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Need to rant

Hi All!
  I've lurked on here for a while now and was hoping for some sympathy or advice on how to handle a situation. 
  My boyfriend has been friends with a guys for a couple years now and we casually hang out every few months. He got engaged about a year ago and unprompted told my bf that we would definitely be invited to the wedding. We said awesome and that we we really excited for him. 
  A couple months go by and we are out to dinner. Again, unprompted, he says that he has a save the date for us at his place and will drop it off soon. He tells us the date of the wedding and has me put it in my calendar. 
  About a month before the wedding, we still have not seen a save the date, so we figure that they had to make cuts to the guest list. No big deal, these things happen. My bf decides to send him a text that says something to that effect and says congrats and wants to meet up for a beer or something when they get back from their honeymoon.
   Dude responds to the text and says that of course we are invited and would be super bummed if we couldn't make it. 
   The wedding is now two weeks away and we still have not received an actual invitation, so I have no idea when the ceremony is or where they are registered. 
   Yesterday dude calls up my bf and asks him to be a GROOMSMAN. This is so out of left field! If my bf was close enough of a friend for that, you would think that we would rate at least an official invite if not an actual save the date. I'm so confused by his behavior. 
   My advice to my bf was to decline being a groomsman, (swinging a tux rental at this short of notice sucks and he feels like the friend might have just asked cause someone else dropped out) but to say that we would still like to attend as guests. 
   This whole thing has been so frustrating for me and my poor bf has no idea what is going on with his friend. Do you guys have any advice on how to handle all this?

Re: Need to rant

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    It's odd, but I wouldn't give it a whole lot of worry. Your fiancé should accept or decline being a groomsman as he sees fit but also inquire about the wedding details and accept or decline as well. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    SP29SP29 member
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    Yeah, pretty odd, but maybe they are just very disorganized and the whole thing is last minute? A co-worker of mine found out the day before that her friends were getting married. That is literally when the wedding was planned. The couple found a JOP and planned a wedding in their backyard for a Wednesday evening.

    BF needs to call up his friend and have some direct communication. "Friend, we are super excited about your wedding and you've told us numerous times we are invited. However the wedding is 2 weeks away and we have not received an invitation or any other information regarding your wedding." If friend says again, "of course you are invited!" bf should ask some direct questions... where is it? address? what time? etc...

    Did the groom say a tux rental was required? Just wondering if the wedding is low key if he only expects them to show up in whatever and stand beside him. Otherwise, I'd decline the offer to be a groomsman. A simple, "Thank you for the honour, but I'd be happiest to attend as a guest. We look forward to it."
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    Something very similar happened with us recently. My husband (but FI at the time) and I received a save the date from his college roommate back at the end of March for his June wedding. In the meantime, we had our own wedding/honeymoon so things were a bit busy for us. At some point in mid-May I realized we'd never gotten a proper invitation. Husband texts/calls friend over the next few weeks and friend assures husband we're still invited but gives only partial details with each communication they have. The excuse was they simply ran out of invitations. Idk those people at all so I assume maybe they have a very small budget and it's possible they did run out. WRONG! They're wedding (while not my personal taste) was pretty lavish for this area. So I think we were not supposed to be invited per the bride or some other planning party member but the groom took it upon himself to include husband. Maybe something like that happened with your bf. I'd let him decide how he wants to handle it. 
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    I'm in a wedding in September of this year and the BM's have no idea the style of dresses we are wearing. The bride just reached out to us last week to get our measurements because she found someone who can make the dresses for "super cheap".

    She's shopping patterns and fabric this weekend for all eight dresses. Somehow I think this is going to end terribly.

    Some people are just a little disorganized! Good luck!  
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    I'm in a wedding in September of this year and the BM's have no idea the style of dresses we are wearing. The bride just reached out to us last week to get our measurements because she found someone who can make the dresses for "super cheap".

    She's shopping patterns and fabric this weekend for all eight dresses. Somehow I think this is going to end terribly.

    Some people are just a little disorganized! Good luck!  

    Reminds me of my cousin (whom I do not speak with any longer) posted on FB about her wedding (daily, at a minimum....) and one of her BMs asked, on one of her hundreds of statuses, about going BM dress shopping. Now, this was at the end of March and her wedding is this Saturday (no, I'm not going but it has nothing to do with this lol). My cousin said something to the extent about needing to figure it out and that there was no big rush. I made a comment stating that if she planned on ordering them in, then it's too late because three different shops told me it was 5 months for BM dresses, unless you buy them off the rack. She said that yes, they were going to buy them off the rack. Ok, no big deal then. Take all the time you need! Her friend (BM) then mentioned the need for alterations and her response was "At least I have my dress and that's all that really matters! *insert smiley face*". I felt awful for the BM asking the questions because to me it showed a total lack of disrespect to her. Yeah, who cares what the friends look like, as long as she looks good.... 
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    I'm in a wedding in September of this year and the BM's have no idea the style of dresses we are wearing. The bride just reached out to us last week to get our measurements because she found someone who can make the dresses for "super cheap".

    She's shopping patterns and fabric this weekend for all eight dresses. Somehow I think this is going to end terribly.

    Some people are just a little disorganized! Good luck!  

    Reminds me of my cousin (whom I do not speak with any longer) posted on FB about her wedding (daily, at a minimum....) and one of her BMs asked, on one of her hundreds of statuses, about going BM dress shopping. Now, this was at the end of March and her wedding is this Saturday (no, I'm not going but it has nothing to do with this lol). My cousin said something to the extent about needing to figure it out and that there was no big rush. I made a comment stating that if she planned on ordering them in, then it's too late because three different shops told me it was 5 months for BM dresses, unless you buy them off the rack. She said that yes, they were going to buy them off the rack. Ok, no big deal then. Take all the time you need! Her friend (BM) then mentioned the need for alterations and her response was "At least I have my dress and that's all that really matters! *insert smiley face*". I felt awful for the BM asking the questions because to me it showed a total lack of disrespect to her. Yeah, who cares what the friends look like, as long as she looks good.... 
    That's terrible! It's even harder for us because the eight BM's are in 4 different states. I asked several times but did not want to seem super pushy as it's not my place. All I can hope is that I don't look a hot mess when her wedding day rolls around! 


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    This sounds like a flaky personality type person that thinks weddings come together with the twirling of the magic wand quite frankly. 

    IMO, YBF needs to meet up with him at his place and get the details.  Whether someone else backed out or the groom just never got around to asking because "why rush".  Yes, there are people who plan a wedding in a week, they're out there, they do exist!  This sounds like one of those types.  Let your BF decide for himself what he wants to do and just roll with it.

    As for not knowing where they're registered - google the name with "wedding registry (state)" and you should be able to locate it pretty easily...

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    I'm in a wedding in September of this year and the BM's have no idea the style of dresses we are wearing. The bride just reached out to us last week to get our measurements because she found someone who can make the dresses for "super cheap".

    She's shopping patterns and fabric this weekend for all eight dresses. Somehow I think this is going to end terribly.

    Some people are just a little disorganized! Good luck!  

    Reminds me of my cousin (whom I do not speak with any longer) posted on FB about her wedding (daily, at a minimum....) and one of her BMs asked, on one of her hundreds of statuses, about going BM dress shopping. Now, this was at the end of March and her wedding is this Saturday (no, I'm not going but it has nothing to do with this lol). My cousin said something to the extent about needing to figure it out and that there was no big rush. I made a comment stating that if she planned on ordering them in, then it's too late because three different shops told me it was 5 months for BM dresses, unless you buy them off the rack. She said that yes, they were going to buy them off the rack. Ok, no big deal then. Take all the time you need! Her friend (BM) then mentioned the need for alterations and her response was "At least I have my dress and that's all that really matters! *insert smiley face*". I felt awful for the BM asking the questions because to me it showed a total lack of disrespect to her. Yeah, who cares what the friends look like, as long as she looks good.... 
    That's terrible! It's even harder for us because the eight BM's are in 4 different states. I asked several times but did not want to seem super pushy as it's not my place. All I can hope is that I don't look a hot mess when her wedding day rolls around! 



    I sure hope it all works out! I'm a plus sized gal, so I would be terrified getting a dress that I couldn't even try on lol
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    I'm in a wedding in September of this year and the BM's have no idea the style of dresses we are wearing. The bride just reached out to us last week to get our measurements because she found someone who can make the dresses for "super cheap".

    She's shopping patterns and fabric this weekend for all eight dresses. Somehow I think this is going to end terribly.

    Some people are just a little disorganized! Good luck!  

    Reminds me of my cousin (whom I do not speak with any longer) posted on FB about her wedding (daily, at a minimum....) and one of her BMs asked, on one of her hundreds of statuses, about going BM dress shopping. Now, this was at the end of March and her wedding is this Saturday (no, I'm not going but it has nothing to do with this lol). My cousin said something to the extent about needing to figure it out and that there was no big rush. I made a comment stating that if she planned on ordering them in, then it's too late because three different shops told me it was 5 months for BM dresses, unless you buy them off the rack. She said that yes, they were going to buy them off the rack. Ok, no big deal then. Take all the time you need! Her friend (BM) then mentioned the need for alterations and her response was "At least I have my dress and that's all that really matters! *insert smiley face*". I felt awful for the BM asking the questions because to me it showed a total lack of disrespect to her. Yeah, who cares what the friends look like, as long as she looks good.... 
    That's terrible! It's even harder for us because the eight BM's are in 4 different states. I asked several times but did not want to seem super pushy as it's not my place. All I can hope is that I don't look a hot mess when her wedding day rolls around! 



    I sure hope it all works out! I'm a plus sized gal, so I would be terrified getting a dress that I couldn't even try on lol
    I'm a 38DDD, I'm so nervous about the dresses!!!
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