doing that more so than sitting with a bunch of my friends (that she sees all the time lol) 

    that being said, I think that was a valid thing to bring up. They've agreed to not to a head table. 

    She eventually informed me that the idea came from my rather last minute decision to have a wedding party. She thought I'd want to sit with them. 
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    scrunchythiefscrunchythief member
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    At DH's cousin's wedding, they had a long table with the BP and their guests/SO's on each side right next to their (highly decorated) sweetheart table.  Both of these tables were kind of on display, on the other side of the dance floor from the rest of the tables.  That way they were right near their BP, still had a decorated table and BP wasn't split from their guests.  

    DH and I also had a sweetheart table, and it was nice to have those few minutes just to ourselves.
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    Knottie1466095869Knottie1466095869 member
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    I would just say yeah yeah sure then make sure that you arrange with the venue to  do proper seating. 
    Like telling them what they want to hear but doing what you want anyhow.  
    Normally I wouldn't suggest that but IMO your mom is wrong and you have to think of your guests comfort.  

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