Ceremony and Vow Ideas

Surprise Wedding!

2

Re: Surprise Wedding!

  • monkeysip said:
    I feel like this only really works if you're April and Andy.  


    That's exactly what I was thinking too! Although once Leslie realized what was about to happen, she tried to stop them because she thought it was a horrible idea. If Leslie Knope thinks it's a bad idea, it is.

    I do want to offer support to the OP on having her cat as a ringbearer. That sounds kick ass.

    image
    InLoveInQueensppgbeb


  • 3.) What makes the surprise fun for your guests? Maybe it's fun for you 2, but its rude to sprung this on your guests. Great, so your mum is going to burst into tears because she hasn't emotionally prepared and has lots of things she wanted to share with you.  Your father is sad he didn't get to hug you one last time. Sister is mad later when she cancelled and didn't see it. Congrats- YOU get a surprise, everyone else gets lots of complex emotions all at once and not a chance to process it. Don't putposefully put them on this emotional roller coaster. 

    This happened to my friend.  I went over to her house.  I don't remember if she was out or just in the other room.  Her husband told me they went to a BBQ at I think her uncle's house.  Then SURPRISE.  Her mom had a wedding.  Her husband told me she was very upset and her feelings were really hurt.  Then friend either came home or into the room, and (this was the next day or two days later) and she was still upset.  We didn't talk about it too much, so I don't have a lot of details.
    InLoveInQueenscowgirl8238ppgbeb
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
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    Oooo I should add, as my coworker did a surprise wedding, that their parents were in on the surprise. Don't fuck with the emotions of your parents.

    Practically spit out my coffee at Lisa's "Zosia Mammet annoying hipster shit" hahahahaha. 
    ________________________________


    floridabride44ppgbeb
  • So:  I'm not as against this as other posters.  I think it's a little disingenuous to say that people will be so hurt if they decline to come and then later discover that they missed your wedding.  After all, we are always pointing out that nobody is owed an invite in the first place.  It is a pretty common suggestion on here for people with difficult family situations to just elope.  Why exactly is it perfectly fine and a good decision to plan a secret wedding just the two of you--with the full knowledge that people are going to feel sad and left out--but horrible to plan a secret wedding with a few important guests--with the knowledge that someone might possibly decline and then feel sad and left out after the fact?

    People who would have like to be at a wedding don't get to be for all sorts of reasons: the couple can't afford to invite them, the couple chooses not to invite them, the location is inconvenient, the notice is too short, there is a scheduling conflict, they get in a car crash on the way over, etc. etc. etc.  By the time you reach adulthood, you should be able to understand that you can't be at every wedding and that is just part of life.

    Now, with that said, I still think this is a bad idea.  What do you gain from keeping this a secret?  You can have the kind of nontraditional "intimate, budget friendly and fun wedding" you want without it being a surprise.  Being open and upfront about your plans does not in any way obligate you to have a 200 person wedding in a banquet hall.  Just plan the sort of event that appeals to you (and that takes guest comfort into consideration!), spread the word, and enjoy your wedding.
    InLoveInQueenscowgirl8238ppgbebKnottief82f9eec4f6705da
  • If you do this, please let your VVIPs (parents, siblings, whatever!) know. Also, I dress up for social engagements all the time? Just say "We're having a fancy dinner party" and let people figure it out. Someone may not dress up as much as they would for a wedding, but people will look nice. Someone might wear dark jeans, a blazer, and heels whereas if it was a wedding they'd wear a dress, you know? 

    That said, I don't love the idea. You could do the same party you're planning for your surprise but just tell people it's a wedding.
    ppgbeb
  • geebee908 said:
    So:  I'm not as against this as other posters.  I think it's a little disingenuous to say that people will be so hurt if they decline to come and then later discover that they missed your wedding.  After all, we are always pointing out that nobody is owed an invite in the first place.  It is a pretty common suggestion on here for people with difficult family situations to just elope.  Why exactly is it perfectly fine and a good decision to plan a secret wedding just the two of you--with the full knowledge that people are going to feel sad and left out--but horrible to plan a secret wedding with a few important guests--with the knowledge that someone might possibly decline and then feel sad and left out after the fact?

    People who would have like to be at a wedding don't get to be for all sorts of reasons: the couple can't afford to invite them, the couple chooses not to invite them, the location is inconvenient, the notice is too short, there is a scheduling conflict, they get in a car crash on the way over, etc. etc. etc.  By the time you reach adulthood, you should be able to understand that you can't be at every wedding and that is just part of life.

    Now, with that said, I still think this is a bad idea.  What do you gain from keeping this a secret?  You can have the kind of nontraditional "intimate, budget friendly and fun wedding" you want without it being a surprise.  Being open and upfront about your plans does not in any way obligate you to have a 200 person wedding in a banquet hall.  Just plan the sort of event that appeals to you (and that takes guest comfort into consideration!), spread the word, and enjoy your wedding.
    The difference here is that the person invited makes the choice not to go to the wedding with full knowledge that it is a wedding they have to decline attending. In the case of the surprise wedding, the invitee doesn't know that they're declining to attend someone's wedding, and might have made an effort to be there if they had known. It's robbing them of their ability to make a choice with all the facts.

    I don't know where the "fun" is for those who are surprised. It seems like a selfish sort of wedding to plan and you're messing with/lying to people to do it.
    I totally get why it's a bad idea, and I would never want to do it this way myself. It is an absolute fact that people will not prioritize a random party as much as they would a wedding.  But why is eloping a-okay and a surprise wedding is atrocious?  Both involve secret wedding planning and potentially leaving people out who would want to be there.
  • CMGragainCMGragain
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    edited August 2016
    geebee908 said:
    So:  I'm not as against this as other posters.  I think it's a little disingenuous to say that people will be so hurt if they decline to come and then later discover that they missed your wedding.  After all, we are always pointing out that nobody is owed an invite in the first place.  It is a pretty common suggestion on here for people with difficult family situations to just elope.  Why exactly is it perfectly fine and a good decision to plan a secret wedding just the two of you--with the full knowledge that people are going to feel sad and left out--but horrible to plan a secret wedding with a few important guests--with the knowledge that someone might possibly decline and then feel sad and left out after the fact?

    People who would have like to be at a wedding don't get to be for all sorts of reasons: the couple can't afford to invite them, the couple chooses not to invite them, the location is inconvenient, the notice is too short, there is a scheduling conflict, they get in a car crash on the way over, etc. etc. etc.  By the time you reach adulthood, you should be able to understand that you can't be at every wedding and that is just part of life.

    Now, with that said, I still think this is a bad idea.  What do you gain from keeping this a secret?  You can have the kind of nontraditional "intimate, budget friendly and fun wedding" you want without it being a surprise.  Being open and upfront about your plans does not in any way obligate you to have a 200 person wedding in a banquet hall.  Just plan the sort of event that appeals to you (and that takes guest comfort into consideration!), spread the word, and enjoy your wedding.
    The difference here is that the person invited makes the choice not to go to the wedding with full knowledge that it is a wedding they have to decline attending. In the case of the surprise wedding, the invitee doesn't know that they're declining to attend someone's wedding, and might have made an effort to be there if they had known. It's robbing them of their ability to make a choice with all the facts.

    I don't know where the "fun" is for those who are surprised. It seems like a selfish sort of wedding to plan and you're messing with/lying to people to do it.
    I totally get why it's a bad idea, and I would never want to do it this way myself. It is an absolute fact that people will not prioritize a random party as much as they would a wedding.  But why is eloping a-okay and a surprise wedding is atrocious?  Both involve secret wedding planning and potentially leaving people out who would want to be there.
    When a couple elopes, there are no guests.
    At a "surprise wedding" , there are guests who are directly affected and put on the spot.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    ILoveBeachMusicernursejppgbeb
  • CMGragain said:
    geebee908 said:
    So:  I'm not as against this as other posters.  I think it's a little disingenuous to say that people will be so hurt if they decline to come and then later discover that they missed your wedding.  After all, we are always pointing out that nobody is owed an invite in the first place.  It is a pretty common suggestion on here for people with difficult family situations to just elope.  Why exactly is it perfectly fine and a good decision to plan a secret wedding just the two of you--with the full knowledge that people are going to feel sad and left out--but horrible to plan a secret wedding with a few important guests--with the knowledge that someone might possibly decline and then feel sad and left out after the fact?

    People who would have like to be at a wedding don't get to be for all sorts of reasons: the couple can't afford to invite them, the couple chooses not to invite them, the location is inconvenient, the notice is too short, there is a scheduling conflict, they get in a car crash on the way over, etc. etc. etc.  By the time you reach adulthood, you should be able to understand that you can't be at every wedding and that is just part of life.

    Now, with that said, I still think this is a bad idea.  What do you gain from keeping this a secret?  You can have the kind of nontraditional "intimate, budget friendly and fun wedding" you want without it being a surprise.  Being open and upfront about your plans does not in any way obligate you to have a 200 person wedding in a banquet hall.  Just plan the sort of event that appeals to you (and that takes guest comfort into consideration!), spread the word, and enjoy your wedding.
    The difference here is that the person invited makes the choice not to go to the wedding with full knowledge that it is a wedding they have to decline attending. In the case of the surprise wedding, the invitee doesn't know that they're declining to attend someone's wedding, and might have made an effort to be there if they had known. It's robbing them of their ability to make a choice with all the facts.

    I don't know where the "fun" is for those who are surprised. It seems like a selfish sort of wedding to plan and you're messing with/lying to people to do it.
    I totally get why it's a bad idea, and I would never want to do it this way myself. It is an absolute fact that people will not prioritize a random party as much as they would a wedding.  But why is eloping a-okay and a surprise wedding is atrocious?  Both involve secret wedding planning and potentially leaving people out who would want to be there.
    When a couple elopes, there are no guests.
    At a "surprise wedding" , there are guests who are directly affected and put on the spot.
    But how exactly are the guests being put on the spot?  Presumably they are not being asked to *do* anything, just as guests at a typical wedding don't *do* anything.  If this was a case of, "Surprise!  We are getting married right now and you are officiating!" well, that would be putting someone on the spot.  If you were to surprise everyone at the party with a waiting bus to take them to Vegas to witness your wedding, that would be putting them on the spot.  But I don't see how the act of getting married unexpectedly is putting anyone on the spot.
  • geebee908 said:
    So:  I'm not as against this as other posters.  I think it's a little disingenuous to say that people will be so hurt if they decline to come and then later discover that they missed your wedding.  After all, we are always pointing out that nobody is owed an invite in the first place.  It is a pretty common suggestion on here for people with difficult family situations to just elope.  Why exactly is it perfectly fine and a good decision to plan a secret wedding just the two of you--with the full knowledge that people are going to feel sad and left out--but horrible to plan a secret wedding with a few important guests--with the knowledge that someone might possibly decline and then feel sad and left out after the fact?

    People who would have like to be at a wedding don't get to be for all sorts of reasons: the couple can't afford to invite them, the couple chooses not to invite them, the location is inconvenient, the notice is too short, there is a scheduling conflict, they get in a car crash on the way over, etc. etc. etc.  By the time you reach adulthood, you should be able to understand that you can't be at every wedding and that is just part of life.

    Now, with that said, I still think this is a bad idea.  What do you gain from keeping this a secret?  You can have the kind of nontraditional "intimate, budget friendly and fun wedding" you want without it being a surprise.  Being open and upfront about your plans does not in any way obligate you to have a 200 person wedding in a banquet hall.  Just plan the sort of event that appeals to you (and that takes guest comfort into consideration!), spread the word, and enjoy your wedding.
    The difference here is that the person invited makes the choice not to go to the wedding with full knowledge that it is a wedding they have to decline attending. In the case of the surprise wedding, the invitee doesn't know that they're declining to attend someone's wedding, and might have made an effort to be there if they had known. It's robbing them of their ability to make a choice with all the facts.

    I don't know where the "fun" is for those who are surprised. It seems like a selfish sort of wedding to plan and you're messing with/lying to people to do it.
    I totally get why it's a bad idea, and I would never want to do it this way myself. It is an absolute fact that people will not prioritize a random party as much as they would a wedding.  But why is eloping a-okay and a surprise wedding is atrocious?  Both involve secret wedding planning and potentially leaving people out who would want to be there.

    IMHO, when you elope, you aren't lying to people. Sure, there may be hurt feelings, but no one has misled anyone. With a surprise wedding, the guests are led to believe it's one thing and then it's another. Obviously, the hurt feelings come into play with people who RSVPed no and then found out later they missed a wedding.


    I disagree that one scenario is more deceitful than the other.  If you believe that anything short of full disclosure amounts to lying, then planning a secret wedding that you don't tell others about beforehand is definitionally a lie either way.  Any time the bride or groom says "we are going to Aspen in October" and then doesn't immediately follow up with "...and we will be getting married there at that time" is being just as deceitful under that paradigm as someone who says, "we will be having a fun party on Saturday" and doesn't immediately follow up with "...and we will be getting married there at that time."
    ppgbeb
  • SP29SP29
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    It is never OK to request attire, even at a traditional wedding (baring of course a black tie event). If you would like to see your guests dress for a formal or semi-formal event, then you need to host such an event.

    There are many ways to host a unique, fun, semi-formal wedding. This includes, but is not limited to, a fancy restaurant, historical building or mansion, art gallery, botanical garden or museum.

    I am also against the surprise wedding- I just don't get it. I agree that it takes the choice away from your guests and you may have guests who decline to attend because they thought it was only dinner. OP, no one can stop you from having a surprise wedding, but there aren't really any ways to dress it up and invite someone to a wedding, hoping they'll realize how important it is, without telling them it's a wedding. You invite them to dinner, you invite them to a party, or you invite them out to an event (such as at the art gallery) and hope they come. You can still use a formal invitation, regardless of the event.

    So OP, where were you planning on hosting this surprise? When were you planning on inviting your guests? Why could you not at that time, tell your guests, "We're getting married at X restaurant next month and would love you to come!".

    A co-worker of mine had friends who got married in their backyard. Their guests were invited the day before. Very informal, but exactly what they wanted. The couple literally booked the officiant the day before and decided "we're getting married tomorrow" so they let their nearest and dearest know. Non-traditional? Sure. Were some guests unable to attend due to the short notice? Maybe (I don't know). But all the guests knew what they were being invited to and knew the couple was getting married.
    OurWildKingdomInLoveInQueenscowgirl8238ppgbeb
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown
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    geebee908 said:
    So:  I'm not as against this as other posters.  I think it's a little disingenuous to say that people will be so hurt if they decline to come and then later discover that they missed your wedding.  After all, we are always pointing out that nobody is owed an invite in the first place.  It is a pretty common suggestion on here for people with difficult family situations to just elope.  Why exactly is it perfectly fine and a good decision to plan a secret wedding just the two of you--with the full knowledge that people are going to feel sad and left out--but horrible to plan a secret wedding with a few important guests--with the knowledge that someone might possibly decline and then feel sad and left out after the fact?

    People who would have like to be at a wedding don't get to be for all sorts of reasons: the couple can't afford to invite them, the couple chooses not to invite them, the location is inconvenient, the notice is too short, there is a scheduling conflict, they get in a car crash on the way over, etc. etc. etc.  By the time you reach adulthood, you should be able to understand that you can't be at every wedding and that is just part of life.

    Now, with that said, I still think this is a bad idea.  What do you gain from keeping this a secret?  You can have the kind of nontraditional "intimate, budget friendly and fun wedding" you want without it being a surprise.  Being open and upfront about your plans does not in any way obligate you to have a 200 person wedding in a banquet hall.  Just plan the sort of event that appeals to you (and that takes guest comfort into consideration!), spread the word, and enjoy your wedding.
    The difference here is that the person invited makes the choice not to go to the wedding with full knowledge that it is a wedding they have to decline attending. In the case of the surprise wedding, the invitee doesn't know that they're declining to attend someone's wedding, and might have made an effort to be there if they had known. It's robbing them of their ability to make a choice with all the facts.

    I don't know where the "fun" is for those who are surprised. It seems like a selfish sort of wedding to plan and you're messing with/lying to people to do it.
    I totally get why it's a bad idea, and I would never want to do it this way myself. It is an absolute fact that people will not prioritize a random party as much as they would a wedding.  But why is eloping a-okay and a surprise wedding is atrocious?  Both involve secret wedding planning and potentially leaving people out who would want to be there.

    IMHO, when you elope, you aren't lying to people. Sure, there may be hurt feelings, but no one has misled anyone. With a surprise wedding, the guests are led to believe it's one thing and then it's another. Obviously, the hurt feelings come into play with people who RSVPed no and then found out later they missed a wedding.


    I disagree that one scenario is more deceitful than the other.  If you believe that anything short of full disclosure amounts to lying, then planning a secret wedding that you don't tell others about beforehand is definitionally a lie either way.  Any time the bride or groom says "we are going to Aspen in October" and then doesn't immediately follow up with "...and we will be getting married there at that time" is being just as deceitful under that paradigm as someone who says, "we will be having a fun party on Saturday" and doesn't immediately follow up with "...and we will be getting married there at that time."


    So, yes, one could say that it's lying by omission. But, why is it anyone's business what you plan to do on vacation anyway? When it was discovered there was a marriage that occurred on the vacation, should the people who got upset expect to have been on vacation with the couple? Or expect to have been invited to the wedding? After all, it's rude for anyone to assume that they are invited to the wedding.


    I am SO glad that everyone in our families were so supportive of our decision. I didn't need or want the drama, hence why we eloped.

     







    InLoveInQueensOliveOilsMomSP29ppgbeb
  • I've posted about this before, but my MIL had a suprise wedding. It was her and her husband's second wedding. They only told a handful of people in advance (her children, and her sister, myself, and his parents) that it was actually a wedding. They even kept their engagement a secret. For her guests, the 'party' was supposed to be going away party for now DH who was starting university that fall, for his guests, I believe they were told it was family reunion.

    It was supposed to be outside, but it was raining, so they held it in their church hall. They had cheesy backyard bbq type games before hand and then he 'proposed'. They had a pre-planned speech stating that since it was their second marriage and they had everything they needed, she would only say 'yes' to his proposal if no one gave them gifts. Then they said since everyone they wanted was already there they would go get changed and get married then and there.

    Since it was supposed to be a backyard BBQ, everyone was dressed casually. The bride wore a LWD and her husband wore a suit. MOH and BM wore dress/suit, but everyone else in attendance was in shorts/jeans/t-shirts. This just may be one of 'consequences' of having a surprise wedding that will have to live with. Even if your guests aren't dressed formally, you won't be any less married.

    It is still the strangest wedding I have ever been to, but yes, was a surprise wedding IRL.
    image
    DrillSergeantCatcowgirl8238ppgbebKnottie6394f6b22a913594
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    ahyatt87 said:
    I've posted about this before, but my MIL had a suprise wedding. It was her and her husband's second wedding. They only told a handful of people in advance (her children, and her sister, myself, and his parents) that it was actually a wedding. They even kept their engagement a secret. For her guests, the 'party' was supposed to be going away party for now DH who was starting university that fall, for his guests, I believe they were told it was family reunion.

    It was supposed to be outside, but it was raining, so they held it in their church hall. They had cheesy backyard bbq type games before hand and then he 'proposed'. They had a pre-planned speech stating that since it was their second marriage and they had everything they needed, she would only say 'yes' to his proposal if no one gave them gifts. Then they said since everyone they wanted was already there they would go get changed and get married then and there.

    Since it was supposed to be a backyard BBQ, everyone was dressed casually. The bride wore a LWD and her husband wore a suit. MOH and BM wore dress/suit, but everyone else in attendance was in shorts/jeans/t-shirts. This just may be one of 'consequences' of having a surprise wedding that will have to live with. Even if your guests aren't dressed formally, you won't be any less married.

    It is still the strangest wedding I have ever been to, but yes, was a surprise wedding IRL.
    Blech. How was she supposed to know, let alone control, whether anyone else gave them gifts? And using it to decide whether or not to accept a proposal...

    No.
    ScottishSarahcowgirl8238ppgbeb
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216
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    edited August 2016
    That may be the oddest thing I've ever read here.
    InLoveInQueensppgbeb
  • Jen4948 said:
    ahyatt87 said:
    I've posted about this before, but my MIL had a suprise wedding. It was her and her husband's second wedding. They only told a handful of people in advance (her children, and her sister, myself, and his parents) that it was actually a wedding. They even kept their engagement a secret. For her guests, the 'party' was supposed to be going away party for now DH who was starting university that fall, for his guests, I believe they were told it was family reunion.

    It was supposed to be outside, but it was raining, so they held it in their church hall. They had cheesy backyard bbq type games before hand and then he 'proposed'. They had a pre-planned speech stating that since it was their second marriage and they had everything they needed, she would only say 'yes' to his proposal if no one gave them gifts. Then they said since everyone they wanted was already there they would go get changed and get married then and there.

    Since it was supposed to be a backyard BBQ, everyone was dressed casually. The bride wore a LWD and her husband wore a suit. MOH and BM wore dress/suit, but everyone else in attendance was in shorts/jeans/t-shirts. This just may be one of 'consequences' of having a surprise wedding that will have to live with. Even if your guests aren't dressed formally, you won't be any less married.

    It is still the strangest wedding I have ever been to, but yes, was a surprise wedding IRL.
    Blech. How was she supposed to know, let alone control, whether anyone else gave them gifts? And using it to decide whether or not to accept a proposal...

    No.
    They were engaged before this. They just kept it a secret. I believe they were engaged for 6 months before the surprise wedding. But yeah, the speech didn't work at any rate. People still sent them gifts after the fact.

    It was seriously the strangest wedding I've ever been too, though.
    image
    ppgbeb
  • I am so sorry (almost) everyone on here has been so negative about your idea of a surprise wedding. I understand the concept of "it's not really your day, it belongs to everyone" but this is your wedding day (along with your fiancé) and what matters is that you and your fiancé are happy in that moment of celebrating your love. I have no doubt that you have resolved the fact that some VIPs may not attend, but that in and of itself has not deterred you from considering this, so it's a non-starter.

    I've wanted to plan a surprise wedding for awhile now, even before my fiancé and I were together. We aren't going that route, mostly because of family, but that just happened to be our choice; it doesn't have to be yours. My idea was always to throw an engagement party. You may want to have at least one other person in on it with you, so they can technically "throw" you the engagement party, but you can do it yourselves, too. Depending on how fun/eclectic your group is, you may be able to get away with the "semi-formal" dress aspect by making it a theme party- like Great Gatsby (1920s attire) or something similar. Depending on your situation, maybe you make it seem like you're not rushing the wedding part and just want to celebrate with everyone sooner rather than later. Or you can even try to disguise it as either his or your birthday party. (Sidenote- if you do this, you should still look into having a photographer and even a videographer. This will be a fun moment to look back on for the rest of your lives! You'll want to experience it more than once!)

    I hope these posts have not weakened your excitement of being engaged and planning a wedding. I know they would have gotten me down. But if you want to do a surprise wedding, then just do it! Have fun and celebrate your love. That's what's important.

