Ceremony and Vow Ideas

Paying the officiant

The pastor who is marrying us used to work at our church but no longer does. When we asked him, there was no mention of how much it would cost. I think I get the idea he would do it for free but not really sure about that. We both know him personally if that makes a difference. 

I've looked up how much is normal and most things I find online say to donate some money to the church. Well, he's no longer at that church so that doesn't make sense to me. I know I can ask him but I feel really awkward. 

Suggestions? I'm quite happy to pay, im definitely not trying to get out of it. 

Re: Paying the officiant

  • Does he no longer work at any church, or he just doesn't work at your church any longer?  If it's a different church you could just do a donation to his new congregation. 
  • Does he no longer work at any church, or he just doesn't work at your church any longer?  If it's a different church you could just do a donation to his new congregation. 
    He's apprenticing over a period of a year or two at various different churches. 
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    member
    Even if he would perform the ceremony for free, a personal gift or donation to a favorite cause would be nice.
  • Even if he would perform the ceremony for free, a personal gift or donation to a favorite cause would be nice.
    How much do you think? My thought is maybe $200 to either him or the organization he is currently apprenticing through (didn't think about that before, thanks!) and then a $100 gift card to a nice restaurant for him and his wife. Is that reasonable? Or should I suck it up and have the awkward conversation and ask? 
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    member
    I don't have suggestions on amounts, but I like the idea of a gift card. 

    I can sympathize with not wanting to have an awkward conversation, but the only way to know is to ask.
    ernursej
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    5000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    Ironring said:
    Does he no longer work at any church, or he just doesn't work at your church any longer?  If it's a different church you could just do a donation to his new congregation. 
    He's apprenticing over a period of a year or two at various different churches. 
    If he is doing a lot of travelling on behalf of these churches, a practical gift could be a gasoline gift card.  I would also try to gift him something personal, such as the restaurant gift card mentioned above.

    OurWildKingdom[Deleted User]
  • I would just put cash in an envelope and hand it to him.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    STARMOON44MairePoppy
  • Ironring said:
    Even if he would perform the ceremony for free, a personal gift or donation to a favorite cause would be nice.
    How much do you think? My thought is maybe $200 to either him or the organization he is currently apprenticing through (didn't think about that before, thanks!) and then a $100 gift card to a nice restaurant for him and his wife. Is that reasonable? Or should I suck it up and have the awkward conversation and ask? 
    I don't know where you're located, but this sounds perfect to me. Note that my area is pretty low as far as COL is concerned. If you're somewhere where things are more expensive, maybe up to double the amounts.
    image
  • I'd hand him an envelope with $500 cash. 
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut
    Moderator Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    I ask him outright what his regular fee than put that amount in cash, with a thank you note. I would imagine that a minister who is apprenticing in several churches might depend on these fees for bread and butter.

    My daughter's JOP charged $400 for one meeting to customize the ceremony, follow up call and actual ceremony, no rehearsal. Our area is moderately expensive. You should find out what the going rate is in your area if the friend won't give you a clue.
                
    OurWildKingdom
  • Alright. Thanks guys. I guess I do need to have that conversation. Hmmm....maybe FI can do it instead
  • We are being married by a local judge, who is FH's mother's best friend and has known FH since the day he was born.

    During one conversation about the wedding, we asked what her usual fee is, and she told us she didn't want to be paid. We asked if we could get them a hotel room for the wedding (which is about an hour from her home), and she said no.

    We're going to get her a gift card to a restaurant we know they like, and a thank you card.

    It really wasn't as awkward as you'd expect.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • Just ask him.

     
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards