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Knottie1460327909

I've had enough.  Just because I want the ones I love to be involved in my wedding does not make me a horrible person.  You people need to learn how to state your opinions in a kinder way or move over to the snarky brides forum.

Thank you to those that don't fall into this category and stated their opinions in ways that didn't bring me to tears.

ILoveBeachMusic

I wouldn't have the nephew pulled down the aisle in a wagon. That can be extremely dangerous. Also, your venue might not allow it. Ask his parents to dress him in a cute outfit andt have pictures taken with him before/after the ceremony. As for the five year old, you wouldn't have to include her siblings just because she is the flower girl. They would have to be invited to the wedding and reception but don't have to participate in the ceremony.

Knottie1460327909

The wagon is a child's wagon intended for a child to be pulled in..I don't see how this is dangerous? Our venue is our church and many people have done this before.  He will be a year and 4 months old so it isn't like he can't sit. 

You clearly have never spent much time with kids before because if you have one sibling labeled as the flower girl and give the other kids nothing, there will be tears.  I babysit all four of these kids so I know them well hence why I know I need to incorporate all of them. 

Thanks for being no help whatsoever.

banana468

Knottie1460327909 said:

The wagon is a child's wagon intended for a child to be pulled in..I don't see how this is dangerous? Our venue is our church and many people have done this before.  He will be a year and 4 months old so it isn't like he can't sit. 

You clearly have never spent much time with kids before because if you have one sibling labeled as the flower girl and give the other kids nothing, there will be tears.  I babysit all four of these kids so I know them well hence why I know I need to incorporate all of them. 

Thanks for being no help whatsoever.

I wouldn't ask a child to pull a toddler in a wagon.   If you are around kids as often as you say you know that's a recipe for disaster.  

At that age, either just dress him up and take pictures with him or ask all four siblings to be ring bearers and flower girls.    You can also have more than one.   But at the todder age when the youngest will have no concept of what's going on, I think it's actually more of a burden on the parents.   

climbingsingle

Either have them all in the wedding, or none of them. 

artbyallie

A child who is too small to understand that they are to walk down the aisle and to do so under their own power is a child who is too small to be in the wedding.

geebee908

The nephew won't remember or care about being in your wedding. Wouldn't it be easier to just not have any children in the party than to have to contend with the hurt feelings of the older children you can't include?

charlotte989875

Knottie1460327909 said:

The wagon is a child's wagon intended for a child to be pulled in..I don't see how this is dangerous? Our venue is our church and many people have done this before.  He will be a year and 4 months old so it isn't like he can't sit. 

You clearly have never spent much time with kids before because if you have one sibling labeled as the flower girl and give the other kids nothing, there will be tears.  I babysit all four of these kids so I know them well hence why I know I need to incorporate all of them. 

Thanks for being no help whatsoever.

Yah most of the people on here have kids, are teachers or have been around kids. 

Having a a small child pull another small child is what makes this a less than ideal situation. Adults know how fast or slow, to keep an eye on the child in the wagon when pulling them, and will know to stop of the child is upset. Having a small child do this is a potential for it to go wrong. 

So so either have them all be FGs and RBs if you feel the need to incorporate them all, or have an adult pull the baby in the wagon (although I wouldn't bother) and leave the 4 siblings out. 

kimmiinthemitten

Hi all, I'm new here and am going to ask for advice, but if I don't like it I'm going to insult you and be rude.  

Had you lurked, you would have seen that most people find the wagon idea to be dangerous. 

A 16 month old can sit, sure, but they're far more likely to walk, run, roll, wander, spin in circles etc. 

MobKaz

Knottie1460327909 said:

The wagon is a child's wagon intended for a child to be pulled in..I don't see how this is dangerous? Our venue is our church and many people have done this before.  He will be a year and 4 months old so it isn't like he can't sit. 

You clearly have never spent much time with kids before because if you have one sibling labeled as the flower girl and give the other kids nothing, there will be tears.  I babysit all four of these kids so I know them well hence why I know I need to incorporate all of them. 

Thanks for being no help whatsoever.

The issue isn't that the baby cannot sit.  The issue is that this baby CAN attempt to stand up in the wagon without warning.  The issue is that this baby CAN lean suddenly over the side to grab the flower petals being dropped ahead of him.  The point is that this brief photo opportunity is not worth the potential problems it can create.

I know kids extremely well.  I have children, grandchildren, and have taught for 35 years.  I know that NO child is 100% predictable.

Who is the parent(s)?  If they are in the wedding party, have them carry the ring bearer safely up the aisle.

southernbelle0915

Knottie1460327909 said:

The wagon is a child's wagon intended for a child to be pulled in..I don't see how this is dangerous? Our venue is our church and many people have done this before.  He will be a year and 4 months old so it isn't like he can't sit. 

You clearly have never spent much time with kids before because if you have one sibling labeled as the flower girl and give the other kids nothing, there will be tears.  I babysit all four of these kids so I know them well hence why I know I need to incorporate all of them. 

Thanks for being no help whatsoever.

Well that escalated quickly...

Sitting isn't the issue. Wiggling and tantrums will be your issue(s). And you aren't really going to trust a 16 month old to hold your rings down the aisle, right? So I just don't get what his role is? To be cute? I mean ok...hopefully he doesn't have a melt down for you because that's anything but cute. I would just include him in photos with the FGs/RBs. He won't remember anything anyway and it takes pressure off the parents.

Back to the older kid issue. If you "need to incorporate all of them" then what is your question? Dress them all in cute dresses/suits, give them all a basket and have a little parade throwing petals all over your aisle. If you don't think the boys are capable of throwing petals (because omg masculinity - eyeroll btw), then let them carry empty pillows or signs or something.

AddieCake

Have them all summersault down the aisle. It will be adorable.

cowgirl8238

Just three threads below yours is this one: http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1071843/flower-girl-dropping-out-moms-reasoning#latest

A mother explains exactly why she doesn't want her one year old pulled in a wagon by another child...and everyone else share's their experiences and stories about this on the first page! 

Look, I think having a child go down the aisle is just stupid...I don't care why they are there, it just seems like an excuse to get a cute baby into a dangerous situation.  You want photos with him?  Go for it!!! You want to include those children capable of walking and performing a role? Yeah sure, I guess you can do it...but please don't think you know what is best for someone else's child.

Heffalump

cowgirl8238 said:

Just three threads below yours is this one: http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1071843/flower-girl-dropping-out-moms-reasoning#latest

A mother explains exactly why she doesn't want her one year old pulled in a wagon by another child...and everyone else share's their experiences and stories about this on the first page! 

Look, I think having a child go down the aisle is just stupid...I don't care why they are there, it just seems like an excuse to get a cute baby into a dangerous situation.  You want photos with him?  Go for it!!! You want to include those children capable of walking and performing a role? Yeah sure, I guess you can do it...but please don't think you know what is best for someone else's child.

I was just about to reference that thread, along with my neighbors' mishap. 

OP, if the kid can't get down the aisle under their own power, skip the whole thing.  Enjoy spending time with all of the kids at the reception.  Take lots of great photos with them.  But don't try to make a toddler fill the role that a pocket performs perfectly well.

ILoveBeachMusic

Knottie1460327909 said:

The wagon is a child's wagon intended for a child to be pulled in..I don't see how this is dangerous? Our venue is our church and many people have done this before.  He will be a year and 4 months old so it isn't like he can't sit. 

You clearly have never spent much time with kids before because if you have one sibling labeled as the flower girl and give the other kids nothing, there will be tears.  I babysit all four of these kids so I know them well hence why I know I need to incorporate all of them. 

Thanks for being no help whatsoever.

Well actually I have! I have 3 kids, taught elementary school and babysat all during high school and college. As many other posters said, it isn't the sitting that is the problem but the trying to stand up or reach over the edge with a five year old pulling it. I had a wagon to pull my kids in so I know the kind of wagon you are talking about (at least that is what I pictured).

My daughter was a flower girl and a bridesmaid when she was young. Her younger brothers were fine with not being in the weddings. You know the kids best so maybe they will pitch a fit.

ThisShamanluvsaMage

I have 5 kids, ages 6months-13yrs, and this would get a hard NO from me.  Too many things could go wrong, and I never want to set myself up for being responsible for someone's kid getting hurt.  If a kid can't get down the aisle under their own power they are too young.  

madamerwin

OP, I get wanting cute pictures of FI's nephew. But he is not even going to remember the wedding, so what's the point besides a photo opp?