    Knottie6394f6b22a913594
  • I am so sorry (almost) everyone on here has been so negative about your idea of a surprise wedding. I understand the concept of "it's not really your day, it belongs to everyone" but this is your wedding day (along with your fiancé) and what matters is that you and your fiancé are happy in that moment of celebrating your love. I have no doubt that you have resolved the fact that some VIPs may not attend, but that in and of itself has not deterred you from considering this, so it's a non-starter.

    I've wanted to plan a surprise wedding for awhile now, even before my fiancé and I were together. We aren't going that route, mostly because of family, but that just happened to be our choice; it doesn't have to be yours. My idea was always to throw an engagement party. You may want to have at least one other person in on it with you, so they can technically "throw" you the engagement party, but you can do it yourselves, too. Depending on how fun/eclectic your group is, you may be able to get away with the "semi-formal" dress aspect by making it a theme party- like Great Gatsby (1920s attire) or something similar. Depending on your situation, maybe you make it seem like you're not rushing the wedding part and just want to celebrate with everyone sooner rather than later. Or you can even try to disguise it as either his or your birthday party. (Sidenote- if you do this, you should still look into having a photographer and even a videographer. This will be a fun moment to look back on for the rest of your lives! You'll want to experience it more than once!)

    I hope these posts have not weakened your excitement of being engaged and planning a wedding. I know they would have gotten me down. But if you want to do a surprise wedding, then just do it! Have fun and celebrate your love. That's what's important.

    Welcome to a post from almost three months ago. And to my bolded- you did what we're all saying- you aren't going through with a surprise wedding because of family.  Who wants to hurt or toy with the emotions of their loved ones? 
    And I may not have followed, but you can't throw yourself an engagement party (or any other pre-wedding party).  

    DrillSergeantCatILoveBeachMusicInLoveInQueensppgbeb
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
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    eileenrob said:
    Welcome to a post from almost three months ago. And to my bolded- you did what we're all saying- you aren't going through with a surprise wedding because of family.  Who wants to hurt or toy with the emotions of their loved ones? 
    And I may not have followed, but you can't throw yourself an engagement party (or any other pre-wedding party).  

    Technically, you can. It's tacky AF, but if you don't care about being a respectful adult, you can throw your own gift giving parties.
    ppgbeb
  • eileenrob said:
    Welcome to a post from almost three months ago. And to my bolded- you did what we're all saying- you aren't going through with a surprise wedding because of family.  Who wants to hurt or toy with the emotions of their loved ones? 
    And I may not have followed, but you can't throw yourself an engagement party (or any other pre-wedding party).  

    Technically, you can. It's tacky AF, but if you don't care about being a respectful adult, you can throw your own gift giving parties.
    Of course you can. I guess I should've written "may not" instead of can't, to distinguish something you really shouldn't do vs. something you're physically capable of doing.   :p
    DrillSergeantCatppgbebkimmiinthemitten
  • ppgbebppgbeb
    10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    member
    edited January 21
    You're asking for brides opinions and people who have been through the experience... Please don't complain when you are asking for help! Most of the ladies are telling you what you do not want to hear, that happens EVERYWHERE not just on The Knot. 

    In my opinion, it is an AWFUL idea. That's okay to do for an pregnancy surprise or announcing engagement, not when you are joining your families and lives together.

    It is not "your day" it is your families joining... It's everyone's day honestly, you are just a main role in the event, not the only role. 

    You should think and pray a lot before you put your family and friends through a surprise that only you two will honestly enjoy. Because if that happened to me, I would honestly be in shock and feel stuck and that I could not leave.. That's NOT ENJOYABLE!
    My family would wonder why I wanted to keep that from them and why I would not want to discuss or plan that day in my life also... Because all you are doing is putting your family in the dark for your own enjoyment.

    Shoot, go ahead and do it! Be prepared for awkwardness and making your guest uncomfortable! 
    InLoveInQueens
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