Wedding Etiquette Forum

Choosing a Venue Location.

My fiancee and I are currently living between 2 and 4 hours away from the majority of our guests, and there are some really lovely locations close to where we're living, but I just want to know if it's rude to expect them all to drive all the way up here? Should I just look at venues in their area?
There are only around 20 guests total; 14 would be coming from 2-4 hours away, and another 4 will be flying in either way, and 2 are from around our current location.

Re: Choosing a Venue Location.

  • It's not rude to have your wedding close to where you live. If you love the venues and it will make planning easier, as long as you are properly hosting everyone, it's fine. 

    I second @kimmiinthemitten though and check with your guests and see if there are any issues with them traveling. 
  • I generally have the unpopular opinion that destination weddings are a bit selfish under most circumstances, and even I don't think this is the least bit rude.  It is perfectly reasonable to have your wedding where you live.

    Somewhat amusing related story: every year I go to my mom's Halloween party for friends and neighbors in their rural farm community.  This time all the neighbors were asking me if we would be having the wedding in my home town or in "the city."  They were all genuinely surprised that I would choose the place where I have lived for 6 years and where the vast majority of my friends are over the tiny town a few hours away where only my parents and a couple of close family friends reside.
  • Either choice would be acceptable, etiquette-wise.

    My H and I were in a similar situation.  We live halfway across the country from most of our wedding guests.  We chose to get married in my hometown, instead of where we lived, to make things SO much easier for the 85% of our guest list.  However, a big caveat on that, is my mom offered to do most of the planning since she lived there.  I'm not sure I would have made the same choice if I'd had to do all the planning from afar.

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  • Once you've set your budget, I'd keep my options open with a guest list that size!  You never know, you may find one close to them or you that is beautiful and significantly more affordable. and convenient. Two to four hours IMO is NBD because it's close enough for a "day trip" if need be, but also if it's where you're living, you're fine!
  • Thanks everyone, what you said all makes sense.

    charlotte989875 , what does "properly hosting everyone" entail? Would I be expected to pay for hotel rooms, or just book them, or what?
    (I've been to very few weddings, pretend I know nothing.)
  • Thanks everyone, what you said all makes sense.

    charlotte989875 , what does "properly hosting everyone" entail? Would I be expected to pay for hotel rooms, or just book them, or what?
    (I've been to very few weddings, pretend I know nothing.)
    You definitely don't have to pay for hotel rooms!  No need to book them, either, although setting up a block of rooms at a hotel near your venue might be a nice touch.

    Some of the basics of proper hosting: a seat for every...umm..."seat" at both the ceremony and reception, no gap between ceremony and reception, enough beverages and food to satiate everyone without the guests having to pay for anything...basically just caring about the comfort of your guests.
  • Also, preferably there's several choices of hotels available in the area within different budgets that they could chose from. You def don't have to pay, but it would kind of suck if the only accommodation option was $300/night. 
  • Thanks everyone, what you said all makes sense.

    charlotte989875 , what does "properly hosting everyone" entail? Would I be expected to pay for hotel rooms, or just book them, or what?
    (I've been to very few weddings, pretend I know nothing.)
    No, not at all! Just means basic etiquette; not having a gap, food and drinks appropriate for the time of day, guests not having to open their wallets, and having seats for every person (ceremony and reception). 

    Also, stick around and ask more questions. Many people here have been to tons of weddings, planned their own, helped with others; and in many areas of the US, Canada, and UK, so you'll get a variety of opinions. 
  • Basically be a considerate person, got it. :) 
    Thank you guys, I'll defiantly stick around and ask more questions, it seems like a really great community. 
    You'd be amazed at how many don't get it, sadly.

    Glad you're staying - change your name so it's easy to identify you next time you post!
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