Wedding Etiquette Forum

Cash Bar/BYOB

I know I'm going to catch some flack here because, yes, we are doing a cash bar (all drinks $2.00).
It's not something I wanted to do but my fiances family are huge drinkers and even a lot of our guests (250) have okayed the idea of a toonie bar. There will also be free table wine (red, white and rose) with enough for about 2 glasses per guest. 
I've seen on the forum that some weddings have offered a BYOB option.
Should I just stick to one or the other or would it be appropriate to offer both?
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Re: Cash Bar/BYOB

  • I know I'm going to catch some flack here because, yes, we are doing a cash bar (all drinks $2.00).
    It's not something I wanted to do but my fiances family are huge drinkers and even a lot of our guests (250) have okayed the idea of a toonie bar. There will also be free table wine (red, white and rose) with enough for about 2 glasses per guest. 
    I've seen on the forum that some weddings have offered a BYOB option.
    Should I just stick to one or the other or would it be appropriate to offer both?
    Neither are appropriate. You're making your guests pay for their own "thank you" for attending your wedding. Even if some guests "okay'ed" doesn't mean it's not rude, many of your guests will think it's poor hosting regardless of what they say when you ask them. 

    Also, having people pay for drinks, won't stop them from drinking. People get drunk in bars everyday. 
  • If what you can afford is 2 glasses of wine per person, do a wine pour with dinner and then call it quits.  Even "huge drinkers" will survive on two glasses of wine.  No cash bar.
  • A BYOB wedding reception is a real thing??? For serious? No really...where's Ashton to tell me I'm being punk'd? 

    I've heard of a (equally tacky) potluck reception so I guess this shouldn't be a surprise, but really...no. Do not ask your guests to bring their own booze to your wedding. 

  • BYOB is a big fat NO.  This isn't a casual sunday barbecue--this is your wedding, and you are the hosts.  Not to mention the liability issues mentioned above.

    Cash bar is also a big NO.  But not quite as big a no as the BYOB.  Just do beer/wine all night to keep it cheap.  Or a dry wedding.  Or wine for dinner as suggested, although I know some people think that's still kind of rude to have alcohol at one point but not the whole night.  Still better than a cash bar though.

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  • I highly doubt your liquor license would allow for BYOB (in addition to it being a bad idea in general). I'm in BC and mine definitely does not allow this. 

    lyndausvi said:
    I'm assuming you are Canadian because they seem to be the only ones who use the word Toonie.    
    (No snark and I'm only saying this because your comment makes it sound like you don't know what the word means). Canadians use this word (and no one else) because it refers to a specific monetary item. A toonie is a two dollar coin. A loonie is a one dollar coin. The rest of our coins have the same names as the states (quarter, nickel, etc). 
  • monkeysip said:
    BYOB is a big fat NO.  This isn't a casual sunday barbecue--this is your wedding, and you are the hosts.  Not to mention the liability issues mentioned above.

    Cash bar is also a big NO.  But not quite as big a no as the BYOB.  Just do beer/wine all night to keep it cheap.  Or a dry wedding.  Or wine for dinner as suggested, although I know some people think that's still kind of rude to have alcohol at one point but not the whole night.  Still better than a cash bar though.
    I think there is a big difference between having an organized wine pour with dinner after which the alcohol is done versus just allowing the wine to run out.  With a wine pour, everybody who wants some gets an equal serving and nobody is embarrassed or inconvenienced or disappointed going up to get a new glass only to be told that they are 5 minutes to late.
  • @Heffalump fair enough. I wasn't trying to be insulting. Her phrasing made it sound like she thought it was just a random word that Canadians seem to use, not a word with an actual monetary meaning. 
  • The liability of a BYOB alone should be enough to squash that idea.  I am not a fan of cash bars as I rarely carry cash to a wedding and generally hate when a B&G expect me to pay for things at their party...see the salad course analogy above.

    I would much rather attend a wedding where everyone gets just a wine pouring than have to pay money for a drink.  I think what you are planning is rude.

  • What should I do to accommodate the people who aren't going to be satisfied with one or two glasses of wine? I can't afford to pay the bar tab but they want an invite.
  • Right, but majority of my guest list has said they would prefer a cash bar to a dry wedding. So, in my case, I'd leave more guests unhappy if it were dry.
  • Is your venue somewhere you can bring your own alcohol or is the venue providing it? If you are bringing it your own, can you figure out cheaper places to buy alcohol? Maybe stock up on sales, buy in bulk, buy straight from a local brewery, go to the states and bring back cheaper liquor, etc.

    If th venue is providing the alcohol, most venues I know of sell their drinks for $5-$10, so you would be sibsidizing people's drinks to get the price down to $2. Let's assume drinks are $7, so the guest pays $2 and you pay $5. Let's assume there's 100 drinks purchased, the total is $700 and you have to pay $500. You only save $200 in this example. This doesn't seem like a huge cost savings in my opinion, especially when you do a cost-benefit analysis and include how rude a cash bar is. 

    Also, I don't think you can "offer" a BYOB. People will bring their own or not, but it's not yours to offer. 
  • You say they have told you they prefer cash bar to dry wedding. Well, too bad. You don't let your guests decide what you do at your wedding. To some degree we advocate for catering to the wants/needs/comfort of the guests, but when they want something that flies in the face of etiquette or of doing the right thing, no. They do not call the shots. They might also prefer a different meal than you plan to serve or prefer you have a late-night s'mores bar. Doesn't mean they are going to get it. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Having difficulty on drawing the line on guest comfort and proper etiquette as they should be one in the same from what I've gathered.
    Rude to have a cash bar.
    Rude to not accommodate what guests want.

    Wedding planning is a terrible rubics cube of death.
  • Right, but majority of my guest list has said they would prefer a cash bar to a dry wedding. So, in my case, I'd leave more guests unhappy if it were dry.


    Yeah, I'd prefer to buy food than go hungry, but it doesn't mean I'll be happy about being put in either situation.

    You need to host everything. If you want alcohol, you need to be cutting back on flowers/food/photography/dress and host people properly. 


  • I am making my own flowers, my dress, the DJ and photographer are friends and giving us a good price. There is no photobooth. I am making my food, my cake. Our venue and reception is in the same building and discounted. My rings are passed down.
    Our friends and family wanted us to have a party to celebrate with us rather than go to a courthouse. They also know all the personal tradgedy both my FI and I have dealt with that makes an expensive wedding impossible. We want to do it soon so that certain people can be with us to celebrate. I'm doing the best I can with the money I have.
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