Fiancé's Sisters in Wedding?

lexiloo-2

 
 

geebee908

Knottie1457512316 said:

I am pretty set on what I want for the bridal party but was concerned on if it is okay to ask my fiancé's younger sisters to be in the wedding but not his older sisters. 

He has 4 sisters in total ranging in ages. (14, 18, 29, 31) I love all of his sisters and I am happy to have them as FSIL but I don't want a big wedding party and want to limit it to 2 family members and 2 of my friends. He doesn't care either way but I think it would be right to have them (the younger ones) since I want him to have my younger brother on his side. So I guess all I am asking is, is what I am doing okay? 

Are you particularly close to the younger two? Otherwise it just seems arbitrary. Your sides don't have to be even, and you shouldn't be telling your FI who he should have on his side. The choice to have your brother is his to make just as the choice to have any or all or none of his sisters is yours.

ETA-- Have your brother on your side if you'd like. Sides also don't have to be gender-specific.

artbyallie

Why the total arbitrary rules of 2 family and 2 friends? Your family and friends are not props. Who do you want standing beside you? That's your wedding party. Who does he want? That's his. You are overthinking this.

Jen4948

You're not required to ask any or all of your FSILs, but neither is your FI required to ask your brother.

AddieCake

You don't get to decide who stands on his side, and he doesn't get to decide who stands on your side. 

ei34

If your question had been "FI has four sisters, two of whom I'm very close to. Would it be okay to just have those two as BM?", my answer would be "yes of course".  I'm thrown by the format you seem to have for picking a BP.

southernbelle0915

So a few things about the WP... 1) sides don't have to be even 2) you decide your side and your FH decides his, period. 3) doesn't have to be "boys on one side, girls on the other" 4) just ask whoever you are close with.

OurWildKingdom

southernbelle0915 said:

So a few things about the WP... 1) sides don't have to be even 2) you decide your side and your FH decides his, period. 3) doesn't have to be "boys on one side, girls on the other" 4) just ask whoever you are close with.

Right. FI could ask his sisters, and you could ask your brother.

MyNameIsNot

eileenrob said:

If your question had been "FI has four sisters, two of whom I'm very close to. Would it be okay to just have those two as BM?", my answer would be "yes of course".  I'm thrown by the format you seem to have for picking a BP.

This.

If you're equally close with all four sisters, just choosing two is a bad idea. If you're choosing two because you put some arbitrary number in your head (which is how this sounds), you're telling them that you care more about numbers than about them. 

It's wrong of you to ask him to include your brothers (or anyone) on his side. If you want your brothers in the WP, you should ask them to stand on your side. 

SP29

While it is acceptable to include some but not all of FI's sisters in your WP, I would not do what you are planning on doing.

It sounds like you have arbitrarily picked 2 of them to match some vision you have, and you are only asking the younger sisters because of you having younger brothers. Do not pick your wedding party like this.

Your WP is chosen by you, FI chooses his. Asking someone to be in your WP is you wanting to honour these people because they are near and dear to you, the people you couldn't imagine getting married without. WP sides do not need to be equal and they do not need to be gender specific. I would not ask anyone to be in your WP "just because".

If you are not that close to FI's sisters in general, I wouldn't ask any of them, and keep your WP to your 2 friends. Likewise with FI- I would not request that he have your brothers stand on his side if he is not close to them. You can still get your FSILs a corsage, take photos with them and have them sit in the front row at the ceremony. Same with your brothers- get them a bout, take photos, sit in the front row.

SaintPaulGal

What they said!

If you are close to some of your fi's sisters but not others, it's fine to ask just the ones that you are close to.  If you are close with all of them, forget about silly, arbitrary numbers and ask them all.  If you aren't particularly close with any of them, that's fine too.

Is your brother one of your fiance's closest friends?  If not, you shouldn't expect your fi to ask him to be a groomsman.  If you want your brother in the wedding, you can ask him to be one of your attendants or have him do a reading or something.

In the end, it boils down to this: these are people, not props.  You and your partner each pick the people with whom you are closest and ask them to stand up for you.  Numbers and genders are irrelevant. 

lexiloo-2

Thanks all for your help. I'm going to go with my gut feeling on this.

ILoveBeachMusic

Knottie1457512316 said:

Thanks all for your help. I'm going to go with my gut feeling on this.

Translated to mean I'll do what I want no matter what anyone else says.

DrillSergeantCat

I love how she deletes or changes the OP after she's been quoted. 

lexiloo-2

ILoveBeachMusic said:

Knottie1457512316 said:

Thanks all for your help. I'm going to go with my gut feeling on this.

Translated to mean I'll do what I want no matter what anyone else says.

I actually meant thank you. I needed to hear this. I was getting caught up with a bunch of other stuff and overthinking it too much. (I'm planning a wedding while being abroad.) Also I feel that my FI and I should go with our gut feelings on things. As not to overthink.

Also so sorry for a poorly worded question. My FI did pick my brother already to be on his side but I wasn't sure if that meant I had to chose his sisters, and in that case if that meant all of his sisters.

I would say I am close with all of his sisters but I do see the younger ones more often due to the older ones having their own lives out of the family home. I guess this would be my question. Is it okay to have the younger ones and not the older ones in the BP and have the older ones help with other aspects of the wedding if they wish to help? 

geebee908

Knottie1457512316 said:

ILoveBeachMusic said:

Knottie1457512316 said:

Thanks all for your help. I'm going to go with my gut feeling on this.

Translated to mean I'll do what I want no matter what anyone else says.

I actually meant thank you. I needed to hear this. I was getting caught up with a bunch of other stuff and overthinking it too much. (I'm planning a wedding while being abroad.) Also I feel that my FI and I should go with our gut feelings on things. As not to overthink.

Also so sorry for a poorly worded question. My FI did pick my brother already to be on his side but I wasn't sure if that meant I had to chose his sisters, and in that case if that meant all of his sisters.

I would say I am close with all of his sisters but I do see the younger ones more often due to the older ones having their own lives out of the family home. I guess this would be my question. Is it okay to have the younger ones and not the older ones in the BP and have the older ones help with other aspects of the wedding if they wish to help? 

You obviously don't have a strong gut feeling about this. If you're close, ask them to stand up with you. You could ask them to do a reading instead, or you could let them be guests without responsibilities (which is not a bad gig). Just don't give them jobs which no one wants to do, but they won't tell you no because you're the bride.

ETA-- If you ask out of a sense of obligation, that should tell you your relationship is not close enough to ask them to be in the WP.

Jen4948

Knottie1472197150 said:

I think you have to invite them all otherwise you offend

Disagree. They can get over being offended. Being related to one of the couple doesn't guarantee anyone a place in a wedding party; nor is "otherwise they'll be offended" a good reason to choose someone you're not already close to. Because once you ask someone, you can't unask them without damaging your relationship with them. If you're not already close but asking someone out of "obligation" or fear of offending them, what's most likely to happen is that you'll regret it, because weddings tend to bring out the worst in relationships that aren't close to begin with. It doesn't bring people who aren't already close together and often aggravates existing problems between them. Plus, people know when they've been asked out of "obligation" and it makes them feel resentful (and offended!), not appreciated.

If it's important to your FI and his/her family that his/her relatives (of either sex) be in the wedding, then your FI can ask them to stand up on his/her side. But it's entirely up to you who stands up on your side. This is one of the very few instances where nobody else is entitled to a say in your decision, regardless of how "offended" they are not to be asked.

CMGragain

I just posted about this on another thread so I will copy and paste:
Being a bridesmaid is not tit-for-tat.  You choose YOUR bridesmaids.  It doesn't matter what anyone else in your family did at their wedding.  No one has the right to expect to be honored as a bridesmaid.  You choose whomever you wish.  Anyone who complains or criticizes your decision is being rude, and poking their nose where it doesn't belong.
Memorize this phrase:  "Oh, we've already finalized our wedding party plans.  Thank you for your suggestion."