Vow Renewals

Vow Renewal/Wedding Reception?

2

Re: Vow Renewal/Wedding Reception?

  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya
    Moderator 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary
    mod

    My mom wanted me to be born on Thanksgiving. I arrived the Tuesday before.

    Should she have scheduled a birth reenactment for everyone a year later or just have a birthday party for me?

    image
    floridabride44InLoveInQueens
  • geebee908 said:
    People posting in disquise is not unusual here when someone gets butthurt. Your friend would have served you better by saying that they were a friend who attended the impromptu wedding and stating the details than going off on a tear on your behalf.

    I don't mind the celebration party, but I'm with others that it shouldn't be called a wedding reception because it isn't that; you had that when you had the impromptu wedding. Words mean things and you can stave off more confusion if you call things what they actually are. Are you open to that?
    That's really crazy that people do that. Yes, I gathered that I shouldn't call it a wedding reception. That's why I was thanking people for their points, because I have attended wedding receptions after the fact and never saw it as poor taste. But I think I'm going to call it a celebration of marriage and a reading of our vows, or something to that extent.
    ernursej
  • geebee908 said:
    People posting in disquise is not unusual here when someone gets butthurt. Your friend would have served you better by saying that they were a friend who attended the impromptu wedding and stating the details than going off on a tear on your behalf.
    I don't quite understand why I'm supposed to divulge who I am before I go off on this ridiculousness, but everyone else can go on their own tear and not reveal their own "intentions". Nobody here is biased...myself included. Let's at least ALL be honest about it.
  • My mom wanted me to be born on Thanksgiving. I arrived the Tuesday before.

    Should she have scheduled a birth reenactment for everyone a year later or just have a birthday party for me?

    Excuse you, you are so rude. I'm not trying to do a reenactment. I'm trying to use the money that I spent and have a party. How dare you be so hypocritical. As a MOD, you guarantee that if I say anything I get banned. As a MOD, you should be upheld to a higher standard and not stoop so low as to be downright rude, passive aggressive and sarcastic. 
    Knottie1468375954
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya
    Moderator 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary
    mod

    My mom wanted me to be born on Thanksgiving. I arrived the Tuesday before.

    Should she have scheduled a birth reenactment for everyone a year later or just have a birthday party for me?

    Excuse you, you are so rude. I'm not trying to do a reenactment. I'm trying to use the money that I spent and have a party. How dare you be so hypocritical. As a MOD, you guarantee that if I say anything I get banned. As a MOD, you should be upheld to a higher standard and not stoop so low as to be downright rude, passive aggressive and sarcastic. 

    It was a genuine question and you're missing my point.

    My point is that, like PPs said, a party is always okay. I don't know anyone who side-eyes a party. But a re-do ceremony and wearing a wedding dress is, IMHO, just as tacky as a mother having a birth reenactment a year later.

    How, exactly am I being hypocritical? By not blowing glitter and sunshine up users' asses just because I'm a mod? I assure you, I read the mod agreement thoroughly when I signed it and that was not a condition. Nor was my ability to ban people for funsies, unfortunately.

    I get that it sucks. I didn't have the wedding I planned either. But I'm happily married and our wedding day was a success because we got married and no one died. A party on your anniversary is great. Playing bridal dress up and having a fake ceremony isn't, IMHO.

    image
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut
    Moderator Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    @She'sSoCold - I reenact my childrens' births every year on their birthdays.
                
    ShesSoColdOliveOilsMomjustsieInLoveInQueens
  • geebee908 said:
    People posting in disquise is not unusual here when someone gets butthurt. Your friend would have served you better by saying that they were a friend who attended the impromptu wedding and stating the details than going off on a tear on your behalf.
    I don't quite understand why I'm supposed to divulge who I am before I go off on this ridiculousness, but everyone else can go on their own tear and not reveal their own "intentions". Nobody here is biased...myself included. Let's at least ALL be honest about it.
    So what is ridiculous about advising her that her plan is fine, but it shouldn't be a full-blown wedding re-do? She had her wedding and reception and it would appear she was happy with her family's and your efforts to make it happen. Now she's looking at celebrating the marriage and certain customs and traditions don't make sense because she and her H have been married awhile and it isn't a wedding reception.

    Sometimes you just have to own that circumstances were what they were and necessarily you can't go back in time to capture a moment that has passed. It cheapens the actual wedding to try to re-do because you didn't think it was good enough the first time around.

    You're not biased? Carrie lea is a loved one of yours; I hope you're a little biased. The rest of us don't know her as far as we know, and can come at the issue from the perspective of the uninvolved observer.
    charlotte989875OliveOilsMomernursejSP29
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya
    Moderator 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary
    mod
    @She'sSoCold - I reenact my childrens' births every year on their birthdays.

    Can I come next year?
    image
    MairePoppycarrie lea
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut
    Moderator Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    @She'sSoCold - I reenact my childrens' births every year on their birthdays.

    Can I come next year?
    You're invited. You can be my coach. Bring ice chips and something for pain.
                
    carrie lea
  • My mom wanted me to be born on Thanksgiving. I arrived the Tuesday before.

    Should she have scheduled a birth reenactment for everyone a year later or just have a birthday party for me?

    Excuse you, you are so rude. I'm not trying to do a reenactment. I'm trying to use the money that I spent and have a party. How dare you be so hypocritical. As a MOD, you guarantee that if I say anything I get banned. As a MOD, you should be upheld to a higher standard and not stoop so low as to be downright rude, passive aggressive and sarcastic. 

    It was a genuine question and you're missing my point.

    My point is that, like PPs said, a party is always okay. I don't know anyone who side-eyes a party. But a re-do ceremony and wearing a wedding dress is, IMHO, just as tacky as a mother having a birth reenactment a year later.

    How, exactly am I being hypocritical? By not blowing glitter and sunshine up users' asses just because I'm a mod? I assure you, I read the mod agreement thoroughly when I signed it and that was not a condition. Nor was my ability to ban people for funsies, unfortunately.

    I get that it sucks. I didn't have the wedding I planned either. But I'm happily married and our wedding day was a success because we got married and no one died. A party on your anniversary is great. Playing bridal dress up and having a fake ceremony isn't, IMHO.

    I totally view our wedding day as a success. That's why I tried to sell/sublet the wedding. I wasn't intending on having a fake ceremony- I thought renewing of vows was common practice. That was my intention. And, I don't expect glitter and sunshine, but I expect people to play by the rules of engagement and to be polite. I just feel like I'm being attacked; I'm honestly taking what people say to heart and am intending on using necessary etiquette when planning this. 
    MairePoppy
  • And for the record, I was there. That's how I have "insider trading information". I was there at the hospital. I know the drugs she was on. I was there to help organize the impromptu wedding. I called my officiant in the 11th hour for them to use when they didn't have anyone.
    And I'm not a jealous person and want Carrie Lea and her husband to have the wedding that THEY want...not what etiquette dictates. Say whatever you want, I'm done here. I hope you people take a good hard look at how cruel and judgmental you're being.n
    WTH are you doing? CarrieLea is handling this conversation very well. She asked for opinions, received some traditional etiquette advice, which she questioned in a very reasonable tone. Some of us don't mind bending etiquette rules, we responded her plan sounds great and offered a few tweaks. No one was being rude - until you arrived on the scene to defend someone who didn't need your help.

    My guess - you're the friend who gets drunk at the party and gets into an argument with the person who is trying to give you a ride home.
    She's very close to my husband and I. Trust me, she's not that person. I just have a habit of letting people walk all over me and am a people pleaser by nature. Her intentions are good, I assure you. 
    MairePoppy
  • CMGragain said:
    The pleasure of your company is requested
    to celebrate the recent marriage of
    Minnie Mouse
    and
    Mickey Mouse
    Date
    at time o'clock
    Venue
    Address
    City, State
    How about
    Mr. and Mrs. Smith
    request the pleasure of your company to celebrate their recent marriage
    ?
    the invites I'm looking at are formatted in such a way with the fonts that it kinda has to be in that order. Does that sound okay? 

    I'm also including a separate card to kind of give an explanation and what to expect to read something along the lines of:

    Okay, ladies and gents, let's try this one more time! Second times a charm, right?! ... H and I are hosting a marriage celebration along with a reading of our vows to celebrate the two of us surviving a year with each other! WINNING! 

    Since we had an impromptu wedding due to circumstances out of our control, we decided an marriage celebration a year later would be the ticket. We would like to thank our friends and family, formally, for being an integral part of our lives. One thing: no presents please. All we want to see are your smiling faces on the dance floor! 

    What to expect:
    Free booze
    Food... Say it with me, FOOD! 
    Awkward, albeit enthusiastic, dancing
    A big white dress! (I finally get to wear my wedding dress; SCORE!)

    I'm trying to make light of everything happening the way it did at our wedding. 
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    I was Team CarrieLea until Knottie#s showed up. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    MairePoppyOliveOilsMomViczaesarInLoveInQueens
  • AddieCake said:
    I was Team CarrieLea until Knottie#s showed up. 
    Please don't hold me accountable for someone else's post. I didn't realize this was some sort of competition between teams. I thought this was a safe place where I could get some opinions on what I intend to do.
  • CMGragain said:
    The pleasure of your company is requested
    to celebrate the recent marriage of
    Minnie Mouse
    and
    Mickey Mouse
    Date
    at time o'clock
    Venue
    Address
    City, State
    How about
    Mr. and Mrs. Smith
    request the pleasure of your company to celebrate their recent marriage
    ?
    the invites I'm looking at are formatted in such a way with the fonts that it kinda has to be in that order. Does that sound okay? 

    I'm also including a separate card to kind of give an explanation and what to expect to read something along the lines of:

    Okay, ladies and gents, let's try this one more time! Second times a charm, right?! ... H and I are hosting a marriage celebration along with a reading of our vows to celebrate the two of us surviving a year with each other! WINNING! 

    Since we had an impromptu wedding due to circumstances out of our control, we decided an marriage celebration a year later would be the ticket. We would like to thank our friends and family, formally, for being an integral part of our lives. One thing: no presents please. All we want to see are your smiling faces on the dance floor! 

    What to expect:
    Free booze
    Food... Say it with me, FOOD! 
    Awkward, albeit enthusiastic, dancing
    A big white dress! (I finally get to wear my wedding dress; SCORE!)

    I'm trying to make light of everything happening the way it did at our wedding. 
    If you want to make light of how things happened, that's your choice, but it reads kind of gimicky and hokey to me (especially the "surviving a year with each other" part). I think it rubs me the wrong way because it's clear something really terrible happened to you and you want to celebrate when you're happy and healthy and it just seems weird to talk about celebrating your marriage while you talk about surviving a year together. 

    I think just invite people to celebrate your recent marriage and the reading of your vows and put the time and place. I think putting dinner and dancing is fine (although if you lurk other boards you'll see there is a HUGE debate on this). I say wear your dress!

    I think what you are planning sounds lovely, and I'm glad you're calling it a celebration of marriage and reading of the vows. At that point you will have been married a year (yay!) and you don't want to discount that by calling it something different. 
    Thank you! I really appreciate your input. I will revise. I just thought it was funny because my husband and I have a long standing joke that we're each other's Rock... And hard place. LOL
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    5000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    @She'sSoCold - I reenact my childrens' births every year on their birthdays.

    Can I come next year?
    You're invited. You can be my coach. Bring ice chips and something for pain.
    Hey now.  I was on your side there with the assumption you were doing it for the all inclusive drugs.  If it's a BYOP's, then that's just tacky.
    carrie leaMairePoppy
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    5000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    CMGragain said:
    The pleasure of your company is requested
    to celebrate the recent marriage of
    Minnie Mouse
    and
    Mickey Mouse
    Date
    at time o'clock
    Venue
    Address
    City, State
    How about
    Mr. and Mrs. Smith
    request the pleasure of your company to celebrate their recent marriage
    ?
    the invites I'm looking at are formatted in such a way with the fonts that it kinda has to be in that order. Does that sound okay? 

    I'm also including a separate card to kind of give an explanation and what to expect to read something along the lines of:

    Okay, ladies and gents, let's try this one more time! Second times a charm, right?! ... H and I are hosting a marriage celebration along with a reading of our vows to celebrate the two of us surviving a year with each other! WINNING! 

    Since we had an impromptu wedding due to circumstances out of our control, we decided an marriage celebration a year later would be the ticket. We would like to thank our friends and family, formally, for being an integral part of our lives. One thing: no presents please. All we want to see are your smiling faces on the dance floor! 

    What to expect:
    Free booze
    Food... Say it with me, FOOD! 
    Awkward, albeit enthusiastic, dancing
    A big white dress! (I finally get to wear my wedding dress; SCORE!)

    I'm trying to make light of everything happening the way it did at our wedding. 
    The best way to make light of everything is to ditch whomever is attempting to speak on your behalf.  That person is not helping your cause whatsoever!

    Even with the best intentions, never mention gifts, even if it is to say "No gifts". 
    ernursejfloridabride44InLoveInQueensshort+sassy
  • MobKaz said:
    CMGragain said:
    The pleasure of your company is requested
    to celebrate the recent marriage of
    Minnie Mouse
    and
    Mickey Mouse
    Date
    at time o'clock
    Venue
    Address
    City, State
    How about
    Mr. and Mrs. Smith
    request the pleasure of your company to celebrate their recent marriage
    ?
    the invites I'm looking at are formatted in such a way with the fonts that it kinda has to be in that order. Does that sound okay? 

    I'm also including a separate card to kind of give an explanation and what to expect to read something along the lines of:

    Okay, ladies and gents, let's try this one more time! Second times a charm, right?! ... H and I are hosting a marriage celebration along with a reading of our vows to celebrate the two of us surviving a year with each other! WINNING! 

    Since we had an impromptu wedding due to circumstances out of our control, we decided an marriage celebration a year later would be the ticket. We would like to thank our friends and family, formally, for being an integral part of our lives. One thing: no presents please. All we want to see are your smiling faces on the dance floor! 

    What to expect:
    Free booze
    Food... Say it with me, FOOD! 
    Awkward, albeit enthusiastic, dancing
    A big white dress! (I finally get to wear my wedding dress; SCORE!)

    I'm trying to make light of everything happening the way it did at our wedding. 
    The best way to make light of everything is to ditch whomever is attempting to speak on your behalf.  That person is not helping your cause whatsoever!

    Even with the best intentions, never mention gifts, even if it is to say "No gifts". 
    People will always do what they do, my only part is to assume positive intent. She's very close to us and was trying to "stick up for me". Perception is key, she assumed mal intent in regards to some of the comments and acted as such. I'm not saying she was right or wrong. 

    Thank you for the tip, I will revise to not mention gifts. I knew it was kind of a tricky subject, but didn't know how to proceed.
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    edited July 2016
    If you had to quickly cancel a wedding, I'm sure all of your guests know the reason of your cancellation.  So I would leave the whole extra card out of it.  Just send the invitation for the celebration marriage.

    CMG posts the most traditional wording for invites, announcements, etc.  Most online invitation companies should be able to alter the wording, so that it matches what CMG wrote.
    InLoveInQueenscharlotte989875short+sassy
  • I completely agree with removing the information mentioning no gifts.

    Simple is often better.

    I'm hoping you continue to heal! Best wishes.

    SP29
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    I also think simple is better.  Everyone knows why the wedding didn't take place as planned.  Ditto PPs about not mentioning gifts.  Renewing vows isn't usually done after a year but I wouldn't really side eye this.  Honestly, as long as you aren't reenacting the entire ceremony, I'm okay with what you're doing.  I have a problem with people getting married in secret for benefits they don't feel like waiting for, keeping it a secret from their friends and family, and then pretending like the day everyone traveled and spent money to attend is the real thing.  Because that's just disrespectful to everyone's time and money.  


    image
  • AddieCake said:
    Carrie Lea, I won't hold it against you that Knottie#s came along and made an ass of herself. Joining in 2013, never posting until this thread and charging in here to defend you out of the blue is just lame and suspicious to me. 

    It's not a competition between teams. That was a joke, as in on your side? People use the expression Team ___ in everyday chatter all the time. 
    Lol, I don't think she made an ass of herself. I think she's just really loyal. I can see how it would be suspicious; I showed her the thread because I felt like I was getting some good pointers, but she perceived it another way. 

    As far as the teams, I was just emotionally exhausted by the time I responded to your comment. I'm sorry if I came off shitty. 
  • Given your situation, I don't think this falls under wanting to do a pretty princess day. I think it was amazing of your family to do that for you. I would have a big "celebration of our marriage" party and still do all the fun things you had planned. Guests will understand because I'm sure they were all made aware of why things didn't happen as originally planned. I would skip any of pre-wedding stuff like a shower or bachelorette party because I'm guessing you had those already. If you want to do a vow renewal, go for it, but if you just want to get dressed up, do photos & have a great party, go for it. I may get bashed for my comments, but like I said before, this doesn't fall under the normal situation where people get married because they can't wait & then don't tell anyone just so they can have a PPD later on. Have fun and I'm glad that you are doing ok.
  • SP29SP29
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    I think what you are planning is fine, even if you wanted to do a vow renewal (maybe not what I would personally do, but not *wrong* as you aren't lying to your guests and pretending this is your only wedding). Do not call it a wedding reception (as you've already had that), but a celebration of marriage.

    However, if you want to skip the ceremony as you had planned (personally I would and do a simple reading of your vows to each other), ask your venue if you can put that money towards food/drink/ something else extra special.

    I would put the additional insert. I agree, everyone knows why you didn't have your wedding as planned and I don't think the rest of the information is pertinent.

    As for your invitations, the reason why putting "Mr. and Mrs. X invite you to..." would not be correct is that one should not host a party in one's own honour, and putting yourself and your DH in the first line is putting you both in the host position. Yes, you are paying for and hosting this celebration. Yes, the wording is traditional and finicky. But the idea is to keep it subtle: "You are invited to the celebration of marriage of...."

    As you are not having a wedding reception, I would avoid the traditional "firsts" but there are many things you can do in your celebration that are celebratory and close to what you'd see in a wedding. Hosts always greet their guests and thank them for attending. Thus, you can do a receiving line into the party and/or table visits. Hosts may open the dance floor, but this shouldn't be a spotlight dance or mentioned as, "X and Y's first dance as husband and wife". I think it's fine for your DH and his mom to dance together. I'd make it not a spotlight dance (i.e. let everyone else dance too) but they can pick a special song together. Hosts should cut and serve the dessert (i.e. cut a cake if you want), but guests should always be served first- do not feed each other a piece of dessert. This signifies the first meal as husband and wife, that moment has passed. No bouquet or garter toss. No wedding party. No use of "bride and groom". Fine to make a toast, anyone can make a toast for any reason, but keep it short and to the point.

    As for the wedding dress- I'm fine with that. Really, it's just a dress, and after Queen Victoria everyone decided wedding dresses had to be opulent white gowns, but this is tradition vs. etiquette. It does not affect your guests' comfort if you wear your wedding dress, so go for it.

    Enjoy your celebration!


  • Carrie Lea- Do what YOU want to do! Forget these responses and do what makes you and your husband happy. Best of luck to you in your event!!! 
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    5000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    edited August 2016
    Carrie Lea- Do what YOU want to do! Forget these responses and do what makes you and your husband happy. Best of luck to you in your event!!! 

    CMGragainOliveOilsMom
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