Who dances during dinner?

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,
I attended a childhood friend’s wedding recently with my live-in boyfriend. The reception venue was wonderful, complete with a great band. My boyfriend and I danced during the dinner course even though no one else was. This was after the toasts and the first dance, so we assumed the floor was open. We were bewildered that no one else was dancing. Finally, a fellow guest, whom I had never met before, came over to my table and publicly accused me of being drunk (I wasn’t) and of stealing focus from the bride and groom. The bride and groom were not even in the room at the time. I was so embarrassed, I got up and went outside. I later learned that a guest (possibly the same one) had complained that we were being “too affectionate” on the dance floor. My boyfriend and I were not grinding or doing anything I thought was inappropriate, though we were in a more conservative crowd. If I had been politely approached about any of this, I might have understood, but the guest was so needlessly nasty, I didn’t know what to do. I wish I had been stronger, but by the time I felt comfortable returning to my table, the reception was basically over. I spoke to my friend and he assured me he had no idea, and felt terrible, but I’m still incredibly confused and guilty. I want to make it up to him, but I also don’t feel I did anything truly wrong.

—Wedding Bell Blues

DrillSergeantCat

You already spoke to the groom who had no idea any of this happened, so it obviously wasn't a big deal to him so what is there to make up?

charlotte989875

Wait, they already did the first dance? I don't see then problem then, the floor was "open". Judgy lady needs to keep her comments to herself and LW needs to let's this go. 

mrsconn23

I agree, if the groom didn't care...then whatever.  

However, my general sense of manners and etiquette are twinging.  A) It was the dinner hour at a formal event.  You sit at your table and eat your dinner and B ) I believe it is up to the bride and groom to open the dance floor.  

But I would never yell at anyone over it and it's higher on the scale of rudeness to yell at someone in that manner.  You should just silently judge instead, like a normal person. 

DrillSergeantCat

mrsconn23 said:

I agree, if the groom didn't care...then whatever.  

However, my general sense of manners and etiquette are twinging.  A) It was the dinner hour at a formal event.  You sit at your table and eat your dinner and B ) I believe it is up to the bride and groom to open the dance floor.  

But I would never yell at anyone over it and it's higher on the scale of rudeness to yell at someone in that manner.  You should just silently judge instead, like a normal person. 

Did they not open the dance floor when they had the first dance?

mrsconn23

DrillSergeantCat said:

mrsconn23 said:

I agree, if the groom didn't care...then whatever.  

However, my general sense of manners and etiquette are twinging.  A) It was the dinner hour at a formal event.  You sit at your table and eat your dinner and B ) I believe it is up to the bride and groom to open the dance floor.  

But I would never yell at anyone over it and it's higher on the scale of rudeness to yell at someone in that manner.  You should just silently judge instead, like a normal person. 

Did they not open the dance floor when they had the first dance?

IDK.  In my experience, the B&G do their first dance and then sit down to eat.  We did all of our dances after dinner at our wedding. 

Then after dinner, they do the parent dances and the BP dance (if they do that) and then once the special dances are out of the way, the floor is open to everyone.  

I guess it could be confusing (and she could be not wrong that the dance floor was open to everyone).   But I've always been taught that you don't dance at a wedding while dinner is being served...as a manners thing. 

DrillSergeantCat

mrsconn23 said:

IDK.  In my experience, the B&G do their first dance and then sit down to eat.  We did all of our dances after dinner at our wedding. 

Then after dinner, they do the parent dances and the BP dance (if they do that) and then once the special dances are out of the way, the floor is open to everyone.  

I guess it could be confusing (and she could be not wrong that the dance floor was open to everyone).   But I've always been taught that you don't dance at a wedding while dinner is being served...as a manners thing. 

To me, food>dancing anyway. I would think if they didn't want people dancing, they'd have stopped the music or changed it to something soft. IDK. I've not attended a lot of weddings and the last one I went to we left early because they ran out of food. 

MissKittyDanger

We had our first dance after eating. We opened up the dance floor by having the dj put on a song that would encourage people to start dancing.

Like like @mrsconn23  said, it's just bad etiquette to dance during eating time.

6fsn

I think it's strange someone yelled at them for dancing.  I do think once the first dance is done the dance floor is open.  Maybe dinner was taking forever. I'd never be the one to jump up and start dancing during dinner and I might think it odd that someone did.  I'd never be so concerned about it to say something though.  The weirdo here is the guest that confront the dancers.

flantastic

I want to know what sort of music was playing. Soft, dinner music, and the couple was slow dancing (i.e., "too affectionate")? Upbeat music?

If the former, I think it was super weird that they got up and danced during their own dinner and when no one else was out there, first dance or no. But why on earth the guest felt they had to confront them is beyond me.

OliveOilsMom

If the B&G have already had their dance, I consider the floor open.  Many people danced in between courses at our reception and I didn't think twice about it, we already had our first dance.  If there is food on the table, I understand not dancing, but when people are waiting for the next course, I don't see any problems with going out to enjoy some dancing.

If the groom is not upset at all then LW has nothing further to do.

ILoveBeachMusic

mrsconn23 said:

I agree, if the groom didn't care...then whatever.  

However, my general sense of manners and etiquette are twinging.  A) It was the dinner hour at a formal event.  You sit at your table and eat your dinner and B ) I believe it is up to the bride and groom to open the dance floor.  

But I would never yell at anyone over it and it's higher on the scale of rudeness to yell at someone in that manner.  You should just silently judge instead, like a normal person. 

She said the B&G had already had their first dance, so the floor was open.

lyndausvi

We did our first dance after we were introduced.    We had people dancing in-between food courses.    I loved seeing my older guests dancing so beautifully.   Plus my friend and her husband are ballroom dancers.   

All of my husband's family weddings do the same.  The couple has their first dance right off the bat.  Then the dance floor is considered open.  We all dance in between food courses.     I actually love that they do it that way.  We ended up with way more dancing than those who wait to open the dance floor after dinner.    Although sometimes dinner can take a little longer, but that is generally not an issue since they serve an obnoxious amount of food anyway.

ILoveBeachMusic

lyndausvi said:

We did our first dance after we were introduced.    We had people dancing in-between food courses.    I loved seeing my older guests dancing so beautifully.   Plus my friend and her husband are ballroom dancers.   

All of my husband's family weddings do the same.  The couple has their first dance right off the bat.  Then the dance floor is considered open.  We all dance in between food courses.     I actually love that they do it that way.  We ended up with way more dancing than those who wait to open the dance floor after dinner.    Although sometimes dinner can take a little longer, but that is generally not an issue since they serve an obnoxious amount of food anyway.

I love this! At most weddings I have been to recently, the ballroom danceable songs are played during dinner. My husband and I ballroom dance but very rarely get the chance to do so at weddings since people don't start dancing until after dinner when the "younger" music is played. Even though the DJ at DD's wedding was told there were several couples who BR dance, he played all the foxtrots and rumbas during cocktail hour/dinner.

SP29

I assume the dance floor is open after the first dance.

While I agree that food trumps dancing, and I also follow the belief that everyone sits at the dinner table until everyone else is done the meal, I don't see any harm in dancing in between courses.

P.S. There needs to be more ballroom dancing in general in life! But there are some good "pop" songs that you can jive, cha-cha, rumba, and samba to.

lovesclimbing

I see nothing wrong with them jumping up to dance.  The B&G did their dance, so the dance floor is open.  In my experience (not just at weddings, at several other events - formal banquets and such), no one wants to be the first person to get up and start dancing. So I say good on them for going ahead and getting out there!

monkeysip

Yeah, this is one of those etiquette blunders that I find pretty harmless.

I mean, at a family dinner, everyone needs to sit there until everyone is finished.  But at a wedding reception with 100+ people, I don't expect everyone to wait until slow Uncle Joe has finished his steak to be able to dance.  Sounds like the dance floor was open--what's the big deal?  

ei34

Wedding receptions in my circle start with introductions and straight into B&G dance, and then floor is open for dancing (our DJ even invited guests to join DH and I halfway through our first dance).  Throughout the pasta, salad, and intermezzo courses, upbeat music is playing...guests are encouraged to dance.  During dinner the music is at a lower volume but still on...I've seen some people remain on the dance floor throughout and never thought it was rude, or an etiquette blunder.  The guest who called them out was wrong, IMO.

SaintPaulGal

I, personally, would find dancing during dinner to be weirdly out of place.  Not unwelcome and wrong, but definitely incongruous.  I guess I would put it in the same mental category as dancing on the front lawn while the bride and groom have their receiving line or dancing down the sidewalk to your car: not an etiquette issue, but just a...strangeness...issue.  

But with that said, I think the bride and groom muddied the waters when they had their first dance so early.  At every wedding I have been to, the first dance takes place after dinner and then guests are explicitly invited to join the couple on the dance floor.  I can see why it would be confusing to start the dancing, pause it for dinner, and then start up again when everyone was done eating.

banana468

I think it all depends on the sequence of events.   If the B&G have had their first dance then that opens the dance floor.   

FWIW, we played DH's grandparents "song" during our dinner hour because it's an old jazz tune and it wouldn't be played during the later portion of the evening.   They got up and danced while we were seated at the tables and it was the nicest thing to see. 

ILoveBeachMusic

banana468 said:

I think it all depends on the sequence of events.   If the B&G have had their first dance then that opens the dance floor.   

FWIW, we played DH's grandparents "song" during our dinner hour because it's an old jazz tune and it wouldn't be played during the later portion of the evening.   They got up and danced while we were seated at the tables and it was the nicest thing to see. 

That is so sweet! I kind of teared up a bit.