Help...kids at wedding...with a big twist

MobKaz

@Knottie1464369406 said:

Light bulb moment: Your kids are not entitled to anything that You. Do. Not. Provide. I get it, every kid nowadays gets a participation trophy so it might be confusing to parents and kids alike. But, they are not entitled to go to someone else's wedding just because they are your pride and joy. I couldn't give two sh*ts about your kid. You want me to be honest about my feelings?? There's my honesty. You get offended that your kid isn't invited and therefore don't want to come? I don't give a f**k. You can't afford to take a couples only long weekend? Not my problem. Get a job. A better job.

Since you seem to enjoy honesty, I will share another light bulb moment of honesty with you.  NO ONE will care about your "perfect" wedding as much as you.  Your rant exposes yet another self absorbed assumption.  This GM may have an awesome job.  His job may be better than yours.  He may have more money than God.  He may very well be able to afford a trip around the world.  Did it ever occur to you that perhaps he just doesn't care to piss away hard earned money and vacation days sitting around "celebrating you"?

MCmeow

Knottie1464369406 said:

Hi there. This is the "OP" speaking. I've learned a lot since submitting my first post ever to an online forum, at the age of 38 years old. I went to the knot.com site and posted what I thought was a fairly innocent question for those to comment. You see, this is my first wedding (clearly most of you are pros at this) and I wasn't quite sure how to handle an awkward conversation with a member of the wedding party about a child being presumptuously invited to an adult wedding. I've receive more sh*t than I ever imagined receiving from some people on this website. Where's my "FI" in all of this??? Guess what?? He's working!! He has a job! I'm sorry I can not converse with him. Every. Second. Of. The. Day. He's not missing nor is he dead (sorry, just didn't appreciate the joke). We are contributing members of society and don't play on forums all day. Totally my bad to think that posing a quick question on a forum would be constructive. I will NEVER do so again.

***Already writing your comments....why don't you continue reading my whole post first****

I've been told to "be an adult" and "suck it up" and "deal with it" and "don't judge", etc. I've been told I make too many assumptions....WTF?? It's rude for me to bring something up proactively  but my bad if I make an assumption that someone wouldn't be rude but when they are just suck it up?? And then I'm the rude person?? Huh?? Do you people hear yourself talking?

***Still writing your comments....again why don't you continue reading the whole post first****

I am so disgusted by this one brief "online forum" experience. I grew up without social media and online anything and thank goodness. I can't imagine our young generation and what some of them must go through each day. There's signs in our neighborhood as there may be in yours to "Stop Bullying". Have any of you "parents" thought perhaps it should start from home. I'm an adult so I don't really give a sh*t what you say about me or my FI on this stupid post but this whole experience got me thinking about the kids that are cyber-bullied each day on other forums, blogs, social media, etc. Are you, as the great intellectual contributors you set yourself out to be in the knot.com posts, really setting good examples for our future generations???  I worry. I really worry. 

***I'm not done....seriously why don't you continue reading the whole post first****

Light bulb moment: Your kids are not entitled to anything that You. Do. Not. Provide. I get it, every kid nowadays gets a participation trophy so it might be confusing to parents and kids alike. But, they are not entitled to go to someone else's wedding just because they are your pride and joy. I couldn't give two sh*ts about your kid. You want me to be honest about my feelings?? There's my honesty. You get offended that your kid isn't invited and therefore don't want to come? I don't give a f**k. You can't afford to take a couples only long weekend? Not my problem. Get a job. A better job.

Mic Drop.

P.S. GM was totally OK when FI spoke with him about kid not invited. Sounds like he must be reasonable.

Okay, now write your dumb a$$ comments.

Woah that went out of hand fast.
News flash, most of us and our grandmas have jobs. Both me and FH have full time jobs and we still talk to each other about everything, bad excuse there. Also you were literally on a forum just now. You think everyone here just stares at the screen every minute of everyday going "what should I comment on next?!" No dude, no

And the "this generation and their internet" thing came out of nowhere too. Strangers online don't care about what you end up doing in real life. And it's easy to knock social media, But it has made people more informed than previous generations, it's helping us get organized politically, plus the real world and baby boomers screwed us over much more so don't feel bad for us.

Also who said people will get offended about their kids not being invited? You got plenty of advice coming from both sides that weren't the least bit harsh, you have to seriously chill.

Also that was definitely not a mic drop. I don't see how strangers come on these forums-> get logical advice-> then get pissed off, wtf

drunkenwitch

Knottie1464369406 said:

Hi there. This is the "OP" speaking. I've learned a lot since submitting my first post ever to an online forum, at the age of 38 years old. I went to the knot.com site and posted what I thought was a fairly innocent question for those to comment. You see, this is my first wedding (clearly most of you are pros at this) and I wasn't quite sure how to handle an awkward conversation with a member of the wedding party about a child being presumptuously invited to an adult wedding. I've receive more sh*t than I ever imagined receiving from some people on this website. Where's my "FI" in all of this??? Guess what?? He's working!! He has a job! I'm sorry I can not converse with him. Every. Second. Of. The. Day. He's not missing nor is he dead (sorry, just didn't appreciate the joke). We are contributing members of society and don't play on forums all day. Totally my bad to think that posing a quick question on a forum would be constructive. I will NEVER do so again.

***Already writing your comments....why don't you continue reading my whole post first****

I've been told to "be an adult" and "suck it up" and "deal with it" and "don't judge", etc. I've been told I make too many assumptions....WTF?? It's rude for me to bring something up proactively  but my bad if I make an assumption that someone wouldn't be rude but when they are just suck it up?? And then I'm the rude person?? Huh?? Do you people hear yourself talking?

***Still writing your comments....again why don't you continue reading the whole post first****

I am so disgusted by this one brief "online forum" experience. I grew up without social media and online anything and thank goodness. I can't imagine our young generation and what some of them must go through each day. There's signs in our neighborhood as there may be in yours to "Stop Bullying". Have any of you "parents" thought perhaps it should start from home. I'm an adult so I don't really give a sh*t what you say about me or my FI on this stupid post but this whole experience got me thinking about the kids that are cyber-bullied each day on other forums, blogs, social media, etc. Are you, as the great intellectual contributors you set yourself out to be in the knot.com posts, really setting good examples for our future generations???  I worry. I really worry. 

***I'm not done....seriously why don't you continue reading the whole post first****

Light bulb moment: Your kids are not entitled to anything that You. Do. Not. Provide. I get it, every kid nowadays gets a participation trophy so it might be confusing to parents and kids alike. But, they are not entitled to go to someone else's wedding just because they are your pride and joy. I couldn't give two sh*ts about your kid. You want me to be honest about my feelings?? There's my honesty. You get offended that your kid isn't invited and therefore don't want to come? I don't give a f**k. You can't afford to take a couples only long weekend? Not my problem. Get a job. A better job.

Mic Drop.

P.S. GM was totally OK when FI spoke with him about kid not invited. Sounds like he must be reasonable.

Okay, now write your dumb a$$ comments.

You're 38 and this is your first wedding? I'm 40 and never been married 

drunkenwitch

And look up the actual definition of bullying and grow a thicker skin if you want to Internet. 

AddieCake

You think that deserved a mic drop? Oh. Oh, bless your heart.

ETA: And thanks for yet another dramatic ZOMG THIS WAS MY FIRST POST AND I LEARNED MY LESSON AND I WILL NEVER POST AGAIN AND I AM SO GLAD I AM NOT MEAN LIKE EVERYBODY HERE post. I always enjoy a dull, cliched, uninspired temper tantrum to kick off my week.

climbingsingle

Knottie1464369406 said:

Hi there. This is the "OP" speaking. I've learned a lot since submitting my first post ever to an online forum, at the age of 38 years old. I went to the knot.com site and posted what I thought was a fairly innocent question for those to comment. You see, this is my first wedding (clearly most of you are pros at this) and I wasn't quite sure how to handle an awkward conversation with a member of the wedding party about a child being presumptuously invited to an adult wedding. I've receive more sh*t than I ever imagined receiving from some people on this website. Where's my "FI" in all of this??? Guess what?? He's working!! He has a job! I'm sorry I can not converse with him. Every. Second. Of. The. Day. He's not missing nor is he dead (sorry, just didn't appreciate the joke). We are contributing members of society and don't play on forums all day. Totally my bad to think that posing a quick question on a forum would be constructive. I will NEVER do so again.

***Already writing your comments....why don't you continue reading my whole post first****

I've been told to "be an adult" and "suck it up" and "deal with it" and "don't judge", etc. I've been told I make too many assumptions....WTF?? It's rude for me to bring something up proactively  but my bad if I make an assumption that someone wouldn't be rude but when they are just suck it up?? And then I'm the rude person?? Huh?? Do you people hear yourself talking?

***Still writing your comments....again why don't you continue reading the whole post first****

I am so disgusted by this one brief "online forum" experience. I grew up without social media and online anything and thank goodness. I can't imagine our young generation and what some of them must go through each day. There's signs in our neighborhood as there may be in yours to "Stop Bullying". Have any of you "parents" thought perhaps it should start from home. I'm an adult so I don't really give a sh*t what you say about me or my FI on this stupid post but this whole experience got me thinking about the kids that are cyber-bullied each day on other forums, blogs, social media, etc. Are you, as the great intellectual contributors you set yourself out to be in the knot.com posts, really setting good examples for our future generations???  I worry. I really worry. 

***I'm not done....seriously why don't you continue reading the whole post first****

Light bulb moment: Your kids are not entitled to anything that You. Do. Not. Provide. I get it, every kid nowadays gets a participation trophy so it might be confusing to parents and kids alike. But, they are not entitled to go to someone else's wedding just because they are your pride and joy. I couldn't give two sh*ts about your kid. You want me to be honest about my feelings?? There's my honesty. You get offended that your kid isn't invited and therefore don't want to come? I don't give a f**k. You can't afford to take a couples only long weekend? Not my problem. Get a job. A better job.

Mic Drop.

P.S. GM was totally OK when FI spoke with him about kid not invited. Sounds like he must be reasonable.

Okay, now write your dumb a$$ comments.



SITB 

My whole post was eaten! Damn it. 

OP, I work full time and my husband owns his own business. We managed to plan our wedding entirely by ourselves, and we communicated frequently about it! Imagine that. It's how adults get things done (BTW, you are two years older than me). 

Your problem is that you just kept assuming things without actually having a conversation directly with this person. It's not that hard to do, or figure out. 

Also, I don't have kids. I only invited 4 older kids (no younger than 12 to) to our wedding. I personally would have been annoyed if someone assumed their kid was invited. But again,  all you need to do is have a conversation with someone. You made this into a whole drama it didn't need to be. 

crowsgirl15

You know the worst part about all this? I STILL don't know where her FI stands with it all. Guess that's going to have to be a mystery for the ages.

DrillSergeantCat

How close are we to a bingo? 

DrillSergeantCat

Knottie1464369406 said:

DrillSergeantCat said:

climbingwife said:

Is the "big twist" that the 7 year old kid sees dead people? 

It's that the groom is actually dead. 

Seriously??? "The groom is dead" is your comment?? WTF is wrong with you???

You seriously found that offensive? I mean, really, though....he's a ghost and that explains why you haven't said what he feels about this. 

AddieCake

crowsgirl15 said:

You know the worst part about all this? I STILL don't know where her FI stands with it all. Guess that's going to have to be a mystery for the ages.

He fucking WORKS, goddammit!  He can't be bothered with silly wedding planning and communicating!

ILoveBeachMusic

Yes, OP people gave you plenty of sound advice. A lot of brides on here have no children at their wedding - No big deal. However, the groomsman didn't know you weren't having kids - I don't believe your invites had gone out when you talked to him. Most of the people here were just saying communication is key when planning such an event as a wedding. I'm glad GM was understanding about the house/wedding being kids free. Not everyone would have been able to attend from such a distance without bringing their kid along. My daughter and son-in-law had several such declines and no one was offended on either side.

Heffalump

Knottie1464369406 said:

Where's my "FI" in all of this??? Guess what?? He's working!! He has a job! I'm sorry I can not converse with him. Every. Second. Of. The. Day. He's not missing nor is he dead (sorry, just didn't appreciate the joke).

Dude...no one thought he was actually dead.  I mean, I don't think you can even marry dead people.  Sadly, you missed your window to see The Sixth Sense on Netflix, but maybe you can borrow a copy from a friend.

Knottie1464369406 said:

I've learned a lot since submitting my first post ever to an online forum, at the age of 38 years old.
...

I grew up without social media and online anything and thank goodness.

Well, I'm turning 41 this week (woo hoo), and as your elder I think you sound ridiculous.  Maybe you should tell PP to stay off your lawn while you're at it.

Knottie1464369406 said:

Totally my bad to think that posing a quick question on a forum would be constructive. I will NEVER do so again.

STARMOON44

And nearly all of us said it was perfectly fine to not want his kid there, you just have to talk to him about it if that is the case. That's pretty mild advice really. 

glasgowtolondon

I think we can safely assume OP has sand in her vagina.

AddieCake

STARMOON44 said:

And nearly all of us said it was perfectly fine to not want his kid there, you just have to talk to him about it if that is the case. That's pretty mild advice really. 

So much this. Would it really be so terrible, OP, to just say, "OK, good, so I'm not unreasonable or irrational for not wanting kids there? Cool. And you're right. We shouldn't have made any assumptions and just need to clear this detail up with him." Or some variation of that? Newp. Instead you had to go on a tirade about how awful we are and how wonderful you are because you didn't grow up with social media. (Which many of the rest of us didn't, either, but ok). 

SP29

NO ONE said all kids are entitled to be invited to your wedding. No one would ever say that; many Knotties have had child-free weddings.

The only thing said, was that your GM may not be able to attend if his child is unable to attend. You are not required to invite his child. He is not required to attend your wedding.

Since he has assumed his child was coming, it's up to you to decide whether you are OK with that or not (since invites have not been sent), and if not, up to you to correct him. If not, you simply say, "Sorry the invite is only for you and your wife". If he says, "I'm sorry but we are unable to attend without child" (perhaps he has no childcare) then it's up to you to decide whether you will make an exception for his kid.

The only caution anyone gave you was the above- with a GM from OOT, realize he may be unable to attend without his child (either he can't, or doesn't want to). Since we are talking about a GM (who are generally your nearest and dearest), you need to decide what is more important- him being there, or standing firm on no kids. Either option is acceptable, but you need to own it.

As said above, you could have avoided this drama in the first place if you had either corrected him from that first phone call instead of hanging up, or hung up, told your FI and made him deal with it (either yes, we've decided to let his kid attend, or no, we are standing firm). It's FI's groomsman, so he should be dealing with this anyway.

That is all.

TrixieJess

All you people and your logic. That's not what the OP wanted to hear. Validation people, validation, her circumstances are speshul, don't you understand...SPESHUL! Just because most of us are the same age getting married for the first time, is not what she wants to hear. Logic, Pfft!

Greenjinjo

glasgowtolondon said:

I think we can safely assume OP has sand in her vagina.

Just like Kyle? 

glasgowtolondon

Greenjinjo said:

glasgowtolondon said:

I think we can safely assume OP has sand in her vagina.

Just like Kyle? 

Definitely not!

PrettyGirlLost

Knottie1464369406 said:

Hi there. This is the "OP" speaking. I've learned a lot since submitting my first post ever to an online forum, at the age of 38 years old. I went to the knot.com site and posted what I thought was a fairly innocent question for those to comment. You see, this is my first wedding (clearly most of you are pros at this) and I wasn't quite sure how to handle an awkward conversation with a member of the wedding party about a child being presumptuously invited to an adult wedding. I've receive more sh*t than I ever imagined receiving from some people on this website. Where's my "FI" in all of this??? Guess what?? He's working!! He has a job! I'm sorry I can not converse with him. Every. Second. Of. The. Day. He's not missing nor is he dead (sorry, just didn't appreciate the joke). We are contributing members of society and don't play on forums all day. Totally my bad to think that posing a quick question on a forum would be constructive. I will NEVER do so again.

***Already writing your comments....why don't you continue reading my whole post first****

I've been told to "be an adult" and "suck it up" and "deal with it" and "don't judge", etc. I've been told I make too many assumptions....WTF?? It's rude for me to bring something up proactively  but my bad if I make an assumption that someone wouldn't be rude but when they are just suck it up?? And then I'm the rude person?? Huh?? Do you people hear yourself talking?

***Still writing your comments....again why don't you continue reading the whole post first****

I am so disgusted by this one brief "online forum" experience. I grew up without social media and online anything and thank goodness. I can't imagine our young generation and what some of them must go through each day. There's signs in our neighborhood as there may be in yours to "Stop Bullying". Have any of you "parents" thought perhaps it should start from home. I'm an adult so I don't really give a sh*t what you say about me or my FI on this stupid post but this whole experience got me thinking about the kids that are cyber-bullied each day on other forums, blogs, social media, etc. Are you, as the great intellectual contributors you set yourself out to be in the knot.com posts, really setting good examples for our future generations???  I worry. I really worry. 

***I'm not done....seriously why don't you continue reading the whole post first****

Light bulb moment: Your kids are not entitled to anything that You. Do. Not. Provide. I get it, every kid nowadays gets a participation trophy so it might be confusing to parents and kids alike. But, they are not entitled to go to someone else's wedding just because they are your pride and joy. I couldn't give two sh*ts about your kid. You want me to be honest about my feelings?? There's my honesty. You get offended that your kid isn't invited and therefore don't want to come? I don't give a f**k. You can't afford to take a couples only long weekend? Not my problem. Get a job. A better job.

Mic Drop.

P.S. GM was totally OK when FI spoke with him about kid not invited. Sounds like he must be reasonable.

Okay, now write your dumb a$$ comments.

The Butthurt is strong with this one.

What was said that was oh so terrible that you felt you neededto write out this petulant screed?

You and your FI screwed up, several times, in communicating with each other and this GM.  We gave you ideas on how to approach solving this issue.

So why all the shock and drama?

madamerwin

PrettyGirlLost said:

Knottie1464369406 said:

Hi there. This is the "OP" speaking. I've learned a lot since submitting my first post ever to an online forum, at the age of 38 years old. I went to the knot.com site and posted what I thought was a fairly innocent question for those to comment. You see, this is my first wedding (clearly most of you are pros at this) and I wasn't quite sure how to handle an awkward conversation with a member of the wedding party about a child being presumptuously invited to an adult wedding. I've receive more sh*t than I ever imagined receiving from some people on this website. Where's my "FI" in all of this??? Guess what?? He's working!! He has a job! I'm sorry I can not converse with him. Every. Second. Of. The. Day. He's not missing nor is he dead (sorry, just didn't appreciate the joke). We are contributing members of society and don't play on forums all day. Totally my bad to think that posing a quick question on a forum would be constructive. I will NEVER do so again.

***Already writing your comments....why don't you continue reading my whole post first****

I've been told to "be an adult" and "suck it up" and "deal with it" and "don't judge", etc. I've been told I make too many assumptions....WTF?? It's rude for me to bring something up proactively  but my bad if I make an assumption that someone wouldn't be rude but when they are just suck it up?? And then I'm the rude person?? Huh?? Do you people hear yourself talking?

***Still writing your comments....again why don't you continue reading the whole post first****

I am so disgusted by this one brief "online forum" experience. I grew up without social media and online anything and thank goodness. I can't imagine our young generation and what some of them must go through each day. There's signs in our neighborhood as there may be in yours to "Stop Bullying". Have any of you "parents" thought perhaps it should start from home. I'm an adult so I don't really give a sh*t what you say about me or my FI on this stupid post but this whole experience got me thinking about the kids that are cyber-bullied each day on other forums, blogs, social media, etc. Are you, as the great intellectual contributors you set yourself out to be in the knot.com posts, really setting good examples for our future generations???  I worry. I really worry. 

***I'm not done....seriously why don't you continue reading the whole post first****

Light bulb moment: Your kids are not entitled to anything that You. Do. Not. Provide. I get it, every kid nowadays gets a participation trophy so it might be confusing to parents and kids alike. But, they are not entitled to go to someone else's wedding just because they are your pride and joy. I couldn't give two sh*ts about your kid. You want me to be honest about my feelings?? There's my honesty. You get offended that your kid isn't invited and therefore don't want to come? I don't give a f**k. You can't afford to take a couples only long weekend? Not my problem. Get a job. A better job.

Mic Drop.

P.S. GM was totally OK when FI spoke with him about kid not invited. Sounds like he must be reasonable.

Okay, now write your dumb a$$ comments.

The Butthurt is strong with this one.

What was said that was oh so terrible that you felt you needed to write out this petulant screed?

You and your FI screwed up, several times, in communicating with each other and this GM.  We gave you ideas on how to approach solving this issue.

So why all the shock and drama?

Just snorted at the bolded. Excellent way to describe it.

tigerlily6

DrillSergeantCat said:

How close are we to a bingo? 

Let's see, we've got:
"R"
"A"
"G"
"R"
"E"
"T"

I'd say that's a BINGO!

drunkenwitch

tigerlily6 said:

DrillSergeantCat said:

How close are we to a bingo? 

Let's see, we've got:
"R"
"A"
"G"
"R"
"E"
"T"

I'd say that's a BINGO!

I am so happy to see Ragret is still alive and kickin!

mollybarker11

The specific "big twist" isn't even all that special of a circumstance. There was a thread here in recent memory about a woman bringing her infant to a beach house rented by the bride for a Bachelotette weekend...

People have adults-only weddings all the time. People have adults-only parties and vacations all the time. People miscommunicate or misunderstand the number of people invited to events all the time. It's a quick fix to just say, "Oh actually we're not able to accommodate children. Here's a list of nearby hotels if you'd like to make this a family vacation!"

I get being surprised that a child you didn't know existed was presumed to have been invited, but your FI should've communicated more clearly to both the GM and you from the start. I get a bit of panic or dread at having what could potentially be an awkward conversation, but that's just part of event planning/life. I get feeling like the two pages of responses was a bit of a dog-pile, but it's a big forum and no one bullied you.


Glad everything worked out with the GM and you can go back to your social-media-free life now.

geebee908

There was also a recent thread where a GM needed to bring his child for whatever reason to a child-free wedding and the bride had a little freakout about it. Advice given then was pretty much the same as now-- allow this child or be okay with the GM not being at the wedding.