Etiquette

Ceremony Programs, bride's parents deceased

I'm having one heck of a dilemma... both my parents are deceased and my uncle is walking me down the aisle.  I'm doing a memorial table for my parents & my fiance's father.  How do I list my aunt & uncle in our wedding program?  Everything I'm finding online shows how to list one deceased parent.....

Re: Ceremony Programs, bride's parents deceased

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    edited September 2016
    I'm so sorry for your loss.

    A suggestion for the "memorial table": Consider putting photos of both living and deceased loved ones. That could help dissipate some of the potential grief and loss that the table might otherwise evoke.
    ILoveBeachMusicOurWildKingdomgeebee908
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited September 2016
    Other than escorting you down the aisle, how else have your aunt and uncle taken part in your wedding?  Are they hosting?

    Your uncle would be listed as "Bridal escort - Mr. John Doe."  Explanation of your relationship is not relevant to your ceremony.  Family members already know who he is.
    Your aunt would not be listed unless she is performing some function, such as reading.  The program exists to help the guests know the order of the service, and the names of the participants.  It is not a family tree, though the parents of the couple are often listed.
    My uncle escorted me down the aisle at my own wedding many years ago.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    SP29OurWildKingdom
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    edited September 2016
    CMGragain said:
    Other than escorting you down the aisle, how else have your aunt and uncle taken part in your wedding?  Are they hosting?

    Your uncle would be listed as "Bridal escort - Mr. John Doe."  Explanation of your relationship is not relevant to your ceremony.  Family members already know who he is.
    Your aunt would not be listed unless she is performing some function, such as reading.  The program exists to help the guests know the order of the service, and the names of the participants.  It is not a family tree, though the parents of the couple are often listed.
    My uncle escorted me down the aisle at my own wedding many years ago.
    Gonna disagree a bit.

    Wedding invitations don't map out the family tree or honor anyone, but there's no reason a wedding program can't do either.

    There is no need to list the OP's uncle as "Bridal escort" or to leave the aunt off because she's not hosting or not to explain relationships between the couple and their wedding party members on the program. 

    Also, OP, the program can have a memoriam section where you can give a tribute to deceased loved ones such as your parents. It's actually a nice, subtle way to honor them that has much less potential to make guests feel uncomfortable then, say, a memorial table with lit candles and photos of deceased relatives might.
    OurWildKingdom
  • Why would the aunt be listed on the program if she is not a member of the wedding party?  Did you list all your aunts and uncles on your wedding program?  Sounds silly, doesn't it?
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    SP29
  • CMGragain said:
    Why would the aunt be listed on the program if she is not a member of the wedding party?  Did you list all your aunts and uncles on your wedding program?  Sounds silly, doesn't it?
    Not really. If both of the OP's parents are deceased and her uncle is walking her down the aisle, it stands to reason that they are like a second set of parents to her. 
    image
    OliveOilsMomCMGragainhuskypuppy14
  • LtPowersLtPowers Upstate New York
    Knottie Warrior 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    member
    Jen4948 said:

    Wedding programs can contain anything the couple wants. Unlike wedding invitations, there are no rules about the contents of programs. 
    This isn't entirely true. Etiquette considers programs that comprehensively list everyone involved, as if they are the cast of a stage production, to be tacky. The program's purpose is primarily to list the order of the service and perhaps to explain any rituals or customs that might be unfamiliar to the guests. The officiant would be listed (just as a church service program lists the presiding pastor) but generally programs should avoid a roll call of participants.
    SP29
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    LtPowers said:
    Jen4948 said:

    Wedding programs can contain anything the couple wants. Unlike wedding invitations, there are no rules about the contents of programs. 
    This isn't entirely true. Etiquette considers programs that comprehensively list everyone involved, as if they are the cast of a stage production, to be tacky. The program's purpose is primarily to list the order of the service and perhaps to explain any rituals or customs that might be unfamiliar to the guests. The officiant would be listed (just as a church service program lists the presiding pastor) but generally programs should avoid a roll call of participants.
    Piling all that information in an invitation is inappropriate because an invitation has a specific purpose. The only purpose a wedding program has is to convey whatever the couple wants it to convey.

    There is no etiquette violation in listing the members of the wedding party or non-hosting relatives in a program. That's why it can also be used to give tributes to deceased loved ones. 

    Whether anyone finds it "tacky" or "silly" is a matter of personal judgment, not a breach of etiquette. That said, I agree that it would appear tacky to list every single relative on one's family tree in a program, but 1) while that's tacky, it isn't rude and 2) presumably we are talking about the ones who are attending the wedding and have some role in the ceremony.
    OurWildKingdomOliveOilsMom
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited September 2016
    redoryx said:
    CMGragain said:
    Why would the aunt be listed on the program if she is not a member of the wedding party?  Did you list all your aunts and uncles on your wedding program?  Sounds silly, doesn't it?
    Not really. If both of the OP's parents are deceased and her uncle is walking her down the aisle, it stands to reason that they are like a second set of parents to her. 
    As I posted earlier, my uncle walked me down the aisle at my wedding because my father died when I was 15.  I love him dearly, but i no way was he a "second father" to me.  I find this idea rather upsetting.
    Short memorial listing of the bride's parents are fine.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited September 2016
    Jen4948 said:
    LtPowers said:
    Jen4948 said:

    Wedding programs can contain anything the couple wants. Unlike wedding invitations, there are no rules about the contents of programs. 
    This isn't entirely true. Etiquette considers programs that comprehensively list everyone involved, as if they are the cast of a stage production, to be tacky. The program's purpose is primarily to list the order of the service and perhaps to explain any rituals or customs that might be unfamiliar to the guests. The officiant would be listed (just as a church service program lists the presiding pastor) but generally programs should avoid a roll call of participants.
    Piling all that information in an invitation is inappropriate because an invitation has a specific purpose. The only purpose a wedding program has is to convey whatever the couple wants it to convey.

    There is no etiquette violation in listing the members of the wedding party or non-hosting relatives in a program. That's why it can also be used to give tributes to deceased loved ones. 

    Whether anyone finds it "tacky" or "silly" is a matter of personal judgment, not a breach of etiquette. That said, I agree that it would appear tacky to list every single relative on one's family tree in a program, but 1) while that's tacky, it isn't rude and 2) presumably we are talking about the ones who are attending the wedding and have some role in the ceremony.
    Exactly what I said.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    MobKaz
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    CMGragain said:
    Jen4948 said:
    LtPowers said:
    Jen4948 said:

    Wedding programs can contain anything the couple wants. Unlike wedding invitations, there are no rules about the contents of programs. 
    This isn't entirely true. Etiquette considers programs that comprehensively list everyone involved, as if they are the cast of a stage production, to be tacky. The program's purpose is primarily to list the order of the service and perhaps to explain any rituals or customs that might be unfamiliar to the guests. The officiant would be listed (just as a church service program lists the presiding pastor) but generally programs should avoid a roll call of participants.
    Piling all that information in an invitation is inappropriate because an invitation has a specific purpose. The only purpose a wedding program has is to convey whatever the couple wants it to convey.

    There is no etiquette violation in listing the members of the wedding party or non-hosting relatives in a program. That's why it can also be used to give tributes to deceased loved ones. 

    Whether anyone finds it "tacky" or "silly" is a matter of personal judgment, not a breach of etiquette. That said, I agree that it would appear tacky to list every single relative on one's family tree in a program, but 1) while that's tacky, it isn't rude and 2) presumably we are talking about the ones who are attending the wedding and have some role in the ceremony.
    Exactly what I said.
    No, you said listing anyone in the program is "silly" if they aren't hosting and insisted that the bride's uncle had to be listed as her "escort."

    Etiquette neither prohibits non-hosting persons from being listed in a program nor requires anyone to be listed as "escort" of the bride - or for that matter, anything else in regards to a wedding program.

    If anything is "silly" or "tacky" it's making a stupid fuss about the wording of a wedding program.
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited September 2016
    Other than escorting you down the aisle, how else have your aunt and uncle taken part in your wedding?  Are they hosting?

    Your uncle would be listed as "Bridal escort - Mr. John Doe."  Explanation of your relationship is not relevant to your ceremony.  Family members already know who he is.
    Your aunt would not be listed unless she is performing some function, such as reading.  The program exists to help the guests know the order of the service, and the names of the participants.  It is not a family tree, though the parents of the couple are often listed.
    My uncle escorted me down the aisle at my own wedding many years ago.

    CMGragain said:
    redoryx said:
    CMGragain said:
    Why would the aunt be listed on the program if she is not a member of the wedding party?  Did you list all your aunts and uncles on your wedding program?  Sounds silly, doesn't it?
    Not really. If both of the OP's parents are deceased and her uncle is walking her down the aisle, it stands to reason that they are like a second set of parents to her. 
    As I posted earlier, my uncle walked me down the aisle at my wedding because my father died when I was 15.  I love him dearly, but in no way is he a "second father" to me.  I find this idea rather upsetting.
    Short memorial listing of the bride's parents is fine.
    What?...and being a "bridal escort" is a great honor for anyone.

    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    5000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    edited September 2016
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    member
    redoryx said:
    CMGragain said:
    redoryx said:
    CMGragain said:
    Why would the aunt be listed on the program if she is not a member of the wedding party?  Did you list all your aunts and uncles on your wedding program?  Sounds silly, doesn't it?
    Not really. If both of the OP's parents are deceased and her uncle is walking her down the aisle, it stands to reason that they are like a second set of parents to her. 
    As I posted earlier, my uncle walked me down the aisle at my wedding because my father died when I was 15.  I love him dearly, but i no way was he a "second father" to me.  I find this idea rather upsetting.
    Short memorial listing of the bride's parents are fine.
    Okay, but that's you. We don't know the OP's circumstances and I know people who have lost both parents who DO see other people as proxy parents.
    My cousins lost both their parents in a two-year span and see my parents as their proxy parents, even though we're all adults.
    redoryxcharlotte989875
  • But, would they list them in their program as FOB and MOB?
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • Ironring said:
    CMGragain said:
    But, would they list them in their program as FOB and MOB?
    I don think that's what anyone is saying. They would still be listed as aunt and uncle of the bride. But the fact that they are proxy parents means that they are "significant" enough to list in the program. Unlike other cousins, aunts, uncles, etc, who aren't as close and wouldn't be listed in the program. 
    Yes. Thank you. Nowhere did I or anyone else suggest they'd be listed as FOB and MOB.
    image
    OurWildKingdomcharlotte989875Jen4948
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards