Wedding 911

Battle of the Brides

Hi Everyone!

I am hoping someone can give me insight on an issue I am having with my wedding planning. I got engaged in September - so not too long ago. However, a friend of mine got engaged in July - so a couple months before me. I would consider her a friend but not someone I am super close to and would really call just for a chat or something. This friend of mine has looked at many venues so far but hasn't made a final choice on which one she wants. My fiancé and I found a venue the other day that we loved, but the only date was December 9th and my friend was thinking about having hers December 23rd (although she never signed a contract or made her final decision). I told my friend the date I was thinking and she said she was fine with it as long as I am back from my honey moon in time for her wedding. However, the next day I got a couple weird texts from the friend who is engaged and another friend in our group trying to convince me not to do a December wedding. Another friend of my randomly texted me and said "I don't think you should have a December wedding. All the trees will be dead. Is that what you really want in your pictures?" I put two and two together and realized that they were trying to change my mind because my friend who got engaged before me doesn't want our weddings two weeks apart (although she said she was fine with it the night before). I turned out telling my friend she could have her December wedding (even though the only date the venue my fiancé and I fell in love with was in December) and that I would find another date for mine and just have to pick another venue. I am kind of upset because I feel as though no matter what date I choose she will be mad and think that my date is too close to hers. And if I can't have mine in December I would have to have it before because I want to get married in 2017. I also feel like I was bullied out of the venue I really wanted too. I don't want to sound selfish but this is a really crappy situation. And I feel as though even though I already told her I'd change my month, she will still be mad if the months are close. She told me she wants her "own wedding month" and doesn't want to share the month with anyone else. Even though I gave up my dream venue  - if I choose another month before December - I'm worried that because all of my friends seem to agree with her, I will end up losing all of my friends if I plan a 2017 wedding. Help! What should I do?

Re: Battle of the Brides

  • Thank you so much for your response! I was really starting to wonder if this was normal and why all of my friends thought this way. I am 28, and the friend who is engaged is 28 as well. My fiancé is 30. I feel we are way too old to be for anyone to act like this. But thank you for making me feel better, I appreciate it and now at least I know I'm not going crazy!

  • Two of my cousins (they are sisters), my best friend, my sister, and I all got engaged within 9 months of each other and got married within 5 months of each other. No one called dibs, no one was upset, no one "cleared" dates beyond asking when things were set in stone, because we're all mature adults. 

    Your friend end is being ridiculous and if the December date and venue works for you and your FI and respective families then have your wedding when you want. You don't need her permission. 
    cowgirl8238
  • Also, there is no battle of you refuse to engage with her. 
    Heffalump
  • Ironring I agree I need a backbone. I am a person that likes to make everyone happy though which sometimes doesn't make me happy in the end. I will work on it!
  • TheMostHappy15 - Yes sometimes it is exhausting dealing with their drama. I get what you are saying about asking permission, however I just told her that my date would be in December as well I didn't ask her if that was okay. Maybe she took that as me asking for permission though. But you have a point here - I shouldn't engage with them about my wedding date!
  • charlotte989875  - Thank you for your response I agree!
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    My daughter and a good friend got married a week apart in the same church with the same wedding colors. DD's was first. She did check with her friend to make sure she was ok with it (friend had her date first). Everything was fine! Friend even borrowed some of our decor! The weddings were totally different from what I understand. Your friend is in the wrong.
    charlotte989875cowgirl8238Knottie2809d79265805ae0
  • Book what works for you, your fi, and  your VIPs.  Period.  It would be a good idea to avoid selecting the exact same day as someone else in your family or friend group, but beyond that you don't owe anyone anything when it comes to your date.  You each get one day, not a while wedding month dedicated to you and only you.
    Knottie2809d79265805ae0kimmiinthemittenSP29
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited October 2016

    Hi Everyone!

    I am hoping someone can give me insight on an issue I am having with my wedding planning. I got engaged in September - so not too long ago. However, a friend of mine got engaged in July - so a couple months before me. I would consider her a friend but not someone I am super close to and would really call just for a chat or something. This friend of mine has looked at many venues so far but hasn't made a final choice on which one she wants. My fiancé and I found a venue the other day that we loved, but the only date was December 9th and my friend was thinking about having hers December 23rd (although she never signed a contract or made her final decision). I told my friend the date I was thinking and she said she was fine with it as long as I am back from my honey moon in time for her wedding. However, the next day I got a couple weird texts from the friend who is engaged and another friend in our group trying to convince me not to do a December wedding. Another friend of my randomly texted me and said "I don't think you should have a December wedding. All the trees will be dead. Is that what you really want in your pictures?" I put two and two together and realized that they were trying to change my mind because my friend who got engaged before me doesn't want our weddings two weeks apart (although she said she was fine with it the night before). I turned out telling my friend she could have her December wedding (even though the only date the venue my fiancé and I fell in love with was in December) and that I would find another date for mine and just have to pick another venue. I am kind of upset because I feel as though no matter what date I choose she will be mad and think that my date is too close to hers. And if I can't have mine in December I would have to have it before because I want to get married in 2017. I also feel like I was bullied out of the venue I really wanted too. I don't want to sound selfish but this is a really crappy situation. And I feel as though even though I already told her I'd change my month, she will still be mad if the months are close. She told me she wants her "own wedding month" and doesn't want to share the month with anyone else. Even though I gave up my dream venue  - if I choose another month before December - I'm worried that because all of my friends seem to agree with her, I will end up losing all of my friends if I plan a 2017 wedding. Help! What should I do?

    Grow up.
    If someone ends a friendship because of your wedding date, no matter what the conflict, they are not your friend and you have lost nothing.
    You cannot please everybody.  Stop trying.
    Call the venue back and book your wedding.  Do not choose ANY bridesmaids until ten months before the wedding.
    If your friend, or anyone else, complains about your date, smile sweetly, and say "I am so sorry if you cannot attend, but our plans have been made."
    You have plenty of time to make some REAL friends before your wedding.


    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    Knottie2809d79265805ae0MesmrEwe
  • I know I'm grumpy today, but I wasn't rude.  This bride lay down and practically invited her "friends" (?) to walk over her.  She is being a victim, and I have a really hard time sympathizing with that.  She needs to stand up for herself.

    I do understand being flexible about choosing a wedding date if you have some real family issues.  I wouldn't recommend booking you wedding on the same day as your cousin's wedding, for instance.  But this bride has no issues except that she is unable to stand her ground!

    Girl, call up that venue and book it!


    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • Well I caved because of a three reasons. The first is I originally wanted my wedding in the fall because I don't love the cold (but this venue was great and I decided that I liked the venue and would deal with the date). Two, because my Dad wasn't happy about it and said it might be difficult for family around the holidays. And sadly, three because I didn't want the drama from my friend group. However, we looked at another venue last night and love it even more than the one we first saw and might go for it. They say everything happens for a reason right?! Thank you for your response :)

    I think you are taking this as best as you can, and I agree that CMG was being a bit harsh in her response.  You did nothing wrong by clearing your potential date with your VIPs and it sounds like even without the friends input you had your doubts about the venue (points 1 and 2 are valid concerns).  I'm glad you found a different place that hopefully gives you a date that works better for VIPs and what you and FI wants.

    As far as the other girls...demanding a whole month for a wedding is immature and ridiculous.  Everyone gets one day to be their wedding day!  I'm not saying that you should end this friendship, but perhaps this is an experience that gives you some insight into these people.  I know that weddings bring out the crazy in people, so if this woman asks you to be a BM I would think about it before I agree.  I've read enough of those stories to know that if she feels this strongly about a "wedding month" agreeing to be in her WP may be the end of it all.

    Knottie2809d79265805ae0InLoveInQueens
  • CMGragain - Thank you for your response. I won't take any offense for you telling me to grow up. I believe I am mature and that some of my friends are not in this situation. Should I have stood up to her? Maybe. However, I want my wedding day to be happy and don't want to bring about drama that I don't need or want to deal with. I just needed some confirmation from some other brides on this matter. There were some other reasons as to why I backed down on the date too where I posted it in my first comment. Weddings really do bring out the ugly in some people so I think having a wedding sometimes will show you who your true friends are.
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    member
    CMGragain - Thank you for your response. I won't take any offense for you telling me to grow up. I believe I am mature and that some of my friends are not in this situation. Should I have stood up to her? Maybe. However, I want my wedding day to be happy and don't want to bring about drama that I don't need or want to deal with. I just needed some confirmation from some other brides on this matter. There were some other reasons as to why I backed down on the date too where I posted it in my first comment. Weddings really do bring out the ugly in some people so I think having a wedding sometimes will show you who your true friends are.
    Weddings and death both bring out the worst in people. I'm really glad you found a venue you like better. Will you be able to have your fall wedding now? 
    Knottie2809d79265805ae0SP29cowgirl8238MesmrEwe
  • CMGragain said:
    I know I'm grumpy today, but I wasn't rude.  This bride lay down and practically invited her "friends" (?) to walk over her.  She is being a victim, and I have a really hard time sympathizing with that.  She needs to stand up for herself.

    I do understand being flexible about choosing a wedding date if you have some real family issues.  I wouldn't recommend booking you wedding on the same day as your cousin's wedding, for instance.  But this bride has no issues except that she is unable to stand her ground!

    Girl, call up that venue and book it!


    Did you read the updates?
    image
  • Yes I read the updates lol.

    DrillSergeantCat - Thank you and yes I found a venue I liked even better and that has some dates in the fall! So I think it works out even better.

    DrillSergeantCatCMGragaincowgirl8238
  • DrillSergeantCat  - Oh okay that makes sense I thought she was asking me.

    I agree!

  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    Knottie #'s  I'm glad your venue change worked out. Your dads concerns about December are legit, and I'm getting married 8 days before Christmas (most of our OOT guests come home for Christmas so for us, it worked). 

    Change your name and stick around. With drama llamas sticking their necks out so early in the planning process, I have a feeling you're going to need us. 

    So what's the new date?
    image
    SP29DrillSergeantCatcowgirl8238
  • Knottie#'s @DrillSergeantCat was correct I was asking that question to CMG, that is why her portion is quoted. She seemed stuck on details you had already updated us on and were resolved. 
    image
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