Moms and Maids

Bachelorette Party ettiquette?

So my maids of honor and I have been discussing the bachelorette party and we came up with a fun idea that's very non traditional. I don't drink and I don't really party or go out that much, but I do love Jane Austen. So we've been talking about having a Jane Austen themed party, because of this we ended up finding the venue for my wedding and we'll be throwing the bachelorette party there the night before. It's a castle here in Tacoma Washington that is beautiful red brick with a lively garden and it's the perfect setting and it doubles as wedding venue and b&b. We are planning on dressing up in gowns and watching the 7 hour pride and prejudice movie and just hanging out and being silly. Now the problem. I've invited his two sisters to be my bridesmaids and I know for sure they wouldn't have any fun doing this. I really want to have the party without them, I fully intend to include them in everything else and I want them to feel like apart of the party. But because of rooming logistics it cuts the cost in half for them to not join in, and they wouldn't enjoy themselves if they did come. I know the most polite thing to do would be to change the party so that everyone can be a part, but my moh's and I started talking about this idea even before I had the concept for my wedding and I'm just so excited for it. Does this make me a horrible person? They're 6 and 10 years younger than me and were not very close and they have very different interests. Is this something I can do without feeling like a bad bride? I guess I'm looking for validation here to not feel bad. 

Re: Bachelorette Party ettiquette?

  • I can't see this ending well.

    Ftr, I just had my bachelorette this weekend and my FSIL's (who are not BM's) were invited since I like them very much and we are going to be family. It wasnt really 'their thing' as it was drinking and dancing and general partying and they are very quiet and shy, however they came and stayed the whole time. Not because the probably enjoyed themselves that much (though I hope they didn't hate it!), but because people generally want to be nice and make the effort with people that are important to them. Why would you ask them to be BM's if you don't even want them there?
                 
  • edited September 2016
    If they are in your BP I really think they should be invited. If they're not into it they will decline. How far away is it from where they live? Maybe they will come for some, but not all of the party? Can they come for some movie watching but not stay the night? Cuts costs and gives them the option to leave early. 

    ETA: I wouldn't address the invite to them differently, for whoever is hosting could say something along the lines of "If you would like to stay the night the cost is $xx per person, but please come and enjoy the movies without staying over if you prefer not to spend the night". 
  • Well, I agree that you shouldn't be planning this party.

    That said, I'd go ahead and have your MOHs invite all your bridesmaids to this anyway, even if those particular bridesmaids won't come. Being a bridesmaid doesn't require one to attend every single pre-wedding event.

    But it wouldn't be a bad idea to have some non-Jane Austen-themed elements in your get-together.
  • I appreciate this type of bachelorette party. I have no advice to offer, but, depending on the ages of your attendees and whether they drink, they may enjoy the Pride & Prejudice drinking game:
    http://foreveryoungadult.com/2012/09/11/pride-prejudice-official-drinking-game/
    "Marriage is so disruptive to one's social circle." - Mr. Woodhouse
  • I would just invite them and tell them exactly what you're doing. Hopefully they will decline. For your sake and definitely their own.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • Yeah, I'd have the host(s) let them know what activities are happening when, so they could come early on and leave if they don't want to sit through a 7 hour movie.  Personally, I would love this if it was something I was into--a LOTR, Harry Potter, or Pirates of the Caribbean marathon, for example--as I know that my group of friends would enjoy that as well.  Granted, we'd spend more time playing Cards Against Humanity and catching up than we would watching the movie, but we might dress up or have themed snacks to go along with it.  I'd stress to the host that the girls don't need to dress up if they don't want to, as that might be another reason for them to decline the whole thing (I don't own that type of dress, they may not either).  Maybe they'll stop by for an hour or two, maybe they'll stay home.  
    I guess if I was a BM, I'd be bummed that the bride wasn't having the kind of party I'd enjoy, but as long as I had the option to attend, I wouldn't be offended (instead of bride assuming I wouldn't like it so not inviting me at all).
  • If I were one of these girls I would want to be at least invited and given the choice. Personally if it were someone I cared about and I was able to, I would put the effort in and try to get as on board as I could even if it wasn't something I was into.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards