What to do- RSVP 50/50

KnickerGold

My mom and MOH are hosting a bridal shower for me, and one of the respondents (a close friend of FI) said - when they called to follow up as she didn't rsvp- was that she was 50/50. She was reminded it was next week apparently as they were talking Mom mentioned that it was a small restaurant, so we need to give(and pay for) an exact number by tomorrow. 
Her response was apparently she'll try to make it, but won't know til the day of (which is odd since she lives 3 hours away...)

I'm trying to stay out of this, but both MOH and Mom called me asking what to do! Haha I agree with them that it's pretty rude to 1) not rsvp 2)give a wishy-washy answer when asked. 
Both asked me if I'd prefer if they pay for an extra seat ($125) or just assume she won't come. Honestly, as I've never met this woman, I don't know what she'll do. 

I know it's rude, but can they just call back and say 'we need a yes or a no?'

geebee908

I think they should call for a firm answer, saying that they need the exact number and if she can't commit, tell her that they'll put her down as a no then and that they'll look forward to seeing her at the wedding if she can make it for that.

ILoveBeachMusic

Totally agree with @geebee908. This is beyond rude of her to not give a firm answer. Since she doesn't know you, maybe she is looking for an "out" to attend not the shower.

charlotte989875

I agree with @geebee908, but also that you should stay out of it. Don't offer to contact her or anything. Have them put her down as a no if they don't hear from her and leave it at that. 

ETA: I just read that you don't know this woman? Yah I'd tell them not to bother with a follow up. They said they needed an answer, she didn't say yes. Put her down as a no and enjoy your shower!

KnickerGold

Ok thanks! I have no intention of calling her/doing anything, just wanted some ideas I think I'll say 'my' idea is to give her a call, ask for a firm answer and if one isn't given to say 'see you at the wedding!' Thanks all! Just wasn't sure if it was super rude to follow up again to ask for a firm answer

ScottishSarah

Don't pay for her.  I guarantee the restaurant will squash one more on if she can make it after all.  A high end place like that will want to help you and your 'unexpected' guest.

Jen4948

KnickerGold said:

Ok thanks! I have no intention of calling her/doing anything, just wanted some ideas I think I'll say 'my' idea is to give her a call, ask for a firm answer and if one isn't given to say 'see you at the wedding!' Thanks all! Just wasn't sure if it was super rude to follow up again to ask for a firm answer

Not at all -- in fact, it's necessary.

But I agree with PPs that you do need to tell her, "If you can't give me a firm answer now, then I have to assume you aren't coming. We have to give the restaurant a fixed head count and can't add anyone later." 

It is possible that the restaurant might be able and willing to add one more on the fly, but that's something that your noncommittal guest shouldn't count on.

OliveOilsMom

I'm just sitting here a little shocked that your shower is $125 per head! 

I would not be counting on her attending, since she is already so wishy-washy and lives 3 hours away.  Why can't people just say "No" everyone once in a while.  It's not a bad thing!

KnickerGold

scribe95 said:

I would not count her. Very rude.

Then again she might be wondering why she was invited to a shower of someone she never met. Showers are supposed to be for your nearest and dearest - not every female on the wedding list. 

I didn't invite everyone on the list! Much less actually! But FI insisted I put her on the list as every time we've tried to meet in the last 3 years something has come up! He was really hoping this would be a good time to meet! Oh well!! Wedding it is!

MyNameIsNot

I can't imagine anyone would travel 3 hours to a shower for someone they don't know! I agree with PP that the correct etiquette is to tell her they'll have to put here down as a no if she can't commit, but I think it's pretty safe to assume she's not coming. 

downtondiva

scribe95 said:

I would not count her. Very rude.

Then again she might be wondering why she was invited to a shower of someone she never met. Showers are supposed to be for your nearest and dearest - not every female on the wedding list. 

I was once invited to a shower that I didn't expect to be invited to because I really didn't know the bride at all. I'll admit I found it strange, especially since my shower was definitely "nearest and dearest" (which was exactly how I wanted it). But it's not an excuse to leave the hostess hanging.

banana468

scribe95 said:

From her perspective though it looks like fishing for a gift, just saying.

And???  She still has to give an answer.   Plus if she's a close friend of the groom I can understand the logic that got her on the list.  

Bottom line: even if this is fishing for a gift she needs to give more than a wishy washy answer.  

banana468

scribe95 said:

Of course she still has to give an answer. I said immediately that she was being rude by not doing so.

You're right.   I'm sorry for the snark.  

MobKaz

KnickerGold said:

scribe95 said:

I would not count her. Very rude.

Then again she might be wondering why she was invited to a shower of someone she never met. Showers are supposed to be for your nearest and dearest - not every female on the wedding list. 

I didn't invite everyone on the list! Much less actually! But FI insisted I put her on the list as every time we've tried to meet in the last 3 years something has come up! He was really hoping this would be a good time to meet! Oh well!! Wedding it is!

When "something has come up" in the last 3 years, was it a result of this friend cancelling?  If that is the case, I would absolutely not expect to see her at this shower. 

To be honest, If I were to drive 3 hours one way to attend a shower, it would have to be for someone extremely close to me.  I cannot fathom doing something like that for someone I had never met.

hyechica81

i wouldn't expect her to even show up at all she is being very rude to your hosts by not giving a firm answer plus its 125 a head per person and paying for her and her not showing would be wasting a lot of money. my shower only cost my sister and mom 13.00 a head 

AddieCake

The host(s) should contact her and tell her they need an answer. I would assume she's not coming and that she just doesn't want to outright say no; maybe she thinks your feelings will be hurt. Like others said, 3 hours one way for a shower for someone you don't know? Yeah, not happening. 

KnickerGold

MobKaz said:

KnickerGold said:

scribe95 said:

I would not count her. Very rude.

Then again she might be wondering why she was invited to a shower of someone she never met. Showers are supposed to be for your nearest and dearest - not every female on the wedding list. 

I didn't invite everyone on the list! Much less actually! But FI insisted I put her on the list as every time we've tried to meet in the last 3 years something has come up! He was really hoping this would be a good time to meet! Oh well!! Wedding it is!

When "something has come up" in the last 3 years, was it a result of this friend cancelling?  If that is the case, I would absolutely not expect to see her at this shower. 

To be honest, If I were to drive 3 hours one way to attend a shower, it would have to be for someone extremely close to me.  I cannot fathom doing something like that for someone I had never met.

No no, it's been us, them, the weather, myself ending up in the hospital etc etc. 

and i I should have mentioned she was going to be coming up with the groom's mom, sister and sister in law all of whom she's known for ages. 

in any case, Mom got a firm 'no' from her, so there won't be a seat!