Customs and Traditions

Walking Me Down the Aisle

edited September 2016 in Customs and Traditions
I have a half sister from my dad's previous marriage and a brother. My mom is insisting I include my half sister in my bridal party, but I feel like it would be weird for her because everyone else in the wedding party is in their 20s, and she's in her late 30s with two kids. I don't think it would be very fun or comfortable for her to have to be around all of us. My mom insists that my half sister would be hurt if I didn't include her, and that I should find some way to include her in the wedding since she had me in her bridal party.

At the same time, my dad and I are not super close. He wasn't around much when I was growing up, and though we talk occasionally, he missed my engagement party due to his ongoing alcohol addiction. I saw him later at a separate family event, and he did not look well (was very clearly suffering from withdrawals). I don't want to risk him looking like that on my wedding day (or worse, not showing up), so I was thinking I'd have my half sister and brother walk me down the aisle instead.

I was very set on not having him walk me down the aisle, but I talked to him yesterday to tell him that we confirmed a date, and he mentioned how he'd have to get a tux to give me away, etc etc. I explained that I hadn't confirmed who would walk me down the aisle; I thought maybe he would, or I'd go myself, or have my half sister and brother walk me down together. He said he was fine with whatever, just to do whatever makes me happy, but now I feel guilty if I don't include him.

In talking to my mom today, I thought maybe I'd ask my dad walk me from the bridal suite area to the end of the aisle, and then have my half sister and brother walk me down the aisle. Then my dad is included and then I'm including my half sister in the wedding but don't have to put her in my bridal party. This would help me include everyone without feeling like I'm hurting anyone's feelings.

Thoughts on this? If you were at a wedding and witnessed this, would it be weird to you?

ETA: I've talked to my mom and we've come up with a solution for this. Thanks to everyone who responded.

Re: Walking Me Down the Aisle

  • I have a half sister from my dad's previous marriage and an older brother. My mom is insisting I include my half sister in my bridal party, but I feel like it would be weird for her because everyone else in the wedding party is in their 20s, and she's in her late 30s with two kids. I don't think it would be very fun or comfortable for her to have to be around all of us. My mom insists that my half sister would be hurt if I didn't include her, and that I should find some way to include her in the wedding since she had me in her bridal party.

    At the same time, my dad and I are not super close. He wasn't around much when I was growing up, and though we talk occasionally (and I see him when I'm back in New England during the holidays), he missed my engagement party due to his ongoing alcohol addiction. I saw him the next day at a separate family event, and he did not look well (was very clearly suffering from withdrawals). I don't want to risk him looking like that on my wedding day (or worse, not showing up), so I was thinking I'd have my half sister and older brother walk me down the aisle instead.

    I was very set on not having him walk me down the aisle, but I talked to him yesterday to tell him that we confirmed a date, and he mentioned how he'd have to get a tux to give me away, etc etc. I explained that I hadn't confirmed who would walk me down the aisle; I thought maybe he would, or I'd go myself, or have my half sister and older brother walk me down together. He said he was fine with whatever, just to do whatever makes me happy, but now I feel guilty if I don't include him.

    In talking to my mom today, I thought maybe I'd ask my dad walk me from the bridal suite area to the end of the aisle, and then have my half sister and older brother walk me down the aisle. Then my dad is included and then I'm including my half sister in the wedding but don't have to put her in my bridal party. This would help me include everyone without feeling like I'm hurting anyone's feelings.

    Thoughts on this? If you were at a wedding and witnessed this, would it be weird to you?
    So people in their 30's can't socialize with people in their 20's? What is happening in your BP that someone who has a family can't relate to? If you don't want her in your BP that's absolutely fine, but don't make up some stupid excuse about her not being comfortable because she has a kid as why you want to exclude, just don't ask her to stand with you.
    SP29OurWildKingdomcowgirl8238Knottie1452098987
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    I have a half sister from my dad's previous marriage and an older brother. My mom is insisting I include my half sister in my bridal party, but I feel like it would be weird for her because everyone else in the wedding party is in their 20s, and she's in her late 30s with two kids. I don't think it would be very fun or comfortable for her to have to be around all of us. My mom insists that my half sister would be hurt if I didn't include her, and that I should find some way to include her in the wedding since she had me in her bridal party.

    At the same time, my dad and I are not super close. He wasn't around much when I was growing up, and though we talk occasionally (and I see him when I'm back in New England during the holidays), he missed my engagement party due to his ongoing alcohol addiction. I saw him the next day at a separate family event, and he did not look well (was very clearly suffering from withdrawals). I don't want to risk him looking like that on my wedding day (or worse, not showing up), so I was thinking I'd have my half sister and older brother walk me down the aisle instead.

    I was very set on not having him walk me down the aisle, but I talked to him yesterday to tell him that we confirmed a date, and he mentioned how he'd have to get a tux to give me away, etc etc. I explained that I hadn't confirmed who would walk me down the aisle; I thought maybe he would, or I'd go myself, or have my half sister and older brother walk me down together. He said he was fine with whatever, just to do whatever makes me happy, but now I feel guilty if I don't include him.

    In talking to my mom today, I thought maybe I'd ask my dad walk me from the bridal suite area to the end of the aisle, and then have my half sister and older brother walk me down the aisle. Then my dad is included and then I'm including my half sister in the wedding but don't have to put her in my bridal party. This would help me include everyone without feeling like I'm hurting anyone's feelings.

    Thoughts on this? If you were at a wedding and witnessed this, would it be weird to you?
    So people in their 30's can't socialize with people in their 20's? What is happening in your BP that someone who has a family can't relate to? If you don't want her in your BP that's absolutely fine, but don't make up some stupid excuse about her not being comfortable because she has a kid as why you want to exclude, just don't ask her to stand with you.
    Yeah, I got married when I was 39.  I had some BMs in their late 30's and some in the early 20's (DH's sisters are much younger than him).  One was 39 AND pregnant (oh the horrors).   Still others were  13 and under.   No one cared about the age difference.  

    Like others have said.  If you are not close, then don't have her.  But do not make up some silly reasons not to have her.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    charlotte989875OurWildKingdom
  • lyndausvi said:
    So people in their 30's can't socialize with people in their 20's? What is happening in your BP that someone who has a family can't relate to? If you don't want her in your BP that's absolutely fine, but don't make up some stupid excuse about her not being comfortable because she has a kid as why you want to exclude, just don't ask her to stand with you.
    Yeah, I got married when I was 39.  I had some BMs in their late 30's and some in the early 20's (DH's sisters are much younger than him).  One was 39 AND pregnant (oh the horrors).   Still others were  13 and under.   No one cared about the age difference.  

    Like others have said.  If you are not close, then don't have her.  But do not make up some silly reasons not to have her.

    I'm not making up silly reasons not to have her. It's all about making sure everyone has a good time and is comfortable.

    She doesn't drink and I don't know that she'd be comfortable at a bachelorette party, for example, being around a bunch of people getting drunk. I also don't think that if I did the bachelorette in Las Vegas, for example, that she'd feel comfortable bringing her kids along (from New England) or leaving her kids for a weekend to party with us, and at the same time, I'm not sure she'd be comfortable saying she didn't want to come. I don't want to put her in a weird situation.
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    Well, I am in my mid 30s and when I'm around people in their 20s, I break out in hives all over my body. So...

    SP29CMGragaincharlotte989875cowgirl8238
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited September 2016
    OP, I am 65, and I have partied with 20 somethings.  You are being very judgemental about age.  I am insulted.  Growing older will give you a better perspective.

    You do not have to ask your half-sister to be a bridesmaid, and it is not your mother's place to insist.  However, using her age as a reason is not very nice.

    There is no reason to have your Dad walk you down the aisle.  I suggest that your Mother walks you down the aisle and present you for marriage.  In Jewish weddings both parents walk the bride together, so why not?

    I have seen weddings where the FOB was too drunk to walk his daughter, and it wasn't pretty.  You are not alone in this.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    OurWildKingdomSP29cowgirl8238
  • 1.  I am 46 and have friends ranging from 20-somethings to 60-somethings.  I regularly host parties that start at 4 pm and go to 4 am, and outlast all the younger guests.

    You're ageist.

    2.  Bridesmaids are not required to attend bachelorette parties.
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
    OurWildKingdomSP29cowgirl8238
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards