Plus ones for wedding party

MCmeow

Hey, so I'm not sure what the general consensus is with this. We're on a tight budget so we're not giving plus one's to truly single guests. I did add plus ones to single wedding party members but my fiance doesn't like that idea. He doesn't like the idea of bringing strangers into the wedding and that they'll be alone during the ceremony and cocktail hour (We're both antisocial, so that would be a nightmare for us, but probably not for others).
Anyway, the only two single members on my side is my brother (Who of course knows everyone there), and my best friend (I've added her family to the invite and she knows my entire family and our group of friends is invited). Would you side eye them not getting a plus one? This seems like a gray area for me but I'm new to weddings so no clue...

Edit: the reasoning wouldn't just be my fiance's reasoning (Personally I think it's silly because most people aren't anti-social) but it would help us budget wise, if we can cut costs in any way without offending people.

STARMOON44

I think it's not required, but really you should do it. We are talking two people here, and your bridal party members in particular have usually played a significant role. Your FI's "reasons" are just plain dumb. If the person they invite as a plus one hates the idea of being alone at a cocktail hour, they can just say no. And, in all likelihood if they are single and know a ton of people at the wedding, they probably won't bring anyone anyway. 

charlotte989875

You don't have to, but I agree that you really should. These are people you are honoring and if they want to bring someone with them, I think you should give them the option. 

We we did this and the truly single guests in the WP didn't choose to bring anyone, but I wanted them to feel comfortable doing so if they wanted. 

huskypuppy14

I agree that you should. You don't have to etiquette wise, but it's nice to do since the people in your wedding party are honored guests. 
So there are two people on your side that are single, what about your FH's side. We are talking about a handful of extra people, I don't see how that would break the bank.

ei34

It's a very nice gesture if you can.  One of my MOH's and my BM were single and both were invited with a plus one but they declined bc they knew so many people attending. It's safer to budget them with plus one's anyway, since for all you know they'll be in relationships by your invites going out anyway. 

banana468

I'm in the camp of 'nice if you can'.   Unless your reception and budget are really bare bones, two additional people shouldn't break the bank. 

MCmeow

Yeah I completely agree with you guys. Thanks for the perspectives!

P.S: were your grooms also etiquette challenged? Ha, I mean I know most dudes aren't into researching wedding stuff so it can be frustrating but at least he's willing to learn when I learn. For a long time he was convinced it's ok to only invite one half of a married couple.

SP29

Not required, but I would.

2 people shouldn't break the bank. And if they do really know a lot of other people, they may not wish to bring a plus one anyway.

LtPowers

It's okay to invite people alone to a wedding (as long as they're not part of a social unit). In fact, weddings have traditionally been a favored way for single guests to meet potential partners, not least because the common friend/relative connection serves as a form of pre-vetting (and conduit for contact information, if necessary).

I would think this would be especially true for the wedding party, for all the reasons you mention.

kahluakoala

Count me on team "You don't have to, but it would be nice to offer". I also think that I likely wouldn't bring a guest in either of their situations, and they would likely not either (having to entertain a friend may feel cumbersome, may put a lot of pressure on a "just started dating" situation, etc.) but it would make them feel nice to feel like a valued guest whose comforts were being prioritized.

LtPowers

KahluaKoala said:

Count me on team "You don't have to, but it would be nice to offer". I also think that I likely wouldn't bring a guest in either of their situations, and they would likely not either (having to entertain a friend may feel cumbersome, may put a lot of pressure on a "just started dating" situation, etc.) but it would make them feel nice to feel like a valued guest whose comforts were being prioritized.

I don't understand this last sentiment. Especially as a member of the wedding party, I can't imagine dragging a virtual stranger to an event like this. And my comfort wouldn't be affected because I'd be separated from my "date" for large parts of the evening.

STARMOON44

I wouldn't be dragging a virtual stranger. I'd be inviting someone I know whose company I enjoy who I think would have fun and quite possibly know other people there. 

flantastic

LtPowers said:

KahluaKoala said:

Count me on team "You don't have to, but it would be nice to offer". I also think that I likely wouldn't bring a guest in either of their situations, and they would likely not either (having to entertain a friend may feel cumbersome, may put a lot of pressure on a "just started dating" situation, etc.) but it would make them feel nice to feel like a valued guest whose comforts were being prioritized.

I don't understand this last sentiment. Especially as a member of the wedding party, I can't imagine dragging a virtual stranger to an event like this. And my comfort wouldn't be affected because I'd be separated from my "date" for large parts of the evening.

Unless you were in the wedding of someone who realized you shouldn't be separated from your date for large parts of the evening?

MCmeow

In our 6-hour wedding I can't see them being separated for more than an hour for the ceremony and photos.

But coincidentally my best friend just told me this morning she's "talking" to a guy. Which makes me really happy for her, and would make this plus one situation a lot more clear whether or not something comes of it.

lyndausvi

banana468 said:

I'm in the camp of 'nice if you can'.   Unless your reception and budget are really bare bones, two additional people shouldn't break the bank. 

Yep.

Not sure when you wedding is, but if it's far out just add a plus one just in case they are in a relationship by the time your wedding rolls around.

PrettyGirlLost

MCmeow said:

Hey, so I'm not sure what the general consensus is with this. We're on a tight budget so we're not giving plus one's to truly single guests. I did add plus ones to single wedding party members but my fiance doesn't like that idea. He doesn't like the idea of bringing strangers into the wedding and that they'll be alone during the ceremony and cocktail hour (We're both antisocial, so that would be a nightmare for us, but probably not for others).
Anyway, the only two single members on my side is my brother (Who of course knows everyone there), and my best friend (I've added her family to the invite and she knows my entire family and our group of friends is invited). Would you side eye them not getting a plus one? This seems like a gray area for me but I'm new to weddings so no clue...

Edit: the reasoning wouldn't just be my fiance's reasoning (Personally I think it's silly because most people aren't anti-social) but it would help us budget wise, if we can cut costs in any way without offending people.

STARMOON44 said:

I think it's not required, but really you should do it. We are talking two people here, and your bridal party members in particular have usually played a significant role. Your FI's "reasons" are just plain dumb. If the person they invite as a plus one hates the idea of being alone at a cocktail hour, they can just say no. And, in all likelihood if they are single and know a ton of people at the wedding, they probably won't bring anyone anyway. 

Or you know, you could invite these two dates along with you to take the damn pictures so they aren't alone among strangers!


I'd offer them Plus Ones.  As others have said, they may actually be in relationships by the time your wedding rolls around anyways.

flantastic

scribe95 said:

I'm amazed that adults can't be on their own for a few hours without being handheld and allowed to tag along for pictures. Jeez.

Oh my God. It's not a matter of "can." It's a matter of "they shouldn't fucking have to because it's not a big deal just to have them if that's where they'll have more fun."

lovegood90

flantastic said:

scribe95 said:

I'm amazed that adults can't be on their own for a few hours without being handheld and allowed to tag along for pictures. Jeez.

Oh my God. It's not a matter of "can." It's a matter of "they shouldn't fucking have to because it's not a big deal just to have them if that's where they'll have more fun."

This.  What's with the attitude of "OMGZ they can't be separated from their SOs for more than a few hours what's wrong with them?!" That's clearly not what anyone's saying. 

MCmeow

Yeah I'm confused of where this led to lol. I think the only person in the OP that had that sentiment is my FH and he already realized it's a non issue, hurray?

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ShesSoCold

LauraLynn128 said:

We are only inviting 26 people to our wedding and do not have a wedding party. Around 6 of our guests are single. On our wedding website we included FAQs and one was "Can I bring a guest?" For the response we stated that spouses and significant others from long term relationships are welcome and to contact us about any specific situations. 

LauraLynn128 said:

Sorry but I have several friends that sleep around and I'm not dropping money on whoever they may be banging when they get the invite. 6 months or longer is what I consider long term. 

Girl. No. Just no.

banana468

LauraLynn128 said:

Sorry but I have several friends that sleep around and I'm not dropping money on whoever they may be banging when they get the invite. 6 months or longer is what I consider long term. 

Seriously @LauraLynn128?  That's your qualifier?

How about the person said that the relationship exists.   Because unless it's your relationship, it's not about what you consider long term.   Once the person in the relationship tells you that it matters that's all the information you need.   To do otherwise essentially tells your friends that you have better judgement than they do.   And well, by saying that you proved you don't. 

charlotte989875

LauraLynn128 said:

Sorry but I have several friends that sleep around and I'm not dropping money on whoever they may be banging when they get the invite. 6 months or longer is what I consider long term. 

Way to slut shame your friends. Really nice. 

[Deleted User]

scribe95 said:

Knottie24c8d654469d25c5 said:

We are only inviting 26 people to our wedding and do not have a wedding party. Around 6 of our guests are single. On our wedding website we included FAQs and one was "Can I bring a guest?" For the response we stated that spouses and significant others from long term relationships are welcome and to contact us about any specific situations. 

Ugh. What's long-term? Don't judge someone's relationship. If they have a significant other then they should be invited. No caveats or justifications needed.

@banana468 personally I think it should be common sense that you don't bring a plus one to a wedding unless it is a serious relationship but this is not common sense to everyone. 6 months is around what I figure but I have no real cut off. I am paying for my entire wedding and it is a small wedding. As I already stated, long term relationship guests and spouses are fine. Because my wedding is small I personally know everyone invited and I am well aware of who is in a long term relationship and who surfs tinder on the weekends. However, I stated that if someone wants to invite someone and they are not in a long term relationship or married, they can call me about it. I think that is fair. 

ShesSoCold

LauraLynn128 said:

scribe95 said:

Knottie24c8d654469d25c5 said:

We are only inviting 26 people to our wedding and do not have a wedding party. Around 6 of our guests are single. On our wedding website we included FAQs and one was "Can I bring a guest?" For the response we stated that spouses and significant others from long term relationships are welcome and to contact us about any specific situations. 

Ugh. What's long-term? Don't judge someone's relationship. If they have a significant other then they should be invited. No caveats or justifications needed.

@banana468 personally I think it should be common sense that you don't bring a plus one to a wedding unless it is a serious relationship but this is not common sense to everyone. 6 months is around what I figure but I have no real cut off. I am paying for my entire wedding and it is a small wedding. As I already stated, long term relationship guests and spouses are fine. Because my wedding is small I personally know everyone invited and I am well aware of who is in a long term relationship and who surfs tinder on the weekends. However, I stated that if someone wants to invite someone and they are not in a long term relationship or married, they can call me about it. I think that is fair. 

You are wrong.

If you look up "fair" in the dictionary, the definition is exactly this "NOT shitting on your friends' relationships while asking then to take an entire day to celebrate your relationship".

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[Deleted User]

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kahluakoala

@LauraLynn128

Are there any guests invited to your wedding who have been in....say....a 2 month relationship? Or is it all long relationships vs. single and dating. I think we may be getting into semantics here and arguing over nothing.

[Deleted User]

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ShesSoCold

LauraLynn128 said:

ShesSoCold whatever, its a small wedding with a few friends that I doubt care if they can't bring a guest. If they do care I will just have a family only wedding or elope. 

I understand. I had a small wedding - 31 guests.

Had I only invited people I knew personally, I would have excluded my husband's grandmother.

Had I invited partners I approved of and exceeded six months only, I would have excluded the best man's now wife.

Had I assumed no one would care if they were not given a guest, my own grandmother wouldn't have come.

My point is that just because it's your wedding day, you don't get to treat people like shit.

And you can pretend not to care what your single friends do, but your posts reek of judgment and it's disgusting. Obviously you think you're better than them, but the least you could do is pretend not to be so superior and arrogant and give them a damn guest if they want.