Wedding 911

Stressing about inappropriate Groom's Maid: Rant and questions

edited September 2016 in Wedding 911
Taken down.

Re: Stressing about inappropriate Groom's Maid: Rant and questions

  • ADDED: Is there a way for FI to have the boundary talk again, or remove her from the wedding party, and still salvage the friendship? He still loves her and considers her a best friend and great person but also sees the need for a serious boundaries talk regarding the wedding.
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
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    edited September 2016
    ADDED: Is there a way for FI to have the boundary talk again, or remove her from the wedding party, and still salvage the friendship? He still loves her and considers her a best friend and great person but also sees the need for a serious boundaries talk regarding the wedding.
    No.  This is a part of your problem.  It isn't about your wedding at all.  It is about your husband's respect for your future marriage.  You sound like you both need pre-marriage counseling !  I strongly recommend that you stop planning your wedding and get to work on your relationship.  I think your FI wants to eat his cake and have it, too.
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    OurWildKingdomMesmrEweSTARMOON44
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    Thanks for quoting CMG, but I am going to disagree with you a bit.  OP's FI is trying to get this woman to understand boundaries, its just not sinking in and she is finding other ways to be in appropriate.  I do agree that in the moment, her FI needs to say - stop, this is inappropriate.

    As for OP, I think its time to end the friendship.  You said that you moved farther away.  How far away are you?  Can you just ghost her, it might actually be better since she seems to be so vindictive.  She must have other issues going on for her to act this way.  At first it seems like jealously, but if she does this to another male friend and in front of her BF, I don't think that is the case. 

    Is the wedding going to be close to where this woman lives?  Does she know all of the details?  Can your mutual friends keep the wedding information from her?  If so, end the friendship now.  "Friend, I feel like we are moving in two different directions.  While I appreciated our friendship in the past, I just cannot continue it any longer.  I wish you nothing but the best in the future."  No specific reasons need to be given if she questions why.  Ending the friendship will naturally end her being in the WP.

    Then follow-up with your vendors, if she knows any of them.  Tell them all that only you and FI can make changes. (Long ago on TK, a poster canceled another posters vendors.  It was a huge thing!)  Also contact your venue and give them her picture, tell them she is to be asked to leave immediately and carefully watched until she leaves.

    Are you also friends with her BF?  I'd be liable to end the friendship with him too.  If you continue to stay friends with him, it can become an awkward situation when you invite him to the wedding, but not his GF.  This is ok because the woman has flirted with and seemed to try and break you two up; which is one of the only reasons in which you do not have to invite a SO to a wedding.  I would also want to keep out of this woman's life as much as possible.

    OurWildKingdom
  • If this had happened in either direction to me or my husband leading up to our wedding I know we would have removed that person from the wedding party. This falls under consistently undermining your relationship, and such a person has no place in a wedding party.

    That said I agree with previous posters in that this is bringing up a more serious issue about how far friends are allowed to push boundaries with out consequences etc. I think most of the time when one finds themselves wishing someone wasn't in their wedding party it means it's time for the friendship to end.

    Good luck. Hope it all works out
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    OurWildKingdomCMGragainSP29cowgirl8238
  • I knew this one was going to try to delete.
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