And I agree with PPs that having a young child pull a wagon with a toddler in it is not safe. It would be one thing if it was an infant in a car seat in a wagon (still pointless) since they can't actually move, but I would not have anyone under the age on 8 pulling a wagon no matter what - they could start running, or jerk the wagon, the toddler could stand up/fall out/reach for petals on the ground and have his fingers run over/start screaming bloody murder.

Safety trumps wedding vision. Just skip having a ring bearer unless you want to use an older child. FWIW, H's almost-four year-old nephew was our ring bearer, and at the rehearsal, he sprinted down the aisle waving the little pillow around. Kids are unpredictable, and you don't want to risk someone getting hurt.

Also, cool your jets. Sorry you didn't get the advice you wanted to hear, but being snarky and rude to the people who took time to give you advice (which you ASKED for) will not do anything to help your situation.

Jen4948

If you want cute photos of the kids, then take cute photos of the kids without trying to get them up and down the aisle. At that age, they can tip over a wagon and fall out, and really hurt themselves...not to mention any damage that could do to the surrounding area.

But they are not going to remember the wedding or their own participation later, so their just being there will "include" them. Being in photos is about all kids that age can handle at a wedding.

Edited to add: If you're worried about tears because one girl is in the wedding party and the others aren't, then don't have a flower girl. If you've already asked her, then the others can get over it.

levioosa

Knottie1460327909 said:

So my fiancé and I are in a pickle.  We have planned on having his nephew as a ring bearer, but he will be too little to walk down the aisle, so we have a wagon for him to ride in.  The problem becomes who is going to pull the wagon? Initially we figured the flower girl.  There is really only one little girl that is close to us that is both young enough to be a flower girl and old enough to pull the wagon.  The problem is that she is one of four kids.  So if we go with her, I would feel bad to not have her siblings involved at all.  She will be 5.  Her older sister will be 8, and her brothers will be 7 and 3.  I had originally thought of just incorporating all of them as flower girls/ring bearers, but I don't want to take away the special element from my fiancé's nephew with 4 other kids that are not actually related to us.  Any thoughts of how I can still have the 5 year old as a flower girl without making the other kids feel left out?

Agree with PPs.  OP, this is not any sort of "dilemma" or "pickle."  You are making it into one.  

lnixon8

Why am I imagining the little girl being a total terror attempting to pull a wagon on carpet, huffing and puffing, whining about not getting to be the one thats pulled?

Oh yeah that was me in the 90's because I didn't want to pull my little brother in a family friends wedding.

lyndausvi

The easiest thing to do is not have any of the kids in the weddings.

FG and RB are not needed.  A 16 month old is very unpredictable.  If the parents are around, but not with them directly, it's unlikely they will even make it down the aisle without incidence.       

Just skip the whole idea.

[Deleted User]

In addition to all of the concerns about the wagon, why would having all four of them take away from your nephew? Having other children in the ceremony doesn't make him any less your nephew. I mean, he's a baby and will be seen in the ceremony for a total of two minutes as he comes down the aisle. This isn't a large role to play regardless and having other kids there won't steal his thunder. 

MairePoppy

Knottie1460327909 said:

The wagon is a child's wagon intended for a child to be pulled in..I don't see how this is dangerous? Our venue is our church and many people have done this before.  He will be a year and 4 months old so it isn't like he can't sit. 

You clearly have never spent much time with kids before because if you have one sibling labeled as the flower girl and give the other kids nothing, there will be tears.  I babysit all four of these kids so I know them well hence why I know I need to incorporate all of them. 

Thanks for being no help whatsoever.

What if the one year old stands in the wagon? If you must include him, have an adult carry/walk/push him in a decorated stroller. The baby's parents or grandparents might like the honor. The honor of being in the wedding party won't be appreciated by this little guy. 

You're welcome.

aurianna

Also... you are treating this little girl like a prop. The only person you can think of old enough to pull a wagon but young enough to be a flower girl?? That description does not sound like your trying to honor a girl you're close to. It sounds like you're trying to fill a position with anyone who will fit.
This may not be how you feel, but it's how it might come across.

Also, flower girls are so often cute little girls that get to have and throw flowers. Instead she has to pull a wagon (which might be hard for a little 5 year old)? That definitely takes some of the fun out of it, IMO.

(Also, I don't think 8 is too old. If you insist on this plan just ask all the kids to be flower girls and flower boys).

You can totally do a cute photo op with the nephew. Cute pictures out the wazoo. He doesn't need to be pulled down the aisle.

And I assume even if you do go through with the wagon, he's not really going to have the ring right? Choking hazard.
So you have a ring bearer who isn't really bearing a ring and isn't walking down the aisle, and a flower girl who isn't dropping flowers and was picked based on the criteria that she's the only one young enough to be the [flowerless] flower girl and old enough to pull a wagon. Yeah... doesn't at all sound like you're just using these kids as props...

Please rethink this. Think of the children's safety and feelings first. Honor chosen children with special pictures, special gifts, etc.

Or just have the nephew's parent carry him and ring down the aisle / use a stroller.

Knottie1460327909

The wagon is entirely safe.  We found one that has a seat belt and he will be in it for all of a minute tops.  You misunderstand me when I talk about the flower girl.  I would LOVE to have her as a flower girl, she holds a special place in my heart.  I just don't want to deal with the fall out with her siblings, that is the only thing holding me back.  We had another option for a flower girl, but she will only be 3 so that is way too little to be pulling a wagon with the safety concerns.  The rings are going to be in a sealed box that he cannot open.  The flower girl will have flowers in her hair. 

We really want our nephew to be in the wedding.  My parents didn't put their 1 year old niece in their wedding for the same reasons you have listed and they have been regretting it for 26 years. 

AddieCake

Your parents have regretted not putting a baby in a wedding for 26 years? Do they have other hobbies?

kimmiinthemitten

Knottie1460327909 said:

The wagon is entirely safe.  We found one that has a seat belt and he will be in it for all of a minute tops.  You misunderstand me when I talk about the flower girl.  I would LOVE to have her as a flower girl, she holds a special place in my heart.  I just don't want to deal with the fall out with her siblings, that is the only thing holding me back.  We had another option for a flower girl, but she will only be 3 so that is way too little to be pulling a wagon with the safety concerns.  The rings are going to be in a sealed box that he cannot open.  The flower girl will have flowers in her hair. 

We really want our nephew to be in the wedding.  My parents didn't put their 1 year old niece in their wedding for the same reasons you have listed and they have been regretting it for 26 years. 

Are either of his parents in the WP?  Why can't they carry him and his sealed ring box?

Knottie1460327909

His mom will be playing the piano for the processional and I've suggested that his dad carry him to my fiancé and he wasn't a fan of the idea.  Our back up plan if the flower girl can't pull him is to either have one of the bridesmaids pull him or carry him.

kimmiinthemitten

Knottie1460327909 said:

His mom will be playing the piano for the processional and I've suggested that his dad carry him to my fiancé and he wasn't a fan of the idea.  Our back up plan if the flower girl can't pull him is to either have one of the bridesmaids pull him or carry him.

Like I said, my 19 month old niece will be my "flower girl" but I have zero expectations of her making it down the aisle. The plan as of today is for her dad to carry her/walk her down the aisle first in the processional. If that doesn't happen, no big deal. I think it's more important to limit your expectations than it is to try and create a plan that is fool proof over baby/toddler behavior. Hell my niece tried to shit on her playmat last week. My sister caught it with a wet wipe. That's what you need to plan around. Not a wagon with a seatbelt. 

Knottie1460327909

Oh I know it isn't fool proof.  In my new thread I've explained that if he doesn't want to go down the aisle the day of then by no means will he.  The planning around the wagon is strictly based on the 5 year old.  If she can't pull it or doesn't want to, we'll have her go down the aisle like normal.  If he is cooperating with the wagon, we'll have the bridesmaid pull it.  If he isn't but is fine with being carried, we'll do that.  If he isn't cooperating with any of it then he doesn't have to.  Kids are unpredictable, but they can also work out well so I figure if we have several options for him that one of them may end up fitting.  Otherwise we just take pictures with him afterwards.  At my cousin's wedding the four year old flower girl threw a temper tantrum right before the wedding and didn't walk down the aisle.  It happens.  But we don't want to not include him on the chance that he may have a tantrum.  If he does he does and we move on, if not, then we have adorable photos of him in a cute wedding wagon. 

DrillSergeantCat

If you don't like the answers on the new thread are you going to start another one to explain why no one is right and just a bunch of cotton-headed ninnymuggins?