Wedding Woes

SIL is skipping my shower to go to a yearly beer festival..... and I get to watch her dog

Some backstory.... So I have an enormous family and decided to have a very small wedding (under 30 people invited). Because I am having a very small wedding I am also having a very small wedding shower. Only my closest friends and family are invited (under 15 people). Some family members that were at my baptism are not even invited. 

My wedding shower is the Saturday. I came home on Tuesday to my fiancé who informed me that we would be watching his brothers dog for the weekend so he could go to an annual beer festival. This usually would never be a big deal and I am sure he did not run it by me because under any other circumstances I would have said yes. I informed him that Saturday was my shower and asked him if that meant my SIL would not be coming. He didn't know and had me call his mom.

I called his mother who was shocked because she asked my SIL to tell me she was not going to be attending weeks ago. My fiancé then talked to his brother about it who said he pointed it out to her but that that she was a big girl and it was her decision to make. 

I will say we are not very close (not for lack of trying on my part), but I am still very hurt and insulted by this. Not only is she skipping my shower but she has the audacity to ask us to watch her dog so she can do so? I am certain that she asked her husband to talk to my fiancé about it so she wouldn't have to deal with me. I messaged her about it and asked if I had hurt or offended her in some way, and got a response about how its the only weekend the entire year she can go away (I call BS on that). She also immediately declined an invitation to my bachelorette party without saying why.

I am just not sure how to handle future interactions with her. Its clear that she has no intention of treating my like a sister. As of right now I don't want anything to do with her but obviously she is going to be in my life for some time.

Any help would be greatly appreciated..... 
«1

Re: SIL is skipping my shower to go to a yearly beer festival..... and I get to watch her dog

  • I get being bummed she's not going to be there and If she didn't RSVP to the host that was rude. I think it was also pretty uncool for you to call her mother in law and tell her she's not going. That really wasn't any of your business to do.  

    But you said yourself the two of you are not close and this is one weekend she can get away. Your BIL is right she is an adult and can make her own decisions. She's not required to attend any parties. 

    You handle any future interactions like a mature adult. You've tried to reach out to her and be friends and she's indicated she's not interested. That's fine, you don't have to be besties. You act politely and respectfully and leave it at that. 
  • Just to clear things up, I did NOT call my MIL to tell her she is not going. My sister, mother and MIL are the ones throwing the shower so I know she knew who rsvp'd and who did not. She is not a medlar and I knew it wasn't going to start anything.  Considering she wants us to watch her dog I felt as though I would check to make sure I was correct in assuming that she was not attending.
  • edited July 2016
    Thank you for the reply! And you are right, I guess I was hoping that she would want to have a relationship with me but I can't force that. Just because you are nice does not mean other people are going to be nice. Thankfully my fiancé always has my back so I am not worried about that. Just a little hurt, but no way will I let that ruin anything. The people who care about me the most will be there and thats all that really matters. 
  • So there is no need to insult me. I thought these message boards were a place to vent. If that is not the case I apologize for this post.

    Its not the fact that she is missing my shower that is making me "very dramatic," its the fact that I have to watch her dog in order for her to do so.  And my fiancé DID NOT call his brother to complain about his wife. His brother called to talk about the dogs arrangements and his brother was the one that brought it up. And again I did not tattle on my SIL, my MIL is involved in the planning and I wanted to confirm that I was stuck watching her dog while she skipped my shower. I am sorry I don't see a problem with that and if that makes me dramatic so be it. 
  • edited July 2016
    You're overreacting. You said yourself that you're not close. Yes, it sucks that she's skipping your shower. But an invite is not a summons. And if you're not at all close, why would she come to your bach party? 

    Have you watched their dog before? 

    ETA: I have no relationship at all with my SIL. Just because we married brothers doesn't mean we'll be friends. 
  • I guess I did not make it clear. Its not so much that she isn't going its that I am watching her dog so she can skip my shower. Am I really the only one who sees a problem with this? If so maybe I owe her an apology... 
  • I think you can tell your FI, "I'm sorry, but taking care of your brother's dog just isn't going to work for me this weekend. Can you please ask your brother to make other arrangements for his dog?" 

    But don't bring up that you're disappointed that your FSIL isn't attending the shower. Yes, she should have given your shower hosts a straight answer of "No, I won't be attending," and yes, it's nervy of her to turn down your invitation and not tell anyone while expecting you to take care of her dog, but I think bringing this up to her just won't do anything that will be positive in the long run.
  • I get being sad that she won't be there and that she's asking you to do something while she skips out on it, but if you're not close I think you need to let it go.   If I had the choice of attending an event with my husband for the entire day vs. attending the event of someone I'm not close to for a few hours I'd probably pick the husband. 


  • I guess I did not make it clear. Its not so much that she isn't going its that I am watching her dog so she can skip my shower. Am I really the only one who sees a problem with this? If so maybe I owe her an apology... 
    I don't see what the big deal is in watching their dog. 

    I'll ask again - have you watched their dog before? 
  • I guess I did not make it clear. Its not so much that she isn't going its that I am watching her dog so she can skip my shower. Am I really the only one who sees a problem with this? If so maybe I owe her an apology... 
    I really don't get why this is such a huge deal. If it doesn't work for you to watch the dog for the weekend have your FI call his brother and say "Brother I'm sorry I agreed to watch Fido this weekend without checking with Knottie #s. It's not going to work because of the shower so you'll have to make other arrangements". 

    Unless the the shower is at your house, or the dog needs constant attention, or your FI is also not home that weekend I don't understand why this is as big of a thing as you're making it out to be. Dogs don't need constant supervision, so if you're gone for a few hours for a shower it will be fine. 
  • I guess I did not make it clear. Its not so much that she isn't going its that I am watching her dog so she can skip my shower. Am I really the only one who sees a problem with this? If so maybe I owe her an apology... 
    I don't see what the big deal is in watching their dog. 

    I'll ask again - have you watched their dog before? 
    From the OP:

    My wedding shower is the Saturday. I came home on Tuesday to my fiancé who informed me that we would be watching his brothers dog for the weekend so he could go to an annual beer festival. This usually would never be a big deal and I am sure he did not run it by me because under any other circumstances I would have said yes. 

    So I'd infer that they have. 
  • I guess I did not make it clear. Its not so much that she isn't going its that I am watching her dog so she can skip my shower. Am I really the only one who sees a problem with this? If so maybe I owe her an apology... 
    I don't see what the big deal is in watching their dog. 

    I'll ask again - have you watched their dog before? 
    From the OP:

    My wedding shower is the Saturday. I came home on Tuesday to my fiancé who informed me that we would be watching his brothers dog for the weekend so he could go to an annual beer festival. This usually would never be a big deal and I am sure he did not run it by me because under any other circumstances I would have said yes. 

    So I'd infer that they have. 
    Good point. So OP, if this is a typical situation (you and your FI watching the dog), I especially don't see what the big deal is. It's a bridal shower. You're not being sworn in as the president of the country. 
  • We have watched the dog on one other occasion two years ago. Its obviously not a big deal and it was a mistake making this post. I was under the impression that this was a place to vent wedding frustration. I apologize for wasting all your time. 
  • I didn't make this post to get "a bunch of people to agree with me." Honestly I don't really post online and wasn't expecting any response at all. I just wanted to vent my frustration and picked the wrong place to do it in. I am sorry you don't see it that way. Again I apologize for wasting all your time. 
  • I didn't make this post to get "a bunch of people to agree with me." Honestly I don't really post online and wasn't expecting any response at all. I just wanted to vent my frustration and picked the wrong place to do it in. I am sorry you don't see it that way. Again I apologize for wasting all your time. 
    You posted on an active online forum and didn't expect anyone to reply? 


  • I guess I did not make it clear. Its not so much that she isn't going its that I am watching her dog so she can skip my shower. Am I really the only one who sees a problem with this? If so maybe I owe her an apology... 



    Why aren't you mad at your FI?  His brother called him and asked if the two of you could dog sit and FI said yes.

    I get being hurt by the lack of a relationship, and yes the dog sitting is a bit salt in the wound of them, but what PP's are trying to tell you is to let it go.  She clearly doesn't want a relationship so she's not worth you being upset over.  Sit down with FI and tell him that dog sitting should be a joint agreement, not a unilateral one made by him in the future.

    Otherwise, enjoy your shower and wedding.  You won't notice her absence or presence at either event because the beautiful thing about not being friends with her, is you don't have to hang out with her aside from thanking her for her attendance.
    image
  • Thank you for clearing that up. Once again, I don't post online often and it was a mistake making this post. I don't mind the feedback what I do mind is being insulted and laughed at however I guess I should have expected that. I apologized for posting this and I am not really sure what else you want from me... 
  • OP if you've cared for the dog before, why is this time such an issue? 
  • I guess I did not make it clear. Its not so much that she isn't going its that I am watching her dog so she can skip my shower. Am I really the only one who sees a problem with this? If so maybe I owe her an apology... 
    I would attend a beer festival over a shower anytime.    I would enjoy spending a long weekend away with my husband over spending a few hours at shower.

    Your shower will last a few hours.  FI agreed to watch the dog.    I fail to see any problem.








    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards